Serial cheating married man

[dreamingoftigers]

I agree. That's because they have nothing to give (or share) - their intend is to take only... Selfish and self centered. Using others under the "pretense" of caring... They only care enough to get things THEIR way.

 

Well, that's a little mind-ready for my tastes, but it dies look that way from the outside.

 

I honestly believe that serial cheats have an issue where they believe that no one would love them as they truly are so they put up a front to whomever gets close to them and then show that same flattering front to outside women in a bid to feel like a hero or sexually accepted by a

woman.

 

But then, it's just another mask and they feel isolated. They just keep cycling through the same stuff trying to "manage" instead of connect in their relationships.

 

Not realizing that they are central to the problem.

[awkward]

If MM is low on money he could always sell his Porsche. I'm sure he wouldn't want his kids to suffer financially, right?

[whichwayisup]

No, the cheating started later, when he became unhappy.

 

Well, you better make sure he's never unhappy otherwise he's going to look elsewhere. Why? Because that's who he is and what he does when he feels unhappy, needs unmet. Instead of getting therapy to fix himself, learn some coping skills and communication/listening skills - He cheats!

 

He is manning up. He's not letting her push him around, he's standing his ground on money issues but it's still stressful. They are going back adn forth on the settlement and can't seem to reach a common ground.

 

And then the kids. They've now said they'll meet me and I'm really nervous. I don't know how it's going to go and I'm kind of surprised the older one said yes. That'st he one thing MM is happy about, that the older one has come around to meeting me.

 

Once again you and MM are PUSHING the kids. They probably are giving in because they feel they have no choice. I feel sad for them. All these changes going on all around them and now they have to deal with daddy's girlfriend being forced upon them. What a mess.

 

Only winner in this situation is MM's wife. She will be free of her serial cheating husband!

[whichwayisup]

They are going back adn forth on the settlement and can't seem to reach a common ground.

 

It sounds more like he is the one who keeps changing the agreement, not her. She wants the D done NOW so she can finally move on and forget him. There was a decided settlement but he changed his mind. He is the one who is having issues with the D moving forward, not her. Also, their kids don't want to meet or be involved at all with you and him, he is forcing them.

 

Your MM is lying/omitting and bending the truth to suit him best.

[HisGraceisSufficient]

“If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.”

Ann Landers

[rosieisblue]

It sounds more like he is the one who keeps changing the agreement, not her. She wants the D done NOW so she can finally move on and forget him. There was a decided settlement but he changed his mind. He is the one who is having issues with the D moving forward, not her. Also, their kids don't want to meet or be involved at all with you and him, he is forcing them.

 

Your MM is lying/omitting and bending the truth to suit him best.

 

He isn't lying, he's protecting me from all of this. She wants everything and he is trying to keep something for himself.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hey Rosie,

 

If you are concerned about your MM and serial cheating, it might be a good idea to read up on it.

 

There must be resources online/amazon that would help.

[rosieisblue]

Well, you better make sure he's never unhappy otherwise he's going to look elsewhere. Why? Because that's who he is and what he does when he feels unhappy, needs unmet. Instead of getting therapy to fix himself, learn some coping skills and communication/listening skills - He cheats!

 

 

 

Once again you and MM are PUSHING the kids. They probably are giving in because they feel they have no choice. I feel sad for them. All these changes going on all around them and now they have to deal with daddy's girlfriend being forced upon them. What a mess.

 

Only winner in this situation is MM's wife. She will be free of her serial cheating husband!

 

I'm not pushing. He wants them to meet me. He thinks its time and wants them to have the chance to see that I am not a horrible person but osmeone who makes him happy.

 

His wife? I don't know much about what is going on with her other than he thinks she is crazy.

[rosieisblue]

Hey Rosie,

 

If you are concerned about your MM and serial cheating, it might be a good idea to read up on it.

 

There must be resources online/amazon that would help.

 

I have been reading but it doesn't really apply to him very much as far as I can tell. I am not worried I want to be aware of things.

[whichwayisup]

He isn't lying, he's protecting me from all of this. She wants everything and he is trying to keep something for himself.

They had an agreement. While the kids were young, she wouldn't work. She had a job and quit to raise THEIR children, while he worked. Many couples do this. So, are you saying she shouldn't be compensated? He WILL have to pay child support for many years and maybe spousal support for a while. She is entitled to that and you need to stay out of it!

 

She isn't 'after' everything. He's bullsh.itting you! She wants the D done asap as she just wants to get on with her life. 2 months ago they had an agreement. Guess who changed it? HIM. NOT HER.

 

Again, your MM is lying to you. Maybe you need to hire a PI since he isn't giving you the correct facts.

[whichwayisup]

I'm not pushing. He wants them to meet me. He thinks its time and wants them to have the chance to see that I am not a horrible person but osmeone who makes him happy.

 

His wife? I don't know much about what is going on with her other than he thinks she is crazy.

 

They DO NOT want to meet you or be around you. Do you know why they caved finally? Because he guilted them. He bloody put a guilt trip and manipulated his own children. SO, they are sucking it up to make HIM happy. To meet you ONCE. Not spend time with you two, to get to know you.. They love their father and want him to get off their backs so they said fine, I'll meet her but I don't have to be happy about it.

 

Again, he's LYING TO YOU Rosie.

 

I said SO MANY TIMES. IT IS TOO SOON, christ their D isn't final and he's shoving you into their lives. Do you see this as healthy? He is asking them to do something that they do NOT want to do..Yet they're gonna meet you because they don't want to disappoint him.

 

She isn't crazy. HE IS.

[rosieisblue]

They had an agreement. While the kids were young, she wouldn't work. She had a job and quit to raise THEIR children, while he worked. Many couples do this. So, are you saying she shouldn't be compensated? He WILL have to pay child support for many years and maybe spousal support for a while. She is entitled to that and you need to stay out of it!

 

She isn't 'after' everything. He's bullsh.itting you! She wants the D done asap as she just wants to get on with her life. 2 months ago they had an agreement. Guess who changed it? HIM. NOT HER.

 

Again, your MM is lying to you. Maybe you need to hire a PI since he isn't giving you the correct facts.

 

She wants support for as long as it takes her to get her career going to a good level. That means he could be supporting her for alot of years. I don't think she wants the divorce I think she wants to make this hard on him so he will come home.

[rosieisblue]

They DO NOT want to meet you or be around you. Do you know why they caved finally? Because he guilted them. He bloody put a guilt trip and manipulated his own children. SO, they are sucking it up to make HIM happy. To meet you ONCE. Not spend time with you two, to get to know you.. They love their father and want him to get off their backs so they said fine, I'll meet her but I don't have to be happy about it.

 

Again, he's LYING TO YOU Rosie.

 

I said SO MANY TIMES. IT IS TOO SOON, christ their D isn't final and he's shoving you into their lives. Do you see this as healthy? He is asking them to do something that they do NOT want to do..Yet they're gonna meet you because they don't want to disappoint him.

 

She isn't crazy. HE IS.

 

He isn't crazy he wants them to meet me so I'm not the devil to them. we are together, we are a couple so it makes sense the kids meet thier fathers girlfriend who is such a big part of his life. It will make things so much easier for everyone.

[HisGraceisSufficient]

No, the cheating started later, when he became unhappy.

 

I wonder what will happen when he becomes unhappy in his relationship with you?

[rosieisblue]

I wonder what will happen when he becomes unhappy in his relationship with you?

 

I don't plan on giving up like his wife did or treating him like he isn't loved. That's what she did and he couldn't take it anymore I value him and love him and that's important for a man to feel. I might not feel that way one day and it I do I will leave him instead of trying to hang on to a dead relationship like she did.

[HisGraceisSufficient]

I don't plan on giving up like his wife did or treating him like he isn't loved. That's what she did and he couldn't take it anymore I value him and love him and that's important for a man to feel. I might not feel that way one day and it I do I will leave him instead of trying to hang on to a dead relationship like she did.

 

It sounds like you are both holding his wife responsible for his cheating behavior. If he wasn't being loved and respected, he has a choice in how to proceed with the situation. If we feel entitled, lonely, rejected we resort to feelings of selfishness and inevitably, behavior. If, however, we feel concerned, loving toward our spouse and courageous to find a better way of reconciliation, we will give the marriage opportunity to flourish.

 

Rarely does a woman act in such ways if not feeling loved and respected by her spouse. He has given her reason to protect herself in fear and withholding.The fallout of most marriages is a mutual deconstruction of fear, selfishness and pride.

[rosieisblue]

It sounds like you are both holding his wife responsible for his cheating behavior. If he wasn't being loved and respected, he has a choice in how to proceed with the situation. If we feel entitled, lonely, rejected we resort to feelings of selfishness and inevitably, behavior. If, however, we feel concerned, loving toward our spouse and courageous to find a better way of reconciliation, we will give the marriage opportunity to flourish.

 

Rarely does a woman act in such ways if not feeling loved and respected by her spouse. He has given her reason to protect herself in fear and withholding.The fallout of most marriages is a mutual deconstruction of fear, selfishness and pride.

The bolded is exactly it. It was two people who messed tings up but she blames him entirely because he cheated. The cheating isn't want broke things up, it was broken before he ever did it. He just couldn't leave when the kids were young and it took meeting me to see how happy he could be.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have been reading but it doesn't really apply to him very much as far as I can tell. I am not worried I want to be aware of things.

 

People are ALWAYS DIFFERENT in the early stages of relationships.

 

You've seen a track record of how he is in a LTR.

 

Were his relationships prior to marriage any different?

[dreamingoftigers]

The bolded is exactly it. It was two people who messed tings up but she blames him entirely because he cheated. The cheating isn't want broke things up, it was broken before he ever did it. He just couldn't leave when the kids were young and it took meeting me to see how happy he could be.

 

The kids are still kids.

 

This doesn't make sense.

 

And yeah, the cheating changed the marriage from something to work on, to a Pile of rubble.

 

If are you cheated on ever, you would understand how much it amplifies the destructiveness of whatever other minor-type complaints there were already present.

 

Plus, when you cheat, it brings up shame and secretive behaviours, you can't truly reconnect with your spouse while feeling that shame blocking you.

 

It's beyond some political, feeling, code-type thing. It is an actual relationship breaker. The fact that MM has so casually unleashedthst force in the past speaks volumes and none of that is good.

 

I would not trust this guy on promises alone, nor would I want to meet his children until 18 months post-divorce.

 

No child wants to look at their father's mistress and think "oh that's great that SHE makes him happy. Clearly our family WASN'T ENOUGH. that's why he has to be in touch with HER all of the time. Even when we are supposed to be together with our Dad. Maybe my mommy is a loser too."

 

The kids just want to be kids, they shouldn't have to worry an iota about "dads happiness." that's Dad's job, not kids!

[2sure]

People who cannot afford to divorce, should not have affairs.

[HisGraceisSufficient]

The bolded is exactly it. It was two people who messed tings up but she blames him entirely because he cheated. The cheating isn't want broke things up, it was broken before he ever did it. He just couldn't leave when the kids were young and it took meeting me to see how happy he could be.

 

Important to consider: why was it broken before the cheating and how did he contribute to it? And, will he bring that into your relationship?

[truthbetold]

It's kinda fun to watch you in such denial now

 

It'll be more fun when the wife meets someone and he goes apechit. Won't be too much fun for you though:(

 

There's going to be so much in your life Rosie if you have no idea.

 

She wants done, why are you in such denial that HE is upset she is moving on. That HE didn't want to be divorced. SHE THREW HIM OUT.

 

She could careless about you. The kids may meet you against their will, it means nothing Rosie. Likely you'll be crying here soon about "how they don't like you" and how can you change it. Well you can't that ship sailed as they completely disrespect you and see you as the one that tore their family up.

 

Oh they know it could have been "anyone" but the point is it was you. They don't care there were others before you, they only know YOU were the catalyst that wrecked their home, so for that they'll never like you.

 

Point is Rosie, you were just the one he was caught with sorry to say you could have been anyone it has nothing to do with you personally. He's latched onto you bc he wants to stick it to his wife. Since she kicked him out he's hellbent on making your relationship work so he doesn't look like a fool.

 

Too late!

[rosieisblue]

It's kinda fun to watch you in such denial now

 

It'll be more fun when the wife meets someone and he goes apechit. Won't be too much fun for you though:(

 

There's going to be so much in your life Rosie if you have no idea.

 

She wants done, why are you in such denial that HE is upset she is moving on. That HE didn't want to be divorced. SHE THREW HIM OUT.

 

She could careless about you. The kids may meet you against their will, it means nothing Rosie. Likely you'll be crying here soon about "how they don't like you" and how can you change it. Well you can't that ship sailed as they completely disrespect you and see you as the one that tore their family up.

 

Oh they know it could have been "anyone" but the point is it was you. They don't care there were others before you, they only know YOU were the catalyst that wrecked their home, so for that they'll never like you.

 

Point is Rosie, you were just the one he was caught with sorry to say you could have been anyone it has nothing to do with you personally. He's latched onto you bc he wants to stick it to his wife. Since she kicked him out he's hellbent on making your relationship work so he doesn't look like a fool.

 

Too late!

 

Not true. When she found out he was honest with her and told her he had a lot of feelings and didn't feel they could go on. She wanted to try but saw after a few days that he wasn't there emotionally and told him to leave.

 

I think with patience and time the kids will come around. It will be hard and I knwo this.

 

All she cares about is getting as much money as she can and that's all I know. I don't know alot about her except that they argue alot.

[truthbetold]

Not true. When she found out he was honest with her and told her he had a lot of feelings and didn't feel they could go on. She wanted to try but saw after a few days that he wasn't there emotionally and told him to leave.

 

I think with patience and time the kids will come around. It will be hard and I knwo this.

 

All she cares about is getting as much money as she can and that's all I know. I don't know alot about her except that they argue alot.

 

Rosie that info came from HIM remember that. She wants what's FAIR and she's DONE. She will NEVER take him back, he's only feeding you that. SHE wanted to meet you and talk like civilized people. YOU shot that down bc of HIM. Sad, sad he has you that wrapped.

 

He adores the attention you give him true. But soon he will bore of it. Life doesn't sustain at that high forever, it just doesn't. No matter the love, no matter the true passion (not lust) between the partners, it ebbs and flows it just does. How do you explain him secretly doing other activities?

 

Better yet, how do you explain him reading your texts and deleting them? I hope you don't think it's bc he care's so much or he's so honorable.

 

Rosie, think what you will. THESE kids in YOUR circumstance will NEVER come around. The oldest is nearly 14 and will never forgive his father for pushing this. and is old enough to understand and he thinks the whole thing is disgusting and pathetic (though I understand it's really you pushing this and he's the one scared and caving to your wishes) Personally I could care less, but it's sad to see you in such denial. You are wasting your life, but your life to waste I suppose.

 

And so what if she wanted to try a few days after DDay it's her marriage not yours. It had nothing to do with HIM telling her he couldn't give you up though. He told her he wanted to try while still keeping you on the sly and then she found out and then she kicked him out. Sad you believe all his lies and you think he won't cheat on you? Again, just sad you don't see it.

 

She is so not jealous of you, so don't worry about that. She's got it all together. She doesn't respect you either true, but she feels sorry for the mess you're about to head into. But she also understands you refuse to listen bc it's all about your destined love. So have at it. I guess you don't need to defend yourself anymore. For you it's all going to be rainbows and unicorns and sunshine.

Edited August 14, 2012 by truthbetold

[mercy]

It sounds like you are both holding his wife responsible for his cheating behavior. If he wasn't being loved and respected, he has a choice in how to proceed with the situation. If we feel entitled, lonely, rejected we resort to feelings of selfishness and inevitably, behavior. If, however, we feel concerned, loving toward our spouse and courageous to find a better way of reconciliation, we will give the marriage opportunity to flourish.

 

Rarely does a woman act in such ways if not feeling loved and respected by her spouse. He has given her reason to protect herself in fear and withholding.The fallout of most marriages is a mutual deconstruction of fear, selfishness and pride.

 

Powerful words!

 

Love your signature.