not wanting kids

[Nyla]

You're after my own heart!

 

My husband and I are childfree. Part of the reason we married each other was neither of us want to have children. I no longer mention this fact to anyone because people have made very rude comments. I have had people call me a "childhater", "selfish b!tch" "lesbian", "immature", just because they asked and I was honest about not wanting kids. It's amazing how people think they live in our heads; like they control whether we change our mind about having kids. I just say that my husband and I like being childfree and self righteous parents go nuts. It is very interesting how it is always parents who bring up my childfree status. I don't lambaste them for having babies, so why shouldn't I get the same respect for my choices?

 

I am 30 and my husband is 38. My childhood was very abusive and I watched my mother complain and resent her four kids. She was so angry about the money it cost to raise her children and all the missed educational opportunities she gave up. I'd be lying if I said all those factors didn't make a huge impression on my views of motherhood. I am well aware than many women can and do have thriving careers while they are mothers; I think that watching my mom be such an unhappy parent was probably not helpful in shaping my views.

 

When I worked as a nanny, I became very stressed out by a gorgeous baby girl who loved to scream. She had severe separation anxiety and she would not sleep in her crib alone because her parents let her sleep with them all the time. She was kicked out of a home daycare for being too demanding. I had to lay in bed with this baby on my chest for her to sleep. Sometimes no matter what I did, she would still wail. I found myself weeping with the baby one morning when the tiny opera singer screamed for TWO HOURS. I realized during that time that I couldn't handle a baby of my own.

 

I love my three nieces and they adore their auntie. They are 9, 3 and 2 years old. I spoil the the girls, play with them and take them to fun places. People say that I would be a good mother based on what they see when I interact with my nieces. It is easy to be the fun aunt, but being a mother is much more difficult. I get the fun parts about having kids and then I hand them back; AWESOMESAUCE.

 

We were just in his family's province and some woman said "What's wrong with (hubby's name)? No babies yet?" The clueless freak didn't even say hello! Just an instant judgement about the two of us not having children. My SIL bingoed me with "Maybe when you're 35, you will want to have kids." I wouldn't wait that long if I was going to have a child.

 

There is no room for changing our minds. We were very serious about not having kids, so my husband has had a vasectomy. I need to get off the Pill because I gain a lot of weight when I take hormonal birth control. I just say that we can't have kids when people ask; it isn't a lie! Thank God my husband is older than me; I couldn't get sterilized because of my age and lack of kids.

 

Sometimes I just don't believe that being a mother is as wonderful as everyone says it is. Women do the lion's share of everything to do with being a parent. We have to go through enormous body changes and pain to bear a child and then there is all the repetitive chores. My friends who have kids all seem stressed out and overworked. They tell me I am smart not to have kids. I have heard so many husbands complain about the lack of sex after children arrive. My husband and I love our freedom.

 

Singular Insanity: I hate being a mother

7 Reasons I Hate Being a Mommy | momlogic.com

[TwinkletOes26]

My boyfriend and I even have a little song we sing regarding having a child right now lol....I live in the south so the looks i get when at the ripe ole age of 30 I dare to say I dont want a child right now ill wait until I get about mid 30s. People just gasp and talk about fertility issues. I am more than willing to shell out money later to have a little bundle of joy than to cut off my freedom. I am still trying to figure me out and adding a child would be messy right now.

 

Honestly do what feels right to you and others should mind their own business. One thing i like to say when people just jump on my case about is to to ask "are you planning to help me financially with the kid you think i should have?" the answer is usually they either shup up or say a curse word infront of no LOL.

[pink_sugar]

You're after my own heart!

 

My husband and I are childfree. Part of the reason we married each other was neither of us want to have children. I no longer mention this fact to anyone because people have made very rude comments. I have had people call me a "childhater", "selfish b!tch" "lesbian", "immature", just because they asked and I was honest about not wanting kids. It's amazing how people think they live in our heads; like they control whether we change our mind about having kids. I just say that my husband and I like being childfree and self righteous parents go nuts. It is very interesting how it is always parents who bring up my childfree status. I don't lambaste them for having babies, so why shouldn't I get the same respect for my choices?

 

I am 30 and my husband is 38. My childhood was very abusive and I watched my mother complain and resent her four kids. She was so angry about the money it cost to raise her children and all the missed educational opportunities she gave up. I'd be lying if I said all those factors didn't make a huge impression on my views of motherhood. I am well aware than many women can and do have thriving careers while they are mothers; I think that watching my mom be such an unhappy parent was probably not helpful in shaping my views.

 

 

I know what you mean. My dad would openly talk about how he'd have more disposable income if he didn't have kids. And he'd talk about how he had to make sacrifices for us like it was a horrible thing. Well maybe you should have used a rubber.

[FitChick]

My friend tells nosy people that she is unable to have children for medical reasons. Then they give her pitying looks. What she doesn't say is that the medical reason is because she had her tubes tied.

[pink_sugar]

Check out this link Smart Women Not Having Kids, or Getting Support | Womens eNews

[Titanwolf]

I hear you. I'm selfish because I don't want kids? dafuq kind of logic?. I won't get too into it, but it's always those who are struggling with finances and time that lay into me the hardest. Misery loves company and in their eyes, it's NOT ok for someone to live the life they wish they had. They need to try and mentally blackmail you into having kids, so that they don't feel so bad for regretting their choice, or at least the restrictions that consequently came from that decision. Those are my sentiments though. I plan to travel one day and that's without having a child to constantly look after.

 

No disrespect to those who had children whom they love and planned to have. This is mainly to those fast-speaking bitter folk.

[marriedman321]

Never thought of having kids, but to be honest it has been a huge joy.. Usually women's clock starts to tick around 33,34,35.. It's nature..The cycle of life..

[marriedman321]

The women who say this usually fit into one of the below groups

 

1. The attention seeker. She goes around telling everyone she soes not want kids to get a reaction. Nobody cares if you have kids or not but to her it seems rebelious. Like going around telking people you dislike animals and puppies

 

2. The kid with bad genes. Depression, alcoholism, psychiatric issues they do not want to pass down.

 

3. The abused kid that needs help.

 

4. The selfish type who cares about their body, partying, buykng thjngs.

 

5 . The woman who is passing her child bearing years and cant find a guy. Sort of a pre emptive "i dont want kids" to mask why she is single

Edited September 21, 2012 by marriedman321

[mambonumber5]

Child-rearing is a huge, and extremely profitable industry, with the attendant marketing, promotion etc. Most people are easily sucked into the hype, and then realize they have been f***d, and try to rationalize their choices. Being passive-agressive to people who do not want to have children is one way for them to feel better about themselves.

 

Now, I am a person who definitely plans to have children. However, I arrived to this conclusion as rationally as I could. As a result, I am worried that the main challenge in raising my future kids will not be parenting per se, but the monumental amounts of astonishing bull**** (cultural, class, and socio-economic) that has been built into child rearing and undermine this unremarkable job and social process.

 

There is too much of the wrong kind of focus on children these days. Let's face it, the little ****ers are not special snowflakes. They are ignorant, stupid pets that need to be turned into adults with a lot of patience and love, and the modern day infantile culture makes this so much harder than it needs to be.

[mambonumber5]

The only "selfish" reason for not having kids is when people with conscience decide to be childless - and specifically, people with the conscience to understand that overpopulation is a problem and needs to be addressed through breeding restrictions. Let me explain:

 

Overpopulation is one of the big threats we face as species. Some form of breeding restriction (e.g. a global 1 child/2 child policy) is a must. However, unless we institutionalize and enforce such thing, choosing freely not to breed is a bad decision, because such decision diminishes the proportion of people with conscience in the gene pool. In other words - there is literally a danger to breed conscience out of humans.

 

Think about it: if in the absence of coercion, only people with conscience will respond to the rational appeal not to breed and thus not to contribute to the overpopulation problem; however, then it is only a matter of time until all individuals with conscience breed themselves out.

 

In that sense, I suppose you could say not having children is "selfish" (assuming that conscience is at least partly hereditary). If you do have conscience, please have children no matter what reasons you may have for not wanting them - the world is full with dumb, unconscientous ****s, and we need all the countervailing forces we can get...

[mitzikilgore]

7 billion people on the planet and counting....

I accidentally got pregnant after being with my husband for several years (heard all that pressure about having kids and was sick to death of it!) and we immediately went to terminate, but walked out of the waiting room at the last minute - can't say why. Now we have kids, and none of our friends do. I am happy with the decision we made, but I never wanted kids nor do I think everyone should have them. Overpopulation (to which I am now a contributor), environmental degradation, all that stuff comes to mind. There are a lot of reasons not to have kids and it is YOUR life to life, so don't go living it for someone else!

I feel like this post is a bit scattered, but kids are a big deal - they change everything, so do not have them if you are not ready!

[rainfall]

 

In that sense, I suppose you could say not having children is "selfish" (assuming that conscience is at least partly hereditary). If you do have conscience, please have children no matter what reasons you may have for not wanting them - the world is full with dumb, unconscientous ****s, and we need all the countervailing forces we can get...

 

 

I agree that this world is full of dumb people and some people who have kids aren't that smart, and their kid may continue to be not that smart. Thats not enough to convince me to have children though. Especially since if I did somehow have a child I would put it up for adoption and there is no guarantee that the people who raised it would be intelligent.