I put my wife's name on the house

[Woggle]

Neither one of us have any kids so we won't have to worry about that aspect.

 

My feelings are genuine but I need to show that I am ready to stop using this gender war stuff as a crutch and this is a good first step.

[dreamingoftigers]

If she loves you, she will tell you NOT to put her on the title--unless there is an independent financial or estate planning or asset protection reason that makes sense. If she love you, she won't want you to "prove your love" this way. She will actually be offended, it sounds like you are trying to "buy" her love.

 

And we all know that women don't want their men doing that.

 

Right ladies of love shack?

 

I wouldn't be "offended" but I wouldn't think it "necessary."

 

It would also be a pretty big gesture of trust, so that'd be very nice.

 

Clearly, his wife doesn't "need" this as validation. By why should she refuse his reaching out to her? That'd be pretty invalidating.

[Woggle]

If we both plan to share this house for years to come it should be in both of our names. She has contributed to repairs and she contributed most of the cost to the pool so it's just as much hers. It's not like she is crashing here for a few months.

[threebyfate]

If we both plan to share this house for years to come it should be in both of our names. She has contributed to repairs and she contributed most of the cost to the pool so it's just as much hers. It's not like she is crashing here for a few months.

If she's contributed to the upkeep of the house and pool, it's a lovely gesture. Also, legally, if NJ has similar laws, it's already community property since ownership has been muddied.

[quankanne]

as dreamingoftiger's points out, it's about trust. And in a marriage, that's the whole foundation. I'm glad you see your marriage with this woman as something strong, something solid ~ it makes a huge difference in how you guys build your life together, had to go through that with my own marriage, which was husband's 3rd and he was leery of trusting me with his heart.

 

good for you Woggle. Good for you

 

as for Johan's (?) $120K house comment ... dude, I've seen houses like mine ~ modest ranch house in a semi-rural part of the state ~ listed in bigger cities for 3 and 4 TIMES the value. You never know where the gems are located if you look with prejudiced eyes ...

[Emme]

Neither one of us have any kids so we won't have to worry about that aspect.

 

My feelings are genuine but I need to show that I am ready to stop using this gender war stuff as a crutch and this is a good first step.

 

 

Wonderful no kids. Perfect.

 

Now this whole gender stuff. Um... I don't get it. I get what your saying in a sense but it still means nothing, in my eyes. If you want to show her that she is an equal, what you do is purchase a home together. Figure out financially what you can borrow out of the home. Ask her if she's interested in buying another property together. Then you are financially and equally tied. Is that an option for her? Does she have the funds?

 

I don't know your age which would also help. Depending on where you are in life would narrow down the decision making. I would love to tell you go for it but I can't do that and I am a woman. Always protect your assets because you never know what tomorrow brings.

 

I have a friend right now that owns properties with his mother. Half and half. He was with his wife for 12 years, she cheated, moved out with their child into her new mans house. I know she wants to get her hands on those properties but she hasn't made a move yet and it's been years. No divorce. Regardless she did not put one penny in those properties but she will get her cut. That's what happens when you don't protect your interest.

 

Picture yourself living in your car if this relationship doesn't work out. That is where you will be. As a matter a fact, if you want to make a good first step buy her a car. That's what you do. If you can afford it. Lets see if she lets you drive it.

 

 

 

If we both plan to share this house for years to come it should be in both of our names. She has contributed to repairs and she contributed most of the cost to the pool so it's just as much hers. It's not like she is crashing here for a few months.

 

No one lives for free. No one.

[Woggle]

This is 100% paid off and a block from the beach and within walking distance of so many things. There is no way in hell I am giving that up.

 

By gender stuff I mean the fact that I am proving to myself that I really am ready to be serious about trusting a woman. I always say that I want to get past this crap but I still relapse back into my old ways and this is a symbolic step I can take.

[johan]

Why couldn't you just do that thing where you stand with your back to her with your arms folded and eyes closed and fall backwards, trusting her to catch you? Seems like a decent way to build trust.

 

She isn't going to think it's much of a gesture if you put her name on a house in.. New Jersey.

[Emme]

This is 100% paid off and a block from the beach and within walking distance of so many things. There is no way in hell I am giving that up.

 

Oh hell to the No! ... Take her name off now!

 

By gender stuff I mean the fact that I am proving to myself that I really am ready to be serious about trusting a woman. I always say that I want to get past this crap but I still relapse back into my old ways and this is a symbolic step I can take.

 

Honey, you need to work on yourself not your relationship. That's what I see. Your relationship is just fine. When you want something symbolic you plant a tree. You don't hand over property. A lot of people underestimate therapy and mostly its just a place to give you another perspective about life. Try seeking some form of therapy to help you with your trust issues.

[SimonMas]

I think in order to show an act of trust towards her and to show to myself I really am serious about getting over my issues with women I will put the house in both of our names. The house is still on my name because I bought with my ex and the judge gave it to me during the divorce and it is still in my name. I admit I planned on keeping it that way so if she does turn on me I can easily get her out but I need to take this leap of faith.

 

I also want her to feel that is our house instead of a place I let my wife live.

Is this a good idea.

 

I would. My wife took care of me when I was in the hospital. She stood by me when I was down and out. She could have taken the easy way out but she was there. I have no hesitation to put her name down when I bought our new house.

[Art_Critic]

Oh hell to the No! ... Take her name off now!

 

 

A couple of posts back you were telling him to buy a home with her..

So getting into more debt is okay but putting her name on something that she already shares with him is a no go...

 

The marital home is totally shared on all levels, why shouldn't it be shared on ownership ?

[Woggle]

She stood by me when my ex shot at us so I think showing her this act of trust is the least I can do.

[whichwayisup]

If we both plan to share this house for years to come it should be in both of our names. She has contributed to repairs and she contributed most of the cost to the pool so it's just as much hers. It's not like she is crashing here for a few months.

 

Exactly. Healthy and rational thinking. Glad you put her name as owning the house with you.

 

This is 100% paid off and a block from the beach and within walking distance of so many things. There is no way in hell I am giving that up.

 

By gender stuff I mean the fact that I am proving to myself that I really am ready to be serious about trusting a woman. I always say that I want to get past this crap but I still relapse back into my old ways and this is a symbolic step I can take.

 

You are married to her and you should trust her more and more as time goes on. You're there now so that's a good thing.

 

How did she react? I assume she was very happy that you finally let go and took the plunge (different plunge) to put her name on the ownship of the house.

 

She stood by me when my ex shot at us so I think showing her this act of trust is the least I can do.

 

Yes. There's no reason not to trust your wife. She's had your back since day one, and even more so since you put that ring on her finger and said I DO.

 

She hasn't given you any reason to mistrust her. If anything, she's proved to you over and over and over again she loves you, has had your back and always will. You're a lucky guy Woggle.

[johan]

She stood by me when my ex shot at us so I think showing her this act of trust is the least I can do.

 

I agree. Except you're only seeing one facet on the gem. Trust is good. So is generosity and caring and partnership and sharing. You have a life with her you value, and you aren't giving her a lot of credit for what she did to build that.

 

She's your wife, Woggle. Not an alien nemesis in disguise. You should try to get to the point where you want to share this and everything else with her without caring what kind of drastic things could happen in the future.

 

This is as much about trusting yourself as it is about trusting her. Trust that you made a good choice in being with her, and that no matter what happens you'll look back with no regrets, and that no matter what happens you'll be ok. That's a decision you can make with your mind, and which your heart will follow. And it will liberate you.

 

Get into your marriage with her. You should be willing to make the kind of commitment you keep wanting her to make.

[SimonMas]

She stood by me when my ex shot at us so I think showing her this act of trust is the least I can do.

 

Wow! Are you serious?

[Emme]

A couple of posts back you were telling him to buy a home with her..

So getting into more debt is okay but putting her name on something that she already shares with him is a no go...

 

The marital home is totally shared on all levels, why shouldn't it be shared on ownership ?

 

 

He stated he put her name on the property already without her knowledge. Take her name off his property. Purchase a new property together.

 

I asked about his/her finances if it was possible. A man whose home is paid for in full is not financially challenged.

 

That property is not a result of a marriage. It was already in existence. If this marital home is to be shared on all levels, she needs to put up her money, her half in the pot. The safest thing to do is for him to invest in a new property or sell his property and the two of them purchase a new one together. Allow her to feel that she is living a new life with him. Not in the same old house him and his ex wife shared.

[Woggle]

Wow! Are you serious?

 

I am very serious. My first marriage was quite the trainwreck.

[Emme]

She stood by me when my ex shot at us so I think showing her this act of trust is the least I can do.

 

What did you do to have a bullet come your way?

[Woggle]

What did you do to have a bullet come your way?

 

She found out my wife and I got engaged and she flipped.

 

Also the thread title is misleading because I will discuss it with her first before I do anything.

[whichwayisup]

He stated he put her name on the property already without her knowledge. Take her name off his property. Purchase a new property together.

 

I asked about his/her finances if it was possible. A man whose home is paid for in full is not financially challenged.

 

That property is not a result of a marriage. It was already in existence. If this marital home is to be shared on all levels, she needs to put up her money, her half in the pot. The safest thing to do is for him to invest in a new property or sell his property and the two of them purchase a new one together. Allow her to feel that she is living a new life with him. Not in the same old house him and his ex wife shared.

 

She has no problems with the house. They've redone it and made it into THEIR home. She's put her own special touches and decorating into it to make it comfortable and stylish.

 

Why should they move when they both are happy with the location and the neighbourhood?

[Emme]

I had to laugh, that was funny. Sorry...

 

Why can't you guys buy a new home together. Rent out the home you have now for profit. Have you ever discussed buying a new home together. You should.

[Woggle]

She has no problems with the house. They've redone it and made it into THEIR home. She's put her own special touches and decorating into it to make it comfortable and stylish.

 

Why should they move when they both are happy with the location and the neighbourhood?

 

Very true plus we pay no mortgage and no rent. We pay utilities and property taxes which are high in NJ but still than paying rent and mortgage.

[dreamingoftigers]

Why couldn't you just do that thing where you stand with your back to her with your arms folded and eyes closed and fall backwards, trusting her to catch you? Seems like a decent way to build trust.

 

She isn't going to think it's much of a gesture if you put her name on a house in.. New Jersey.

 

Watch her be like "Why are you trying to trap me into property herein NJ? I thought you LOVED me."

[Emme]

Also the thread title is misleading because I will discuss it with her first before I do anything.

 

Oh you didn't put her name on it yet. See I was thinking you did by the tittle. I don't think this is a issue of showing your faith. I think this is still a issue about you and trust. You have to work on that.

 

If you are ok to walk away from that property if this marriage does not work, go for it.

[Art_Critic]

That property is not a result of a marriage. It was already in existence. If this marital home is to be shared on all levels, she needs to put up her money, her half in the pot. The safest thing to do is for him to invest in a new property or sell his property and the two of them purchase a new one together. Allow her to feel that she is living a new life with him. Not in the same old house him and his ex wife shared.

 

You make no sense whatsoever..

First you say to borrow against it.. well.. when you do that it and buy a new home the old home then becomes marital property.. duh...

Then you say to buy a new home.. again.. marital property... it's called co-mingling assets

 

Now you say to sell it and buy a new one.. all money becomes marital property from that sale and then the new house.. marital property...

 

I get you are saying to protect assets..even at the cost of being unfair since we are talking about the marital home and not some income property.. but the advice you are giving isn't protecting anything..

 

Wouldn't it just be easier to put her name on the house