This place feels like a graveyard!

[Zammo25]

What a load of patronising Horsesh*t Breck.

[Breck]

What a load of patronising Horsesh*t Breck.

 

Which stage of recovering are you on? My advice will make sense in time. I'm a breath of fresh air. Sometimes people should take a break. Revisit their posts. Ask themselves, would I take the person writing these posts back? Think about the characteristics of what you find attractive in a person.

 

You have a split second to reconcile/recover a breakup. If you are here, you missed that opportunity. Now you are relying on your ex becoming lonely. If they are social and attractive, you're screwed.

 

The only chance you have is at a new relationship (starting over from scratch) down the road. The question you need to ask yourself is what characteristics are you displaying to reattract your ex? Almost all the questions here are giving your ex all the power. Take the power back. You need to have the upper hand. My advice gives you the upper hand. That advice is clear 'the power lies with person that needs the relationship the least.'

[Breck]

If you have 5 minutes, I suggest that EVERYONE reads this post.

 

If you are a guy. This is who you need to become. It won't happen overnight. It takes time and it will lead to a much more fulfilling relationship.

 

If you are a woman. Besides me, this is what you deserve. Follow this advice. He is out there!

[Thisisbs]

Which stage of recovering are you on? My advice will make sense in time. I'm a breath of fresh air. Sometimes people should take a break. Revisit their posts. Ask themselves, would I take the person writing these posts back? Think about the characteristics of what you find attractive in a person.

 

You have a split second to reconcile/recover a breakup. If you are here, you missed that opportunity. Now you are relying on your ex becoming lonely. If they are social and attractive, you're screwed.

 

The only chance you have is at a new relationship (starting over from scratch) down the road. The question you need to ask yourself is what characteristics are you displaying to reattract your ex? Almost all the questions here are giving your ex all the power. Take the power back. You need to have the upper hand. My advice gives you the upper hand. That advice is clear 'the power lies with person that needs the relationship the least.'

 

I'm sure everyone will look back at themselves a month or two down the road of taking recovery seriously and see how emotionally unstable they were.

 

We started coming to this forum because we were hurt looking for answers, all of us hurt for different reasons and seeking different answers. You have the answer to your own question now, but you can't really completely apply that answer to the question others are asking, because it is different. The key to the red door doesn't open the blue door.

 

You also imply that some people don't want to get over it. You can't just pick yourself up like that, if it was that easy love wouldn't be so special.

[Tree_Salmon]

I'm a dumper and I'm here. It doesn't matter.

 

This post only applies to one person. Every case is different.

[Mcnulty]

"The only chance you have is at a new relationship"

 

Haha, what a load of myopic horse sh-t you're living in a cuckoo clock mate!

 

To get to the end of the battle and feel victorious, you have to GO THROUGH THE BATTLE!!

 

Push the hurt and the feelings to the back of your self conscious and one day I assure you, it will rear it's ugly head and bite you on your arse!!

 

You really think the thing to do, is go into another relationship and get on getting on??? What about the poor person you're dating and sub consciously using in the hope you're "moving on with your life"????

[Breck]

"The only chance you have is at a new relationship"

 

Haha, what a load of myopic horse sh-t you're living in a cuckoo clock mate!

 

To get to the end of the battle and feel victorious, you have to GO THROUGH THE BATTLE!!

 

Push the hurt and the feelings to the back of your self conscious and one day I assure you, it will rear it's ugly head and bite you on your arse!!

 

You really think the thing to do, is go into another relationship and get on getting on??? What about the poor person you're dating and sub consciously using in the hope you're "moving on with your life"????

 

I was talking about starting a new relationship with your ex, William!

[Mike_d]

ok, I get the Breck-man and where he is going here, don't disagree. But it's a wholesale shift in thinking for many of us here at this moment in time. His message seeks to drag you guys in the right direction. That said, you don't need to go all the way to Breck-land to see benefit, but we can all agree that movement away from where we are to a more positive, let go of the outcome, be ok with yourself, don't need other people to make you happy-ville is a much much much better and healthier place. Be open to the message, as troll-like as it sounds - cause what you are doing right now for yourself is so awesome right?

[Breck]

I appreciate the love Mike_d!

[WeirdExs]

Couldn't agree more with Breck and Mike_d on his posts, his message is simple. Stop sitting around here talking about how long you haven't contacted them and how tough it is to be without them. Get out there and enjoy yourself. Go out and meet new people, meet new women and let your ex work to get you back (that is if you want them back).

 

The only chance you have is at a new relationship (starting over from scratch) down the road. The question you need to ask yourself is what characteristics are you displaying to reattract your ex? Almost all the questions here are giving your ex all the power. Take the power back. You need to have the upper hand. My advice gives you the upper hand. That advice is clear 'the power lies with person that needs the relationship the least.'

[Dblock10]

i agree with mike d and breck tbh. when you have fully moved on you will think why did i waste so much time on "said ex"

 

but the problem is when your hooked on your ex, it does seem impossible to move on.

[Breck]

Keepin it real in the LS!

[KatZee]

Wow Breck. How many people did you have to bribe to post here that they agree with you?

 

And PS don't send me anymore love notes to my inbox. Kthx.

[Mike_d]

no bribe was necessary, seemed some objected strongly. I can see why some of his swagger offends some, take what you want, leave the rest

[Breck]

I like carrots.

[hinatticus]

It's obvious what breck is saying is true. We all know it. The way he says it tho is sh*t.

 

It's like telling a fat person to stop eating so much McDonald's and ice cream cake and jump on a treadmill. We all know how to lose weight but there is a kind way to tell someone. Obviously telling them to stop eating so much and exercise isn't going to motivate them.

 

Breck, how about you take what you know and tell all these loveshackers what to do in a way you'd tell your own mother.

 

On a side note, everyone's situation is different. Like mine, I'm not going to jump into a new relationship when the one thing I want is a single stable family. I'm tired of all these broken homes kids grow up in. Step parents and step siblings....Wtf is that!

[Bazamu]

Hinatticus. I'm right there with you, but my child pretty much will be born with a step dad already. Read my thread. There is a reason why I don't let mine go for now.

[Breck]

It's obvious what breck is saying is true. We all know it. The way he says it tho is sh*t.

 

It's like telling a fat person to stop eating so much McDonald's and ice cream cake and jump on a treadmill. We all know how to lose weight but there is a kind way to tell someone. Obviously telling them to stop eating so much and exercise isn't going to motivate them.

 

Breck, how about you take what you know and tell all these loveshackers what to do in a way you'd tell your own mother.

 

On a side note, everyone's situation is different. Like mine, I'm not going to jump into a new relationship when the one thing I want is a single stable family. I'm tired of all these broken homes kids grow up in. Step parents and step siblings....Wtf is that!

 

Your analogy doesn't work because food doesn't have an opinion about you. Regardless of whether you want to reconcile or not, you need to be bold, regain your self worth, and be direct. You need to become the leader. The one in power/control. If I handle you with kitten gloves you'll still be moping around posting 'should I text her because maybe she doesn't really understand how much I miss her.'

 

The way I'm talking to you is the way you need to approach your ex. She'll be wondering who this new guy is? Confident, bold, assertive. Not the weak guy she dumped.

 

Do you want me to treat people as though they're weak and reaffirm their insecurities or pick people up nd light a fire in them. I'll say it again. I was once like you. I knew I was over my ex once I knew I regained control.

[chrisusarmy2005]

You sound very insensitive,noone really likes being dumped, yes single life has some perks but it sucks, I've been single for 4 mos and it sucks. People come here for advice and we help each other,saying that its great being single dosn't really help anyone. We're here to support each other and help each other through a tough time and to level out.

[Tree_Salmon]

You sound very insensitive,noone really likes being dumped, yes single life has some perks but it sucks, I've been single for 4 mos and it sucks. People come here for advice and we help each other,saying that its great being single dosn't really help anyone. We're here to support each other and help each other through a tough time and to level out.

 

Being single can be great if you're happy with yourself. You have to get to that point.

 

Breck is right about this s**t though.

 

The window to reconcile is initially very small then it closes for a while. But it eventually opens the second you grow some balls and move on.

 

I forgot how much I loved being single.

Back to women fighting for me and me not giving a crap

 

Confidence is everything and it's not going to happen if you're constantly holding on to something.

 

We all have our moments of weakness but that's what this place is for.

[Breck]

You sound very insensitive,noone really likes being dumped, yes single life has some perks but it sucks, I've been single for 4 mos and it sucks. People come here for advice and we help each other,saying that its great being single dosn't really help anyone. We're here to support each other and help each other through a tough time and to level out.

 

I love being dumped. It makes me more powerful and motivated than ever. I've always been able to rebound with a more attractive woman because I cared less after a breakup. People react differently to failure. Failure causes me to work harder. Think of the athletes who were motivated through failure. If you can embrace failure, you can become more powerful than you imagined. Join the dark side Luke.

 

Chrisusarmy2005. We are dating for a couple months. Then you dump me. I am happy about it.

[hinatticus]

Your analogy doesn't work because food doesn't have an opinion about you. Regardless of whether you want to reconcile or not, you need to be bold, regain your self worth, and be direct. You need to become the leader. The one in power/control. If I handle you with kitten gloves you'll still be moping around posting 'should I text her because maybe she doesn't really understand how much I miss her.'

 

The way I'm talking to you is the way you need to approach your ex. She'll be wondering who this new guy is? Confident, bold, assertive. Not the weak guy she dumped.

 

Do you want me to treat people as though they're weak and reaffirm their insecurities or pick people up nd light a fire in them. I'll say it again. I was once like you. I knew I was over my ex once I knew I regained control.

 

The fat person has the feelings.

 

I'm not sitting here wondering if I should text her I miss her. I text her when I want about what I want. No matter how confident I am doesn't change the fact I hurt her. I was probably too much the "authentic" man. I was the authentic man with anger issues. Sometimes you need to have empathy. Not in all cases as I've said. Sometimes a break up happens because one person decided to leave for another person. In which case ya, be bold and confident. In my case I have to show her total empathy. I have to show her I understand what I put her through. Show with actions. Actions that show empathy. If I just move on how does that show I empathy? This is coming from my counselor and my ex btw.

 

The world is not black and white.

[Mike_d]

for all of you who are offended - reread Breck with an open mind, and ignore for now the swagger, we'll get to that later when you are more capable.

 

1 - let go of the outcome. when you don't care about what is going to happen you act in a place of being without fear. when you have a stake in the outcome, or try to drive an outcome, you are invested. when you are invested you fear a negative outcome. let-go-of-the-outcome. the less you reach for something the more likely it is to come to you. think about the things, people, events, etc that you didn't give 2 sh*ts about. how easy did those things come to you? girls/guys you dated that you really didn't care about, how your behavior was so different around them vs someone you really dug. Who stuck around? And who did you drive away?

 

2- stop caring what people think about you. there is some congruence with #1 on this. who care what your ex thinks of you. what is most important, #1, top of the list, the penultimate - is what you think of you. this is where that hole in us gets filled from, and not from the outside as we are so accustomed to being filled from. that outside filling is wrong wrong wrong, uber co-dependent, and needy, weak, unsexy, and very very undesirable. this must be fixed, but it can't be until we stop caring about what people think and learn to love ourselves without being propped up by others. when you don't care you act in a place of no fear.

 

seeing the pattern here?

 

swagger's are 3,4 and prob #5 but lets save those till #'s 1 and 2 are handled shall we?

 

Confidence is everything and it's not going to happen if you're constantly holding on to something.

see #1 and #2 ^

 

Chrisusarmy2005. We are dating for a couple months. Then you dump me. I am happy about it.

after an initial lol you're prob thinking "WTF does this mean?? who is happy about being dumped?? this is stupid, what an a-hole Breck is"

 

ok, ya, but Breck doesn't care what you think of him. look to the points above - Breck started this relationship with chrisarmy2005 (no homo) without caring what the outcome was. That is different than not being there, or not trying. Consider that, really important point there. Breck has enough left in the emotional tank to be able to rely on his own self love so that there suddenly isn't this gaping emotional hole in him, he fills from the inside, no co-dep ess here. Since he isn't spinning, doesn't care about the outcome, prob feels sad, or not, but is still full of self, he is now able to continue to be confident and attractive guy vs weepy beat down guy who pleads and begs (ughhh, so nasty gross to see/watch/be), can go out and continue to live life, and as he says he can prob upgrade with his next squeeze.

 

Tough to get your head around there spanky? stay with it, you'll get it.

Edited August 15, 2012 by Mike_d

[hinatticus]

I couldn't edit my last post...

 

My ex didn't dump a weak guy. I was too strong. I wouldn't bend. We'd argue because I thought I was right, which I probably was in most cases, but the point is I should've seen things from her point if view.

 

You've really gotta lay off the judgements dude.

[Zammo25]

I see this thread has become a Breck " love in ". Good for Breck but he does come across as very self satisfied and smug. Not so much trying to help rather than shoving your face in it and telling you how weak you are. The guy seems very very pleased and in love with himself imo. So he doesn't really need another relationship as he is already in love.

 

With himself.