BettyBoo Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 My daughter got back with an ex and got pregnant after 4 months she miscarried the baby early and we as a family supported her and her boyfriend through that time. However he did not tell his own family about the miscarraige and I felt very uncomfortable about this as he is close with his family. Two months later they got engaged and it just does not feel right to me. I have serious doubts if he does not tell his parents about important events in his life such as the death of his child what is he so afraid of. By the way they are both 29? I am an uneasy feeling as a mother and feel my daughter is not seeing straight. I have spoken to her about her wellbeing in general but she got furious with me and accused me of not liking him which is not true. What I do not like is that he was not honest about such a serious matter and now that they are engaged. How do I sit with that elephant in the room! Please has anyone been through this? Advice please Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 A miscarriage is a personal thing and nobody's business. If he didn't share that with his parents, I'm sure he has good reason not to. Maybe he is one, as close you think he is to his family, maybe he wasn't and isn't ready to 'talk' about how he feels/felt about losing the baby. I wouldn't hold this against him and think he's being dishonest and not truthful. Have you asked him why? Other than this one concern of yours, is he a good guy? treat your daughter well? Loves and looks after her? If so, then try not to let his decision not to tell his parents bother you so much. That doesn't define who he is. It just may mean he is a private person and there are some things TOO personal that he won't share or want to open up and talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 Do his parents not know about the baby at all or are you saying he's just letting them find out on their own about the miscarriage? Just trying to make sense of this. I'm sure if they knew she was pregnant, they'd figure out sooner or later. I agree, I wouldn't hold one red flag against him. If someone's parent was mad at me for not telling my parents something, I'd be upset. My family has a lot of issues and there are some things I just don't tell them. I think for this reason people usually wait until after the first trimester to break the news of pregnancy. Because unfortunately, 30% of pregnancies do end in miscarriage and most of them happen early in the pregnancy. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 I'm wondering if he felt uncomfortable about telling his parents about the pregnancy before M? So obviously he didn't tell them about the miscarriage, if he hadn't told them about the pregnancy? (By 4 months I would have thought he would have started to share with them about the pregnancy itself.) Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 Maybe he didn't want to upset his family, or felt it was his and his fiance's pain to deal with. One thing like that does not make him a terrible person who is playing your daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 There is a possibility there is nothing nefarious underneath this. I had/have a form of social hypersensitivity, in the past i have found my parents [and sibling] to spill the beans on my innermost thoughts or ... what i did. What to most ppl felt like a slight, to me it felt like being humiliated to the world. I learned pretty fast to keep things to myself, so unfortunately i now have very clearly defined layers of trust and nobody is on my innermost layer, not even when i was fully in love. This guy might be like this, or he might try to spare his parents feelings. He might also try to protect your own daughter from more pressure on her. It kinda sucks when you are suffering alone and you know you will pull through it, only to have ppl keep reminding you of what happened by saying how 'sorry they are'. Besides this incident, what is it that you don't like about this guy ? PS: Why the 2nd thread ? Link to post Share on other sites
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