what do I do next? cultural differences? Feelings?

[dragoncake]

Last year I became friends with a local Chinese guy. I'm American.

 

He was always staring at me in the office and then turning away. He then started coming up to me. He was kind of shy and we would have these very flushed and stuttery conversations. One day I invited him out for lunch and he was really surprised.

 

We started to get to know each other. He flirted with me and then would shy away. One day a new foreign guy joined the office and the Chinese guy was fearful and acted so weird. He seemed worried that a new man was there...

 

The guy was always asking me my plans for travel and who I'm going away with...

 

I discovered late last year that he had a new job overseas (a nearby country) and I decided to make a small move before he left by inviting him outside the office for coffee. We got on really well. Then after new year we said goodbye. He said to keep in touch.

 

By the way there is a rule with our company that locals can't date or marry foreigners....so I kept everything low key in the office.

 

After a bit of small talk over emails I decided to pluck up the courage to go and visit him. Before we said goodbye he said I was welcome to visit anytime.

 

While I was on the trip as a twist of fate I bumped into a very important manager who offered me a job in my field of work. Then when I met up with the Chinese guy later that day. I told him who I crossed paths with. He had heard of the guy I met and said the company are really well established. He was really enthusiastic and said I should go for it and take the role. He said it would make me really established. He said why don't I live there?

 

He does always seem so keen to know my plan after China.

 

It was my last night so thisguy was kind of awkward. Anyway so we said goodbye. I told him I had feelings for him. He was so surprised. Sadly he said.. why I'm Asian? I told him it isn't about where he is from but who he is. He was so surprised. So despite me visiting him, inviting him out for coffee....he was still clueless. He was overwhelmed and promised me to keep in touch...

 

I have a few months left of my visa. Do I take this job in the Chinese guy's country? I can have a flexible contract and I would be independent of him. I guess it would be a good way to get to know each other. Does this mean he's serious about me?

 

I don't regret telling him how I feel although I guess I will give the Chinese guy time to digest my declaration...

 

He is frustrated with the limitations of our company and I seriously feel he will leave so I'm not overly concerned about this rule.

 

My Chinese male friend said he is probably seeing how serious I am about him...

 

Would appreciate learning whatever thoughts you have about this.

[mtber75]

In Chinese and other Asian culture, you date to actually get married. Your Chinese guy friend probably freaked out because he though you wanted to be serious when you said your feels. Also he probably was thinking what to say to his family and peers if you guys were to get serious. Asian cultures are pretty traditional. I follow blogs of these foreign women (North American) married to Asian men so it does happen. Good Luck!

[dragoncake]

Do you think he is serious because he asked me about moving there?

 

I think I'm going to let it breathe a while...and I'm thinking of accepting the role because it is a really good job.

 

I think being friends is important for now...

 

this Chinese friend of mine said he's probably wondering if I'm serious enough so I guess being closer to him will help...

[Arabella]

I'm a Western woman (born in Europe, naturalized American) and I'm currently involved with an American-born Chinese man.

 

My experience with this sort of pairing is that it has very low chances of working. While we get along famously the majority of the time, there are a few key aspects in each other's personalities that make it non-sustainable for the long term. We're both keenly aware of this, but since we're not looking for long-term right now, it works.

 

But of course, love conquers all. If you're truly serious about this guy, you should absolutely pursue it. Just be aware that there will be some cultural challenges you need to work through

 

-A

[mtber75]

Even for a westernized Asian Guy it would be difficult to bridge the cultural gap as Arabella kind of alluded to. Yes, I would say that he is being serious if he asked you to move there. But take it slow. Although younger generations are embracing the westernize concept of dating, they are still traditional.

[dragoncake]

Because I've lived in China for the past two years and he's lived in the west for a while I know we slightly understand a little bit more about each other's cultures...

 

I do feel I think we should be friends...and yes take it slow...

 

just a bit confused about his response to my confession...he seemed so unaware that I was interested...

 

yet he asked if I'd live over there with him...

[jeffmeyers]

 

By the way there is a rule with our company that locals can't date or marry foreigners....

 

 

Strange. Can you expand on this?

[dragoncake]

if you work for Chinese state you an't marry foreigners... it's a really strict rule... I know people who have left because of it..

 

I feel he's gathering contacts and branching out because he will eventually leave. The organisation is brain washing....and recently he had a really big discovery and could have made him well though of..yet the company said NO and so he's always disappointed...