I put my wife's name on the house

[whichwayisup]

Actually my mother did sexually abuse me as well. She would go in my room and play with my private parts while threatening to cut them off so she wouldn't have a son.

 

I got the house in my divorce and even though things are getting better it is clear some changes need to happen in the divorce court system. I hope most fair minded people can agree with this.

 

I'm so sorry Woggle.. Your mom is a monster! Disguisting..

[amaysngrace]

 

She isn't going to think it's much of a gesture if you put her name on a house in.. New Jersey.

 

You're kidding, right?

[Emme]

Why are you hell bent on trying to discourage him? HE LOVES his wife and she LOVES him. You make it sound like she's the devil and about to screw him over. This woman, his wife, is a perfect match for Woggle. She brings out the best in him and has been understanding, patient and always has had his back during rough times. Please stop insinuating that his wife is a visitor and about to take him for a ride. WTF Emme.

 

What your saying to me is I should not have an opinion. I stated my opinion. It would be inappropriate for me to ask you why are you encouraging him. There seems to be a miss understanding that if you disagree with someone's viewpoint their view isn't acceptable. That's not how life works. Everyone has a view. Disagree if you must but censorship is not a option for me. I have told you in other discussions not because you imprint your personal emotions onto someone views doesn't make it true, it is your personal issue to deal with. No one is painting her as a devil. I am exercising my right to let him know what could happen in the future. You might be displeased with the way I phrase my statement but there's a reason why I do it, impact. In life people come and come go. All of us are visitors in one another's life. Just as how his first wife was a visitor in his life. She's no more. That's reality.

[Emme]

Again, obviously you don't know or understand the hell he went through because of his mother.

 

So, let me put it into terms that you can compare and understand.

Let's pretend that your father raped you over and over again as child and then when you were teen too. As a young adult you got away from him and you were messed up because of him. The damage he did to you, for all those years.. So, tell me, would you want to look after your father?

 

(sorry to be graphic but I am trying to make a point so you can see how much this man HATES his mother, how fuc.ked up she is and why he needs to not have her in his life, she's a cancer and a bad person!) AND, I'm not saying or implying Woggle's mom sexual abused him, I just used your dad emme as an example as to why Woggle needs to stay away from his mom, for you to understand better.

 

 

It's sad if he endured that but let me tell you something. There are people who have suffered at the hands of their parents. There are some that choose to forgive. Some people refuse to let that anger and hate term them into the same person they despise. People do it every day. It would be hard as hell to do, but I would rather forgive. When I say hard I mean, HARD!

[Emme]

Are you purposely implying that a person is somehow necessarily responsible for another person shooting at them?

 

And you seem to be rooting "for" the OP's vicious and hateful mother, and against his wife.

 

What gives?

 

Regarding "you owe your parent for feeding you, blah blah blah," I call BS on that. There are situations where turning your back on your parent and walking the other way is the only thing to do, even if they gave you enough material stuff for 12 kids.

 

Anyway, I doubt that the heinous Wogglemom will be a homeless bag lady ever.

 

 

For every action there is a reaction. Its clear her reaction was extreme. What was the action that caused that impulse of a response. He gave me the answer. I said nothing about him being responsible. I asked him his actions.

 

Lets get something straight. I cheer for the poster. If someone else needs help let them post. I am cheering for him to keep his property protected. That is what gives.

 

If you as a person can walk pass a parent whose nurtured you as a child and would rather watch them wither away and die without helping. That's on you. I couldn't in good faith detach myself and not feel anything. I would want to care for them just as they did for me as a child. There are so many people in this world ready to forgive a stranger rather than a family member. It's sad.

[serial muse]

If you as a person can walk pass a parent whose nurtured you as a child and would rather watch them wither away and die without helping. That's on you. I couldn't in good faith detach myself and not feel anything. I would want to care for them just as they did for me as a child. There are so many people in this world ready to forgive a stranger rather than a family member. It's sad.

 

Woggle's wife has done far more nurturing of him than his mother did, though. I think that's really the issue here. You're arguing for being all-business when it comes to his wife, but sentimentality when it comes to his mother? That's really the wrong way 'round in this situation.

 

And he might someday forgive his mother...that's up to him. But that doesn't mean she "deserves" anything from him.

[Emme]

They have a clinical term for this, it's called Stockholm syndrome.

 

 

I use the word forgiveness.

[Emme]

Woggle's wife has done far more nurturing of him than his mother did, though. I think that's really the issue here. You're arguing for being all-business when it comes to his wife, but sentimentality when it comes to his mother? That's really the wrong way 'round in this situation.

 

And he might someday forgive his mother...that's up to him. But that doesn't mean she "deserves" anything from him.

 

The statement was made to not give his mother anything. I asked why. Then the information was given. My statement was why not leave a percentage to care for his mother if he passes before she does. The choice is not mine to make. The point I want to make clear is that no child was raised on zero cents per day. If you have a parent that cared enough to keep you alive, do the same in their old age. If she did not care for him he would be dead. That is my view.

[Woggle]

In some ways I do forgive her because she is a seriously miserable person and that is how she pays for what she did but I will not have a relationship with her until she shows true remorse and MTV will start playing actual videos in the daytime again before that happens.

 

She has the house that she got in the divorce which is paid off as well so she is fine.

[Woggle]

Also from the time I was 13 I would stay out for days and she couldn't care less. I finally just left for good at 16 and she couldn't even be bothered to come to high school or college graduation because men don't deserve to get an education. Do you still think I owe her anything?

[Emme]

So Woggle when are you going to have the talk with your wife about putting her name on the title?

[Emme]

Also from the time I was 13 I would stay out for days and she couldn't care less. I finally just left for good at 16 and she couldn't even be bothered to come to high school or college graduation because men don't deserve to get an education. Do you still think I owe her anything?

 

What I want you to understand from my point of view is that if you show your mother kindness you're not doing it for her. You're doing it for yourself. There are people that still don't get the more you allow someone to poison you the worse you become. Anger changes you into someone your not. Kill them with kindness. You did not leave her womb walking upright, you had to crawl first that's all I want you to understand. If you know she's secure and has no need for it in the future, fine. Don't leave her a percentage.

[dreamingoftigers]

She's clearly insane, Elisabeth Fritzl should be sending her father money and tuck him in once in a while. After all, he did feed her in that rape dungeon.

 

Same story for the incestuously conceived children they had, maybe they could take turns cooking him some nice chicken soup.

 

Not the one that died though.

 

Man, I don't agree with you often, but seriously, I hear ya and you are right.

 

To expect one to support one's crazily abusive parent just because they did everything short of murdering you is just .... Nuts.

 

And in a weird way says, "hey, psycho parent, you don't have to take responsibility for aaaannnyy of those choices you made. Being a parent is a "get out of jail free" card. You "did your best." I OWE you for that choice you made, that I had NO say about for bringing me into the world just to SH*T all over me because I failed some pathetic ideal or unreasonable expectation you

had.

 

Ironically enough, plenty of people in Western society expect children to out their parents on a pedestal. Ironically if they were in an intimate relationship with a person that behaves like their parents, the vast majority of the society would say "run for the hills!"

[dreamingoftigers]

What I want you to understand from my point of view is that if you show your mother kindness you're not doing it for her. You're doing it for yourself. There are people that still don't get the more you allow someone to poison you the worse you become. Anger changes you into someone your not. Kill them with kindness. You did not leave her womb walking upright, you had to crawl first that's all I want you to understand. If you know she's secure and has no need for it in the future, fine. Don't leave her a percentage.

 

It doesn't mean that you have to be angry to let them go to their own devices either.

 

Plenty of times engaging an abusive parent in ANY WAY including HELPING THEM only leads to more triggers for abuse, more opportunity for them to be hateful and resentful.

[whichwayisup]

What your saying to me is I should not have an opinion. I stated my opinion. It would be inappropriate for me to ask you why are you encouraging him. There seems to be a miss understanding that if you disagree with someone's viewpoint their view isn't acceptable. That's not how life works. Everyone has a view. Disagree if you must but censorship is not a option for me. I have told you in other discussions not because you imprint your personal emotions onto someone views doesn't make it true, it is your personal issue to deal with. No one is painting her as a devil. I am exercising my right to let him know what could happen in the future. You might be displeased with the way I phrase my statement but there's a reason why I do it, impact. In life people come and come go. All of us are visitors in one another's life. Just as how his first wife was a visitor in his life. She's no more. That's reality.

 

No, you're not listening to how Woggle feels and what he is all about and why he chose to put his wifes name on the house ownership. He has come a long way to trust ANYBODY, let alone his wife. Just go back and read some of his history. Some of us are protective of Woggle so when you throw out stuff like you did, I was just going to bat for him, having his back. And his wife, whom he loves deeply and dearly, isn't just a visitor like you've implied. That's unfair to say and even more unfair to compare his exW to his current wife. His ex was NUTS.

[whichwayisup]

What I want you to understand from my point of view is that if you show your mother kindness you're not doing it for her. You're doing it for yourself. There are people that still don't get the more you allow someone to poison you the worse you become. Anger changes you into someone your not. Kill them with kindness. You did not leave her womb walking upright, you had to crawl first that's all I want you to understand. If you know she's secure and has no need for it in the future, fine. Don't leave her a percentage.

 

Why on earth would he want to continue to try with his mother when she keeps slammin the door in his face. Did you read that Woggle himself said that she sexually abused him as a child? He has tried numerous times to mend fences with her but she won't have anything to do with it and treats him badly. There has to be a time and place to give up and let go of trying to have a mom/son relationship. It didn't work before and it's not going to work ever.

[Art_Critic]

Any parent worth their salt wouldn't expect to be in their own child's will.

 

We don't parent for money, we parent to raise our children to be self sufficient. that isn't to say that we shouldn't leave our estate to our children but rather to say that it shouldn't be expected by the children to live off their parents for his or her own retirement.

[carhill]

I think in order to show an act of trust towards her and to show to myself I really am serious about getting over my issues with women I will put the house in both of our names.

 

I think your sentiment is healthy for this time and place in your life; that said, run the land trust option past your lawyer and get his/her opinion on the current circumstances and risks/benefits. Then move forward and get your wife's input. More information and options are better. Good luck.

[Emme]

Greznog, There are people who also forgive people who have killed their loved ones. It's extremely hard and I can't imagine doing it but they do. You hold on too tight to that anger it will rip you to shreds. You won't even realize. You forgive and let go.

 

Whichwayisup, I am not asking him to have a relationship with his mother. I've already cleared up leaving her a percentage of his property. He said she's fine financially. All I talked about was forgiveness.

 

As far as you protecting him, that's what I'm doing as well. I might not seem like it to you because you know his history, but I am. Visitor isn't ok with you so I'll put the most caring loving visitor he's ever had in front of it. She has unpacked her bags and is here to stay. The question still remains how long will she stay. He stated he won't let her get the house. So that lets me know he's a fighter. At least I know he's not wiling to just hand it over.

[Emme]

Nobody here is advocating holding a lifelong grudge where you wake up and go to sleep fantasizing about killing someone, there's a difference between saying you shouldn't allow your childhood experiences to dominate your life and saying someone should forgive and forget while the offender is still a **** to them whenever they see eachother.

 

One is healthy while the other is masochistic.

 

 

Kill them with kindness. That's all I'm going to say, pray for them. If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you don't.

[UpwardForward]

What I want you to understand from my point of view is that if you show your mother kindness you're not doing it for her. You're doing it for yourself. There are people that still don't get the more you allow someone to poison you the worse you become. Anger changes you into someone your not. Kill them with kindness. You did not leave her womb walking upright, you had to crawl first that's all I want you to understand. If you know she's secure and has no need for it in the future, fine. Don't leave her a percentage.

 

I know where you're coming from Emme.

 

But the fact remains, we are not walking in others' shoes. We cannot Tell them when to forgive.

 

IMO, forgiveness comes from God - and in Time, as we get stronger and see the other person's vulnerabilities, etc.

[Woggle]

I don't go around wishing harm on her but she has made it impossible for me to have a civil relationship with her.

 

A bit OT but I do appreciate the support I get on here and I apologize for that little relapse a week ago. That is not who I want to be.

[Emme]

I know where you're coming from Emme.

 

But the fact remains, we are not walking in others' shoes. We cannot Tell them when to forgive.

 

IMO, forgiveness comes from God - and in Time, as we get stronger and see the other person's vulnerabilities, etc.

 

 

All my posts are suggestions from my point of view in life. I can't tell him to do anything but what I can do is suggest.

 

 

I don't go around wishing harm on her but she has made it impossible for me to have a civil relationship with her.

 

Sorry to hear that. As long as you remain true to yourself don't let her poison rub off on you.

 

Now lets focus on the wife. How is this going to happen, will this be a regular conversation or over dinner?

[frozensprouts]

not being from the area, i really don't know...why are so many down on new jersey?

[Woggle]

not being from the area, i really don't know...why are so many down on new jersey?

 

Because they believe what they see on shows like Jersey Shore and Real Housewives. They don't know the real Jersey.