notthemrs Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 I have been a lurker for a while. I’ll spare the gory details of how it started and what has transpired, but I was the OW for around 6 months, give or take. My A is very similar to many of the stories here, and I have learned that what we had wasn’t all that unique – maybe in some ways, but by the broadest of definitions, it fits into the typical affair mold. I have been struggling with whether or not I was being fed the typical MM lines. Is real love really this difficult?? The guilt of doing this to his wife (he hates her/she's horrible/she has had As of her own/they never have sex, blah blah blah, I don’t care – bottom line is he is still married to her), coupled with the fact that I was not his priority, beat me down into a miserable shell of a person quite quickly. Not to mention that he expected me to wait around until the “time was right”. If the time is not right now, it never will be! It’s almost comical that he would expect, or even have the nerve, to ask me to wait around indefinitely like a sick puppy dog being thrown scraps. And then expect me to thank him for it. I’m in day 1 of NC. I need to be strong. I decided to post so that when I’m feeling weak, I can come here to reinforce my resolve, instead of doing something stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 The guilt of doing this to his wife (he hates her/she's horrible/she has had As of her own/they never have sex, blah blah blah, I don’t care – bottom line is he is still married to her), coupled with the fact that I was not his priority, beat me down into a miserable shell of a person quite quickly. Not to mention that he expected me to wait around until the “time was right”. If the time is not right now, it never will be! It’s almost comical that he would expect, or even have the nerve, to ask me to wait around indefinitely like a sick puppy dog being thrown scraps. And then expect me to thank him for it. Use this ^^ when you feel low and feel like breaking NC, as well as posting here. Read this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion and it'll help you remember why it's so important for you NOT to cave and contact him. You are strong, and you're putting yourself first, so that's a good thing. Remember NC is for. To let yourself begin your grieving and healing process. It's final. No more rollercoaster rides! Make it impossible for him to contact you. Change your email address or if you can't do that, block him. Same with your cell number. Be pro active with NC by also doing NC in your head. Never 'reminse' or fantasize about him or remember how it used to or what it could've been (if he did divorce). And yes, he is still married, and keep in mind, there's a pretty good chance he made up all that stuff about his wife to keep you IN his life. Some MM are very skilled liars and can manipulate well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Yeah, pretty much what WWIU said. Wow, what an insightful post of mine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 I am here with you. My A is less than 3 months but I am already very exhausted. We were not able to cut the A during last few times false break-off or NC, but this time I hope it can be real because I am really tired. Last week I was again expressing my unsatifying being his low priority and told him I am tired then I stopped contacting/talking to him. Friday I agreed with his txt msg about not seeing each others anymore, so hopefully it works. I have been a lurker for a while. I’ll spare the gory details of how it started and what has transpired, but I was the OW for around 6 months, give or take. My A is very similar to many of the stories here, and I have learned that what we had wasn’t all that unique – maybe in some ways, but by the broadest of definitions, it fits into the typical affair mold. I have been struggling with whether or not I was being fed the typical MM lines. Is real love really this difficult?? The guilt of doing this to his wife (he hates her/she's horrible/she has had As of her own/they never have sex, blah blah blah, I don’t care – bottom line is he is still married to her), coupled with the fact that I was not his priority, beat me down into a miserable shell of a person quite quickly. Not to mention that he expected me to wait around until the “time was right”. If the time is not right now, it never will be! It’s almost comical that he would expect, or even have the nerve, to ask me to wait around indefinitely like a sick puppy dog being thrown scraps. And then expect me to thank him for it. I’m in day 1 of NC. I need to be strong. I decided to post so that when I’m feeling weak, I can come here to reinforce my resolve, instead of doing something stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 You're stronger than you think! Stupid isn't pretty. You can do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notthemrs Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 Thank you all for the support! Thanks WWIU, for the link... the hardest thing for me is/will be being alone with my thoughts. Some good advice there to power through! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Yeah, pretty much what WWIU said. Wow, what an insightful post of mine. You just made me laugh. JW, most of your posts ARE amazing and long. This one of yours just happens to be short, sweet and to the point! Link to post Share on other sites
Author notthemrs Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 I am here with you. My A is less than 3 months but I am already very exhausted. We were not able to cut the A during last few times false break-off or NC, but this time I hope it can be real because I am really tired. Last week I was again expressing my unsatifying being his low priority and told him I am tired then I stopped contacting/talking to him. Friday I agreed with his txt msg about not seeing each others anymore, so hopefully it works. It's amazing how quickly it gets exhausting, and yet how we attempt to grasp at something, anything, to keep it going....stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Thank you all for the support! Thanks WWIU, for the link... the hardest thing for me is/will be being alone with my thoughts. Some good advice there to power through! Make yourself an, 'I'm pissed and this is why journal'. When weak moments strike, look at all you wrote. Then add to it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Thank you all for the support! Thanks WWIU, for the link... the hardest thing for me is/will be being alone with my thoughts. Some good advice there to power through! Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it. Thoughts that you have about him, (missing him, remembering etc) serve NO purpose and it'll just make you feel attached to him. Remembering what a sh.it he's been to you, remembering how he's lied and manipulated two women to get his way SHOULD PISS YOU OFF so you won't want to reach out to him. You're very welcome and I have faith that you can get through this. It'll be hard and you'll hurt for a while but you WILL feel better as time goes on. Life is too short, so don't let yourself wallow in this for too long. He's not worth it! Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Yes I do find the A affecting me, as my other post mentioned, I have been dropping clothe size from 6/8 to now 0.:( I am just really TIRED, btw, that is what I told the MM as well last week so he clearly senses I am almost done with the A now. It's amazing how quickly it gets exhausting, and yet how we attempt to grasp at something, anything, to keep it going....stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author notthemrs Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 Make yourself an, 'I'm pissed and this is why journal'. When weak moments strike, look at all you wrote. Then add to it. Very good idea....thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MourningLosses Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Make yourself an, 'I'm pissed and this is why journal'. When weak moments strike, look at all you wrote. Then add to it. I like this idea. But I have so many questions because I didn't choose NC, it was imposed on me. I feel like journal king my uncertainty is mostly what I do and NC doesn't help me get answers or understand. Link to post Share on other sites
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