nice guys finish last.....?

[jayy23]

So I just don't understand some people one of my friends has been with his gf for 2years and in this 2years he has cheated on his gf twice he also speaks to her like sh*t most of the time... so last week they split up for the third time but last night she came running back to him as usual: / I also know this girl who's bf hits her treats her with no respect what so ever and sleeps with girls behind her back all the time but she won't leave him. I really don't understand why these girls put up with guys like that?? I guess I'm just pissed off because I did nothing but love respect and support my ex gf in everyday that I could I would have never done anything wrong by her but she still left me. So if I was to treat girls with no respect and talk to them like thr nothing will they stay with me haha.

[barese1]

This will be a controversial thing to say but I have to agree with you.

 

When I look at my firneds who treat their girlfriends like crap, cheat on them, don't make any romantic gestures etc. their girls are obssesed with them. They always tell me I'm too nice thats why girls leave and move on quick. I used to say well one day I'll meet a girl who appreciates it and realises how lucky they are to have a decent guy.

 

But...

 

I think there's some truth in it. Girls (in my experience) tend to think they want a nice guy, but they always get bored and want a di(k. Put it this way, if you are nice, and always treat soemone like a princess they get used to it and don't appreciate it. If you don't treat someone that nice then do the odd nice thing its greatly appreciated.

 

Its horrible. I don't want to be an @rse to someone whos important to me, but with every rejection it does make you question whats the poing of being nice. My housemate has a grilfriend, shes round right now and very much in love with him (he is an absolute selfish tool). Little does she know he's had 2 different girls back here over the weekend.

 

2 options

-Continue doing as we are and hope that we finally meet a girl that appreciates us

-Turn into one of these guys but have to live with the fact that thats what we've done to ourselves

[jayy23]

Nice guys actually finish first because they never get laid.

 

Lol I wouldn't say that I'm not short of offers but sex is sex I'm looking for more.

[jayy23]

This will be a controversial thing to say but I have to agree with you.

 

When I look at my firneds who treat their girlfriends like crap, cheat on them, don't make any romantic gestures etc. their girls are obssesed with them. They always tell me I'm too nice thats why girls leave and move on quick. I used to say well one day I'll meet a girl who appreciates it and realises how lucky they are to have a decent guy.

 

But...

 

I think there's some truth in it. Girls (in my experience) tend to think they want a nice guy, but they always get bored and want a di(k. Put it this way, if you are nice, and always treat soemone like a princess they get used to it and don't appreciate it. If you don't treat someone that nice then do the odd nice thing its greatly appreciated.

 

Its horrible. I don't want to be an @rse to someone whos important to me, but with every rejection it does make you question whats the poing of being nice. My housemate has a grilfriend, shes round right now and very much in love with him (he is an absolute selfish tool). Little does she know he's had 2 different girls back here over the weekend.

 

2 options

-Continue doing as we are and hope that we finally meet a girl that appreciates us

-Turn into one of these guys but have to live with the fact that thats what we've done to ourselves

 

Yeah I agree. I'm not going stoop to that level and act like someone else just to keep a girl I was with my ex for nearly five years so I must have been doing somthing wright in that time but I'm still unsure why she left.

[soccerrprp]

It seems that way, doesn't it? When the ladies are young and adventurous, they want the wilder and more adventurous type. It's by hooking up with these guys who treat them like trash that they collect the emotional, relationship-type baggage and when they begin to seek nice guys, it's the nice guys that have to deal with the insecurities, jealousy, etc. that has evolved....but, saying that, not all girls are interested in the flashy, bad-boy.

[weallfalldown]

god...how old are you op?....not another teenage dirtbag?..

[muzik_lvr]

I just watched this video yesterday and some of what he says is definitely relavent to the conversation. This guy is speaking some truth here haha.

 

Yeah, what others are saying is true. But, I'm not changing who I am to appease a woman. If I find one that appreciates who I am, cool. If I don't, then I'd rather stay single than be with these women like that. I'm cool with the person I am.

[Woggle]

Seek out better quality women and be willing a little older if you have to. Older women tend to appreciate men who treat them well more.

[Appleness]

Not sure which thread it was but someone else posted that this whole "nice guys finish last" things is due to said nice guys going for the "hot girl".

 

I think it's more complex than that though. I mean, what's a "nice guy" really?

[KatZee]

FROM A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE

 

We do NOT want a dick! We do NOT want a guy who's an as*hole. What we DO want is a guy who is assertive. Who has confidence. Who can put us in our place from time to time. Who will say NO to us. Who won't act like a doormat by doing EVERYTHING and ANYTHING for us.

 

Unfortunately...

 

The guys who have those attributes are more often than not, the guys who are the liars, cheaters, players, manipulators, abusers. A typical "nice guy" doesn't really have the balls to stand up to a woman. He is insecure. He will agree with everything the woman says. He will essentially be--- our doormat.

 

And this is why a woman will leave a "nice guy."

 

What women WANT is a great person, who will have a backbone. Thoughts of his own. The courage to stand up to the woman who may start to take advantage, the courage to put her in her place.

 

That is what women want. No self-respecting woman is saying to herself, "Hmmm... I would LOVE a man that cheats on me. I would absolutely LOVE a man who beats me and talks to me like I'm a pile of dog sh*t under his shoe..."

 

The thing that happens in the above scenario you give... is that the woman has become emotionally addicted to her boyfriend. That's why she's currently incapable of leaving. She believes her relationship is better than it actually is.

[weallfalldown]

FROM A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE

 

 

We do NOT want a dick! We do NOT want a guy who's an as*hole. What we DO want is a guy who is assertive. Who has confidence. Who can put us in our place from time to time. Who will say NO to us. Who won't act like a doormat by doing EVERYTHING and ANYTHING for us.

 

Unfortunately...

 

The guys who have those attributes are more often than not, the guys who are the liars, cheaters, players, manipulators, abusers. A typical "nice guy" doesn't really have the balls to stand up to a woman. He is insecure. He will agree with everything the woman says. He will essentially be--- our doormat.

 

And this is why a woman will leave a "nice guy."

 

What women WANT is a great person, who will have a backbone. Thoughts of his own. The courage to stand up to the woman who may start to take advantage, the courage to put her in her place.

 

That is what women want. No self-respecting woman is saying to herself, "Hmmm... I would LOVE a man that cheats on me. I would absolutely LOVE a man who beats me and talks to me like I'm a pile of dog sh*t under his shoe..."

 

The thing that happens in the above scenario you give... is that the woman has become emotionally addicted to her boyfriend. That's why she's currently incapable of leaving. She believes her relationship is better than it actually is.

 

kat i'll agree that a guy should stand up to a woman,,, but sometimes the guy only turns into an arsehole because the woman retaleates and starts the whole power struggle crap gpoing....then it gets nasty.

[barese1]

Katzee this is the problem though. I agree men shouldn't be doormats. I never have been. I've always been confident in myself and will say no to something I don't agree with even if I love the person.

 

That said I've always been told I'm such a nice guy. Easy going is different to being a doormat, I have to be honest being sweet thoughtful, loyal and romantic is what constitues being a nice guy and this is something girls who I meet get bored of. They always fall for blokes who aren't attentive or thoughtful. And when these men do anything at all that I would see as normal they are then seen as being this romantic sweet guy...which they clearly are not.

[Tree_Salmon]

FROM A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE

 

We do NOT want a dick! We do NOT want a guy who's an as*hole. What we DO want is a guy who is assertive. Who has confidence. Who can put us in our place from time to time. Who will say NO to us. Who won't act like a doormat by doing EVERYTHING and ANYTHING for us.

 

Unfortunately...

 

The guys who have those attributes are more often than not, the guys who are the liars, cheaters, players, manipulators, abusers. A typical "nice guy" doesn't really have the balls to stand up to a woman. He is insecure. He will agree with everything the woman says. He will essentially be--- our doormat.

 

And this is why a woman will leave a "nice guy."

 

What women WANT is a great person, who will have a backbone. Thoughts of his own. The courage to stand up to the woman who may start to take advantage, the courage to put her in her place.

 

That is what women want. No self-respecting woman is saying to herself, "Hmmm... I would LOVE a man that cheats on me. I would absolutely LOVE a man who beats me and talks to me like I'm a pile of dog sh*t under his shoe..."

 

The thing that happens in the above scenario you give... is that the woman has become emotionally addicted to her boyfriend. That's why she's currently incapable of leaving. She believes her relationship is better than it actually is.

 

Problem is allot of these guys don't know how to be a men.

 

And most of the time "nice guys" are neurotic, selfish *******s who manipulate people into thinking they are nice and great but are actually massively insecure and a doormat.

 

This is coming from a real guy.

Real guys can be loving, romantic, loyal, tough, driven and committed but we can also tell someone to f**k off when they start to cross our boundaries. Treat the right women with respect and you'll get it back.

 

"Nice Guys" expect to get everything just because they act "nice" and then throw tantrums when they dont get it. All you need is confidence and self worth. Get rid of your insecurities and real women will want you all the time. The hardest part becomes choosing the right one for you.

 

If you ask me there's a shortage of good women out there.

 

Stop complaining about nice guys finishing last and grow some balls.

Take responsibility for your actions.

 

Real men get what they want, and they know how to leave when they don't.

[Xestenz]

I'm a self admitted 'nice guy'. I treat women with respect and friendship. I'm invested in being a part of their happiness. I listen to them and tend to believe what they say. I work hard to support my kids and my ex wife. I don't cheat or lie -- my parents are still married and raised me with 'good values'.

 

I will also admit that relationships have, in general, not gone well for me at all.

 

Following the failure of my marriage, and now after being dumped out of what I thought was going to be a great, fun and growing relationship, I am going to implement some hard won lessons.

 

I will continue to be who I am (if a 'nice guy' then so be it) BUT I'm no longer going to be a doormat to women:

 

I will not compromise who I am to please a woman.

I will no longer ignore 'red flags' that indicate unacceptable damage, baggage, or issues.

I will work on and conquer my need to be needed by women to feel loved.

I will continue to walk and act with confidence in my own abilities, talents, and worth.

I will not let the rejection of women affect my sense of self worth.

I will believe in my self worth regardless of whether it is recognized or appreciated by any particular woman.

I will do the things that I want to do and that I know are important to my future and that of my children.

I will embrace being alone as an opportunity.

I will continue to lead with my heart when I believe it is appropriate, but will be honest with myself about that appropriatness.

 

In so doing, I will be happy whether or not I find 'true love' or 'the one'.

Edited August 13, 2012 by Xestenz

[Tree_Salmon]

I don't understand how everyone got it in their heads that you cant be a nice guy without being a "nice guy".

 

I'm very nice to many women and not a single one would s**t on me. Theres a difference between being nice in order to receive acceptance and attention from females and just being a nice guy all around.

 

Nobody deserve special treatment. People earn respect.

And men who need positive attention from women just to feel good about themselves are just losers. If i was a woman I'd stay the F**k away from those guys.

[WeirdExs]

I disagree that nice guys will always finish last. If you are a complete push-over and give into a girl's every demand then they are not going to give you the respect you deserve. More importantly if you have the belief that nice guys will never get the girl then you don’t have the confidence to earn a girl’s respect and attention. The problem is that nice guys have convinced themselves that this is the case which might be because of bad experiences. However, the true problem is that they don’t have the confidence in themselves and that is the crux of their relationship failures.

[soccerrprp]

Okay, so, when the OP asked about the nice guy, I was assuming it meant the guy that was general decent all around. Not someone seeking artificial approval. I consider myself a nice guy and have always respect the women I have dated. I have not had problems dating and being me has, as far as I can tell, been an advantage, not disadvantage. So, can we safely assume that nice guy means the decent, respectful kind of guy who is not a doormat, insecure and self-absorbed?

[jayy23]

Okay, so, when the OP asked about the nice guy, I was assuming it meant the guy that was general decent all around. Not someone seeking artificial approval. I consider myself a nice guy and have always respect the women I have dated. I have not had problems dating and being me has, as far as I can tell, been an advantage, not disadvantage. So, can we safely assume that nice guy means the decent, respectful kind of guy who is not a doormat, insecure and self-absorbed?

 

Exactly.... I didn't meen a guy that's a push over or has no self respect etc.... just a normal nice guy in general.

[Tree_Salmon]

Exactly.... I didn't meen a guy that's a push over or has no self respect etc.... just a normal nice guy in general.

 

These "normal nice guys" don't have to complain about being a nice guy and finishing last on a forum.

 

I only finish last when i don't put my all into things. There's no reason why any guy should finish last. I don't even know what that means. Do you feel like you're always getting screwed over? stepped on? because if that's the case then you are doing it to yourself.

 

I'm not in a race to begin with. I really don't understand what you guys mean by "normal nice guy"

[Dblock10]

exactly tree.

 

also what does being a push over mean? what exactly does that mean like, having no power to make decisions?

[flitzanu]

while the perception of this whole thread seems accurate, it really boils down to one thing.

 

excitement.

 

nice or not, the minute you stop creating tension and excitement in your relationship is the minute a girl will start looking elsewhere.

[mike588]

So I just don't understand some people one of my friends has been with his gf for 2years and in this 2years he has cheated on his gf twice he also speaks to her like sh*t most of the time... so last week they split up for the third time but last night she came running back to him as usual: / I also know this girl who's bf hits her treats her with no respect what so ever and sleeps with girls behind her back all the time but she won't leave him. I really don't understand why these girls put up with guys like that?? I guess I'm just pissed off because I did nothing but love respect and support my ex gf in everyday that I could I would have never done anything wrong by her but she still left me. So if I was to treat girls with no respect and talk to them like thr nothing will they stay with me haha.

 

My ex. and I were 43 yrs. old when she dumped me for her ex. after dating for a year.We were friends many years ago before re-connecting and we both felt comfortable together since we already knew each other.

 

She had been broken up from her ex. for about a month before we started dating (yeah red flag I know) and she told me soooo many times that he was a jerk...he was cold and she wasn't happy with him and that I was the opposite...I made her feel special and appreciated...better sex..I listened to her...that I was the best thing to ever come into her life blah blah blah and she assured me MANY MANY times she would NEVER go back to him.

 

Well she did. I guess she just thrived on being treated badly...he was a challenge and I wasn't....don't get me wrong I wasn't a door mat or a "yes dear" man.

 

Some women just don't want a "nice guy" and I'll take those lessons learned into my next relationship.

[Occu3.14'd]

FROM A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE

 

We do NOT want a dick! We do NOT want a guy who's an as*hole. What we DO want is a guy who is assertive. Who has confidence. Who can put us in our place from time to time. Who will say NO to us. Who won't act like a doormat by doing EVERYTHING and ANYTHING for us.

 

Unfortunately...

 

The guys who have those attributes are more often than not, the guys who are the liars, cheaters, players, manipulators, abusers. A typical "nice guy" doesn't really have the balls to stand up to a woman. He is insecure. He will agree with everything the woman says. He will essentially be--- our doormat.

 

And this is why a woman will leave a "nice guy."

 

What women WANT is a great person, who will have a backbone. Thoughts of his own. The courage to stand up to the woman who may start to take advantage, the courage to put her in her place.

 

That is what women want. No self-respecting woman is saying to herself, "Hmmm... I would LOVE a man that cheats on me. I would absolutely LOVE a man who beats me and talks to me like I'm a pile of dog sh*t under his shoe..."

 

The thing that happens in the above scenario you give... is that the woman has become emotionally addicted to her boyfriend. That's why she's currently incapable of leaving. She believes her relationship is better than it actually is.

 

And that's exactly the kind of relationship my ex had with her previous boyfriend.

 

They lasted 6 years. And then he dumped her.

 

And then I came along and showed her what it's like to be in a wonderful and loving relationship...

 

We lasted 6 months.

 

We were on even ground, and respected eachother completely. Of course, that didn't do a damn thing to change the fact that now she is filled with emotional baggage from that type of relationship, and needs to go off on her own because that toxic relationship left her as a textbook codependent.

 

Those "bad guys" can really do a lot of damage for the "nice guys" later on in life.

[Breck]

Nice guys don't finish last. Good guys finish last. Be a bad boy. Be a nice bad boy. Sometimes you need to rough her up in the bedroom and then leave a thank you card. Be nice.

[thecoolkid]

Stay being nice...

 

Most women, rather girls I should say, who

would leave a guy that loves and respects

them just because he seems 'boring' or too

predictable lacks maturity.

 

These girls that you're dating do not know

what they want or even need in a man. It

may be a wise to start dating women that

know what they want.