Nisha86 Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Hey guys would love any feedback.... Recently my family have been looking for someone for me for marriage, purely fr the fact that I haven't found anyone yet. I was introduced to this guy through friends and we got speaking and met a few times. To be brutally honest I wasnt attracted to him at all. But personality wise this guy seemed like an amazing guy. So we spoke for a week and he got drunk and told me after marriage I would be his property and as im from a well off background and in the process of starting my own business, he also said that he was told by someone who read his hand. That his wealth was going to come from his wife. He told me I was his and would obey to him. Next day he was apologetic and said his ex 4 years ago had cheated on him and this was his insecurities coming out. Coming from an emotinal and physical abusive relationships I understood and gave him another chance. He got drunk again and said 'I love you raj' three times.. But that's his exes name.. Now he begging for my forgiveness.. Saying it was a slip of the tounge and that I'm overreacting. We ain't even going out.... What should I do? In advance thank you to the kind people who take the time out to read and respond god bless you.xxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Identity Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 He got drunk twice. Dubious. And the things he said were not promising at all. He may have been less inhibited to share his true thoughts. Those point to: 1. Still has issues with his ex else he would not be calling you by her name. 2. Marries for money. Not sure how comfortable you are with that idea. 3. Lack of physical attraction on your part. 4. Not sure if you are willing to be a submissive wife. I'd say forget about this guy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hopeful4someday Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 He got drunk twice. Dubious. And the things he said were not promising at all. He may have been less inhibited to share his true thoughts. Those point to: 1. Still has issues with his ex else he would not be calling you by her name. 2. Marries for money. Not sure how comfortable you are with that idea. 3. Lack of physical attraction on your part. 4. Not sure if you are willing to be a submissive wife. I'd say forget about this guy. Couldn't have said it better myself. While arranged marriages seem to have a relatively high success rate as measured by outcome (i.e., divorce), this guy sounds like he's a problem. Not sure how old you are, but if you're like me, your family starts fretting about your future if you hit 20 and haven't gotten married yet. I'm 29 now and only this year have I met the guy I think I want to spend the rest of my life with. Just because they're anxious to get you hitched doesn't mean you have to go with just anyone. Follow your interests and be happy in your own life. Learn to support yourself, and fall in love with the right guy when the time comes. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 What should I do? Definitely pass on this one. Sounds like the truth comes out when he's drunk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
suki1 Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 Hi Nisha, I work with perpetrators of domestic violence and although I am not saying he is one of these men, he holds a lot of views that my cases do which is a huge red flag to me. Listen to what he's saying (bearing in mind a drunk man's words are often a sober man's thoughts), he's telling you these things; - You are my property and must do as I say. Personally, that's my attitude to my washing machine. You are worth more than my washing machine honey. - When married you will have no rights or control in terms of your financial affairs - He wants to get rich and because some palm reader says he will get "his" money from his wife he wants you because he thinks you will provide that - He still thinks more than fondly of his ex partner My advice: RUN. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 To be brutally honest I wasnt attracted to him at all. But personality wise this guy seemed like an amazing guy. So we spoke for a week and he got drunk and told me after marriage I would be his property and as im from a well off background and in the process of starting my own business, he also said that he was told by someone who read his hand. That his wealth was going to come from his wife. He told me I was his and would obey to him. Next day he was apologetic and said his ex 4 years ago had cheated on him and this was his insecurities coming out. Coming from an emotinal and physical abusive relationships I understood and gave him another chance. He got drunk again and said 'I love you raj' three times.. But that's his exes name.. Now he begging for my forgiveness.. Someone read his hand? He is not that smart if he believes in that. Apart from that, you might be keen to get married and feel like you are in a hurry but please don't make desperate choices you will regret. I agree with the other posters, this guy won't treat you with respect and he is likely to abuse you and exploit you. Arranged marriages have a higher chance of success due to cultural pressures (ie the stigma of divorce) not because partnerships are necessarily that much better. Find someone else OP Link to post Share on other sites
strongnrelaxed Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 You are right in the middle of a massive culture class. One side values family, staying together, male strength and traditional roles. The other side values freedom, true love, equality, respect, and independence. The challenge is that these values are completely compatible, but they are not sold that way. I don't have to tell you how each side argues- search around this site for those opinions. But if you place 100% of the value on family or religious traditions then you will feel compelled to go along with such an arrangement. Don't let anyone judge you. These things are not easy to rebel against. If you do choose this path, you will likely stay together but you had better prepare yourself for very little of the freedom, true love, equality sorts of things. It also appears that there may be some abuse in your future. On the other hand, do not let people convince you that the good parts of those values are male patriarch and evil. These are both short sighted political perspectives that will evolve over time and you should not suffer at the hands of either of them. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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