Would you date someone with Herpes?

[Datingherpes]

What would you do if you started dating someone and he/she tells you that he/she has herpes?

 

On my side, I would probably go running if someone tells me. Why would I risk getting a life-long disease for someone I just met even if they seem to be a nice person?

 

I know most people would call me narrow minded, but realistically, does anybody want a STD? and even with medicines and treatment, it is still a risk to sleep with someone that has it.

 

I am not trying to hurt someone's feeling. I am simply trying to determine what is everyone's feeling on this.

 

Thanks

[shamen]

Yes I would.

 

1/5 people have it. Not completely sure where this stat comes from, if it's USA or worldwide. But I've heard it bunches and bunches. I'm sure someone out there can find this for you.

 

Also, there are lots of other posts on herpes and its risks, etc. Just do a search on "herpes" and I'm sure that you would find them.

[DerangedAngel]

Yes, I would date someone with herpes. Actually, I have HSV-1. Ever had a cold sore?

 

HSV-2 is the virus most often responsible for recurrent outbreaks of genital herpes and about half of primary outbreaks. It is almost always spread through genital-genital contact

 

HSV-1 is best known for causing cold sores or fever blisters around the mouth and nose. HSV-1 can also cause genital herpes – it can be passed to the genitals from a person with a cold sore during oral sex. HSV-1 can also be passed from genitals to genitals like HSV-2, but this is relatively uncommon.

 

Genital herpes is very common. About 1 in 5 people in North America has HSV-2. HSV-1 is even more common, with more than half the people in North America being infected.

 

Remember that many people have HSV-1 or HSV-2 infection with few, mild or no symptoms.

 

http://www.herpeshealth.com/about_herpes/what_is_herpes.asp

 

-DA

[jen4]

I have HPV. I'm in a relationship now,and I made the huge mistake of not

telling him until about a week after we had sex. It came up and I admitted it.

I had no idea how to tell him before. I am so ashamed of myself and regret not telling him sooner. We are still together,I found a great guy! I think if you really like the person you can get past the std, I mean if there is a chance you'll be together long term. HPV is so common,I think I read someplace that up to 70% of sexually active people have it,most do not know. There aren't tests for it on men,just abnormal paps for women if you don't have the strain that causes genital warts. Kind of shocking!

sorry for writing a book

[UCFKevin]

Hmm.

 

I've never had a coldsore, before, actually.

 

I'd be VERY hesitant to go out with someone who has herpes, although, this is a question I've wondered for a while, if someone does have herpes, couldn't that potentially get them laid a lot MORE? My reasoning is this: they could find others who have herpes, and they wouldn't have to worry about spreading it because the other person already has it.

 

Of course, it could be during an off time, and could cause an outbreak, or could be a different strain and all that, so I sound like a total jackass right now. Stop looking at me!

[faux]

Originally posted by Datingherpes

What would you do if you started dating someone and he/she tells you that he/she has herpes?

 

On my side, I would probably go running if someone tells me. Why would I risk getting a life-long disease for someone I just met even if they seem to be a nice person?

 

I know most people would call me narrow minded, but realistically, does anybody want a STD? and even with medicines and treatment, it is still a risk to sleep with someone that has it.

 

I am not trying to hurt someone's feeling. I am simply trying to determine what is everyone's feeling on this.

 

Thanks

 

I would date them, but I would probably not become sexually involved with them. Situations are unique, and my answers for taking things further would change from one possible scenario to the next.

 

Provided that the girl I used to see did not outright accuse me of infecting her with herpes (false accusation), I would still date her. It was her attitude that made me decide I wish not to associate with her any longer.

[Nonexist1]

Well, here's a few ideas from the other side of the fence. I have genital HSV, not sure if it's type 1 or 2 because you can get both anywhere on the body. The idea of choosing to date someone with it or not is ridiculous, because you don't have a choice if they don't tell you, and many people are too ashamed to tell. That's how I got it. People think they can do a visual check to see if a partner has got it, but there is something called asymptomatic shedding. This is the virus present on the skin with absolutely no symptoms whatsoever, it can happen up to 5% of the time, and you can never tell when it is. Condoms do protect the area that is covered, but that leaves a pretty big area to get infected in.

 

Through very radical alternative treatments (oral hydrogen peroxide, total health), I've been able to get it into remission for 2 years and counting. It really cannot affect the quality of my life now, but it's been a rough road. I would just like to say that people should be a little more compassionate if a potential new partner reveals that they have herpes. Chances are, you've been sleeping with infected people anyway, because they say 90% of infected people don't know it, and 9 of the other 10% aren't going to tell you. So, if someone actually tells you and you can take the proper precautions, your chances are better.

 

Personally, anyone who rejects me because of it doesn't deserve me anyway. I know the reason is just pure ignorance. For instance, if my ex had of told me, I would have still been with her and I probably wouldn't have it now. You should educate yourself before making a decision, and that's hard with herpes because there's so much misinformation out there, and doctors will steer you in the WRONG direction more often than not.

 

If you want more info: check out Healthboards.com, you'll find many posts by me with my radical beliefs (like why I believe that herpes CAN be cured) and many other people sharing their experiences and knowledge. It really is a very minor thing.

 

Nonexist

[Spastic_Gramps]

To be perfectly honest no I wouldn't. Wouldn't even consider it. Cause IMO that places a sexual limitation on the relationship. Aside from a complete lack of a physical relationship, if there is no sex then there is no hope of kids. If there are no kids there is no family. If there is no family or future then why bother.

[Mr Spock]

Not knowingly.

[Mr Spock]

I'd like to point out that if I found out the love of my life HAD herpes, it wouldn't necessarily make me leave them-but I'd be using condoms, forever.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

I've wondered for a while, if someone does have herpes, couldn't that potentially get them laid a lot MORE? My reasoning is this: they could find others who have herpes, and they wouldn't have to worry about spreading it because the other person already has it.

I'm not sure I follow. "Hey, you have a disease, I have a disease, therefore we should do it?"

[Mr Spock]

I do. My best friend has herpes, they have online support forums-they all like to meet up and boink, as they've all got the same thing.

[Moon in Taurus]

Herpes.... When I first got a sore I was in a big panic -- I didn't know what herpes was --i went to a clinic and they told be all sorts of horror - i told my boyfriend and he took me straight to bed and had unprotected sex with me.

 

I mean-- someone must have given it to me. I didn't invent it.

 

Lately I am single and a man came on to me. I put him off for a bit then I said ok, I'll come across, I like you and trust you and then I told him about the herpes.

 

Wow, did he change all of a sudden from touchy cuddly mr. nice guy into a cold unfriendly jerk. I was so hurt.

 

We compromised. He wouldn't have intercourse even with a condom. I did for him what I could but I don't think he liked it much and I don't think I'll hear from him again.

 

Right now I feel really down, really dejected and rejected. I really enjoyed his company. I really wish he could have been more humane. I could have lied and had a lovely time.

 

I rarely get outbreaks and they go away really quickly. It really isn't that terrible. The mental and emotional anguish is worse - the fear that men will shun you and hurt you feel when they turn off.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

I do. My best friend has herpes, they have online support forums-they all like to meet up and boink, as they've all got the same thing.

This is so bizarre to me. Is it just Herpes? Or does it work for diabetes as well?

[Moon in Taurus]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

I do. My best friend has herpes, they have online support forums-they all like to meet up and boink, as they've all got the same thing.

 

Do you mean they are nice to each other? Where is this place? I am so unhappy. I have been living like a leper for 15 years. I want a man to touch me. I am dying for it. THere is no place on earth so fine as in a man's arms. But--- I don't want to hurt anyone.

 

I would happily be a platonic friend to some man who would put up with that, but regretably I met a real man and he

loved to touch me but changed his mind when he found out I had Herpes.

 

I wish I weren't so emotional and I try to be sensible but it hurts so very much when someone instinctively reacts that way to you. He practically pushed me off the couch. It was awful.

[datingherpes]

Thank you everyone for your words. I guess I have gathered from your posts that if you have herpes already you think you would have been willing to date someone.

 

My story: I got herpes from my bf. He did not know either. It took me about 1 year and many visits to the doctor to treat my "yeast infection" and being told constantly that there was not way I could have herpes because women normally had really painful outbreaks. My bf had a similar experience. He said that about 2 years before the outbreak, he have had a couple of rashes, always considered by the doctors as sport rashes. He is a very active guy. When he got the outbreak on his penis, we visited an infection disease doctor, his general doctor and a dermatologist among others, and again, he was told that he did not have a STD. After a long time, his general doctor ordered a blood test for him which showed the type I herpes...and he chosed to call him over the phone and tell him "yes, you have, get over it, many people have it". With that information, I went to my new gy and I pushed him to order me a blood test, and it was confirmed. My gy did not even shake my hand once I got the diagnose.

 

I remember the anguish both my bf and I went through when we found out we had it and I also remember how painful it was for me when I had my first outbreak about 9 months later. I would never want to have someone else go through it. Yes, it is not a big deal from a medical stand, but society does put a very, very negative spin on it. Even if 1 out of 4 adults have it, it is still very much in a secretive way and there a lot of judgement on it.

 

I also think that if we are both fairly educated and well insured and had such a hard time getting diagnosed and had no idea of what herpes entitled aside. Medically speaking it may be not be a big deal, but the psychological effects are huge. Your sex life by default changes.

 

I have never had a one night stand or pick up some stranger in a bar, but it is nice to have the option to do so if you want. It would also be nice to think that if you like someone you can sleep with them without the need for a very uncomfortable conversation that may end up with him running away.

Based on how I would behave if I had been in the other side (and I think I am caring and nice person), I cannot blame someone from running away. The media has definetely put in our minds that it is a horrible thing and why deal with it if there are other nice people out there?

 

Another side effect of the infection is that we are doing well and together, but we have discussed how neither of us are looking forward to dating and having to tell people about this. We are very honest and open about it, and that has allowed to discuss the options. It does not mean that we would be with each other to avoid dealing with it, but we cannot help wondering how much effect does it have in our lives?

 

Thank you for reading my words and providing your insights. Your words help.

[Moon in Taurus]

DatingHerpes ----

 

I'm sorry you and your boyfriend have suffered so much. I'm glad you've stayed together.

 

Imagine how AIDS people must feel.

 

I guess it's important that we think more about Herpes. I think it is very selfish for a man to start caressing a woman and initiating sex without

 

A) either politely asking the question "what can I catch from you" or

 

B) being prepared for the possibility that the woman might shamefully stammer out that she has Herpes.

 

People should wake up and think before they start sex. This is a dangerous world. Having sex is the closest you can get to a person-- it is like the two of you are joining into one. You are going to share EVERYTHING.

 

When I was younger people were stupid and careless. But today there is absolutely no excuse to be that way.

 

Sex is fun yeah yeah, but it is also serious. In some cases for some people deadly serious.

 

Whoever starts the sex initiative with a stranger or even a friend should show some sense and be prepared for anything.

 

 

Moon in Taurus

[Nonexist1]

Talk about being treated like a leper! Some of the replies here are ridiculous, total ignorance. Use a condom forever? I never had intercourse without a condom with my ex, and I still got it from her. Wake up, if you're having sex, then your exposing yourself to herpes. I believe the CDC has given it epidemic status. The only way to avoid it is celibacy, but there are precautions you can take. I know a couple where the female has had it for 15 years, her husband hasn't gotten it and they have a very active and healthy sex life.

 

Everyone thinks they are better until they actually get it. I've had 2 partners in my whole life, so that should put to rest any idea that only promisuous people get it. But, after seeing what it's actually like, it's hard to believe people are that afraid of it. Most commonly, people usually don't get another outbreak after the first or second. That's why 90% of those who have it don't even know.

 

Of course, it is everyone's right to limit their risk any way they like. But, the fear of herpes decreases quality of life worse than the actual disease. I won't go into details, but herpes actually changed my life for the better. I had a rough time eliminating outbreaks and it was due to a very weak immune system. I never knew I had a weak immune system until herpes became my "gauge". When I beefed up the immune system, it got rid of the herpes, and I feel mentally and physically stronger than I ever have in my life. Not that I wouldn't have rathered learn this the easy way, but I didn't and I can't change it.

 

The bottom line: the fear is grossly exaggerated.

 

Nonexist

[Moon in Taurus]

Ooooh this herpes talk just goes on and on in my head ---- thank you Non exist - for some sanity.

 

Your words cheered me up so much. I have been going up and down and up and down over this.

 

I don't want to hurt people. If I think enough of a guy that I want to share my body with him I don't want to hurt him. But maybe I should just shut up and not say anything.

 

I think my boyfriend of 5 years stayed around because he felt sorry for me. Honestly. We got drunk and I tried to tell him but couldn't and we went to bed. After he said what were you trying to tell me and I told him about the herpes. There was quite a silence.

 

But he wanted to see me again. I tried to use condoms, but he didn't like them and would just ask "have you been sick lately" and was so always so nice.

 

He quit his job and moved away. This other guy was my first date since.

 

Non Exist -- maybe there are guys somewhere who think like you. Maybe I'll meet one. On the other hand the next time I meet some guy I want to go to bed with maybe I won't tell. And if he develops herpes I can pretend to be horrified but tell him I'll stick with him because I'm so nice.

 

I am not really like that but maybe I should be.

 

Moon in Taurus

[Mikie]

Originally posted by Moon in Taurus

Your words cheered me up so much. I have been going up and down and up and down over this.

 

I don't want to hurt people. If I think enough of a guy that I want to share my body with him I don't want to hurt him. But maybe I should just shut up and not say anything.

 

If you hanv't been told this yet, let me tell you....

 

For you coming out and having the RESPECT you are a better human being. RESPECTFUL. So many out there do not even bother... and spread it. They don't CARE and have enough respect and care for someone enough to tell them..

 

But you DID. And you need to be thanked and praised.

 

I know it must not have been easy. This morning a girl I've been really into the past few months... told me she had it.

 

YES, I was taken back... wasn't sure what to say. BUT she is a amazing person, and obviously cared enough to tell me.. and I still want to see her and see where things go. It still so fresh in my mind... the news... but I'm not going anywere. There are others out there with worse.. and they can deal with it, so can I. Plus, she's amazing and makes me happy.

 

You'll find that guy, and if he doesn't run... you know he really cares about you. I'm new to all this... but plan on posting more where this goes... but... on to the point I was trying to make...

 

You are a great person for being HONEST and sparing some hard times later. I HATED my ex when she told be she slept around while she was with me and said she got something and I should get tested..

 

This new girl I have now... came clean. And I respect her more for that. Best of luck, you'll find someone it's just a matter of when and where. If I could give you hug I would, just wanted to say that to you.

 

Also if anyone wants to comment on my topic, please do:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t43991/

[Mikie]

Originally posted by Moon in Taurus

Non Exist -- maybe there are guys somewhere who think like you. Maybe I'll meet one. On the other hand the next time I meet some guy I want to go to bed with maybe I won't tell. And if he develops herpes I can pretend to be horrified but tell him I'll stick with him because I'm so nice.

 

I am not really like that but maybe I should be.

 

Moon in Taurus

oh and ...

 

please don't do this. Not worth it.

 

If "Jane" did that to me... I would have hated her and left. I'm not stupid. I get tested every 6months PLUS I have not been with anyone in over a year...

 

BUT as I said... she DID tell me... and I'm here.

 

If she did what you did... I would be VERY VERY HATFULL, angry, hurt, and never talk to her. You have been unselfish so far... please don't change now.

 

May I ask how old you are?

[fanou22]

People have one of the ugliest reactions to Herpes but does anyone stop to think about those who don't even know they have such an STD???? Of course not.

 

My initial outbreak was 3 years ago and during all this time, I did not have any recurrences until recently I had one. My Ob/gyn said it was perfectly normal that I could go for such a long time without a recurrence.

 

I had been very reluctant to date during all this time. But the couple of guys I told, you could see on their faces how they are trying to be sensitive.

 

It amazes how much people lack in information about this STD. I told one of my friends recently what I have and he thought that you could die from it. I was shocked on how misinformed he was. What also hurts about the assumptions people make is that once you mention they automatically think that you have been sleeping around which is not the case all the time.

 

Moon in Taurus, stay true to yourself. Remember when you found out how it felt. Don't hide something like that. I know my ex-bf hid it from me but people say things sometime that betray them. He knew he had it. He refused to admit what he gave me. He refused to take a blood test. So that pretty much says it all.

[Moon in Taurus]

Fanou --- thank you for your nice thoughts.

 

Here is an important point, I think:

 

It amazes how much people lack in information about this STD. I told one of my friends recently what I have and he thought that you could die from it. I was shocked on how misinformed he was. What also hurts about the assumptions people make is that once you mention they automatically think that you have been sleeping around which is not the case all the time.

 

Fear and ignorance are the cause of a lot of grief in this world.

 

You don't seem to be too handicapped by herpes. Good for you.

 

I have decided that herpes itself is not so big a deal. Someone with a healthy self image will be able to deal with it. But woe to us who are unsure of ourselves to begin with. It is a bitter blow to someone who has problems getting along socially with others. I speak from experience here.

 

I have also decided that an outbreak of herpes is somewhat similar to getting a zit on your nose.

 

What we need are some celebrities to "come out" and declare they have herpes. Or for us that have it to "come out". There are so many of us that we might even be a majority. We could then discriminate against those poor slobs who don't have it.

 

"If you can't beat it, laugh at it."

 

I am tired of feeling miserable. Time to smile.

 

Moon in Taurus

[shamen]

Ok, I'll just be out with it then. I have herpes too. I've had it for almost 15 years. At this point, not a huge deal. I haven't had an outbreak in years (6 or 7) and before that I only had them sporadically (every year or two, or three even). At the beginning, it's fairly traumatic (emotionally and physically), but that emotional feeling goes away (physically too, for most people) . It's just something that you live with.

 

It's of course changed my sex life (condoms all the time), unless they become a long term partner. Yes, there have been several who didn't care and had sex with me without a condom after a year or so. Hey, it's their choice. They know the facts, as I tell them tons of info and I encourage them to do their own research as well. I've ever given out a pamphlet. At the age of 35, lots of people have it and are better educated about what it is, as many people will have dated someone or known someone by then that has had it.

 

I am, and always will be, a condom advocate however.

 

I always tell a new person before I have sex with them that I have a STD and I always request condom usage. This is absolutely essential! There have been 2 guys that stopped dating me when I told them (before we had sex); this happened in my early 20s. Hasn't happened since.

 

Please note Deranged Angel's reply (the 2nd one)... I got it from someone going down on me. He had a cold sore on his mouth and joila! I got genital herpes. He was a virgin, BTW.

[blue17]

I have to admit, my first reaction to herpes would be to freak. In school, they show you all the negatives of having sex. So of course they tell you about all the possible diseases you can contract in an attempt to scare you. They list off STD's such as AIDS, Hepititis, Goneria, and Herpes. Herpes is mentioned in the same sentence as AIDS (which is known to be potentially fatal) and Hepititis (which I have no idea what it does, but it sounds bad from what i've heard). You naturally group all those in a similar category, regardless of their potential physical or medical damage. To be honest, I only knew that Herpes looked like cold sores, and they aren't cureable....so they must not be good. I didn't know what the symptoms were, but something that stays with you for life is a scary thought for some people.

 

After reading all of the posts about herpes situations, and people with herpes I feel much more educated. People who say they have an outbreak every 2-3 years......thats no big deal. I could live with that. (how painful are these outbreaks btw?). If someone told me that they have herpes...i would be a little taken aback but I would definitely consider the situation.

 

The key is definitely education. If I hadn't of read this stuff accidently, if someone told me they had this virus then I would have freaked, and probably distanced myself....even if the other person was desperate to say how manageable it is. It's just the initial fear of the unknown...and what we don't know can be scary. If people knew more about this STD (and other STD's for that matter) people could cope and deal with these situations a lot easier.