Author Mount Posted August 18, 2012 Author Share Posted August 18, 2012 Yes, I agree. To be indifferent or removing the likeness/love from the MM is the key I suppose. Somehow without the physical closeness, it can make me to be emotional detaching more and more. I have to say, I am not to be indifferent yet, but I will try getting there. I have a friend who has to maintain a profesional relationship with a person she had a short affair with and ended it over four years ago. The only way she is able to do it is because she is completely indifferent about him now. He doesn't have a shot in h*ll with her and never will again. You have to be completely indifferent about the person and set a firm boundary that all communication is strictly professional. Period. That's the only way IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
Toots Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 So it is doable - ending A while working together and keeping close friendship? Yes it was for me. But then later long after the A was over his wife starting kicking up and he left. Link to post Share on other sites
beachbabe82 Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 I don't think you are really detaching. You are still wanting to talk to him, feeding your need to stay in contact. You aren't having physical sex anymore, but emotionally you still are. Gawd, I'd hate to work with an ex. It's one thing for a relationship to have a natural end, but for you, it did t end. You just for now drew a different way to keep him. Soon enough, you'll think you can have physical sex again since you are so detached. And you'll be right back where you were 2 moths ago- wanting the MM and the affair. For that other girl who keeps blaming the wife, the guy doesn't have to ever professionally interact with you. You are acting like he must but he doesn't. He is telling you this - listen to him. Get over the crap about his wife. You are acting very needy and desperate and those are not cool behaviors. Be careful with continuing to try to be in his life and he could get a restraining order against you. How would you feel with everyone knowing that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted August 18, 2012 Author Share Posted August 18, 2012 BB82, you are probably right. The challenge is hard....:confused: I don't think you are really detaching. You are still wanting to talk to him, feeding your need to stay in contact. You aren't having physical sex anymore, but emotionally you still are. Gawd, I'd hate to work with an ex. It's one thing for a relationship to have a natural end, but for you, it did t end. You just for now drew a different way to keep him. Soon enough, you'll think you can have physical sex again since you are so detached. And you'll be right back where you were 2 moths ago- wanting the MM and the affair. For that other girl who keeps blaming the wife, the guy doesn't have to ever professionally interact with you. You are acting like he must but he doesn't. He is telling you this - listen to him. Get over the crap about his wife. You are acting very needy and desperate and those are not cool behaviors. Be careful with continuing to try to be in his life and he could get a restraining order against you. How would you feel with everyone knowing that. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 Mount, please read my post (#16) again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted August 18, 2012 Author Share Posted August 18, 2012 Hi TaraMaiden, I was taking a quick look at "The All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide" you referred, but it can not be applied to my situation 100% so I have to work with the MM and talk to him. So....? yes... No. If you read "The All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide" in my signature, you will be reading a worthy document written by a man who worked in the same building as his ex GF, who cheated on him, and during a particularly vulnerable period of his life, dumped him unceremoniously. This worked so well for him, it messed her up a lot more than it ever did him... When at work, talk about absolutely nothing at all that is not connected with work. All and any discussion must, and can only be work-related. Avoid unnecessary eye contact, meeting or exchanges. That's how it will work. Maintaining a friendship is just an affair without the sex. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 Caliguy implemented it while he worked within the same building as his ex. that's why it would apply to you. He was in touch with her every day - just like you guys. He did it - in exactly the same circumstances as you - and he came out 'the better man'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted August 18, 2012 Author Share Posted August 18, 2012 Sorry, I was a little confused. Do you mean there has a guide that keeping NC while working together with working only contact. If there has, would you pls share the link? Thanks:o Caliguy implemented it while he worked within the same building as his ex. that's why it would apply to you. He was in touch with her every day - just like you guys. He did it - in exactly the same circumstances as you - and he came out 'the better man'. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 Mount My affair ended 4 years ago and I still work with the exOM. It is possible to do NC but extremely tough - it took me a good few months to get there. You absolutely cannot do personal talk, no matter how innocent and safe it seems. All talk must be work and work only. You do not even do inane talk like "did you have a nice holiday". It is work or nothing. Also stuff you used to do face to face before, you do by email wherever possible. Keep it clean and simple. Truth is, you know when you are over stepping the line - it's when you are waiting for the reply. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 Mount, The All-New caliguy no Contact guide was written by a man who implemented all the advice therein, while he was actually actively employed in the same building, by the same company - as his ex. the guide is a lesson in what he did, while he was working. With her. everything you read in the guide - he did. While in the same employ as his Ex. Link to post Share on other sites
bingosmom Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 I believe it is going to be very difficult for you to maintain a professional relationship at this point in time. NOT because you and your lover's intentions aren't good, but because you're human. It will be all to easy to rekindle the affair after a late night working on a project when you are stressed out or at a company party when you've both had a tad too much to drink. You should probably start looking for a new job, just to remove any temptation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted August 19, 2012 Author Share Posted August 19, 2012 A1707, thanks for sharing the experience. I knew it is gonna be very tough. I am trying to detach the personal feeling from him, as my MM claimed upfront he does not intend to leave marriage/wife at this point, even it might change later, but I knew it is his bulls%$ line. So no point for me to attach myself to him, also being involving with him does not look at work for sure. There certainly had progress already, but still lots of NC need to be done yet. Mount My affair ended 4 years ago and I still work with the exOM. It is possible to do NC but extremely tough - it took me a good few months to get there. You absolutely cannot do personal talk, no matter how innocent and safe it seems. All talk must be work and work only. You do not even do inane talk like "did you have a nice holiday". It is work or nothing. Also stuff you used to do face to face before, you do by email wherever possible. Keep it clean and simple. Truth is, you know when you are over stepping the line - it's when you are waiting for the reply. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 So it is doable - ending A while working together and keeping close friendship? Sure its doable.....for you and him. Absolutely not doable for his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
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