Ex's: After GiGs

[Gulf-Delta]

Many here have been victims of dumpers with GiGs....a few of these people also claim "The GiGs dumpers ALWAYS come back"

 

So let's here stories. How long before they came back? Did they beg and cry? Did they "kind of" hint at getting back together? Did you take them back? Did they wanna come back at all?

 

I ask because many claim "GiGs dumpers ALWAYS return" but never elaborate on when/how...I'm just wondering. Positive reunion stories, negative "**** off" stories post all your experiences with dumpers after they "have fun".

[Exit]

Sorry but I really think these types of threads are exercises in futility where every sad person who comes through will read the success stories and convince themselves that their ex will be back. There's no point and it's actually harmful.

 

And I for one am a little tired of seeing "gigs" popping up everywhere you look on LS. I don't know who first suggested that idea around here but I wish they hadn't. Every breakup in the history of the universe has been a case of "gigs". Breaking up with someone is deciding that you think life will be better without them. How people have distorted that into automatically meaning "the dumper will go out, party for a while, live a lifestyle that isn't normal to them, suddenly realize they hate it and come running back" is beyond me. Whether the dumper is incredibly cruel or tries to let someone down gently, whether the dumper runs off and starts sleeping with as many people as they can in the next week or stays single for the next 5 years, it fits the definition of "gigs" that they decided the grass was greener without you.

 

Believing in gigs is also an exercise in willingly making excuses for the dumpers, rather than accepting that they chose to leave you behind and they knew exactly what they were doing, the hopeful dumpees would gladly chalk up the partying and sleeping with other people to "a case of gigs", as if it's a state of temporary insanity that the dumper can't be held accountable for. That's not reality though. They know what they're doing.

 

Getting out of my chair to go make this bowl of cereal a few minutes ago was a case of gigs. I decided the grass sounded greener on the side of the fence that involved me having something to eat. I do not forsee myself regretting it and wishing I had stayed hungry. Every decision we make every single day of our lives is a case of "does this sound better or does that sound better?" Everybody has gigs and it doesn't mean your ex is coming back.

 

We shouldn't want people back who left us behind, period. The cure for gigs is to move on from the ex that dumped you.

 

Gigs seems like a scary pandemic of denial that has spread like wildfire around these forums. Day after day more and more people latch onto this belief that the person who dumped them is only temporarily gone and will realize what a horrible life they are leading someday. Stop doing that to yourselves. Find something else to be hopeful about.

 

I would like to propose the next big trend to sweep across the LS nation. Gags. "Get a Grip, Silly". Ironically it also represents how it makes me feel when I see people talking about gigs. GAG.

[Coffee20]

Hello Gulf,

to be honest, you shouldn't care whether your ex has gig syndrome (I finally understood what it means), because I actually KNOW that grass is greener without my ex, my life turned so much better. Although I miss him like mad and I suffer inside, but I know I felt so bad and sick with him that I don't want him back at all, cause he doesn't even know what was wrong and would never behave any better to me. He also claims I am bad and he is nice.... I know that I miss his warmth and kisses and hugs, but relationship isn't only about this.

 

But there is a story, my fa left my mum for another woman and realized that it was a mistake after almost 20 years......his apologize seems like fun now. You see 20 years after BU. Of course my mum didn't take him back.

 

My friend broke up with his bf and she returned back to him within one week and during this BU period she was writing to him like mad.

 

I guess if someone dump you and then doesn't return back in a while (like in one or two weeks on in one month) and doesn't text you at all, he/she wants to be alone or with someone else now and will never return back, yes she/he may realize it was a mistake but he/she wouldn't tell you anymore.

 

I also think that if someone leaves you for someone else doesn't deserve to be taken back. Because it shows that he/she wasn't able to communicate about problems or solve problems with his/her partner and rather give up to have things easy and new again.

[Gulf-Delta]

Sorry but I really think these types of threads are exercises in futility where every sad person who comes through will read the success stories and convince themselves that their ex will be back. There's no point and it's actually harmful.

 

There's different phases of recovery. Some people need to read the hope stories to keep them from losing it. There is no one-size-fits-all for recovering from a breakup and if a person needs postive stories of help to keep them from doing harm to themselves, so what? Some people need stories of hope. Some don't.

 

And I for one am a little tired of seeing "gigs" popping up everywhere you look on LS. I don't know who first suggested that idea around here but I wish they hadn't. Every breakup in the history of the universe has been a case of "gigs". Breaking up with someone is deciding that you think life will be better without them. How people have distorted that into automatically meaning "the dumper will go out, party for a while, live a lifestyle that isn't normal to them, suddenly realize they hate it and come running back" is beyond me. Whether the dumper is incredibly cruel or tries to let someone down gently, whether the dumper runs off and starts sleeping with as many people as they can in the next week or stays single for the next 5 years, it fits the definition of "gigs" that they decided the grass was greener without you.

 

Just because you're tired of seeing doesn't make it any less real. Fact: Dumpers, often times on these forums, are labeld as GiGs because a lot of times, the circumstances for the split are almost always the same. And no, not every breakup ever, has been GiGs. You think couples who divorce in their 40's is due to GiGs?

 

Believing in gigs is also an exercise in willingly making excuses for the dumpers, rather than accepting that they chose to leave you behind and they knew exactly what they were doing, the hopeful dumpees would gladly chalk up the partying and sleeping with other people to "a case of gigs", as if it's a state of temporary insanity that the dumper can't be held accountable for. That's not reality though. They know what they're doing.

 

Who says classifying it as GiGs is "making excuses" or absolving their ex. I've never seen that myself...

 

G

etting out of my chair to go make this bowl of cereal a few minutes ago was a case of gigs. I decided the grass sounded greener on the side of the fence that involved me having something to eat. I do not forsee myself regretting it and wishing I had stayed hungry. Every decision we make every single day of our lives is a case of "does this sound better or does that sound better?" Everybody has gigs and it doesn't mean your ex is coming back.

 

It would only be GiGs if you had hated ceral your entire life, or had a grain allergy, yet for some reason, today, you flipped and ate it anyway. I don't think you actually understand GiGs or the psychology behind it, actually.

 

We shouldn't want people back who left us behind, period. The cure for gigs is to move on from the ex that dumped you.

 

The heart wants what it wants.

 

Gigs seems like a scary pandemic of denial that has spread like wildfire around these forums. Day after day more and more people latch onto this belief that the person who dumped them is only temporarily gone and will realize what a horrible life they are leading someday. Stop doing that to yourselves. Find something else to be hopeful about.

 

Again, who has stated that people think their ex is "temporarily gone"?

 

I would like to propose the next big trend to sweep across the LS nation. Gags. "Get a Grip, Silly". Ironically it also represents how it makes me feel when I see people talking about gigs. GAG.

 

Whatever. Doesn't change the fact that many people here have been dumped under a very specific set of circumstances. You can name it GiGs, quarter life crisis, temporary insanity, immature bitchiness, hibby-doobie or sjngdtgerk. At the end of the day, the circumstances are the same.

[Gulf-Delta]

I also think that if someone leaves you for someone else doesn't deserve to be taken back. Because it shows that he/she wasn't able to communicate about problems or solve problems with his/her partner and rather give up to have things easy and new again.

 

Well, all I can say is, if everyone believed that mentality, some of us might not even be here today.

 

As I was saying before there is no blanket solution to anything in life, especially matters of the heart.

[notsure252]

 

I also think that if someone leaves you for someone else doesn't deserve to be taken back. Because it shows that he/she wasn't able to communicate about problems or solve problems with his/her partner and rather give up to have things easy and new again.

 

 

I'm sorry, but I find that ridiculous. People make mistakes, it happens. I love how when people break up they think that it's just over, there is no reason for second chances. Think of all the times you got mad at your parents and didn't want to be around them and leave or something? Should you just not be forgiven for the MISTAKES you made? I remember a time my mom left for like a week because of how hard it was with my dad but they came back together and worked it out and stayed married and are happy. Love isn't easy, there are road bumps. Love takes hard work, sacrifice, and compromising. Sometimes people really need to see what is out there to appreciate what they have.

[Coffee20]

Well, all I can say is, if everyone believed that mentality, some of us might not even be here today.

 

As I was saying before there is no blanket solution to anything in life, especially matters of the heart.

 

so are you going to wait for her? then I would ask her, if she wants to work things out for last time otherwise I think it's a waste of time sorry....

[Coffee20]

I'm sorry, but I find that ridiculous. People make mistakes, it happens. I love how when people break up they think that it's just over, there is no reason for second chances. Think of all the times you got mad at your parents and didn't want to be around them and leave or something? Should you just not be forgiven for the MISTAKES you made? I remember a time my mom left for like a week because of how hard it was with my dad but they came back together and worked it out and stayed married and are happy. Love isn't easy, there are road bumps. Love takes hard work, sacrifice, and compromising. Sometimes people really need to see what is out there to appreciate what they have.

 

I think mistakes should be forgiven, but cheating or playing games with someone? well yes it takes time, but to get back with that person again?

every situation is different, your mum didn't leave your dad because of someone else (someone new) but because it was hard for her and it's different situation.

I don't think it would be a good idea to get back together with someone who cheated or who was spending time with someone new during the relationship.

I did once and of course that person didn't change, he didn't stop cheating on me although he promised me million times.

 

But that is just my opinion and I stand for it.....maybe some people really change, but for me I won't give second chance to someone who left me for anyone else or cheated on me anymore.

Edited August 11, 2012 by Coffee20

[Gulf-Delta]

so are you going to wait for her? then I would ask her, if she wants to work things out for last time otherwise I think it's a waste of time sorry....

 

No, I'm not gonna wait. I hate when people say "oh, so you're just gonna wait for them!?" It's such a black/white type of response....

 

What I'm saying is, IF she came back, and proved she deserved a 2nd chance, I'd give it.

[Phanpooh]

i was enjoying this thread this afternoon and then, it's ruined (_ _")

[Coffee20]

No, I'm not gonna wait. I hate when people say "oh, so you're just gonna wait for them!?" It's such a black/white type of response....

 

What I'm saying is, IF she came back, and proved she deserved a 2nd chance, I'd give it.

 

Ok, this thread just seemed to me like waiting or seeing other successful stories so you could hope again, although it's not .

I didn't mean it bad at all .

[Gulf-Delta]

Ok, this thread just seemed to me like waiting or seeing other successful stories so you could hope again, although it's not .

I didn't mean it bad at all .

 

Yeah, I know...in the OP though I said negative stories are welcome too Mostly for curiosity...my hope and feelings toward my ex are mine, and I'll deal with them if/when the time comes. This thread was just a discussion, and if it gave hope to those who need it, then great.

 

Sorry to snap, I just hate when people jump to the most extreme like that. Like when you tell someone drug laws should be a little more lenient or something and people are like "oh, so you just tihnk everyone should shoot heroin and die!?"

[Sugarkane]

I for one can't stand this myth at all! Otherwise I would've heard back from all exes. If it's true why haven't I?! Even when they do its just for an ego boost. I think we should Be more worried about ourselves. A lot of people have been hurt. We should worry about our own lives- they don't remotely care about us. And a lot of us were thrown away like garbage.

[Sugarkane]

More than anything I wish they would hurt as much as us. Unfortunately I know that didn't happen in my case.

[Sugarkane]

I want to see more stories of dumpees moving on and doing great things with their lives.

[Coffee20]

Yeah, I know...in the OP though I said negative stories are welcome too Mostly for curiosity...my hope and feelings toward my ex are mine, and I'll deal with them if/when the time comes. This thread was just a discussion, and if it gave hope to those who need it, then great.

 

Sorry to snap, I just hate when people jump to the most extreme like that. Like when you tell someone drug laws should be a little more lenient or something and people are like "oh, so you just tihnk everyone should shoot heroin and die!?"

 

hm I think the drug situation is a little bit different and I do understand you what you mean, it's possible to be over and live your own life and then possibly get back together

I am thinking about some successful stories, I have one friend, she isn't a good friend but we talk from time to time and she was in long term relationship with one boy, they broke up because she wrote a text message to one of her male friend and he got super jealous and angry. So then they didn't talk for almost 7 months, then her mother kicked her out of her flat. She called her bf and they are back and live together again.

 

I will post a successful story of mine when I will be over and happy in a new relationship .

[kindest]

The guy who dumped me (on my suspicion, due to GIGS) had kept in constant contact with me for 6 months on and off. Sometimes frequent, like for a straight 3 days; sometimes a week apart. For the past two months, he's been reaching out to me once in a week, at the very least. All of them completely random, like how he read an article I wrote in a magazine, or how a TV series reminded him of me, etc. He initiates all contact between us and I respond almost all the time, although there have been a few times that I was able to ignore him. All this reaching out was done through IM, and we have not seen each other in person for the last 6 months.

 

Honestly, although I do miss him and I still love him, I was getting tired of his leaving breadcrumbs all over the place. I thought that he maybe wanted for us to be friends, but I knew it wasn't possible, not for now at least. We both knew we weren't really 'friends', never started out as plain friends, really. When we met we dated right away and were very honest with our attraction towards each other. So, I think my discomfort comes from the fact that I had never been in a 'just friends' relationship with him, and starting one now after our romance failed is just plain awkward to me.

 

I asked him why he still kept talking to me, kept reaching out, was he feeling guilty? He first answered, 'no'... then 'maybe'... then told me not to think about it. 'We talk and that's okay. We don't need to be strangers.' (his exact words)

 

I finally told him that I wasn't used to talking to my exes and that we should probably stop talking for a while, or at least until the dust has settled. I told him we could talk 'in the future, maybe.'

 

He's a guy who's comfortable being friends with his exes, and still talking to them after their breakup. But he told me he'll respect my decision.

 

I am still heartbroken but I know this is for the best and that I had to cut it all off with him at least amicably, because I didn't want to leave with a bitter note. I'm praying that we could still be in each other's lives in the future, maybe just as honest friends, but all I can do now is pray and truly move on with my life.

Edited August 12, 2012 by kindest

[Sugarkane]

Kindest- I find that odd. The ex that brought me here dumped me put of the blue and never talked to me again. I doubt he cares at all if we would.

[nevadagirl]

Here maybe I can help you all out. This is what happens when they come back. Hope you're ready for this ****ing fairytale!

 

First: Dumped the day before we were to sign a lease on the new apartment. I all of a sudden had nowhere to live, no roommates, and 1 week to be out of my apartment, all packed up and moved out.

 

He came back after a month of flirting with girls on the internet or ****ing girls from a dating site or whatever because, maybe he realized he really did love me! And I was so physically and emotionally tortured by that point I took him back. It felt wrong then and it was.

 

So 3 months of "bliss" (read: misery because now we had all of the extra baggage of him abandoning me + all of his new female "friends" that I was just supposed to be okay with him still wanting to hang out with)

 

2nd time dumped: New Years day. My aunt had just died and I had also gotten the flu so crying and throwing up and he walked the **** away.

 

Again he came back after a month of doing the same ****. Came to me all messed up and crying said he thought about killing himself (never once asked me about my aunt, the funeral or mentioned how he'd left me but hey why would he when it was always about him?)

 

Took him back. Another 3 months of "bliss" (read: misery)

 

Left again the day of an abortion. We'd actually broken up the week before and he'd said he wanted to "be there" for me during and after and he spent the night with me the night before holding me and kissing me and acting like we were still a couple and the next day after I was better he told me he'd made yet another dating profile and was off to meet some girl on there. And I was left alone. Broken. Sobbing. On a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon.

 

Again! A month went by. And he comes back.

 

And that time it felt different and beyond wrong. When he came singing a love song I felt nothing at all except a deep sadness that this person I had loved more than anything had slowly destroyed all the love I had for him. But I muddled through for awhile because I'm just as ****ed up and broken as he is and I didn't know how to be alone. But it was terrible because I felt so guilty because I knew I just didn't love him like I did before, if at all. Obviously it didn't last because it was never going to. Our relationship ended the day he left me without a place to live. It just took another year to realize it.

 

I will never again let someone do that to me.

 

Don't wish for your ex back.

 

I should have been better than that.

 

At least you still can be.

[kindest]

Kindest- I find that odd. The ex that brought me here dumped me put of the blue and never talked to me again. I doubt he cares at all if we would.

 

Thank you! I do think it's odd. The problem is that it's so hard for me to just ignore him. I tried but I realized that I can't. So I had to ask him to stop.

 

It feels as though he is dead inside, but only when he talks to me. Like he doesn't feel anything inside, no sadness, no remorse, no happiness, nothing. I don't know if this is just something that men do to 'protect' their feelings. Guys?

 

I'm really praying that I get through this. I'm so tired from all the emotional stress this has been causing me.

[Steadfast]

I don't visit this section a lot so I'd never read Exit's posts. Don't be so hard on him...he's working through it and as many tend to do, he has posted while in a particular 'phase' of healing. I've done it, and sometimes look back at what I've written and remember where I was. It's common.

 

That said, I generally agree with most of what he said, but disagree with the fact that GIGS isn't valid. Like Exit, I really loved my girl and whether GIGS was part of her situation or not, she didn't come back...at least, to the point where she was making a solid declaration. But, there have been hints...tidbits of info from my kids and toe-dipping from her. For me, that wasn't good enough. I reason if a recon was in the works, it would take her full effort; not retaining bits of pride, control or keeping a exit plan handy. Aren't most people full of pride? Don't most want admiration? No one -dumper or not- feels loads of self-esteem groveling.

 

Here's a true fact: Because of that pride or whatever, most of us don't know exactly what they're going through. Believe me when I say you're the last person they want to know about it. Just because we don't see it doesn't mean it isn't happening. Or is.

 

People should love you for who and what you are. If that doesn't work for them, they're actually doing you a favor not stringing you along. And yes; even if you're deeply in love with them. Pulling this crap after years of marriage and kids is another situation entirely. It'll likely take years to back out of the mess and into the clean air. But even then, it's possible.

Edited August 13, 2012 by Steadfast

[Phanpooh]

Successful story 1:

long time ago, exactly 8 years ago, i dumped a good girl, due to sth called G.I.G.S, then she just enter a rebound relationship. I was regret everything and when she asked for second chance, i know i dun deserve it. Fairytale didnt appear. We both moved on. Now we r old friends, keep contacting and living well. She s just looking for a good career and enjoy her single life.

Successful story 2:

my last ex dumped me 9m ago, left me alone in really bad case, for the boy who is "just a friend". Cause of that relationship, i ignored my family, friends and at the end, i lost all of things. No job, no emotion supporters, no money, no place to sleep, lack of communication. Drinking, smoking pots every day and sometime, i wonder how i still alive. However, i got a "second chance" after car accident, i stand up and start to live without her again! And after 8m Nc, now im enjoying my single life and believe that i got over her. Im now, very good at an assitant in my family company, never let my wallet out of money, i could help everyone around me. I dun really include anyone in my life. Planning to own a car and a apartment next 2y. And for me, i dun deserve happy ending but good ending is better than what i expect!

[Tree_Salmon]

Well, all I can say is, if everyone believed that mentality, some of us might not even be here today.

 

As I was saying before there is no blanket solution to anything in life, especially matters of the heart.

 

I'll tell you that the two times I had a ex with GIGS they came back both times but I no longer cared to take them back. You want to get to that point.

 

Those were also younger relationships.

It's a very immature process.

[silic0ntoad]

Isn't every breakup a case of GiGs? I mean, a happy person doesn't leave someone for someone else. And unhappy person does that.

 

This is just an excuse. What it boils down too is insecurity on behalf of the walking partner. Obviously there is something fundamentally wrong with these duplicitous half wits claiming it's inhumane to be monogomous, etc, and that cheating is admirable since what the BP did was so self loathing.

 

Honestly, I've had 2 exes come back, and neither was a fruitful experience. It's trusting a false hope. Desperation at best. It's a pipe dream that needs to be flushed before it starts to stink.

[Magda70]

I also think that if someone leaves you for someone else doesn't deserve to be taken back.

 

Coffee20,

 

Look that there is a (even not so) subtle difference between what the OP wrote and what you have assumed: the OP does not speak about taking the ex back but about how exes (dumpers) come back to ASK you back.

 

Some of us still expect/hope the ex realized having made a mistake and come back to tell it to you. That's the ultimate satisfaction in the whole healing process and has nothing to do with taking them back.

 

Right or wrong that is, realistic or not, that's the (sole) hope many dumpees have. It's a feeling which might stay inside you long after the love for the ex is gone for good.

 

my 2 cents