Vikki_26 Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 I met David in 2004 at the time I had a boyfriend. We met via a forum with a passion for the same car. We became friends, we didnt always see eye to eye about things but we were always friends. Meeting up with other friends now and then for car club meets etc. Fast forward to June 29th 2010 David was racing his car at our local circuit. Something happened that day, we both said, sparks flew and I knew I felt something much more for him. I sent him a cheeky message and met up the next day with him to see if he wanted to date me, he did. I then that night ended it with my then partner of 7 years (which a large age gap between us) I am now 26, David 27. And fell deeply in love with him. We went on holiday 4 to 5 times a year in our car. We did so much together. We drove to the arctic circle for a month. I have never known anyone with such a passion for adventure. He brought me to life, I felt alive, We did so many amazing things together. He was a virgin when I met him, and I was his first proper girlfriend. He had two gf before me but both he describes as not being proper girlfriends. We had a few arguments in December 2010, whilst in the arctic circle. The stress and everything got to us both. February 2011 just before valentines day he told me he wanted a month apart. So we split for a few days and I begged and begged him back, he wanted me back, but said lets go on holiday to see how we get on, so I took him back as I love him and we went on holiday, a driving one to germany. We then tried again and things were amazing, then he dumped me in May 2011, a week after my birthday. We were apart for about a week. We both played games on twitter etc making out we were having fun without each other. I ignored his texts and then he asked to meet me at my cars dealership as he found out I was going there for my car to be serviced. He promised that he would never dump me again and that he was so sorry and that his sorted himself out. He has pure OCD, unable to work but trying to, so thoughts more than compulsions. His on high dosages of depressives to help with that and sees a therapist now and then for it. Used to be often at the start of our relationship. Fast forward to November 29th 2011 a year to the day we left for our adventure to the Arctic and he asked me to marry him. I of course said yes! Since March this year I feel I have been a right moan, felt not happy at all, I dont know why, just cry and get stressed easily. I put it for awhile down to a coil I had fitted but Ive had that removed and still like it. So April 2012, we argue and David split with me over text. Makes himself single on fb. I know this time though that he will come back. 3 days later he was all over me saying how much he loved me and that he would never let me go again no matter how grumpy I can get. This then carry on as normal. I just want to add in this 2 years relationship we have had some massive arguments, david's previous gf got him in to self harm. Which he did several times whilst with me. And has suffered very badly with depression at times, not even being able to go out the house. Now the last chapter. David broke it off with me July 31st 2012. We had an argument that Saturday night, I said somethings which I regret and did tell him. But he took some of what I said wrong. I am heart broken. I feel lost. Since been told by my doctor that I am depressed. So I am signed off for 2 weeks from work. I feel like killing myself some days. When am I going to feel better? I miss his family, his dog, his mum, sister and her partner and baby, his grandparents. Even their area. I just miss him so much. The pain is unbearable. I spent every weekend at his house, and every day texting each other. He's reasons are that he loves me, but not enough. That the hatred has killed it. That I deserve more. All I want is him but he doesnt feel the same. He misses my company and would like to stay friends. So we have chatted on msn since, and via text. But I think its just not allowing me to get over him? He has said if he could take my pain away and him have it he would. That he still cares for me but not enough. I say will you ever change your mind? And he said no. Maybe in years to come if its meant to be we will be back together. But he would let me know. I feel like my life is over, I have no friends close by, and mum and sisters are trying their best but im just not feeling any better. My sister said she was after two weeks. Help!! Link to post Share on other sites
weallfalldown Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 did you forget about the bit where you'd dumped a 7 yr long relationship, broke someone else's heart, and just moved on straight away with someone else???????????/.....i know how your feeling.......but like they say "what goes around". 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 Also want to add, I have begged and begged, tried no contact to shock him but he didnt text anyway. I havent been able to eat or sleep properly for two weeks now. Its driving me mad. I was pestering him to 2am a week ago and then I turned up at his house the following morning at 7am. We chatted for 3 hours and he wouldnt back down, said if he took me back it would be a moment of weakness. He asked to hug me and I allowed him, he kept hugging me all the time, then asked to kiss me which I allowed him and then his hands were touching my chest and kissing me and stroking my back. He was saying I dont want this to make you have hope though Vicky. Well of course deep down it did. But that was a week ago and still no movement. I actually feel so horrible. I dont want to keep busy as everyone keeps telling me so I just think about him. I know of a few new forums his on so have been seeing what pictures and posts his putting up about his new car. I just cant let go '-( Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 did you forget about the bit where you'd dumped a 7 yr long relationship, broke someone else's heart, and just moved on straight away with someone else???????????/.....i know how your feeling.......but like they say "what goes around". I know, I agree, what goes around sure does come around. But I made it clear to him there was no chance of getting back. And were still friends now. He was just too old for me. I guess your right though, im getting my just desserts. Link to post Share on other sites
Car10e Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 did you forget about the bit where you'd dumped a 7 yr long relationship, broke someone else's heart, and just moved on straight away with someone else???????????/.....i know how your feeling.......but like they say "what goes around". I was thinking the same thing, but didn't want to say it...I can't imagine how much pain they must've felt. Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Also want to add, I have begged and begged, tried no contact to shock him but he didnt text anyway. I havent been able to eat or sleep properly for two weeks now. Its driving me mad. I was pestering him to 2am a week ago and then I turned up at his house the following morning at 7am. We chatted for 3 hours and he wouldnt back down, said if he took me back it would be a moment of weakness. He asked to hug me and I allowed him, he kept hugging me all the time, then asked to kiss me which I allowed him and then his hands were touching my chest and kissing me and stroking my back. He was saying I dont want this to make you have hope though Vicky. Well of course deep down it did. But that was a week ago and still no movement. I actually feel so horrible. I dont want to keep busy as everyone keeps telling me so I just think about him. I know of a few new forums his on so have been seeing what pictures and posts his putting up about his new car. I just cant let go '-( No. It's not you CAN'T. It's that you REFUSE to let go. There is a very fine difference between can't and don't want. There is a reason why everyone is encouraging NC. You should try it. It will do you good trust me. And as weallfalldown says, what goes around comes around. Grit your teeth and treat your next partner better Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 I know, his a strong man though, he was 38 and I was 24. We lived our whole relationship in secret from my parents the whole time. Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 I know, his a strong man though, he was 38 and I was 24. We lived our whole relationship in secret from my parents the whole time. Sweetie, Don't try to justify it. I mean yea, you had no feelings for him so you dumped him. That part is normal and it's the right move. BUT you dont ask someone if he wants to date you while you're still in a relationship. From what I gather, if he said no, you would have stuck with your bf of 7 years. Kind of like a safety net. I'm sorry to say but move on and learn from your mistakes. Besides, everyone going through a heartbreak literally breaks down no matter how strong. Be it 14 or 140 ^^. But I will give u the same piece of advice which is go NO CONTACT. You will heal. Trust us Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 Do you think there is a way of being friends still? Or should I text him now and say no contact. And never speak again or contact him when im over him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 Sweetie, Don't try to justify it. I mean yea, you had no feelings for him so you dumped him. That part is normal and it's the right move. BUT you dont ask someone if he wants to date you while you're still in a relationship. From what I gather, if he said no, you would have stuck with your bf of 7 years. Kind of like a safety net. I'm sorry to say but move on and learn from your mistakes. Besides, everyone going through a heartbreak literally breaks down no matter how strong. Be it 14 or 140 ^^. But I will give u the same piece of advice which is go NO CONTACT. You will heal. Trust us Thank you and I agree. I regret it a lot how I dealt with it. I agree, Im really a horrible person getting what I deserve, your right about safety net. Scared to be alone I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Do you think there is a way of being friends still? Or should I text him now and say no contact. And never speak again or contact him when im over him? Just stop communicating. No need to text him and say no contact. Just disappear from his life. Like how he did from yours. Until you're healed, don't talk to him. When you think of him and another girl and feel NOTHING, then you can contact him, but I doubt by then you would Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Thank you and I agree. I regret it a lot how I dealt with it. I agree, Im really a horrible person getting what I deserve, your right about safety net. Scared to be alone I guess. Don't bash yourself up over it. I've been through the same cycle as you. So I know what you're going through. Everybody makes mistakes, so move on and learn. The most important thing is learn. We will be stronger and we will be better and then we will get the love we deserve. Stay strong and hang in there girl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 Trouble is there is a good chance ill still see him at events we both liked and will still go to.... I cant get out of my head that there could still be hope, in say two weeks time maybe? As like before he could change his mind. Is that mean though? Not answering his text? Like to today he sent me a text to tell me a programme was on TV tonight, so I replied. So your saying dont reply? If he asks if im okay? Dont reply? I didnt know if I should do this or just send him another message saying cant be friends and need no contact. I just want to do it right. I am listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 I feel not only I have I lost David, but ive lost the whole what I thought wonderful life I had with him. To me he was out of my league, and he was everything I ever wanted. I feel lost. I really dont want to live any more. Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Trouble is there is a good chance ill still see him at events we both liked and will still go to.... I cant get out of my head that there could still be hope, in say two weeks time maybe? As like before he could change his mind. Is that mean though? Not answering his text? Like to today he sent me a text to tell me a programme was on TV tonight, so I replied. So your saying dont reply? If he asks if im okay? Dont reply? I didnt know if I should do this or just send him another message saying cant be friends and need no contact. I just want to do it right. I am listening. Well, he ended things with you right? Be honest and upfront with him. Tell him you need time to heal, time away from him. Right now you gotta focus on yourself. That's what I'm doing. You've been in a relationship for so long. It's tiring. And sometimes you tend to lose your identity. Now is the time to find yourself back before stepping into the dating game once more. Just tell him, you understand that he ended things with you. However, you need time to heal and constant communication will just get in the way of you healing. I hope he understands tho, some people tend to be preeeeetty sticky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 Yes he ended things with me, ill text him later, it just feels like im ending i the last contact then, thats so hard and hurts even more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 I also agree, I have 100% lost my identity. Link to post Share on other sites
Hornachero Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Hi Vicky! First of all, do not listen to the haters who blame you for breaking-up with your previous boyfriend. People have good reasons to do what they do and no one here has the right to judge. We're all here to share our experiences in a non-judgemental context and definitely not to take out our own personal frustrations on them. So please, don't feel like you need to answer those posts or justify yourself. You don't. Second, I would like to tell you that things DO get better. You may not see it immediately, but the mere fact that you are on the internet sharing your experience with us means that you are still alive and that you have enough strength in you to keep fighting, hoping, living. Being dumped is one of the worst things that could happen to someone but it also forces you to fight in ways that you would have never imagined. Fight to overcome your feelings, fight to become a better person, fight to find love again. You will make it because you are obviously a great person (your ex would have not stayed with you all these years otherwise) and because your have family who cares for you. Finally, I would like to promise you that one day in the future, when the time is right, you will see a random new guy who will make that broken heart of yours beat again. And you will be amazed by it too! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 Thank you for that lovely post, I hope so Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 I just sent him this text, it was hard, but I have to do it.. To stop us from texting each other etc. Hi David, I've decided I need time away from you. To focus on myself. To allow myself to heal. And the communication is just getting in the way of my healing. There is no need to reply to this. I wish you all the best for your future. Hope that was the best thing to say...? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 And his just read it and my heart feels like its been ripped in to two again ;-( Regretting it now but only way of moving on, he doesnt want me so whats the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 And his just read it and my heart feels like its been ripped in to two again ;-( Regretting it now but only way of moving on, he doesnt want me so whats the point. Don't say that. Don't say "He doesn't want me so whats the point". Tell yourself "He gave up on us, it's his loss. He will regret it one day but I'll have found true love." I'm sure you're lovely. Don't settle for anything less than what you're worth 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Share Posted August 14, 2012 Thanks, keep thinking though that ill never find anyone as lovely and different as him. ;-( So its my loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 Thanks, keep thinking though that ill never find anyone as lovely and different as him. ;-( So its my loss. Nah, it's not yours. He just got a headstart on you. Take your time to heal and move on. You will find many more people just like him and others who are much better Link to post Share on other sites
whatdoesntkillyou Posted August 14, 2012 Share Posted August 14, 2012 And his just read it and my heart feels like its been ripped in to two again ;-( Regretting it now but only way of moving on, he doesnt want me so whats the point. I find it helped me to visualise the fact that I am not ripping my heart in two to let go! Imagine you created something very beautiful (your love for your Ex), and you're merely putting it in a safe and locking it away. On days that you feel particularly pensive, take it out and admire the good times you've had, and know that you are capable of loving and will find someone who can love you the same way Chin up my friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts