Recently been cheated on and need help...

[HeartBrokenGirl]

Hello All...

 

Just last week I found out my boyfriend of 4 years whom I lived with cheated on me!!.....I've been taking it so hard......He moved out last Fri.....and we said we were gonna just have some time apart.....but now he doesn't wanna see or talk to me??

 

I know I should be the one who should want to kill him and hate him but the thing is I don't....I still wanna be with him...and I still love him soo much...and hes the one that is backing away from me...and not caring at all....I'm willing to get past this...although he tells me we never will...yet I am willing to??....

 

I mean he feels bad for what happened...but thats it...he never begged for me to take him back or anything.....its so hard....but why would he do this to me?...Why would he cheat on me??....When it came to sex...I always wanted to do it....and he would always make up excuses...like I'm tired...not now...and I always asked him if there was someonelse and he said there wasn't then I found out.....

 

I don't know what to do.....I mean I know what I should do...but I can't do it...and now he tells me he never wants to see or talk to me....after 4 years that is soo hard.....please anyone who has been through this or has any advice please help me........thks..

[LikkleMissConfused]

I had a similar experience two years ago. Except that he did beg me to get back with him etc etc. It was only because of money and that he would be financially better off.

 

Listen he sounds extremely confused. To me it sounds liek what happened with my ex. He doesn't want to see you or talk to you because he is confused and the truth may be that he doesn't want to be with you. But he can't tell you that because he knows how much you want him. In another words he feels sorry for you. I was with my ex for five years and only now I found out he was cheating on me. I had that feelign from the start and wish he told me because it would have saved us alot of pain.

 

I think it was after he realised what he had lost. If I was you I know its hard really really hard because I still clearly remember trying to save us, and thinking how much I love him and can't be without him.

 

Girl you can be without him and after a year or so you may realise that it wasn't what you want. From your post it sounds as though he had gone off you by not wanting sex and stuff it is an indication.

 

Cry and cry but just leave him alone and concerntrate on your life as this is what is really important. YOU are important. Please don't humiliate yourself as I did and make your self seem desperate.

 

He shouldn't have cheated and should have been straight with you and you should hate him for cheating. He has done it because he doesn't want you not really or he is just confused and doesn't know what he wants.

[Fayebelle]

Do you mind my asking your age? 4 years is a long time and if you're young than he may be worried that he's not ready for such a commitment. That doesn't excuse what he's done but it may help explain it a bit.

[HeartBrokenGirl]

Thks guys for replying....

 

I am 22...he is going to be 26 this year....He does seem to be very immature for his age....That could also be apart of this...not being ready to settle down..even though I wasn't pressuring that....I don't know??..

 

I appreciate anyone and everyones advice...I guess yeah he could be by telling me he doesn't want to see or talk to me at all cause he is confused or just doesn't want to be with me at all...

 

I just don't understand how being with someone for so long...all of a sudden you stop talking to them and never see them again...thats so hard to accept for me!....

 

I honestly don't know what to do with myself...I wake up on my days off..and I ask myself why should I get up??...What do I have to get up to??.....I hate life right now.....

 

It's so hard...and I know probable so many people have been through this too.....He always knew I had issues with trust.....My dad had cheated on my mom years ago..and they divorced....and then he went and did this to me??.......Argh...if only life were so much easier.......I don't know??

[tmcc]

Dear, once a cheater always a cheater. There's pllleeeeeeeeenttttyyy of BETTER guys out there for you. Good luck.

[Erratic Echo]

Broken Hearted-

 

I feel your pain. I just went through something very similar, actually, I am still going through it. The truth of the matter is, can you ever truly trust this person? Can you ever imagine living your life with him without second-guessing his intentions, whereabouts, and explanations for phonecalls, etc. ???

 

It has been hard for me to try to imagine life without my boyfriend, but then I remember that THERE ARE good guys out there who are honest and don't have to cheat. I then look forward to a future of not feeling inadequate and hurt, which were the results of me finding out the gruesome truth.

 

Hang in there, cry as much as you want, get it all out, and move on to bigger and better things Keep us posted!

[moodyblues]

I was with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years when he cheated on me and broke up with me. It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. That was two years ago and I still randomly think about him. I wasn't mad at him, but I was FURIOUS at the girl. That was weird for me because objectively I knew that I should have been mad at him, but I loved him. It was funny too because I decided to go see a therapist and she even told me to get mad at my ex. It took a long time, but I just came to realize that I wasn't mad at him, but I couldn't trust him and that stuck around a lot longer than me wanting to be with him.

 

All I can really suggest is that you let it out and cry. Go walking or do something physical to let feelings and anxiety out. I lost so much weight when my ex broke up with me because all I did was go walking and I could hardly eat anything for two weeks. I gave up fast food for at least six months.

 

Watch Swingers.

 

It's okay to grieve as much as you need and for as long as you want. Four years is a long time.

[Princessjesabell]

Your story is so similar I could have written it myself, I just got kicked out of our home for the second time because of this EXACT situtation, we stopped having sex so I became suspicious constantly looking for clues and asking questions, CHEATERS never admit. So I got a phone call on my cell under a private number he answered it and it was a guy asking for me, who ever it was I have no clue hung up on him. So he thinks Im cheating him, kicked me out, its over Im in more pain then you would believe and completely love sick. Alot of people are going to tell us to cry and time will heal our pain but its really not that easy not when you know what you two had together. All I can say is Im sorry and I know its gonna suck for a long time and the best advice I have is try not to be by yourself to much because thats when its the worse, and at night when your use to going to bed with him and now your going to bed alone dont think he's not thinking the same thing because he is they all do.

[HeartBrokenGirl]

Thks again to everyone...I've never done this sort of thing before but its nice to hear what everyone has to say.....as hard as everything is....

 

Just today I called him....and I was really upset....and the phone was dying and I'm like are you going to call me back??....And hes like why??...Whats to talk about??...How can someone be such an ass??...I feel like he's no longer the same person..the way hes been acting lately.....He won't come over at all....yet last week he told me...he'd stay over...of course...and that he would be over more than I think would...??...I don't get it!!...I wish I could just run away from everything...its even harded living in the place we lived in together....and being home all the time by myself...with nothin to do.....

 

I don't know??.......And we had vacation booked for next week and everything.....Its soo hard.....And to everyone whos been through something similar.....Its so hard to stop crying and feel hurt...I even feel emberassed for what he did to me...I feel like what is wrong with me??...What did I do??....You know??...

 

I know I'm just babbling....I guess I need to get it all out....but it still doesn't make anything better.......I don't know??...

[moodyblues]

Rambling is good! Coming to this site is good too. Having stuff to do is key. I wish I would have known about it when my ex stomped on my heart.

 

I was living with my BF too when he cheated on me. It was so hard and I spent SO much time on my porch in the middle of a Phoenix summer (which daily is at least 105+). I just couldn't be inside our home, but I couldn't just leave either. The hardest was the nights that he didn't come home. I would just call a friend and have them talk to me while I was in bed in the hopes of falling asleep. The dreams are the worse too.

 

I don't know you, but I do know that you have no reason to be embarassed for his behavior. While you are looking for reasons to blame yourself, make sure you devote equal or more time to what he did wrong too in the relationship.

 

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

[lostinlove0479]

As long as you continue to take steps forward, even if they're tiny steps, the pain will go further and further behind you. My suggestion is to just take your time. I'm still in a similar situation although we haden't been together for half as long as you and your ex. I went thru phases: Being pissed. Hating him. Being dissapointed. And forgiving him. The phase I'm in now is acceptance and moving on. With each day I find it easier yet still difficult to move on. I was so content with our relationship, I saw it being something long term. But, I also look at the situation and how thing's went down as a blessing that I found out when and how I did. Don't expect the pain to just cease, b/c it will take months. It's been 1 month for me since I found out and within that time I met 2 other guys. Even though I don't see much happening with either of them, they have served their purpose of getting him off of my brain. I still go thru moments, multiple times a day where I just want to pick up the phone and say "I love you or I miss you." My ex was willing to give us another chance and I was at first. I found great comfort in emailing him questions and getting answers back. But, the weirdest thing is for one week we talked on the phone and it almost felt like how we used to be. But, then his I love you's sounded the same as him telling me what he had for lunch. I just didn't feel the love. I realize now that he is manipulative and he is confused. He doesn't want to be alone. Deep down neither do I. But, he succeeded in playing me, but everything now would be me playing myself. I know I rambled a whole lot of nothing, guess I needed to vent. Back to you girl, just Breathe. With every breath and every passing day, the pain and the thoughts will dissapate a little bit more. And even though your thoughts may relapse, don't pick up the phone (especially with him acting like a dick), any feelings you have email it to yourself or if need be, email them to him. Just allow yourself time to get over it. It will get better progressively with a bad day here and there. Go out. Meet new people. Concentrate on you for now. Take time off from relationships and even the thought of seeking a new one or rekindling your old one. Crying is an excellent outlet. Know that this happened for a reason. And even though it may be destroying a part of you now, you will be a stronger woman for the right man. Don't forget the lesson, whatever it may be in your case. Good luck!! You'll be fine! Promise.