This place feels like a graveyard!

[g450]

I have to agree with Breck.

 

His posting will make sense a year or two from your D-day after all the dust has settled and you get used to living on your own again.

 

Coming from somebody who is almost three years out and now remarried, I have to agree with Breck. Most of you wont see the silver lining until you get out from under that dark cloud. Then you will say "damn, they were right, where is my grocery list?".

 

Its not to belittle others pain. It is to help them see what will happen and to give them hope. Sometimes good things come from bad things. That's life.

[g450]

You sound very insensitive,noone really likes being dumped, yes single life has some perks but it sucks, I've been single for 4 mos and it sucks. People come here for advice and we help each other,saying that its great being single dosn't really help anyone. We're here to support each other and help each other through a tough time and to level out.

 

Chris, you have not been single long enough. Yeah it does suck at first. Been there done that.

 

It took me a little over a year to get over the hump. The eventual incentives are there to help you to the other side. Like sex with another woman, making new friends, making your own decisions that are yours alone, redecorating YOUR house etc. Too many to list here.

 

What Breck was offering was just a different kind of support. Your not ready for that yet and it is obvious. Come back and read this thread again in a year and you will see it in a different light.

 

What you are experiencing now is grief and fear. And fear will criple you if you let it. Mostly fear of the unknown. It almost broke me. But I made it out of that black hole and am stronger for it.

 

And this thread isnt a Breck love fest as others have stated. It is a celebration of survivors. And that is what you need to do. Survive. And once you do that you move up to thriving. It's your life. What do you want to do with it? Live it up or spend years here in misery pining for breadcrumbs that mean nothing? That's all we are trying to say.

[Mike_d]

saying that its great being single dosn't really help anyone

 

it is great being single, certainly much better than being in the wrong relationship. you are single. as am I. being so allows us many opportunities that were not available to us before, and we have our lives back.

 

wallowing together in "support" as you suggest is a co-dependent fest of yuk, we need to sack up and move on, strap on our big boy pants and begin to live life again.

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

Chris, you have not been single long enough. Yeah it does suck at first. Been there done that.

 

It took me a little over a year to get over the hump. The eventual incentives are there to help you to the other side. Like sex with another woman, making new friends, making your own decisions that are yours alone, redecorating YOUR house etc. Too many to list here.

 

What Breck was offering was just a different kind of support. Your not ready for that yet and it is obvious. Come back and read this thread again in a year and you will see it in a different light.

 

What you are experiencing now is grief and fear. And fear will criple you if you let it. Mostly fear of the unknown. It almost broke me. But I made it out of that black hole and am stronger for it.

 

And this thread isnt a Breck love fest as others have stated. It is a celebration of survivors. And that is what you need to do. Survive. And once you do that you move up to thriving. It's your life. What do you want to do with it? Live it up or spend years here in misery pining for breadcrumbs that mean nothing? That's all we are trying to say.

 

This can imagine reading all of this the first week of my breakup and I can imagine myself thinking, "they just don't get it, she/he was the one! My situation is unique and no one can understand what WE had" and then therefore not even continue to read the posts on this thread and look for more relevant "pinning for the ex" threads.

 

I think this is okay though. I think it's necessary to go through the real deep, I-don't-know-if-I-can-make-it-another-day grieving. Because, although it is a slow, and painful (I mean like.. burning alive but not dying painful) it gradually gets easier. It is SLOW. I recommend taking it 15 minutes at a time at first. Then hour by hour, then a couple hours, then day by day. It's hard to imagine that it gets better, but it does.. I'm not completely healed by any means but I'm extremely better than I was 2 1/2 months ago.

 

I don't envy anyone in their first 2 weeks post break up but if you can make it past that first month... you'll start to realize that in little ways you're starting to feel okay again.

 

It's like growing your hair out. It takes an eternity but then, one day, you realize it finally got to where you wanted it.

[Breck]

My first major breakup I remember not being able to eat solid food. I would wake up every morning at 3am and I couldn't focus at all. Lost a bunch of weight. Spent all my energy trying to get my ex back. Read a bunch of get your ex back books. Probably invested $200 in books. Months past and I would call her hoping for a different result. Each time rejected, feeling like she just broke up with me again. It's miserable.

 

Now I am a veteran at breakups. I can handle them. I don't ask questions. I just embrace it and move forward. My swagger helps me through it.

[chrisusarmy2005]

Breck the difference is we were together for 4 yrs, you can't just throw 4 yrs away, if you have read my original post. We have been broken up for about 4-5 mos but still it sucks, yes im getting back out there and feeling better. It's a slow process and im surviving. When we broke up i stopped playing music and just got back into it a month ago going out having a good time meeting some great girls and just being the way it should, yes it still hurts but im slowly moving on.

Edited August 16, 2012 by chrisusarmy2005

[Breck]

Breck the difference is we were together for 4 yrs, you can't just throw 4 yrs away, if you have read my original post. We have been broken up for about 4-5 mos but still it sucks, yes im getting back out there and feeling better. It's a slow process and im surviving. When we broke up i stopped playing music and just got back into it a month ago going out having a good time meeting some great girls and just being the way it should, yes it still hurts but im slowly moving on.

 

I get what you're saying. 4 years is a long time. My rule is an hour grieving for every month together, so 48 hours of grieving seems fair. Take 2 days after the breakup to make that shopping list. Then again, why even wait 2 days. You'll regret losing those 2 days in the future and you may have missed a bargain! Don't forget your discount club card and a blank check.

[Extract]

I've been a long time lurker around this board and I can honestly say I agree with Breck. If you read his message with an open mind, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Take this example, when you are drunk nearly passed out, patting on the back will not wake you up (which is what most of these advice's are about).. but Breck's advice is to smack the **** out of you to wake you up fully and gain conscious again. Think about it people..

[g450]

Breck the difference is we were together for 4 yrs, you can't just throw 4 yrs away, if you have read my original post. We have been broken up for about 4-5 mos but still it sucks, yes im getting back out there and feeling better. It's a slow process and im surviving. When we broke up i stopped playing music and just got back into it a month ago going out having a good time meeting some great girls and just being the way it should, yes it still hurts but im slowly moving on.

 

Yes 4 years is a long time. And we understand how you feel. But look at it this way, I lost the love of my life and mother of my child of 23 years. How do you think I felt? Yes you will feel pain for a while. And in my case I will probably feel it for the rest of my life. But I will not stop enjoying life because of what happened. That's all we are trying to say.

 

Once you get past it you will feel just like us. You just dont see it yet. I say again, give it a year.

[Breck]

Here is the epitome of why my advice is needed.

 

Here is a summary of Libra85's situation (link is here).

 

Libra85 was dumped. He wanted to write how much he loved his ex in the sand. He wanted to send her a photo of the beach. He wanted to interview his friends and have them tell her on camera how much Libra85 loves his ex. Everyone kindly advised against it. So Libra85 scaled it back and met up with his ex for dinner. This is what she said over dinner:

 

the reason she broke up with me was that i should date more woman and sleep with more girls..Really?She broke up with me because she wants me to date other women..wtf i thought to myself and i said to her "I don't need to prove my love to you by dating other women then returning with you" "If i want to be with a person i want to be with them. I felt humiliating after this especially when she told me that i should remember to wear a condom..I felt like she was trying to mess with my brain because this is not what you typically tell someone after you break up with me.

 

Imagine how different this conversation would have gone had Libra85 slept with all her friends and met a new woman from his shopping list??

 

This isn't a Breck lovefest. This is men needing to act like men. 2000 years ago the men that had 17 wives were ruthless. They weren't kind or nice. They didn't give a ****. They had wives beheaded. They were cold blooded killers. They were always shopping for new women. They never shed a tear because of a broken heart. And women were desperate to attract these men. They would do anything for these men. Are you a ruler or a jester? Stop being a joke and rule your damn kingdom. I don't care how long you and your ex dated? You are king and you need to remain in power! Your ex left you? Cut her out of your life. And I better not hear another damn maybe, but, if, or what about!! You are king! And women want to be ruled in the bedroom. So take out your mighty scepter and rule your damn kingdom! Stop bothering us with your pitiful questions and lengthy stories.

[2muchlove]

This is men needing to act like men. 2000 years ago the men that had 17 wives were ruthless. They weren't kind or nice. They didn't give a ****. They had wives beheaded. They were cold blooded killers. They were always shopping for new women. They never shed a tear because of a broken heart. And women were desperate to attract these men. They would do anything for these men. Are you a ruler or a jester? Stop being a joke and rule your damn kingdom. I don't care how long you and your ex dated? You are king and you need to remain in power! Your ex left you? Cut her out of your life. And I better not hear another damn maybe, but, if, or what about!! You are king! And women want to be ruled in the bedroom. So take out your mighty scepter and rule your damn kingdom! Stop bothering us with your pitiful questions and lengthy stories.

 

I wish I could like this more than just once.

[Breck]

..and what's up with your usernames!?! We have a handful of confused's, a brokendude, a neveragain, a hopelesslylost, an ilovehim, and a lost! Believing in yourself and your self image starts with your username.

 

Username suggestions: NotCalling, MovingOn, Shopping4FineLadies, Excanthandlemyhugedonger1, Excanthandlemyhugedonger2.

[Breck]

There is a thread titled "will she regret her decision? signs?" I can't save you all!!!

[Brokendude]

Breck my man the brokendude persona is long gone, that was made up the same minute i broke up with that girl. Ive bounced back nicely i actually wanna change it to fixed more than ever dude. Dude i agree w u, i mourn but i spent most my time living it coz i believe in myself, just dont feel like changing my username, but dude we need more people like us on here, ive gotten myself in a better place but no one seems to want to follow great advice

[Breck]

Breck my man the brokendude persona is long gone, that was made up the same minute i broke up with that girl. Ive bounced back nicely i actually wanna change it to fixed more than ever dude. Dude i agree w u, i mourn but i spent most my time living it coz i believe in myself, just dont feel like changing my username, but dude we need more people like us on here, ive gotten myself in a better place but no one seems to want to follow great advice

 

Thanks for the reply! Today is an amazing day!! I log onto Facebook and I notice my photo count is 14 photos less. My ex deleted all 14 photos of us on Facebook over the weekend. Not sure why it took her 6 months to do that, but definitely a cause for celebration!!

[thinman]

There's a red exclamation next to the topic title for a reason. Caution upon entering. There are a lot of kids that enter the military with emotional issues. Do you think they sit down and listen to everyone's problems in boot camp? No. They kick your butt into shape and train you to become an adult.

 

It helps to have a place where you realize you are not alone and other people are experiencing the same heartbreak. But I can't sit there and watch Johnny Heartbroken asking about a text he might have missed because his phone lost reception and how he's wondering if he should beg for his ex back or wait another 24 hours of NC. Get your swag on, celebrate her absence, and sleep with her friends. Live it up! If she has a retarded sister, piss on her face and then buy her an ice cream to keep her quiet.

 

That quote made my ****in' day. What an AWESOME thread. I don't post too much; I'm more of a lurker, mostly because some of these threads are so pathetic and misguided that no amount of advice could help said thread starter...to see somebody try to wake everybody up out of their self-induced comas is refreshing. This man definitely is dropping some knowledge on ya'll.

[Dblock10]

i truly think this is actually the best thread post started on this forum

 

life is too short and realistically sitting around thinking about something that is over is really unhealthy. i think everyone needs a reality check now and then

[Pogona]

So true Mike_d. People don't like my swagger and my insensitivity, but I have to see the Ex that dumped me long ago every week. I can't avoid her. I have to see her this Friday. And every time I see her she tries to make me jealous. It's my swagger that made it easier. Now I look forward to seeing her and being the obnoxious Breck we all love or hate. I celebrate our breakup. I make light of it with her. I wear t-shirts with her name on them.

 

A lot of what you're saying is the truth Breck. The only thing that really stands out to me as bull**** is the part where you imply that an "authentic man" isn't allowed to be sad when he gets dumped. Just FYI, you're not exactly an innovator for holding that attitude. They used to call it "boys don't cry" and it was bull**** then just as much as it is now.

 

If you're really into a girl, and she dumps you, it's okay to feel ****ty about it. You were happy because you had someone, and now you don't have them anymore. To miss that person is natural. It's how you deal with it that's important.

 

I personally learned my lesson once, begging for a girl to come back to me. It didn't work of course, and I was crushed. Then I finally found my way through it and learned to love myself again. Right around that time, she calls and wants me back. I told her no, that was never going to happen. I wasn't a dick about it, I didn't reach deep to find my "swag" (what are you, 12?), I just told her no. It was powerful because I meant it. I was legitimately over it so I didn't need to make her feel like **** about it.

 

I learned never to beg again. That has helped me in my most recent break-up, but I still came here looking for advice for a somewhat different reason. Doing that has helped me quite a bit. I'm not looking to get back with this most recent girl. I'm not completely closed to it but if she ever calls I'll have to really think about that then. What I'm looking for is a way to be totally, truly, and completely over it. And the people here have helped with that.

 

Everyone reading your posts knows that your "swag" is just a defense mechanism. You've even admitted that yourself. I don't need your "swag", I'm better than that. Nothing about your artificial defense mechanism makes you "real man." You're not actually strong, you're just in denial and faking it. I'm looking for real strength, and I pretty much have it. I have it because I'm honest with myself, I allow myself to be sad when it's appropriate, but I look for the best way to move on. No swag necessary.

[Breck]

A lot of what you're saying is the truth Breck. The only thing that really stands out to me as bull**** is the part where you imply that an "authentic man" isn't allowed to be sad when he gets dumped. Just FYI, you're not exactly an innovator for holding that attitude. They used to call it "boys don't cry" and it was bull**** then just as much as it is now.

 

If you're really into a girl, and she dumps you, it's okay to feel ****ty about it. You were happy because you had someone, and now you don't have them anymore. To miss that person is natural. It's how you deal with it that's important.

 

I personally learned my lesson once, begging for a girl to come back to me. It didn't work of course, and I was crushed. Then I finally found my way through it and learned to love myself again. Right around that time, she calls and wants me back. I told her no, that was never going to happen. I wasn't a dick about it, I didn't reach deep to find my "swag" (what are you, 12?), I just told her no. It was powerful because I meant it. I was legitimately over it so I didn't need to make her feel like **** about it.

 

I learned never to beg again. That has helped me in my most recent break-up, but I still came here looking for advice for a somewhat different reason. Doing that has helped me quite a bit. I'm not looking to get back with this most recent girl. I'm not completely closed to it but if she ever calls I'll have to really think about that then. What I'm looking for is a way to be totally, truly, and completely over it. And the people here have helped with that.

 

Everyone reading your posts knows that your "swag" is just a defense mechanism. You've even admitted that yourself. I don't need your "swag", I'm better than that. Nothing about your artificial defense mechanism makes you "real man." You're not actually strong, you're just in denial and faking it. I'm looking for real strength, and I pretty much have it. I have it because I'm honest with myself, I allow myself to be sad when it's appropriate, but I look for the best way to move on. No swag necessary.

 

5 paragraphs!? God almighty I don't have time to read that. Even when the whole thing is about me. Just like any breakup, I'm just going to like your post and agree with you. It helps build your confidence and prevents you from acting like a psycho. A nice Breck severance package if you will.

[Pogona]

5 paragraphs!? God almighty I don't have time to read that. Even when the whole thing is about me. Just like any breakup, I'm just going to like your post and agree with you. It helps build your confidence and prevents you from acting like a psycho. A nice Breck severance package if you will.

 

In that case, you're not even trying to have a real discussion here. So what are you doing? Trolling us? You seem to have time to keep replying to your detractors. If you really are so certain that you're right, why reply at all?

 

I'm not going to call you a "sad little man" like some of these other people, even though you have been acting pretty childishly. You found a way to be happy, and I'm happy for you. But pretending that your advice is entirely "one size fits all" is not only foolish, it's insulting.

[Breck]

Pagona. Talk to me in a year or two. You want optimistic advice right now as you just implemented nc. I just want an excuse to party.

[Tree_Salmon]

Pagona. Talk to me in a year or two. You want optimistic advice right now as you just implemented nc. I just want an excuse to party.

 

You make me yawn now man.

Your advice is correct but you keep defending it every other post.

 

I'm starting to think you're hurting way more than most of us.

I'm living what you're saying and I don't feel the need to boast about it.

 

Also, why bring up your ex erasing the pictures? why isnt this bitch blocked already?

Why are you celebrating this?

You should be indifferent to it.

 

That to me is a sign you're still dealing with something. This persona, or "swag" or whatever the f**k it is people are calling it doesn't really do anything.

 

You're advice was solid, leave it at that. People are going to butt heads with you here because they dont get it yet. You should know that already.

[Breck]

You make me yawn now man.

Your advice is correct but you keep defending it every other post.

 

I'm starting to think you're hurting way more than most of us.

I'm living what you're saying and I don't feel the need to boast about it.

 

Also, why bring up your ex erasing the pictures? why isnt this bitch blocked already?

Why are you celebrating this?

You should be indifferent to it.

 

That to me is a sign you're still dealing with something. This persona, or "swag" or whatever the f**k it is people are calling it doesn't really do anything.

 

You're advice was solid, leave it at that. People are going to butt heads with you here because they dont get it yet. You should know that already.

 

Alright. I'm trying to keep this thread going longer than it should. I'm working on my dissertation in behavioral psychology. I am using this thread to collect evidence. You are all part of the control group. I needed people who's decisions were influenced by emotional loss. Thank you all for your contributions. You all reacted exactly as I would have expected.

[Pogona]

Right. We all played right into your hands. Okay bro, whatever you say.

 

Seriously, this isn't my first time on the internet. You're full of **** and we all know it.

[youdunsay]

I'm glad that it's over. I'm glad this story didn't live till 2013.

Edited August 20, 2012 by youdunsay