Wife too controlling... PLZ HELP!!

[bizquik]

My wife and I have been having problems in our marriage practically since we got together. We were both drunk when we got married and I pretty much stayed that way throughout. I also spend most of my time away from home for work. She actually prefers this situation. All she does is b*tches at me when I am home causing me to WANT to be out on the road more. She is a very contolling woman; which is the cause of most of our problems. She even uses the kids to get her way. Everything we've done has been because it's what she wants. We live in TX because of her. I tried moving back "home" and since she wasn't able to make friends there she sent my son to live with her mother and told me she was moving back with or without me. She tells me she's on birthcontrol then comes up pregnant because she forgot to take it or ran out and didn't tell me (three times she's done this). She knows I love my kids and this is how she's keeping me around. Most the time I do things she tells me to just to avoid hearing her b*tch about it. Needless to say, I put up with this sort of treatment for almost 10 years now.

 

About two years ago I became friends with a woman who treats me good. She has taught me that someone can care for me in ways my wife never did. I'm not talking sex either. That's something I did get plenty of from my wife. The OW has opened things up inside of me that I long forgot existed. I have never before felt feelings like the way I feel when I'm with her. I can talk to her about anything. I have even quit drinking so much since I met her. She is not the reason I want a divorce, but she did help me to open my eyes to what my wife has been doing all this time. Also, not drinking so much helped a lot too since the drinking was impairing my judgement.

 

My wife knows I talk to this OW and suspects I'm acquiring feelings for her. I've actually told her I've fallen for the OW. She has told me that I have to quit talking to the OW; but it's okay for her to have numerous guy friends. She has gone so far as to completely wipe out all the numbers I had programmed into my cell phones (personal as well as work phone) and delete the OW's name from my IM lists and email accounts. She's even started following me wherever I go. I have told her I want a divorce. When I tried to leave, she told me I'd never see my kids again. When I try to move any of my stuff out of the house, she goes wherever I have it stored and brings it back. I still stay there for the kids, but sleep on the couch. There is no intimacy between my wife and myself and hasn't been for eight months now. She thinks things will be better between us if she can get rid of the OW even though I've told her she has nothing to do with the reason I want a divorce.

 

I have also recently had my eyes opened to the fact, she not only treats me like sh*t, but she treats my kids like sh*t as well. Like I said, I was out on the road a lot and almost always drunk when I was home so I didn't really notice it. This woman doesn't seem capable of real affection toward anyone, not even her own kids.

 

How can I make her see the truth? Should I just file for divorce and see how things turn out? I just don't want to lose my kids. She keeps telling me that if I want a divorce I have to file and if I file I'll be walking away from everything, including my kids. What are the chances of the father getting custody of the kids? I've heard this is pretty rare but becoming more common. I know she will fight me for them just to hurt me, not because she thinks it would be in their best interest or even that she really wants them. I have an offer for a job that doesn't require me to be out of state, so there shouldn't be a problem with that. Also, I know in TX you have to wait 31 days before remarrying, but when can you legally start dating? I do love this OW and want to be with her, but at the same time I don't want to ruin my chances of getting my kids.

[Shasta]

Wow, I'm sorry that your going through that. I say that you file for a divorce, and move your stuff somewhere where she won't find it. As for the children, fight to get custody of them. Do everything you can to be able to see them. Don't let a woman use that kind of crap just to keep you with her.

[Adunaphel]

I'm sorry to hear this, man.

 

Although I'd love to hear your wife's side of the story, since -no offence meant- there are a few things that sound 'strange' in your post.

 

You didn't mention if she also was heavily into booze while you were married.

If so, you have bigger chances of getting custody of the children.

otherwise expect it to be difficult.... if you get a divorce your wife will be describing you as a drunk, as a cheater (because of your emotional affair with the other woman), as a guy who was never at home.

 

I have also recently had my eyes opened to the fact, she not only treats me like sh*t, but she treats my kids like sh*t as well.

if she really has been treating the children badly, this might help you getting their custody. If you can prove she has been a bad mother in any way, start to gather evidence.

Stop entirely drinking. It is probably going to help.

Did you spend quite a lot of time with the kids when your work schedule allowed you to? If so this is going to help too.

Are you absolutely positive you'd make a better single parent than she?

How old are the children?

 

The best of luck to you.... and keep well in mind what's best for your children too

 

The best of luck to you

[bizquik]

I have four kids: one girl, 1 yr of age; and three boys, 3, 6, and 7 yrs.

 

I have friends and family that will agree that the kids would be better off with me. Even some of her friends and family would say so. I do have a couple people who will willingly testify for me in court if it comes down to it.

 

Yes, she too was pretty heavy into drinking unless she was pregnant. She was good about not drinking nor smoking during her pregnancy though. This is the best thing she's ever done for any of the kids. I have been working on quitting. I have cut down considerably since I started talking to the OW.

 

As far as never being home, she's the one who originally got me the job that kept me out of town a lot through her uncle. And like I said, when I am home she does nothing but b*tch at me only causing me to WANT to be gone or drunk. I do try to spend as much time as possible with the kids, but she b*tches that I'm not spending time with her then. Though I have been spending a lot more time with them since I told her I want a divorce and have discontinued all intimacy with her.

 

I guess it's going to take filing for divorce and her getting served for her to get it through her head that I'm through with her. We did try to "work things out" many times over the years. Things would seem to get better, but only for awhile. Or maybe I was just away more. Seems every time I come home all hell starts up again. I know there's always two sides to every story, but I promise you I'm not exaggerating any of this.

 

Thank you all for your support. It does help a lot to get feedback from others.