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Future Mother In Law Concerned about my Religion

venusianx13

By venusianx13,
in Spirituality & Religious Beliefs

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venusianx13

venusianx13

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My boyfriend will be traveling to visit his parents over Labor Day Weekend. I had received an invite from them to go as well, but couldn't make it due to my son starting back to school next Tuesday. My boyfriend has stepped up talks about the future, and told me that he had told his parents that I am everything he's ever wanted in a partner. I'm in happy anticipation of good things to come! ;)

 

I wondered if it would be strange if I sent a thank-you note in regards to the invite, as well as a very basic, beginner-friendly book on Buddhism for his mother to have a look at? Perhaps, I will be able to gift one. (My books are very precious to me, so I won't part with it easily, unless I get feedback that this is a good idea.) The book I would give her would contain aspects of the Sutra, which pertains to EVERYONE, not just Buddhists.

 

So, what do you think of this idea? Is it too much? Would it send the wrong message? (I'm not trying to convert anyone...I just want to put my boyfriend's mother at ease in regards to Buddhist beliefs and practices.)

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mercy

mercy

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My boyfriend will be traveling to visit his parents over Labor Day Weekend. I had received an invite from them to go as well, but couldn't make it due to my son starting back to school next Tuesday. My boyfriend has stepped up talks about the future, and told me that he had told his parents that I am everything he's ever wanted in a partner. I'm in happy anticipation of good things to come! ;)

 

I wondered if it would be strange if I sent a thank-you note in regards to the invite, as well as a very basic, beginner-friendly book on Buddhism for his mother to have a look at? Perhaps, I will be able to gift one. (My books are very precious to me, so I won't part with it easily, unless I get feedback that this is a good idea.) The book I would give her would contain aspects of the Sutra, which pertains to EVERYONE, not just Buddhists.

 

So, what do you think of this idea? Is it too much? Would it send the wrong message? (I'm not trying to convert anyone...I just want to put my boyfriend's mother at ease in regards to Buddhist beliefs and practices.)

 

No, don't do it. Though the card is a lovely idea. Allow her to come to you. Express yourself naturally when you meet her. Allow her to feel and experience you. Let her get comfortable in your presence.

 

And I know you didn't ask but I'd be going - school starting or not. The little guy needs to meet his future gramma. And as a gramma I'm telling you I'd love you for it! :D

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taiko

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I agree don't pass along a book on another faith. The mom may see it as the same as a Mormon or Jehovahs Witness coming to her door or an evangelic handing out a Chick tract. If she reads it it will be with deflector shields on full power.

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TheFinalWord

TheFinalWord

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My boyfriend will be traveling to visit his parents over Labor Day Weekend. I had received an invite from them to go as well, but couldn't make it due to my son starting back to school next Tuesday. My boyfriend has stepped up talks about the future, and told me that he had told his parents that I am everything he's ever wanted in a partner. I'm in happy anticipation of good things to come! ;)

 

I wondered if it would be strange if I sent a thank-you note in regards to the invite, as well as a very basic, beginner-friendly book on Buddhism for his mother to have a look at? Perhaps, I will be able to gift one. (My books are very precious to me, so I won't part with it easily, unless I get feedback that this is a good idea.) The book I would give her would contain aspects of the Sutra, which pertains to EVERYONE, not just Buddhists.

 

So, what do you think of this idea? Is it too much? Would it send the wrong message? (I'm not trying to convert anyone...I just want to put my boyfriend's mother at ease in regards to Buddhist beliefs and practices.)

 

I agree with the others. I would not recommend it. Chances are she will never accept your faith; not trying to be mean, but I think you should give consideration if that will be okay with you. To me, religious beliefs are the most personal part of a person (if religion matters to a person; lots of people go a good portion of their lives never thinking about it, but for those that are "into it" it's a core element of their being). You will have to be at peace that she will probably never accept that part of you (sounds like the bf is okay with it).

 

It's a tough pill to swallow, but it is probably going to be necessary for the long-term health of your relationship. Then again, maybe you will get pleasantly surprised. However, with things like this, I assume the extreme to offset disappointment. I think the best thing you can do is be kind to her and get to accept you as a person :) Others may disagree with me here...

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venusianx13

venusianx13

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Thanks, everyone, for the feedback/advice!

 

I won't send her a book, just the thank-you note. Mercy, I plan on visiting them for Thanksgiving. It was a shame that my son's school start coincided with this trip, but soon... and I think I will be more comfortable around FMIL once my boyfriend has truly smoothed things over about Buddhism. He did say to me about a week ago, "Oh, she'll probably bring it up again." A little alarm went off in me, but he said not to worry, that he'd make sure it didn't go any further. Due to my past experiences with being cornered by a Jewish mother who wasn't happy about my religion, I'm a little guarded about this. Boyfriend says he'll handle things, and I trust him. He's never let me down. :)

 

The only reason I thought of the book was because MY mother, who is a Catholic, actually bought a Buddhist book. It held valuable solutions to life's problems and she thought it to be very helpful. I was glad to see that she was able to put Buddhist teachings to good use (clearly, without converting!). That's what the teachings are there for; to help anyone who seeks help. ;)

 

And no, I don't suppose FMIL will ever truly understand or even attempt to speak with me about my religion. And that's okay. I see where she is coming from, and why her views are so limited. I cannot blame her; it would be irrational to do so. I do hope that she will come to see what I am to her son, and the reasons why. We truly are best friends and the loves of each other's lives.

 

Thanks for everyone's support through this. It's all very appreciated!

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mercy

mercy

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The little alarm is past pain. The hurt you felt by being judged for who you are. No one likes to feel that. Try really hard to see that this is a different situation, though it may feel the same. Different man. From the sounds of him WAY different. He will guard your heart. He has your back, side and front. :)

 

I have a good feeling about this, I really do. Can't say why, I just do.

You've got a good, kind heart. She's gonna love you, lass!! :love:

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