Looking for some perspective

[Inflikted]

I find myself in a situation that I'm not sure how I feel about, or how to go about handling it, so I'm looking for some perspective and input.

 

For reference, I'm a 23 year old guy, and I've never dated, had a girlfriend, etc. Needless to say, I'm not very well versed in becoming more than friends with girls.

 

Anyway... This girl and I both work part time at a store, and we've worked together for about a year now. While we don't talk to or see each other out of work, I've become pretty good friends with her, which is a bit unusual for me, because I'm generally pretty reserved and introverted (she, on the other hand, gets along okay with everyone, so I don't know that what we have right now is "special" or anything like that, it's just "special" for me, because that never happens for me). I've started to realize that I'm liking her more and more.

 

Unfortunately, as soon as I started to realize this, I overheard another male coworker flirting with her and trying to get her to go out with him. I don't know whether or not she ever agreed to, but from the little I did hear, she seemed to have mixed feelings on the idea. It sort of bugged me, because this other guy is kind of a known "player"/ "womanizer" (she, herself, knows this, and she and I have even kind of joked about him in the past), and it bothered me that she'd even entertain the idea of getting with him.

 

For now, I'm trying to stay away from them as much as I can, because, well, I just don't want to know about any of that. It also works against me that they both work in the same department and get to spend a lot of time together while I'm often elsewhere. I don't think they'll "date", but I have to assume they'll probably end up hooking up (not because she's "easy" or anything like that, but because when he wants a girl, he gets the girl), and... I'm just not really sure how I'd feel about dating her after the fact. I mean, I know every girl is going to have exes, but the three of us all work together, I'd even very, very loosely consider this other guy a "friend". I just feel like it would be kind of awkward and uncomfortable, yanno? Like I said, I don't mind a girl having exes, but I'd rather not know them and/ or see them on a regular basis...

 

So, I just don't know how I feel about this, or what to do about any of it. I really like her, and I don't want to miss an opportunity here, but I'm a bit turned off by whatever it is she and this other guy may or may not have going on.

 

To complicate matters further, I'll be without a car for at least 2-3 weeks, so I can't exactly ask her out if I can't even get anywhere, yanno?

 

Thoughts?

[MCMLXXXIX]

My God you are over-thinking this ****. Forget the other guy. Ask her out, plain and simple. If she agrees, great. If she refuses, then you can focus on other things. Unless you live in a rural area, you won't need a car. Even then, I'm sure something could be done about that. Stop making excuses in your head. If you enjoy making conversation with the girl, asking her out should not be that big of a deal. Pretend like you know what you're doing, even if you don't know what you're doing. Your inexperience may very well be considered cute. Be good times.

[Inflikted]

I... Well, truthfully, I think deep down, I've already decided I'm just going to ask her out. But I want to get my car issues sorted out first. You may not think that's a big deal, but I don't know how else her and I could get together. I don't think we live close enough to each other where I could just walk over, or something like that.

 

And while I'm waiting for my car issues to be resolved, I can't help but think a lot about the situation (hence why I made this topic, and why I seem to be "overthinking" it, because thinking about it is all I really can do at the moment).

[spiderowl]

Good idea to get your car issues sorted out. Although you can date without a car, it might just be easier with one.

 

Regarding exes, if you start worrying about who people's exes are you'll go mad. We all go through phases, experiment and even make mistakes. If she is happy to date you and at some point be exclusive with you, that's all that matters. When you are older, like me, you'll realise that all that matters is the person you are dating, not the kind of characters their exes were. Dating someone doesn't mean she is like them. He may be a player but that doesn't mean she is. Who she considers now is up to her because she's a free agent at the moment and so are you.

Edited August 16, 2012 by spiderowl

[Inflikted]

Regarding exes, if you start worrying about who people's exes are you'll go mad. We all go through phases, experiment and even make mistakes. If she is happy to date you and at some point be exclusive with you, that's all that matters. When you are older, like me, you'll realise that all that matters is the person you are dating, not the kind of characters their exes were. Dating someone doesn't mean she is like them. He may be a player but that doesn't mean she is. Who she considers now is up to her because she's a free agent at the moment and so are you.

 

Well yeah, I mean like I said, I don't care that girls have exes (I fully understand I'm the... er, "unusual" one for not having dated for this long), I just don't want to know said exes personally. I'm not concerned that she'll be "like" him at all, it just makes me sort of uneasy to think about the three of us spending time together at work frequently.

[William.]

You're just like me, we over think but personally i don't see what's wrong with thinking about all possibilities so long as we don't fall into ourselves over the negative possibilities. Besides that just go with the flow rite

[Inflikted]

You're just like me, we over think but personally i don't see what's wrong with thinking about all possibilities so long as we don't fall into ourselves over the negative possibilities. Besides that just go with the flow rite

 

Yeah, I do have trouble keeping my mind off the negative possibility. I worry my car troubles might take longer than I anticipate to resolve, I worry that this other guy is going to swoop in before I get my stuff together, etc. I'm even a little nervous about going to work tomorrow, because both of them will be there, and whenever all three of us work together, I kinda stress myself out thinking about where they are, what they're talking about, etc.

 

I was sort of contemplating talking to this other guy about it, just to sort of feel out where they are right now, if he's going to continue pursuing her, etc., and see if he wouldn't mind "stepping back" so I can see if she's interested in me, but I guess that would probably be an awkward conversation, and I wouldn't even know how to bring that up to him anyway. Plus if nothing ever actually came of them, I'd feel kinda stupid for bringing it up to him. He never talks about her to me at all, though, so I don't know where he stands. I worked with him yesterday (and she wasn't there), and in the back of my mind, I kept hoping she might come up just so I could have an excuse to say something, but nothing.

 

Anyway, if anyone cares at all, I'm praying I'll have my car troubles resolved early next week, because next Saturday would be the perfect time to ask her out; I work with her for most of the day, and that other guy won't be there, so she'll probably hang out with me a bit like she usually does. Very excited, but the wait is killing me, heh...