Girlfriend of 4 years lied & cheated, wants me back

[fiftyshades]

Hi,

 

In a nutshell, the woman I love and sacrificed a lot for cheated on me, left me briefly and then begged me back. I still miss and love her 7 month on..Here is the detail:

 

1. Got together in my country England

 

2. Spent 2 years together in England whilst I finished University and agreed to move to her hometown in France after. A rocky 2 years where she was abusive both physically and verbally, managing to fall out with most of my friends and family members.

 

3. I left my hometown to be with her in her country (despite numerous warnings on this site and from friends and relatives). She refused to stay in my country and wanted to be with her friends/family/environment and I was willing to try it.

 

4. Spent 2 years in her hometown in France living with her parents. I got along with them just fine and all her friends and family like me. Our relationship was ok, although I was homesick at times but still managed to start my own business and settle in somewhat. Basically she was doing her life and what she wanted and I was just there (thats what it felt like at times).

 

5. She told me 4 months ago she needed time and space! I thought that it was a great idea and that I would come home to England and think about where my life was going there and go back with a new perspective on us, the same as I thought she would take a fresh look at us, all positive.

 

6. HOW WRONG AND GULLIBLE WAS I LOL! She needed the time and space because she had met someone else (who worked in a DIY store) and from the day I left contacted this person everyday and slept with him and saw him for almost 2 months before telling me, the whole time keeping me hanging on in England thinking we were getting back together.

 

7. During the "time and space" I sent 12 roses to her work place, visited her in France as a surprise only to be sent home the next day saying she needs more time and space, sent her hundreds of pounds worth of xmas presents only for her to say she wants nothing from me and make me cry on xmas day.

 

8. After months of torture (no sleep, thinking, her stringing me on like it would be ok) and lies (saying she was at a girl friends, no replies to my txts/emails) she finished with me, saying some harsh things. 3 days later she gives me 100s of missed calls and txts saying it was a mistake.

 

9. After a while I get back to her and agree to meet her to talk about things. She finally spills the beans and out of instinct I say I forgive her (dont think I do) and we come to an agreement to get back together but I come home and take my time. One day she says take your time, the next she says dont bother to come back. She even saw the guy again which I had to lie to get the truth from her about. She said it was to finish with him - yeah right, on a friday night!

 

10. So, this is where we are at, do I go back after what she has done to me or not??!! I have started to settle back in at home and all my family and friends think it is crazy to even think about going back....

 

So, she is a liar for months, a cheater and has a history of doing bad things such as kicking me out in a country that I have nobody really to turn to with my luggage at 2am, physically attacking me, insulting my friends and family, doing what she wants regardless what I say or think, spoke in a sexual nature to another guy on messenger a year ago, loses her temper over nothing, etc, etc.... BUT, I love her and could easily go back to her tomorrow..WHY!?

 

GUYS reading this, trust me this is what happens when you are nice to someone and they take advantage of you, hence why good guys finish last. Could you forgive this betrayal?

 

P.S. In 4 years I didnt even kiss another a girl.

[RomanceLow]

You could easily go back with her because you genuinely loved this girl... You're intentions were in the right place... You would change your life for her but she's selfish in that she doesn't ... The cheating part comes from human nature in which the grass is always greener on the other side.... Forgive her but don't get back with her... You're to good for her and faithful... No one deserves to be cheated on... If she would have cared about you as much as you care about her... She wouldn't have cheated.,. Move on... There's someone who will love and care for you somewhere... You won't find her if you're still with someone who doesn't really care about hurting you

[Ninjainpajamas]

You'd be a fool to forgive her...she's proven to you how expendable you are. The only reason you are valuable to her is how reliable and secure she is with you knowing she has you in her back pocket whenever it's convenient for her. This is about her feeling not yours, she doesn't care what she's done and put you through, she only wants you back for her selfish needs and own insecurities, it has nothing to do with the way she feels for you...how she feels for you is not deep, its surface and its something that a person with issues needs because anyone like her would just leave her eventually and she knows that...that's why she has a fool like you around.

 

Respect yourself more than that..forgive her for what she does and who she is, realize her problems are her own and she needs to focus on that and fix them...shed never accomplish that with you being her punching bag so she can do all the things she wants to do in life without having to worry about being alone, including very likely cheating on you again once she sees something else that intrigues her.

 

Don't sacrifice anymore of your life and go through any more crap for this woman because in the end it's not worth it, she's not going to give you what you want and need...don't be so desperate as to think you deserve this in your life if at least you have her. Find someone who's better to you and appreciates you, then you'd never look back at someone like her who just uses people and has these short wild flings...you two are the opposites and that's the only reason it works...if you can even call that working, you're just a pawn and security net for her...that's why she wants you back, once she has you it won't matter to her...she likes the chase, and seeing what she can put you through to be with her.

[road]

Stay away from the scank. You were told before. Did not listen then so I doubt that you will listen now. So scank on.

 

Your gu did not feel right about her scankness. That's why you came here the first time. Your gut is never wrong. You were then for not listening to it. You seem deaf again.

[Radu]

Don't go back even if your business is dependent on being there.

 

Thank your lucky stars you don't have kids with her.

Why don't you write more about her, it helps.

[GLDheart]

You say you love this girl, Right? Well, wouldn't she be perfect if she just loved you more and didn't care about another guy? Wouldn't it be great if she was just honest with you?

 

Well, that girl is out ther right now waiting for you!! It's just not this girl. You need to get this worthless broad out of your way so you can get on to meeting that perfect girl that is waiting for you. Don't waste another minute. Get on with it!

[karnak]

 

GUYS reading this, trust me this is what happens when you are nice to someone and they take advantage of you, hence why good guys finish last. Could you forgive this betrayal?

 

 

This happened to you not because of the fact that you're a good man. But rather because you got involved with the wrong girl. Bad guys get cheated on too, you know? The difference is that women who do this kind of thing to nasty men usually try to hide it better (of fear of getting beaten black and blue).

 

Keep being a decent guy and try to find better people.

[FryFish]

Now... this is really really bad advice but:

Beat her up...

 

Naw just kidding... But seriously, quit beating yourself up and dont let her beat you up either.

[ellllllarose]

I know you love her to pieces but she's not good for you, and you need to not answer your phone and block all communication. This. Will. Not. Stop. People only change when they HAVE to. And she won't change if you just keep telling her how you feel because she's playing you and feeding on your emotions because she knows she can keep you around. And she will if you let her. And it'll only get worse, she's not going to change and things will only get worse in your life if you give it up for this chick who doesn't deserve you.

[Woggle]

Leave. She will do this to you again and eventually will destroy your faith in women if you keep it up.

[fiftyshades]

Thanks all. I just wish I could get her out of my head and not think about her so much. It has been 8 months and she has stopped begging me back now but I cannot seem to move on.

[MuscleCarFan]

I just don't understand why you had put up with so much crap for so long! There are better women out there!

[Crash1019]

Sounds like a classic case of "I hate you, don't leave me". Maybe reading this book might help you understand what you are going through.

[fiftyshades]

Thanks for the replies....Is there anybody here that believes that it could work? I do not have jealousy or trust issues hence why I did not suspect anything for months when she asked for time and space. Has anyone gone back after this has happened and it worked?

 

Also, my new gf loves me and does a lot for me, she is very understanding - she has even told me she wil let me go and see my ex to see how I feel and will wait for me! I dont think I could do that because it is not fair on her but maybe that's what it will take for me to realise what I once had (or thought I had) with my ex is finished.

 

Please advise! It's almost a year to the day my ex asked for time and space so she could see another guy before dumpin me a few months later and I still cant get her out of my mind.

[Woggle]

So basically you want to dump a good woman to go back to your ex who treated you like crap? Your ex only wants you back because you have another woman. Do you not know anything about how her type operates. Dump your current woman for her sake and because she deserves better.

[fiftyshades]

Still feel the same for her, think of her all the time and want to be back with her :-(

[dreamingoftigers]

Seriously, seek Independent Counseling to figure out why you can't get over this obsession with your former abuser.

[nofool4u]

Girlfriend of 4 years lied & cheated, wants me back

 

Tell her to take a sh*t, then fall back in it.

[mavendark]

Thanks for the replies....Is there anybody here that believes that it could work? I do not have jealousy or trust issues hence why I did not suspect anything for months when she asked for time and space. Has anyone gone back after this has happened and it worked?

 

Also, my new gf loves me and does a lot for me, she is very understanding - she has even told me she wil let me go and see my ex to see how I feel and will wait for me! I dont think I could do that because it is not fair on her but maybe that's what it will take for me to realise what I once had (or thought I had) with my ex is finished.

 

Please advise! It's almost a year to the day my ex asked for time and space so she could see another guy before dumpin me a few months later and I still cant get her out of my mind.

 

Umm... you already have a new girlfriend? I think you should forget about the ex. Yes, settle whatever outstanding things you have with her. But move on and focus on your new girlfriend. It sounds like she is very understanding, she even lets you go see your ex! She must really care for you.

 

Also, the reason your ex probably begged to have you back was because it didn't work out with the other guy. The other guy might have rejected her or ended things with her. So she relied on her fallback, which was you.

 

I think it's just time for you to move on. And stop trying to pursue things while your memories of her are still okay/good.

[AH1990]

I hope your initial post was a joke. If it isn't, here is my advice to you: Phone her up and ask her for your balls back! Jesus Christ! She created a lie to let herself off the hook and sleep with another guy, all while letting you keep on thinking everything is all roses between you and her.

 

You're looking at this relationship through rose tinted glass. Grow a pair of balls and dump her a$$ right where she belongs. Don't retaliate back at her and make her feel the emotional pain you felt. Just meet with her and tell her its over. End of story. Don't show no emotion, don't show nothing! Tell her its done! That will create the ultimate mind **** for her.

 

Keep your head held high! If you need more help and advice, sit on it for a week, then re-read your first post and see how it makes you feel.

[loversquarrel]

OK....Stop. No wonder this girl treats you like ****. Listen to you. I know its difficult, been there, but you need to respect yourself. This sounds like the classic borderline/co-dependant relationship. Get counseling, you don't love this girl - she is a drug for you. Your ups and downs with her are actually your "highs". It's an adrenaline rush when you are with someone like this and it will only stay a vicious cycle.

[anna121]

Thanks for the replies....Is there anybody here that believes that it could work?

 

No one sane, honey.

[sabre80]

Ditch her. She had GIGS it did not work out and you were her fallback plan. Do you want to spend the rest of your life knowing you were her second choice. What is going to happen when (and she will) need some space again because someone else comes along that makes her tingle down there.

 

If you cannot respect yourself no woman will.