I want to get marriedddd :))

[pink_sugar]

This is for everyone, I couldn't quote everything lol. Since I've posted this, me and my bf discussed about children and marriage. He said he didn't mean any harm by it, he seriously said that he wouldn't mind doing it all at once, since I told him a while back that I wanted a child and to be married.

 

Anyway, I'm seriously reconsidering the baby thing and we are focusing on marriage right now. And a home to move into. If I haven't said that already that we are moving in together soon. We've been looking for a place almost a month now. I really appreciate the advice and comments, more will still be appreciated! ♥

 

Good decision, you'll definitely be better off having a stable home environment being married and living together before having children. Bringing children into an unstable environment not living together and not married would be hard on a young mother. I wish you the best of luck, it sounds like you know what you're doing.

[jocy_20]

It depends for a lot of ppl.

How long have the two of you been together ?

 

 

Ah, here it is ... together for 1yr.

For me it's something like ... 1-2months for the 'is this a relationship talkl', 8-9months move in together, propose at around 2yrs, get married at a bit over 3.

Obviously, these are just guidelines for me, not set in stone as much, but those are my general comfort zones.

 

 

What kind of scary images ?

I'd say he is entertaining the ideea, and flapping his mouth off. In the process getting your hopes up ... kinda putting the carriage before the horses if you know what i mean.

 

 

If the relationship is good and the girl gets pregnant by accident, the guy should marry her.

Nobody should get married for getting a baby.

 

 

One can be a mom without getting married.

It's not a good place to be, it's a very lousy place to be.

 

 

A bit messed up.

 

----

I'm gonna go out and write something now, and i hope you won't get mad.

 

Did you grow up with your father around ?

Was he married to your mother ?

Was he in your life ?

 

Because i don't think this is what happened.

 

Here is what i think about your guy.

I think he just started getting hit by the biological clock. It happens at around that age, it happened to me too [guy].

I think he is also turned on by the ideea of having sex with you, unprotected.

It adds an element of danger, a high probability that she will get pregnant, it's not the same ... trust me on this.

 

I don't know if this guy is good or bad for you, i can't get a birds-eye-view of your relationship.

But what i do know is that a 20yr old which is in a relationship of just 1yr should not try to get pregnant with her bf.

I have a sister, i would not find this acceptable.

I have female cousins, i would tell them the same.

A baby does not raise itself, it is a lifetime commitement, and he can damn well make a lifetime commitement to you to be there.

It's not just financial help either with it.

You will need help raising it.

And he will need to play a role in it's life.

Girls who have fathers in their lives [good ones] do better in life, know what to look for in a man.

Guys know what kind of a man to be, they both do not fall into the trap of faux masculinity.

You ever hear of those girls who are just barely legal and are constantly after 40yr olds ?

They want a daddy, they need a daddy in their lives, the ones they never had.

Do you want this to be your future daughter ?

 

You are not just screening for a guy to help you get preggers, any guy can do that to you, you are also screening for someone who will stay around, who will make a commitement and who will be a good rolemodel.

 

Why don't you talk to the older ladies of LS, the ones who are in your position right now, or who are older and saw what good it did to them to have a father in their early childhood.

 

Pls be honest with the questions i asked you.

 

 

I was mostly raised by my grandparents and mom. My grandfather was the man role model and he was really great. (he passed away last yr.) I remember always talking to him about what I wanted my life to be like but obviously things change when you grow up and really facing the reality.

 

My dad wasn't around but I tried to create a relationship just to see what kind of man I was, my grandad always told me to be careful because my dad didn't want to have anything to do with me when I was born or growing up.

 

My bf is a really great guy. His dad and mother raised him together but got a divorce a few years ago. They were together for 26 years. My stepdad was married to mom for 6 years, he committed infedelity. I wasn't close with my stepdad, I was always with my grandparents. My grandparents were married for 36 years until my grandad passed away.

 

My bf did not get hit by a biological clock. He never pressure me into anything but we have discussed a few times about either of us ever wanting children and we both said yea. I admit, I care about him a lot and he even told me he wanted to wait until we were living together and married but I kept talking about it. :\

 

I felt left out far as a child because all of my friends have children and they look happy, I guess my thoughts got clouded. Lastnight my bf actually discussed about a home we both liked and all of that changed, the baby thing because I am young and I rather wait and enjoy my time with him and when we get married, we can enjoy our company with one another.

 

My mom said that I had "baby fever" and it's normal but I should really think about the committment to having a child. I really understand now and I was glad when my cycle started yesterday, I'm going to be a lot more careful.

 

I have friends who parents grew up with their dads, pros and cons were on both sides. Some of their fathers weren't good fathers and some were. I just happen to have my grandfather who raised me as a father figure and I see no difference. My grandfather was a great man and he tought me a lot about how a man should treat me and how a relationship/priorities need to be acknowledged.

 

Again, my bf and I have a good relationship, he is a great supporter in whatever I do and I support him as well.

[jocy_20]

Get the ring on your finger before you have the baby.....

 

 

That's how I'm thinking now. Thx.

[Radu]

If your grandfather would see this thread, what would he say ?

 

Have you talked about this with your grandmother ?

 

If i can make a suggestion, get a house that you can pay for yourself alone, should ... things happen.

You don't know what the future brings, maybe you and your bf will split up, maybe something will happen to him [knock on wood], so don't try to get a house that both of you employed can barely pay for it.

They say that a house is a solid investment, that's not so anymore.

It can be a 20yr noose around your neck.

 

PS: See what i mean by having a male rolemodel in one's life ?

By waiting you are making sure that your bf is the right male rolemodel for your future baby.

Edited August 28, 2012 by Radu

[jocy_20]

He would tell me to wait to have children until I'm 70 lol My grandmother told me to enjoy my time young but she too marry because that shows committment and love for each other. She told me that since we've been together for almost a year, we should plan marriage before we move in together.

 

My bf and I found a home that we both can afford, it's nice and very affordable. It's not to far from my family or his family. Yea and the role model thing, I understand that and so far as I know, my bf is someone my family is proud of and I know my grandfather would be too. They would have a lot of common interests and a lot to do together. My bf is similiar to my grandad. My grandad loved to fish and hunt deer, my bf love to fish and hunt deer, my grandad supported my grandmother and was always their for his children and my bf is their for me.

 

The list could go on but I get it If something were to happen to my bf, hope not or the relationship, I could still afford the home that we are hoping to purchase soon. My bf and I know that purchasing a home is an investment, we are both ready for that.

[Radu]

GL then, and wait for a while for kids.