blondeone Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 I am new to the dating "game"...I call it a game because to me it seems like that's what men want to do...I'm 32 years old and I'm going through a divorce...we separated last year and I took him back because he was so depressed/suicidal and he promised to go to couseling, which he did for a few months then all of the sudden dropped out (we were going to marriage counseling together) saying it was a waste of time and money. I filed for divorce because for the past 8 years I have had to deal with him not trusting me, constantly accusing me of cheating, never loving him ENOUGH, never showing ENOUGH affection to him...and to be honest...sex was BAD...I won't give TMI but we just weren't compatible. I guess I should also mention he's 10 years older than I am and not into being fit or exercising. So, there's a little history on me- Oh, I should probably point out that I NEVER cheated or gave him reason to suspect that I was cheating and he freely admitted that he knew this in counseling and he also said that I had not ever given him reason to suspect him but his ex-wife cheated on him 10 years ago and that's why he thought I would do the same. He always said I was too beautiful for him and too many men looked at me. We've been separated for a few months and I've been ready to be part of a relationship- nothing deep- just to have one person to spend time with...I am a serial monagamist- I don't like to play the field and sex is not good for me unless it's with someone I care about. My question is: Why do guys act one way alone with you and then all of the sudden pretend like nothing ever happened between the two of you? Why don't men call when they say they will? What am I doing wrong? I'm not used to being ignored! How do you know if a guy really likes you? What is considered being to available? It seems that no matter how much you like the guy if you tell them that you like them and enjoy spending time with them they FREAK OUT!!! What is up w/ that? Personally if someone said Hey, I like spending time with you, I'd be flattered and think that was great. Why is it when you have sex with a guy he does an about face?? How long are you supposed to "hold out"? To me it seems like a double standard...I'm finally comfortable in my sexuality and enjoy being a sexual woman and now I'm supposed to pretend to be a prude and pretend that I don't really want to have sex with a guy even if I do? Why is that? I'm by no means a slut but I miss the closeness and the warmth of a man's body. Is that wrong? I thought it was finally ok for a woman to be liberated from the confines of society's opinion about sex! Do men only want a woman that is going to make them wait for a month or two? The last man I slept w/ early on I married...so, I guess not all men are like that! Someone please explain the dating game to me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blondeone Posted July 14, 2004 Author Share Posted July 14, 2004 BTW, I live in a very small town and I'm very picky....maybe I'm just expecting too much out of men!! LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Dating hasn't changed. The basics are the same---warning to everyone reading this, I'm using generalizations, don't be offended or feel it necessary to explain to me that not all men or women fall into these categories. Men: Want sex first. They are visual and physical Women: Want an emotional connection first. Men: Get what they want (sex) and then get bored or want more variety. Women: Get comfortable and secure in a relationship Men: What relationship? It was just sex. Women: Needs to say "I love you" before having sex Men: she said 'I love you' I'd better run because I don't want a relationship, I want sex. Eventually you will cycle around to a guy that wants more and is compatible with you. Just don't assume that anyone that you have sex with is in love with you first. Wait as long as YOU want. If a guy leaves you because you won't have sex on his schedule--you don't need him. His priorities are different and he won't give you what you need and want, namely a relationship. If you just want to have sex, make sure YOU know that is what you want and you don't confuse yourself emotionally. Sometimes sex is just a physical act with no emotion connected to it. Make sure you recognize that going in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blondeone Posted July 14, 2004 Author Share Posted July 14, 2004 I want a siggy...what am I doing wrong??? Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Blondone, it isn't just hte men playing games, my dear. The women are just as bad if not worse. I've had the exact same experience, though I don't date very much. One of the problems with dating now days is that everyone has these fantastic and wholly unrealistic expectations. They want complete perfection and they make snap judgements based on a single date. ASnother problem is that there are a lot of people - men and women - who have a bizarre relationship phobia. They don't want a relationship with anyone; they just want some sex, someone to pick up the tab for a night out, not to be bored. I work with a guy who is your age and routinely dates six to eight different women per month. He spends and awful lot of additional time meeting these women in various places. The thing is, while he may see a woman a second time, there is rarely a third. I asked a 34 year old woman about this and her response was "What's wrong with that? That's what dating is all about." As for calling. Well, I can tell you that I have tried to call women who asked me to, women who really really seemed to have a good time. No answer, no return call, no anything. Then you run into them a week later and they act as if they don't know you. So I can't explain the dating game. It's ridiculous, which is why I've decided that I'm not going to get into it too much. I'll have to find some other way to meet women and get to know them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blondeone Posted July 14, 2004 Author Share Posted July 14, 2004 Hi there Hockeyreligions! I'm brand new year (just joined today) but needed a place to ask these questions... So, either way if I want to have sex then by all means I should...and I know going into it that it's JUST sex...but what if the sex is soooo amazing and exactly what I've been looking for and craving for the past 8 years (but not getting because I didn't want to cheat even though hubby wasn't on the same level as I was.. sexually- Size, confidence and being inhibited were issues). Basically, I met this guy...actually I've known him for YEARS- but never hooked up with him...I think for a long time I was the one w/ self-confidence issues (as in what guys I thought I had a chance with)...although now I'm more than confident that if I want a guy then he's not out of reach...men are men just as women are women....nobody is better than someone else or unattainable. So, if I see something that intrigues me I'm going to go for it....OKAY, back on topic...anyway...this guy was hanging out w/ a male friend of mine. My friend asked if I would give them a ride home because they had had too much to drink and I hadn't...so, we left all together and I brought them home. Well, we ended up just hanging out & telling stories- we all play softball and things just started happening between me and the guy. We ended up having sex several times throughout the night and either he's a very good actor or I'm just an idiot...it didn't feel like meaningless sex...because I've been there done that too... I know that he's looking for JUST one girl- like I said I'm from a small town. He curled up to me all night and slept with his arm around me. I didn't leave asking when I could see him again, he actually brought that up. I didn't give him my number so that would be why I haven't heard from him. How am I supposed to act when I see him- because I know I'm going to see him again...I would like for this to possibly go someplace- nothing too deep, but OMG the sex was amazing and I wouldn't mind him being the one person I spend time with...I get no satisfaction from "dating". I know this about myself...everything is so much better (although I don't know how the sex could possibly be any better! LOL!). But, because I have no idea how to react now...I KNOW I should not have had sex with him- BIG MISTAKE! Not that I regret it but, it happened and what's done is done. How do I act now...when I see him-am I supposed to be aloof, go up to him? WHAT???? ARRRGGGGHHH!! You would think at 32 year's old I'd have this all figured out!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Touch his arm, sidle up and give him a kiss, ask him out on a regular date--if he doesn't ask you first. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE -- you used a condom right!?! Sex is not a relationship, but that doesn't mean that a relationship won't develop. Take it slow--no proclamations of love or commitment yet. Get to know each other. Maybe back off on the sex for a while too. (it'll give you something to look forward to) Link to post Share on other sites
Author blondeone Posted July 14, 2004 Author Share Posted July 14, 2004 Good advice...I'm just always afraid of making an ass out of myself and rejection scares the S*it out of me. I'm confident but hate to be rejected! Especially if I really do like the person...then again NO ONE likes to be rejected. That's affirmative on the condom! LOL! I'm a safety girl and besides condoms are great- no mess for me!! LOL! I wish we had been out on a date when this had happened but, cest la vie...it happened anyways. Nothing I can do about it now! So, you think it's okay to just go up to him- touch his arm, give him a sweet kiss on the cheek and say hi? I don't want to come across desperate or needy. Because I'm not- but worried how to act so I don't come across like that. Well, I'm off for the night...I look forward to hearing from you! H Link to post Share on other sites
Triguluous Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Blondone- I will tell you what, I am in my early 20's, I don't date very often and I am usually selective in that. Knowing that there are women like you out there makes me feel good about finding someone that has a great personality as well as looks. You don't look anywhere near your age, you look much younger. If i'm still single in 5-7 years I hope there are still women like you around. I agree, go up and ask him out if he doesn't to you, if he acts a little weird by any means, it may because he is like you, doesn't really know how to take it from there. He doesn't know if you feel that night was a mistake or what. So, just talk to him. I wish women my age would be for assertive. But most girls are probably intimidated by my size and built. Link to post Share on other sites
hurricane495 Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I want a siggy...what am I doing wrong??? Hey im now divorced and single In Massachusetts And know how to treat a lady give me a call Ill show you how you should be treated Link to post Share on other sites
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