quankanne Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 How is this going to happen, will this be a regular conversation or over dinner? :love: it's almost as if we're waiting for him to pop the question! Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 Because they believe what they see on shows like Jersey Shore and Real Housewives. They don't know the real Jersey. NY-ers have warned others to not go to NJ way before those shows existed. Some east-european and african nations have considered dumping garbage there ... we were told it was ok by NY-ers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 19, 2012 Author Share Posted August 19, 2012 Point Pleasant is nice but I actually prefer it down here. I don't like living anywhere that is too quiet. We can blast our music loud and nobody calls the cops. If they ever pass that law where everything has to close at midnight it is going to kill them financially. Moving to the Shore and complaining about tourists is like moving to Times Square and complaining about the lights. Oh yeah to the person who is bashing NJ it seems that half my neighbors are from New York, Philly or some other place so obviously there is something here that they like. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 Point Pleasant ... isn't that where the Jersey Mike's sandwich chain originates from? We've got them here in ETX, best damn sandwich shop I've found in AGES. So yeah, Jersey definitely does their fresh food right, the other chains suck big ones. Can I put my name on their deed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 19, 2012 Author Share Posted August 19, 2012 That is where the original Jersey Mike's is from and they make great sandwiches. Jersey has such great food. There is great Italian and Chinese almost anywhere you go and Kohr's Ice Cream is just the best. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 You're a special kind of stupid...ain't ya? Hey Woggle - was just down in Point Pleasant on Friday. Yes, I am. The kidding around with Woggle kind of stupid. It seems like New Jersey may not be such a bad place, if only the people there had a sense of humor. I remember the site guidelines saying something about respectful interactions, or else that a**holes are prohibited from registering. I can't remember which. Either way, you are in violation. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 How is this going to happen, will this be a regular conversation or over dinner? :love: it's almost as if we're waiting for him to pop the question! If I could I'd get some popcorn and watch this go down, I would. I'm just being nosey. As a matter a fact I would consider driving out to Jersey just to see it go down. I would love to see her facial expression and her answer. Oh honey this is better than an engagement this is kinda the ultimate, it's not a organ but it's close. That's love. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 I came to this thread kind of late so Ill stick to the original question from the OP: I think it's a bad idea. But my situation is different. XW let me have my home. In my case the mortgage is paid off. I own it. I agreed to will it to our Son in case of my death. That was our agreement. She also knew I would burn the damn thing down had she tried to take it from me. Moving on, I got remarried. Current wife knows about my agreement. She doesnt like it but that's the way it is. I am also keeping separate accounts. Current wife never even had a checking account in her life and she is notrious for missmanaging her own money and being financially immature. I love her but my finances are just that, mine. Nothing wrong with keeping things separate. Not going to play that game again in case it doesnt work out. As others have said, nothing wrong with protecting yourself. Im not putting my entire future at risk just to show somebody that I love them. Im too old to take that kind of a chance. And so far she has really not brang anything into the marriage. She doesnt even drive her old truck, she drives mine "cuz it has AC". She has zero assets and still has not found a job so I feel no guilt for putting my assets that I worked all my life for on the chopping block. That would be stupid for me to to that. I did however put her on my insurance so that in case of my death she would have enough funds to buy a home outright and be off 1000 times better than she ever was in her life. That is more than enough IMHO. Just food for thought. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 You might try learning how to pick a compatible partner before you go around telling people who did what they should do in their relationships. Your relationship woes sound intentional; it sounds like you plan it all to end poorly. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 You might try learning how to pick a compatible partner before you go around telling people who did what they should do in their relationships. Your relationship woes sound intentional; it sounds like you plan it all to end poorly. Well thanks for the advice SallyComeLately. Fact is, most people who are divorced are guarded for good reason. And 2nd marriages have a high rate of failure. That's just the way it is. I make no appology for protecting what I worked all my life for. As far as picking comparable partners, that was a bit of a low blow. People do not come with a built in menu that you can read when you meet them. Any time you date you take a chance. When you fall in love you take a chance. When you marry you take a chance. Hell even in my first marriage it took over 20 years to find out my first wife was emotionally cripled. She hid it that well. All I can offer is what I learned from my first marriage and what Im learning about my current one. And honesly I did see a few warning signs before I married her but again, sometimes you have to take a chance. Sometimes the good outweight the bad. Now If you find that perfect middle aged women out there who has no baggage or issues, let me know. But preach on if you must. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Moving on, I got remarried. Current wife knows about my agreement. She doesnt like it but that's the way it is. I am also keeping separate accounts. Current wife never even had a checking account in her life and she is notrious for missmanaging her own money and being financially immature. I love her but my finances are just that, mine. Nothing wrong with keeping things separate. Not going to play that game again in case it doesnt work out. As others have said, nothing wrong with protecting yourself. That's real talk. I don't know why people think because they wed that means you lose your independence. If a couple needs a joint account for bill purposes, fine. I think that's perfect. What I don't understand is not protecting yourself as though it's a great idea to put all your eggs in one basket. Every married individual should have a separate account. Separate... with your money only. If you do not have one, get one as soon as possible. If you want to be nice you can even have the mailing address be your home. If you don't want your business to be known send it to your parents house (Given they are trust worthy.) That account is your nest egg if anything goes wrong and you can even put it in your mothers name. Also I find that men who can afford it, should have an apartment. Rent it out if you don't need it. Put it in your parents name. If things don't work out... you already have a home. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 That's real talk. I don't know why people think because they wed that means you lose your independence. If a couple needs a joint account for bill purposes, fine. I think that's perfect. What I don't understand is not protecting yourself as though it's a great idea to put all your eggs in one basket. Every married individual should have a separate account. Separate... with your money only. If you do not have one, get one as soon as possible. If you want to be nice you can even have the mailing address be your home. If you don't want your business to be known send it to your parents house (Given they are trust worthy.) That account is your nest egg if anything goes wrong and you can even put it in your mothers name. Also I find that men who can afford it, should have an apartment. Rent it out if you don't need it. Put it in your parents name. If things don't work out... you already have a home. Having separate accounts and having SECRET accounts are 2 different animals... IMO.. if you have secret accounts you should not be married.. what a jerk that person must be to have to keep something as trivial as an account secret from their spouse..the person keeping the secret account is doing what amounts to fraud.. My wife has her own account and I have the joint account.. it's tough enough keeping track of one account let alone 2... The idea that a separate account isn't a marital asset is also ludicrous... It is a marital asset if the money in the account was made during the marriage or is derived from a marital asset. Something to also think about.. if my spouse was keeping secret accounts from me filled with marital assets and I found out about it I can guarantee you that I wouldn't be married to that person for very long.. All accounts are tied to SS numbers and taxes and if they pay interest and sooner or later the account will show up somewhere.. say a credit check while buying that new home... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I do wish people wouldn't post using multiple usernames pretending to be different people. It really is pathetic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Having separate accounts and having SECRET accounts are 2 different animals... IMO.. if you have secret accounts you should not be married.. what a jerk that person must be to have to keep something as trivial as an account secret from their spouse..the person keeping the secret account is doing what amounts to fraud.. I hear yah. But some people do it and you can't blame them for it. Everyone does what they do for a reason. It's considered the First Aid Kit. When things go wrong you're ready. My wife has her own account and I have the joint account.. it's tough enough keeping track of one account let alone 2... The idea that a separate account isn't a marital asset is also ludicrous... It is a marital asset if the money in the account was made during the marriage or is derived from a marital asset. Keeping track of accounts is not that hard. I understand the whole martial asset. It still doesn't mean someone can't choose to put away some of their money for Mr. Rainy Day. Anyone can get a savings account even a passbook that's under a parents name. You can be secondary on the account or not at all. Doesn't mean that it can be touched. Something to also think about.. if my spouse was keeping secret accounts from me filled with marital assets and I found out about it I can guarantee you that I wouldn't be married to that person for very long.. All accounts are tied to SS numbers and taxes and if they pay interest and sooner or later the account will show up somewhere.. say a credit check while buying that new home... Once again you can have/hold accounts and properties under someone else's name. In the end people do it to protect what they own. Everyone has choices and in the end it's up to the individual to choose. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Once again you can have/hold accounts and properties under someone else's name. Like that is good for a marriage... I would suppose they have some other issues they really should get some help with.... hiding property from your spouse is fraud and would also show that the person who is committing the fraud cannot be trusted. If you know about marital assets then you also know that the discovery process in a divorce is a court process that requires a person to divulge all assets, even hidden ones, not doing so opens that person up to loose a whole lot more than the money they may have stuffed away Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Unless I missed it -Woggle, did you tell your wife that you put or are going to put her name on the house ownership? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 23, 2012 Author Share Posted August 23, 2012 I am ashamed to say it and I know logically I should but I really am scared to pull that trigger and most men I have talked to about it have advised against it and I am not talking about men who obviously hate women. I think I eventually will but actually putting that level of trust in a woman is a hard step and one I need to get up the guts to do. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 At least you are considering it. You know you can have a lawyer draw something up that protects you. I know of a couple here in NJ that had something in writing that stated she had to be married at least ten years... I would speak to a lawyer before you do anything really. It may help to put your mind at ease. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 23, 2012 Author Share Posted August 23, 2012 At least you are considering it. You know you can have a lawyer draw something up that protects you. I know of a couple here in NJ that had something in writing that stated she had to be married at least ten years... I would speak to a lawyer before you do anything really. It may help to put your mind at ease. I will and I think our prenup will protect me. There is a cheating clause on it that pretty much says that the cheating spouse leaves with nothing and it applies to both of us. Any standard I hold her to I will hold myself to. It's just a matter of me getting over my own crap. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I am ashamed to say it and I know logically I should but I really am scared to pull that trigger and most men I have talked to about it have advised against it and I am not talking about men who obviously hate women. I think I eventually will but actually putting that level of trust in a woman is a hard step and one I need to get up the guts to do. But you married your wife. Said your vows again to her to celebrate your anniversary. You are letting men on here jade you! From their experiences..Which are different than yours. you're letting men on here (and maybe some women?) change your mind and they don't even know your wife or what you two are like as a couple. I feel sad for you Woggle. Your wife has jumped through hoops for you since she said "I DO" and it's still not good enough. You still can't trust her. Sadly, I do believe if your marriage fails, it won't be because of her or anything she's done..It'll all be on you. You'll bail on her out of your own past hurts, fears and worries. That's MY fear for you, that you'll divorce your wife first out of fear of the 'unknown' future and you'll regret it big time. Stop listening to those who are poo-pooing your great idea and faith in your wife to put her name on the house. You should have just done it and posted afterwards "I'm so proud of myself, I took a leap and my amazing wife's name on the ownership of our house. Did you even mention it to her? Does she know you have this much mistrust and faith in her and your marriage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 24, 2012 Author Share Posted August 24, 2012 I said it was my issues and I am not blaming anybody else. I take full responsibility for this. I ran this by some men I know offline and a few of them thought I was out of my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I said it was my issues and I am not blaming anybody else. I take full responsibility for this. I ran this by some men I know offline and a few of them thought I was out of my mind. Okay..Do this at your own pace but at the end of the day you are the one laying next to your wife in bed. You know her best ..Not anybody on here, not your men friends..You. What has to change before you reconsider this happening? What can you do to help this along in a positive and pro active way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 24, 2012 Author Share Posted August 24, 2012 I don't know what has to change but it is really hard to take that leap. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I am ashamed to say it and I know logically I should but I really am scared to pull that trigger and most men I have talked to about it have advised against it and I am not talking about men who obviously hate women. I think I eventually will but actually putting that level of trust in a woman is a hard step and one I need to get up the guts to do. Have you put her in your Will - or Living Trust? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted August 24, 2012 Author Share Posted August 24, 2012 I don't have a will yet but if I do write one I will put her in it. Link to post Share on other sites
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