i'm so confused!

[didi]

i'm so confused, i don't know what is wrong with me, is this normal????

 

when things go good for me and by beau of almost three years, then i love him to death and want to marry him.

 

but..........at the slightest hint of something going wrong, like when we argue about something stupid or he gets cranky, things that i know are normal, or at least i think they are, then, i want to leave him.

 

i think to myself that i would be happier without him around to fight with, etc. mind you, we don't fight that often of that much...........but when we do, i want to run away...........far far away...............is that normal?

 

help..........what can i do to quell this horrible urge when things go wrong? i love him so much when we are getting along so greatly, but it just don't take nothing, and i mean nothing to throw me for a spin or a loop or a whatever, to want to leave.............thank you.....didi

[Tony T]

It sounds like your tolerance level has become lower. As we get older, there is less we put up with. But at the same time, if you are with a fallible human being, you have to understand that there will be problems and disagreements.

 

It doesn't sound like you have a lot of arguments. But when you do, you are ready to leave. Could be your mother and father or some other couple in your youth argued often and you took a stand at an early age that you would not participate in such behavior.

 

Occasional disputes between parties are a growing and learning process and actually spice up a relationship...make it better...fine tune it. However, most people don't really know construction conflict resolution techniques so they do as their parents did and duke it out. Not good.

 

The only thing that's going to help you is an attitude adjustment. Change the way you see things, loosen up, don't take the arguments too seriously.

 

If you desire to leave the relationship everytime there is a disagreement, you will never make a good partner in any committed relationship. An important part of a committment is that we will remain allied with our companion and lover through difficult times, including disagreements, and as long as we are respected and aren't abused, we will not abandon ship.

 

The only person who can solve this is you. The next time you have an argument with you guy, take some deep breaths, shut your eyes, think of a beautiful beach or mountain scene, and let your mind take you there. Just sit for a while. Instead of leaving the relationship, let your mind take you on a ten minute vacation anywhere in the world you can imagine. Just be sure to be loyal and true and return to your guy. Resolve this before you get married.

 

Happy travelling.

[Deejette]

Fighting is not the end of the world. It doesn't mean that things are totally rotten. It means that things need to be worked out, negotiated, discussed. But it has to be Fair Fighting, where you both go into it with the desire to solve the problem and grow closer because of it.

It sounds like your tolerance level has become lower. As we get older, there is less we put up with. But at the same time, if you are with a fallible human being, you have to understand that there will be problems and disagreements. It doesn't sound like you have a lot of arguments. But when you do, you are ready to leave. Could be your mother and father or some other couple in your youth argued often and you took a stand at an early age that you would not participate in such behavior. Occasional disputes between parties are a growing and learning process and actually spice up a relationship...make it better...fine tune it. However, most people don't really know construction conflict resolution techniques so they do as their parents did and duke it out. Not good. The only thing that's going to help you is an attitude adjustment. Change the way you see things, loosen up, don't take the arguments too seriously. If you desire to leave the relationship everytime there is a disagreement, you will never make a good partner in any committed relationship. An important part of a committment is that we will remain allied with our companion and lover through difficult times, including disagreements, and as long as we are respected and aren't abused, we will not abandon ship. The only person who can solve this is you. The next time you have an argument with you guy, take some deep breaths, shut your eyes, think of a beautiful beach or mountain scene, and let your mind take you there. Just sit for a while. Instead of leaving the relationship, let your mind take you on a ten minute vacation anywhere in the world you can imagine. Just be sure to be loyal and true and return to your guy. Resolve this before you get married. Happy travelling.