ready2moveon26 Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I just can't move on! My husband and I have been seperated for a little over 4 months. We've been through all of the emotions several times and I just can't seem to let go. I love him. I did go to a lawyer because that is what he claimed he wanted and I thought it was what I wanted when he was being an ass. Lately, he's been very nice to me. He talks to me on the phone for hours and we laugh and joke around. We have a three year old daughter, so we see one another once a week. He's hugged me several times in the last few weeks, but tonight I asked him if he'd be going to his cousin's wedding later this month, (we got seperate invitations) and he said he was. I asked him if he'd be bringing anyone and he said he was bringing his girlfriend. I've know about her since they started seeing one another but I thought it was just a fling or something. She is YOUNG! I told him I wasn't going to the wedding then. He said, "Don't be like that." I don't know how he wants me to be. This 19 year old little girl has stolen my life from me and I do not like her one bit! I don't know her but she has what I had and I want it back! How do I move on? Do I move on? What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Suzi Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I just can't move on! My husband and I have been seperated for a little over 4 months. We've been through all of the emotions several times and I just can't seem to let go. I love him. I did go to a lawyer because that is what he claimed he wanted and I thought it was what I wanted when he was being an ass. Nothing is changed, he is still the same person who have cheated on you. I won't go to that wedding in any case. Lately, he's been very nice to me. He talks to me on the phone for hours and we laugh and joke around. Please don’t make any illusions. Being nice to you? I think that’s you are being nice to talk with him. I know you have a child and it is too early yet... We have a three year old daughter, so we see one another once a week. He's hugged me several times in the last few weeks, but tonight I asked him if he'd be going to his cousin's wedding later this month, (we got seperate invitations) and he said he was. I asked him if he'd be bringing anyone and he said he was bringing his girlfriend. I won't go to that wedding in any case. I've know about her since they started seeing one another but I thought it was just a fling or something. She is YOUNG! I told him I wasn't going to the wedding then. He said, "Don't be like that." I don't know how he wants me to be. This 19 year old little girl has stolen my life from me and I do not like her one bit! How old is your husband? I don't know her but she has what I had and I want it back! How do I move on? Do I move on? What do I do? I do think you have to move on! You can’t do much right now. Try to see friends, family spend time with your daughter. Write on a paper all negative things about him and read it time by time. Also date other men. I don’t mean to rush into new relationship. Just meet some people to spend time with, try to find men with the same problem you have to spend time with. Keeps reading about the problems other people have, on this forum for example... Go to church if you are religious... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ready2moveon26 Posted July 19, 2004 Author Share Posted July 19, 2004 My husband is 27 and will be 28 in a few months. I am going to that wedding. I love his family like they are my own. They have been my family for entirely too long to let him keep me away from them. He is NOT going to control me anymore. I am my own person and can do what I want and I don't care what he thinks anymore. I am SO much better than him. I am responsible, unselfish, and I love my daughter unconditionally! He is irresponsible, COMPLETELY selfish and pawns our daughter off on his family when he has her. I DO NOT want that back. If I were to take him back...ever...he would have to go back to the man I married...and since that isn't going to happen, I guess it's over. I will move on...eventually...I just need to concentrate on making a better life for me and my daughter right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ready2moveon26 Posted July 23, 2004 Author Share Posted July 23, 2004 Well tomorrow's the wedding and I still plan on going. My husband claims he wants to take our daughter home with him tomorrow night and keep her for a week. I said he could do that and we could go back to our regular schedule if he is actually going to keep her. He seemed confused and when I said, she wasn't with YOU last time she was with you...he knew what I meant and had to hurry and think up a lie to cover for himself. IF my daughter wants to go with her dad, I'll let her, but if she doesn't I am NOT making her. The last two times I dropped her off there, she cried and didn't want me to leave. I feel horrible about this all and feel like I'm keeping his child from him but he needs to GROW UP and get his priorities straight! His daughter should come before anything else and if it takes me keeping her from him for him to realize it then fine. Wish me luck...the wedding's tomorrow and I AM GOING! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ready2moveon26 Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 I have gone out of my way to make things easy for him and this dissolution. I have allowed him to have my daughter for a week at a time, I have driven her up there and been VERY flexible with the schedule. I AM DONE! He had a car that was in MY name and took it upon himself to sell it and forge my name and not tell me about it. When I asked where the car was, he replied that he sold it and when I asked how he did it, he said, "I forged your name." I then asked if he had planned on telling me or giving me half of the money and he said, "No" I am SO mad right now that I want to do what I can to make this a divorce, not a dissolution, and make it SO hard on him. What are your thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Yikes Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Unbelieveable. What a dick. Is that not illegal, forging your name and selling the car? Maybe you need to threaten some legal action? Half of the sale proceeds would be nice to have towards your pending legal bills. I have tried to be flexible and easy going with my ex too, but it gets me no where. Some people just like to take, take, take. Look after yourself sunshine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ready2moveon26 Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 I don't know exactly what I'm going to do right now, but I do know that I don't have to do anything for him to go down. He's failing at his own game...again and I'm just going to sit back and watch this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Yikes Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 So... how did the wedding go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ready2moveon26 Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 The wedding was ...strange. We (my daughter and I) got there a few minutes late and she didn't want to sit by her dad and his "date". His "date" was his girlfriend's grandma. His girlfriend claimed she had to work, but I later found out is NOT comfortable with his family, so just didn't go. He didn't want to go by himself, so he brought her grandma. I told him I was going to be bringing someone, but didn't because no one I've met is worth my time. That may sound selfish, but I am not going to settle just to make him jealous. His entire family welcomed me more than they welcomed him and he didn't stay long. I talked to him the next day and he said I was "mean" to him at the wedding. He said, he felt like everyone was talking about him behind his back and that I was trying to turn his family against him. I did not have to do anything for his family to turn against him. He has done it all to himself. I thought then that he might have seen the "light" and realize how I felt, because we got along a lot better in the next week or so...until he sold this car and was a jerk about it on the phone tonight. He is SO moody, I don't know how to talk to him and I can't keep guessing all my life. I would LOVE to be a family again, but I want him to be the man I married and since that isn't happening, I've got to start thinking about myself and my daughter. We can't keep wishing and wondering...can we? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 I think the less selfish thing to do would have been NONE of you show up for the wedding, and detract from the bride's big day with your pettiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Yikes Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Grandma eh? That must have been a hot date. Even though blood is thicker than water, obviously his family is not too pleased with him right now. Surely he doesn't think they should turn their backs on you when he's been such a prick. It is nice that you can still have a decent relationship with the inlaws, it won't be the same but it will sure be better for your daughter if things are decent. I can appreciate how his girlfriend would be uncomfortable. She would likely be seen as a home wrecker and she IS young. I feel really bad for your daughter, this all has to be very confusing and upsetting for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ready2moveon26 Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 My daughter has had a time with all of this. The two of us do not talk in front of her though. Although she is only three, she has done a few things to try and get us back together. She was really upset by it all for a long time and communicated it to me only, so my husband thought I was either making it up or putting the ideas in her head. She used to say every night before bed that she was going to pray that we become a family again, with just her, me and her dad...oh yeah and her cat. It broke my heart hearing her say that night after night not knowing what was going to happen. Then one day the three of us went shopping together to get her some shoes and we were both holding her hand (one on each side) well she let go and put our hands together. I pulled away because I didn't want to cause a big scene right there in the mall. I love my daughter more than anything in the world and I have met some really nice guys that completely accept her, but I don't accept them. I may be too picky, but I am not going to settle just so I have someone. We'll see if my husband has the gutts to talk to me tonight...he calls every night.... OH YEAH...to that "Guest" that put your two cents in...you should have kept it to yourself...the bride...his cousin...called me three times that week to make sure I was planning on being at her wedding...we did not cause a scene and it did not pull attention from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Yikes Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 Wow, that tugs at the heart strings. I guess I am lucky that my kids were old enough and mature enough to understand. I did tell them right up front that their mother an I would not be getting back together. Not ever. I did not want them secreting hoping that we'd get back together, because it was not going to happen, no way, no how. Finished. By this time we had already tried counselling (although the kids were not aware). My wife had already pissed away the second chance she asked for by. Basically I felt that all avenues had been exhausted by this time, I didn't know what else there was to do but pull the pin. So I did. I know it was the right thing to do... she left me no choice. In the end my wife proved (again) that she couldn't be trusted and she knew that there would be no 3rd chance to be had (although she tried to get one) So now I am alone, but I am happier. I think the kids are happier in some respects, there is no more tension in the house. We could always seem to sit our kids down and explain things to them from a very young age and they always seemed to understand. I guess that we were pretty lucky that way. By the way BE PICKY! I'm guessing that you don't want go through any of this crap again! 3 years old is tough, I feel for you. Is there any counselling in your area for young kids? Link to post Share on other sites
lioness Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 The state I'm divorcing in requires a mandatory divorce class for parents with children under 18. It was an invaluable class, I learned so much about how to deal with my son's fears, doubts, concerns, and how to interact with my ex-spouse to put our son first. Is anything like that required where you live? If not required, I would suggest trying to find one, it was incredibly enlightening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ready2moveon26 Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 My husband and I are most likely getting a dissolution and with that we don't have to take the class. If I get mad enough and file for divorce rather than a dissolution, I will have to take the class. My daughter is doing MUCH better now since her dad and I have been seperated for 5 months. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted August 3, 2004 Share Posted August 3, 2004 WOOPS! I'm going to start reading threads before I reply! Link to post Share on other sites
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