Author Vikki_26 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 Arghhh I really want to talk to him but cant :-( Not for relationship but just miss my best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Arghhh I really want to talk to him but cant :-( Not for relationship but just miss my best friend. Well here it is, morning. I woke up last night from this dream of him and I were we were hanging out and having fun, it was a great dream. But I just remember shouting "No" and then I woke up. It's hard. I just want him back. How do you resist the urge to not contact him? Did you watch that movie Vikki? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 Argh I know ive had those dreams too! They do pass though. I just wish I could get a full nights sleep! I resisted the urge! Thank god! I dont know and I hope I can carry on resissting. I think its because if I spoke to him I know it will hurt me so much. And I dont want to go through that feeling of not being even able to breathe and going out of my mind! I also think if he wanted me its up to him. But I thnk really deep down I cant admit it but his no good for me and I dont want him. I just miss the routine and his company sometimes.. Yes I watched the film it was really good! Really makes me think yeah he wasnt in to me as much as I was with him! Dunno why he asked me to marry him! The idiot! Link to post Share on other sites
Brokendude Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Vikki u may not even realize but u started driving the vehicle to healing, u didnt even realize that ur already progressing and im proud of u, baby steps!!! Dont ever quit on urself, let urself grieve but i love the fight that i start to see in u. Well all get thru this! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 Ahr thank you We will get though this, and boy will I have a strong heart hopefully and a stronger person for it at the end of it all. Still up and down on that roller coaster but its getting a bit easier day by day Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Argh I know ive had those dreams too! They do pass though. I just wish I could get a full nights sleep! I resisted the urge! Thank god! I dont know and I hope I can carry on resissting. I think its because if I spoke to him I know it will hurt me so much. And I dont want to go through that feeling of not being even able to breathe and going out of my mind! I also think if he wanted me its up to him. But I thnk really deep down I cant admit it but his no good for me and I dont want him. I just miss the routine and his company sometimes.. Yes I watched the film it was really good! Really makes me think yeah he wasnt in to me as much as I was with him! Dunno why he asked me to marry him! The idiot! I'm glad you liked the movie. Now I recommend you watch "P.S. I love you" That is the best movie of a lifetime! I swear. That movie will have you crying then laughing, then crying and laughing at the same time. It is such a great movie. It's about loss and how we sometimes lose someone we love but that doesn't mean we have to lose ourselves too. Just make sure you have a box of tissues ready for that movie. I just finished watching it and my eyes are all swollen and red. It makes you think. Link to post Share on other sites
sam2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 I'm glad you liked the movie. Now I recommend you watch "P.S. I love you" That is the best movie of a lifetime! oh no no noooooo Link to post Share on other sites
Brokendude Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Ahr thank you We will get though this, and boy will I have a strong heart hopefully and a stronger person for it at the end of it all. Still up and down on that roller coaster but its getting a bit easier day by day We always feel the greatest of grief on the verge of our major breakthroughs" ~~ dont give up eer and always keep the hope burning inside of you, happiness, healing, and live r so much closer than u think!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 Oowh ill have to buy that, its not going to make me worse though is it? Like miss David? Heard of the film and do wanna watch it but still so fragile. Think I might watch Bridget Jones tomorrow, feeling a bit like her at the moment:p Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 Just want to say I am so thankful for finding this site. I think I googled something at one of my lowest moments and found this forum. You guys have really led me in the right direction and without you id still be a heap in the corner! Keep up the good work! Wish I could meet you all down at a local pub one day to chat and laugh about it all and buy you all a drink Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 Cant shake it off though, reaaaallly desperately want to contact him to start up just chatting to him again only on the msn though, I dont want texts as then I check my phone too much then. But I wish I could for see how that would turn out? And am I kidding myself, deep down do I want a relationship but dont realise it? As I dont want a relationship and know I could NEVER trust him again but I just wanna chat to him, see what his been up to and stuff. Be a friend. But I am scared ill talk to him and then feel sooo bad, opened wounds again. I know at some point I will be talking to him in the future, or maybe thats just how I feel now and wont. So confusing. I just miss having a friend. Someone to share stuff with. I feel so lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 No, no no I musnt contact him. God this is so hard! Isnt it! I really hope I find the ONE in my next partner as I hate going through this. But then again next time I dont think will be so hard as it wont be my first break up. And I dont think anyone I will put up on such a high pedestal as David. Found this and going to keep reading it... re the no contact bit. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/84894-guide-second-chances Link to post Share on other sites
sam2012 Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 No, no no I musnt contact him. God this is so hard! Isnt it! I really hope I find the ONE in my next partner as I hate going through this. But then again next time I dont think will be so hard as it wont be my first break up. And I dont think anyone I will put up on such a high pedestal as David. Found this and going to keep reading it... re the no contact bit. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/84894-guide-second-chances You can't contact him! Everyone here has told you not to. I'm fighting that urge myself right now. Just want to text her, just want to know how she is etc. Just want to go back to talking to her, to speak to that person who "gets me" better than anyone else. Keep reading posts on here. I have about 100 posts subscribed to on this site. Reading them makes so much sense. Just the doing part that is hard. What are you going to do for the rest of the night? Do you have any more movies to watch? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 You can't contact him! Everyone here has told you not to. I'm fighting that urge myself right now. Just want to text her, just want to know how she is etc. Just want to go back to talking to her, to speak to that person who "gets me" better than anyone else. Keep reading posts on here. I have about 100 posts subscribed to on this site. Reading them makes so much sense. Just the doing part that is hard. What are you going to do for the rest of the night? Do you have any more movies to watch? Thanks for your reply Sam, its nice to know its not just me being different in only wanting to know what his been up to, and not wanting a relationship. Meaning all the advice I have read on here is about no contact if you still love them but my mind was is tricking me in to thinking the pain is worth it just to have a friend again. To know what his been up to and stuff. As thats all I want. To know how he is and like you say share stuff as his the only one that gets me too! ITs 21:05 so wont be long before I go to bed for an early one to stop the urge. God its like trying to give up chocolate! And worse! This resisting no contact! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 I did slip up yesterday and spoke to a mutual ish of both of us friend on Facebook.. I just asked him if David was okay. He said from his updates he seems to be getting on with his life. Hearing that did choke me up a bit so no way am I ready to hear that from David. This mutual friend was saying how he thought David would realise one day what his lost with me, which was nice Link to post Share on other sites
Brokendude Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Vikki, Hes ur ex now, even just callin him that and not david is a massive step, this guy is not god and average at best for hurting u stop idealizing him and knock him off the stupid pedestal, i do not know him but he is not this super dude u put him outto be, hes a guy that HURT u and the guy the CHOSE not to be with u, i kno my words r harsh but until these things really sink in u will never move on, really tryin to help u but u need to start from within, we will be here for u no matter what but pls value urself, this guy is nothing special, start thinking that and ur healing wheels will start movig forward 2 Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I did slip up yesterday and spoke to a mutual ish of both of us friend on Facebook.. I just asked him if David was okay. He said from his updates he seems to be getting on with his life. Hearing that did choke me up a bit so no way am I ready to hear that from David. This mutual friend was saying how he thought David would realise one day what his lost with me, which was nice Haven't you learned anything from "He's Just Not That Into You?" (Now I think you need to read their book, "It's A Breakup Because It's Broken" First off, of course your friend said he was going to realize what he misses one day because your friend is your friend. They say reassuring things because they hurt to see you hurt. But this is the words of your friend, not David. David doesn't miss you, he dumped you. He re-evaluated your whole entire worth and said, "No, I'll take my chances else where." He hasn't contacted you. Your friend said he is getting on with his life and what is the only thing you cling onto from your talk with your friend? That he might come back? Uh, did you hear that part where they said he's getting on with his life? I sure did! That stuck to my mind more than anything else and that should be your CLOSURE to let him go now. It's time for YOU to get on with your life. I have news for you, sweetie. He isn't coming back. Not my ex nor yours. That's the fact of life. We don't live in a fairy tale movie. I hate to be blunt, because I know how bad the truth hurts. I'm dealing with it now. But would you rather live in this lie and fondle with hope for the rest of your life? You're having a hard time moving on because you can't accept the fact that he is gone. It's going to hurt. Feel it. You are going to think about him. That's okay, but now you should be accepting it, now you should be letting this guy go. He is moving on. Even other people are noticing it. And here you are, wearing all black in wallowing in self pity daydreaming about the day he is going to come back! How are you ever going to let this man go by holding on so tight to him? I know it hurts. I know how horrible it is to be home alone and thinking about all the great times you had together. I know how easy it is to cling to any sign of hope. I'm in the process of letting go too. It's long and dreadful, but I don't think you have even tried to let him go. How many days has it been? And how many days have you clung to the idea that he might come back versus he isn't coming back? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) Thanks, I wish I could get him off this pedestal that his been placed on for the last 6 years. To me he is like god, well how can I put it, imagine your most hottest crush or that person you have always fancied in a band. Well his that to me. His family are megga rich, we did such amazing stuff because of this. I miss that lifestyle of driving to Monte Carlo, driving to the Arctic Circle. That buzz of always something going on at this house. Being treated to holidays, nice food, meals out. Staying over at his grandparents mansion. Driving about in his Audi TT, or the next brand new car he had. I miss looking at his gorgeous sunkissed skin and his sexy body, god I fancied him soooo much. Running my hands through his gorgeous blonde hair. Kissing his gorgeous big lips. Hugging him in bed. I miss the amazing love life we had. I just miss him so much I could scream!! I wish I could get over this bit as its just going to drag on longer for me. I spoke to my friend again and he said that David has been to London twice this week. In a way that has made me think yeah his really getting on with it. Maybe I should try being a friend as that didnt hurt me much hearing that. I wish I had a fake facebook account so I could spy on him, that would satisfy my urge to know what his up to without having to talk to him. I have this desperate urge to know what his up to, even if it is in the end dating a new girl. I am nosey, I want to know what his doing. His life is just so much more interesting than mine. Edited August 26, 2012 by Vikki_26 Link to post Share on other sites
Brokendude Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Ur last post is disturbing and im convinced u will be in this state for a long time coz u simply dont want to help urself Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 You listen Vikki and you listen well, this needs to stop. Right now. You are not in love with this David guy. You are infatuated. You are all caught up in this fairy tale of money and good looks. Do you see him as perfect? Do you want to get your own needs met? Did you spend all your time with this other person when you were together? Did you quickly fall for him? Did all your other relationships and friendships deteriorate? Were you emotionally dependent? Do you experience jealousy frequently? Did your quarrels seriously damage the relationship? Did you put him on this pedestal because of what he had versus who he is? Did you answer yes to most of these? If so, you are infatuated. You fell in lust for "what he has" rather than "who he is" “Infatuation is when you think he’s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he’s as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford – but you’ll take him anyway.” ~Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975 Infatuation is a static process characterized by an unrealistic expectation of blissful passion without positive growth and development. Your gaze, your thoughts and your world revolves around this person. You have blinders on. It seems that all the world pales in comparison to this person's looks, talents, intelligence, creativity etc. This can hinder what is truly there, the true flaws that degrade self esteem and cause some pretty negative effects on one's choices and decisions. Why is he so special to you? Why do you want to be with someone who chose not to be with you? This Mr. Perfect isn't so perfect is he? He didn't want you! That isn't love. Love is mutual, love works things out when things get hard. Love doesn't walk away, people do. David walked away. Obsession (which you have) and infatuation are practically the same word. To be infatuated means to be momentarily out of your mind. Love is just the opposite. It's about feeling secure and grounded and knowing exactly how you feel. When he left you, after he got down on one knee and was so sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, did you feel secure? Did you feel grounded? I'm sure you felt anxious, worried and scared. Infatuation is fun. (you and david had fun together) But love is happy. Love is knowing that you are secure in the arm's of the person you love. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Vikki Vikki Vikki. I've said this to you many times and I'm gonna say it again. He is no good for you. He chose to leave and threw away everything you guys had. Now there are really two choices for you. Simple. 1) Get back on your feet ON YOUR OWN. Pick yourself up and get out there. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because it will only push away those around you. 2) Continue wallowing in self-pity and ruin any chances of you meeting your next Mr.Right. Keep on dreaming and stalking and hurt yourself in the process. Rinse and repeat for the next few years till you finally wake up. Now, think about this rationally. If you could get a guy like him, what makes you think you can't get someone better in the future? Sure money and good looks are important. But do you want a guy who just throws everything away just like that? You are HOOKED, and I dont mean that in a good way. WAKE UP. You don't love him. You're in love with what you imagine him to be. Your "prince charming". Please Vikki, we have all been through this road. Pick yourself up now and stop with the obsession. You will only hurt yourself more while he gets on with his life. And we don't want that 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sam2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I have this desperate urge to know what his up to, even if it is in the end dating a new girl. I am nosey, I want to know what his doing. His life is just so much more interesting than mine. Sometimes Vikki you take the words right out of my mouth. I am exactly like this. Like right now, I know she's on a date... I'd love to know how its going. Though the idea of her getting along with this guy like she used to with me, not the sex, the connection. That kills me. That he's going to get to know the personality that only I knew. Selfish I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 You listen Vikki and you listen well, this needs to stop. Right now. You are not in love with this David guy. You are infatuated. You are all caught up in this fairy tale of money and good looks. Do you see him as perfect? Do you want to get your own needs met? Did you spend all your time with this other person when you were together? Did you quickly fall for him? Did all your other relationships and friendships deteriorate? Were you emotionally dependent? Do you experience jealousy frequently? Did your quarrels seriously damage the relationship? Did you put him on this pedestal because of what he had versus who he is? Did you answer yes to most of these? If so, you are infatuated. You fell in lust for "what he has" rather than "who he is" “Infatuation is when you think he’s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he’s as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford – but you’ll take him anyway.” ~Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975 Infatuation is a static process characterized by an unrealistic expectation of blissful passion without positive growth and development. Your gaze, your thoughts and your world revolves around this person. You have blinders on. It seems that all the world pales in comparison to this person's looks, talents, intelligence, creativity etc. This can hinder what is truly there, the true flaws that degrade self esteem and cause some pretty negative effects on one's choices and decisions. Why is he so special to you? Why do you want to be with someone who chose not to be with you? This Mr. Perfect isn't so perfect is he? He didn't want you! That isn't love. Love is mutual, love works things out when things get hard. Love doesn't walk away, people do. David walked away. Obsession (which you have) and infatuation are practically the same word. To be infatuated means to be momentarily out of your mind. Love is just the opposite. It's about feeling secure and grounded and knowing exactly how you feel. When he left you, after he got down on one knee and was so sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, did you feel secure? Did you feel grounded? I'm sure you felt anxious, worried and scared. Infatuation is fun. (you and david had fun together) But love is happy. Love is knowing that you are secure in the arm's of the person you love. Oh my god your so right! Everything you have said. All those questions I said yes too and when he did ask my yeah I was anxious I don't feel secure. Yes I was jealous and yes I do think his all of that. Oh my god have I ever been in love with him? I just need to know how to get over this obsession then! It's been like it for 6 years now. He buys or does something I copy him! Argh it's a nightmare! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vikki_26 Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 Vikki Vikki Vikki. I've said this to you many times and I'm gonna say it again. He is no good for you. He chose to leave and threw away everything you guys had. Now there are really two choices for you. Simple. 1) Get back on your feet ON YOUR OWN. Pick yourself up and get out there. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because it will only push away those around you. 2) Continue wallowing in self-pity and ruin any chances of you meeting your next Mr.Right. Keep on dreaming and stalking and hurt yourself in the process. Rinse and repeat for the next few years till you finally wake up. Now, think about this rationally. If you could get a guy like him, what makes you think you can't get someone better in the future? Sure money and good looks are important. But do you want a guy who just throws everything away just like that? You are HOOKED, and I dont mean that in a good way. WAKE UP. You don't love him. You're in love with what you imagine him to be. Your "prince charming". Please Vikki, we have all been through this road. Pick yourself up now and stop with the obsession. You will only hurt yourself more while he gets on with his life. And we don't want that I completely agree. I'll tell you all something. I said to David at the time of breakup I wish I was his sister so I could still live in his lifestyle. And still be friends with him and his family. I miss what his got. If i could be him I so would. How do I get better guys? I am listening but do fear I could be stuck like this for years! :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Imagine your life before you met him. You had to be happy at some point before you met him. And if you could be happy before meeting him. Why not now? It's all in the mind m'dear. How you choose to face this problem, how determined you are to tackle it Link to post Share on other sites
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