daughter in college

[momconcernedofdaught]

Does anyone else have a son or daughter that gained a lot of weight in college? It has become an issue with my daughter. I know that gaining weight is a normal thing, the freshman 15 and such. But for her its been the freshman 15 or 20 each of her 3 years in college. She is upset about it, calls me up crying and I am always sending her money for new clothes. She goes to college 7 hours from home so its hard to really help her and I feel helpless. This summer I thought she might really try to fix this, at the start of the summer she joined a diet website, took pics and started to walk with me each day. Unfortunitly this didnt last long and now I fear I am going to have to open up my back account to buy her all new clothes before she goes backeven though I just bought her a new wardrobe in May. I feel helpless and she asks for help and complains all the time. She goes back for her senior year and I am hoping its not like the other 3 years have been

[pink_sugar]

May I ask how much she weighs now and before the weight gain? I am on my last year of college and I did gain 20+ pounds my first year. I had never before had a weight problem, but I account it to adjusting to living on my own versus at home, making my own food decisions (which weren't great considering I was also working and had limited time to prepare healthy meals). The biggest factor is I had started working at a coffee shop that same year which gave limitless free drinks, discounts on food and etc. Needless to say, I lost the weight when I quit that job. I started losing weight shortly before I left (it was hard to control eating there while working with all the food and drinks) but ever since then I have learned to keep the weight off. I gained weight again about 2 years ago (started working at a coffee shop inside the grocery store) and again, once I quit that job I lost the weight. I have learned my lesson to stay away from workplaces that involve beverage and food preparation. But it mostly could be your daughter adjusting to college life...although it has been 3 years since she started. She needs to be motivated to learn to choose healthy foods (does she cook?) and get plenty of exercise. It took me seeing other slim girls around my age and my old pictures to look and feel better about myself.

[2sure]

It's expensive, but less expensive than new clothes...but you might consider metabolife or another system like that. Quite a few of my friends have done it after having children and they lost all the weight they needed to.

 

It seems easy because you don't have to make choices other than drinking the shakes.

[pink_sugar]

It's expensive, but less expensive than new clothes...but you might consider metabolife or another system like that. Quite a few of my friends have done it after having children and they lost all the weight they needed to.

 

It seems easy because you don't have to make choices other than drinking the shakes.

 

I don't know, it sounds more like this girl is having a hard time making the appropriate food choices since living on her own. I think learning to prepare quick, yet healthy meals on her own and getting plenty of exercise (walking instead of driving etc) would be more beneficial than a meal plan. She needs to learn to select healthful foods and prepare meals for herself being away from home. OP, what kind of diet does your daughter typically have away from home do you know? When my mom visited me, she could tell my eating habits had changed when I had gained weight.

Edited August 13, 2012 by pink_sugar

[jimloveslips]

Whats the root cause of her problem?

 

Does she have friends? A boy friend? On the flip side does she have too many friends, is she running around to every party going? Is she sitting at home alone every night?

 

Is she finding the course difficult? Again, on the flip side is it too easy? Is she engaged, stimulated and enjoying the college experience?

 

Where is she eating? McD's every night?

Does she cook?

 

Why is she making such bad food choices? - is she comfort eating, or eating on the run all the time, snacking?

 

There's an underlying issue which you need to discover, she may not even be fully aware of it herself.

 

And stop endorsing her lifestyle choices by buying her new clothes all the time, subconsciously you are enabling the behavior...

[RiverRunning]

She may be eating bad foods, eating too much, or exercising too little. Getting to the core of what behaviors are causing the weight gain is important. And then it's important to get to the bottom of why she might be gaining the weight. Is she lonely (no boyfriend, few friends)? Moving away to college can be fun for some young people, but it can also be the beginning of intense loneliness if they're unable to make new friendships and relationships.

 

Did she have a break-up or something around the time she moved away from college? I'd say it's time to start shopping at thrift stores.

 

I'm 30 - 40 pounds overweight but have never had trouble finding clothes in thrift shops.

[momconcernedofdaught]

Thank you all for your responces. I know its a tough subject because ultimatly she has to make the changes. Its just tough being her mom and feeling I can't make this better expecially since its happening when shes 7 hours away at college.

 

I dont know if she is depressed. Its def possible. She always has a smile on in her pics around friends at college. But then she calls me in tears upset with how she looks. I know she parties (from seeing her facebook pics) and that can lead to weight gain. Its just been such a change. I am a bad guesser at weight and she hasnt told me her weight since afer her freshmany year but I would guess shes gained at least 60 prolly more lbs. I know she was in the 120's before college. Shes 5'4

 

This is def changing her personality execially this summer. She used to lifeguard during the summer and play beach volleyball. In the past she would lose a little of the weight during the summer, def not all of it then she goes back to college and gains it back and more. This summer she isn't lifeguarding or playing volleyball. She didn't say why but I have a feeling its the body image and her size. She would have had to have taken the lifeguarding test this summer as her certification is up and I dont think she would have passed which is why she isn't lifeguarding I would guess.

[Hawaii50]

Yeah.. it has to be tough on her. 99.99% is in her head good luck, mom.

[pink_sugar]

Thank you all for your responces. I know its a tough subject because ultimatly she has to make the changes. Its just tough being her mom and feeling I can't make this better expecially since its happening when shes 7 hours away at college.

 

I dont know if she is depressed. Its def possible. She always has a smile on in her pics around friends at college. But then she calls me in tears upset with how she looks. I know she parties (from seeing her facebook pics) and that can lead to weight gain. Its just been such a change. I am a bad guesser at weight and she hasnt told me her weight since afer her freshmany year but I would guess shes gained at least 60 prolly more lbs. I know she was in the 120's before college. Shes 5'4

 

This is def changing her personality execially this summer. She used to lifeguard during the summer and play beach volleyball. In the past she would lose a little of the weight during the summer, def not all of it then she goes back to college and gains it back and more. This summer she isn't lifeguarding or playing volleyball. She didn't say why but I have a feeling its the body image and her size. She would have had to have taken the lifeguarding test this summer as her certification is up and I dont think she would have passed which is why she isn't lifeguarding I would guess.

 

60lbs is 3 years is quite a bit of weight gain. I can only think she must be doing something that is causing all that excessive weight gain, not just a lack of exercise. When I gained 25lbs or so in one year, my eating habits were noticeably different. Try and watch her eating habits when she visits and try and figure out a kind way to suggest she make different food choices. If she drinks a lot, that also could be a contributing factor. That's quite a bit of weight gain in a short amount of time and definitely detrimental to her health, so it's important that you don't just continue buying her new clothes, but promote exercising in some way like a gym membership, proof of receipt when shopping at the grocery store or eating out before sending her money. If you give her an allowance for these expenses, you can control what it's for. This might be controlling, but if you're sending her money for food and whatnot, you need to see what she is spending it on.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Does anyone else have a son or daughter that gained a lot of weight in college? It has become an issue with my daughter. I know that gaining weight is a normal thing, the freshman 15 and such. But for her its been the freshman 15 or 20 each of her 3 years in college. She is upset about it, calls me up crying and I am always sending her money for new clothes. She goes to college 7 hours from home so its hard to really help her and I feel helpless. This summer I thought she might really try to fix this, at the start of the summer she joined a diet website, took pics and started to walk with me each day. Unfortunitly this didnt last long and now I fear I am going to have to open up my back account to buy her all new clothes before she goes backeven though I just bought her a new wardrobe in May. I feel helpless and she asks for help and complains all the time. She goes back for her senior year and I am hoping its not like the other 3 years have been

 

 

You say you feel "helpless", and then tell of buying her a whole new wardrobe suitable to her new size.

 

You are enabling her, so you might be able to "help" if you cease to enable her.

 

More important is the reasonable chance that some life trauma has taken place - one that she hasn't told you about - and it has impacted her spirit so much that the weight is a mere symptom.

 

Before you tell her that she can talk to you about anything... be sure to ask and demand of yourself that it is true.

 

If there is anything to that, perhaps some therapy might just be of great use. Ideally she can go to "student health services" at her school and see a therapist for free.

[Greznog]

Tell her to stop eating too much.

[RiverRunning]

Shaming her ("Stop eating so much!") isn't going to help the situation. The girl is already having a tough time in college, so adding another layer of blame isn't going to help her out.

 

Do you know any of her friends, mom? Are they active? Maybe you can call one of them and express concerns that you think your daughter might be depressed - they might be able to give you more insight on that. Maybe your daughter had a nasty break-up for all I know.

 

If anything, start buying her some clothes at thrift stores to push the budget a little further.

 

I feel for her because I know how difficult it can be once your weight gain starts to get obvious - and it's very discouraging to see that. It's also a lot of work to change your habits and get back on the right track. Is it possible that she has a drinking problem? I think you mentioned some partying, so...

 

Maybe if/when you visit her, you can look up an active hobby ahead of time and get into it with her.

 

Bring fitness DVDs along so you can exercise and spend time together while you're there.

 

When she comes home to visit, maybe make healthier versions of stuff that she already likes to eat.

 

Beyond that, this is a tough situation when she's so far from home.

 

But first and foremost, I think what needs to happen is to emphasize her good qualities BESIDES her appearance. How is she doing in school? Is she involved in any groups or projects? She needs to start learning that she has value outside of her appearance.

 

I find that I'm most depressed when I feel like the only attention I get is because of my appearance - and that often translates to a loss of self-esteem and a drop in motivation. I do wind up eating more and exercising less when I feel like the only aspect about me that matters is my weight. She may be the same way.

[yessy21]

I hope i dont have to go through this with my monkey. Im sorry you feel helpless.

she needs to find a balance on what she wants. she doesnt loose it because she doesnt want to. Sit down with her and do this : Make a meal plan preparation sheet of 5 meals per day. in the morning when she wakes... no matter what time.. she will have to have a light free yogurt, or 1 boiled egg, or i piece of Melba toast with cinnamon sprinkled.

2nd meal: will be 2 to 3 hrs after 1st,zip lock bag of 5 strawberries, or an apple , or an orange. 3rd meal will be 2 to 3 hrs after last one.... Salad..no dressing with chicken... or meal the size of her hand... ( i usually just buy premade chicken strips from walmart...all u have to do is micowave it. 4th meal will be 2 to three hours after that one it will be exactly like the 2nd meal and the 5th meal will be her dinner. it has to be 2 hours before her bedtime. and it has to be 2 to 3 hours after the 4th meal.

 

what this will do is keep her mind thinking its full without overeating... the first day she will feel so hungry after dinner but it goes away by the third day. Please have her take a multi vitamin before she has breakfeast. Oh and Absolutley NO FAST FOOD. If she follows that im sure she will loose the weight quickly. This meal plan really works and its really easy. In my opinion i believe she must be taking in at least 3,000 calories a day and that meal plan is for 2,000 or less.

[RiverRunning]

A weight gain of 20 pounds per year correlates to about 200 extra calories every day for a year. So, if she was 120, her maintenance was about 1700. If she's now around 180 pounds, her daily maintenance is about 2050 calories. So, she's probably averaging around 2300 calories a day for the weight gain she's had. 20 pounds is a lot of weight to gain, but in terms of gaining it per year, 200 extra calories a day is not much.

 

I do think, though, that making 'meal plans' for her may not be such a bad idea.

[Nikki82]

Carbs. I know a guy who lost 40lbs JUST by avoiding breads and pastas.

 

Good luck. She does have to want to lose weight to fix it. Crying will not lose any weight. Once she changes her mindset, her body will follow. =)

[pink_sugar]

A weight gain of 20 pounds per year correlates to about 200 extra calories every day for a year. So, if she was 120, her maintenance was about 1700. If she's now around 180 pounds, her daily maintenance is about 2050 calories. So, she's probably averaging around 2300 calories a day for the weight gain she's had. 20 pounds is a lot of weight to gain, but in terms of gaining it per year, 200 extra calories a day is not much.

 

I do think, though, that making 'meal plans' for her may not be such a bad idea.

 

I'm not sure about this...I'm 128 and I'm pretty sure I consume at least 2000 calories a day for years. Always loved food, but I try and exercise daily for at least 30 minutes.