sleepie Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Brief overview: I went NC. A week later he tells me it's over between us. NC followed. I had ups and downs, but mostly felt good. Four weeks later, he contacts me again. I respond (yeah, yeah, I know I'll catch heat for that). Kept my responses curt and short. When he asked how I was doing, I said "Fantastic!" I guess that made him mad (presumably he wanted to hear I was miserable without him), so the next day he contacted me again to tell me... wait for it... he is never going to contact me again. So what do you think? Is he now squarely and firmly in the past? Or should I prepare myself for the possibility of future contact from him? Link to post Share on other sites
sad puppy Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Girl, look all over these threads, they always reconnect, always. However, is he planning to leave his wife? Didn't think so. End your misery, dump him and stay NC. Leave with your power and regain your sanity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Brief overview: I went NC. A week later he tells me it's over between us. NC followed. I had ups and downs, but mostly felt good. Four weeks later, he contacts me again. I respond (yeah, yeah, I know I'll catch heat for that). Kept my responses curt and short. When he asked how I was doing, I said "Fantastic!" I guess that made him mad (presumably he wanted to hear I was miserable without him), so the next day he contacted me again to tell me... wait for it... he is never going to contact me again. So what do you think? Is he now squarely and firmly in the past? Or should I prepare myself for the possibility of future contact from him? He was hoping you'd be miserable, begging to talk to him, oozing the "I miss you/I love you's".. That didn't happen and the big baby got his ego hurt. He was fishing by contacting you with no intention of the A continuing, but DID want his type of reaction - Which he didn't get. GOOD FOR YOU!! I wouldn't hold my breath or hope for any more contact. All you can do is focus on healing and moving on, IF he contacts you again, tell him goodbye and that you have no interest in hearing from him ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleepie Posted August 17, 2012 Author Share Posted August 17, 2012 He's playing a game with you to see if you will respond, so far you are playing the same game because you respond back. As long as you keep responding, he will keep doing it. NC means you don't respond in any way, shape or form. Why not block him, change your number, etc? Yeah, I agree it's a game for him. It's not for me. I was feeling strong and good in NC and was hoping xMOM and I would be able to maintain a degree of civility. Not friendship (which is usually an excuse to continue an A), but civility. Our social situation will force us to interact on occasion. It will be patently obvious to others if he and I are completely ignoring each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleepie Posted August 17, 2012 Author Share Posted August 17, 2012 Girl, look all over these threads, they always reconnect, always. However, is he planning to leave his wife? Didn't think so. End your misery, dump him and stay NC. Leave with your power and regain your sanity. I don't even want him anymore, which is the thing. I'm just wondering if I need to be prepared for more contact from him. I *think* he's probably done now. Now that he didn't get the response he wanted from he, no ego-boost for him, I'm pretty sure he thinks of me as "useless" to him. Which, quite frankly, is just fine for me. But his little attempts to contact me are always shocks and they do kind of startle me out of my journey toward a better life, so if there's a chance he's going to try to re-connect again, I'd like to emotionally prepare myself. I've wavered about blocking/blacklisting him, but there's just too many variables that make it extremely difficult, particularly our social situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 I don't even want him anymore, which is the thing. I'm just wondering if I need to be prepared for more contact from him. I *think* he's probably done now. Now that he didn't get the response he wanted from he, no ego-boost for him, I'm pretty sure he thinks of me as "useless" to him. Which, quite frankly, is just fine for me. But his little attempts to contact me are always shocks and they do kind of startle me out of my journey toward a better life, so if there's a chance he's going to try to re-connect again, I'd like to emotionally prepare myself. I've wavered about blocking/blacklisting him, but there's just too many variables that make it extremely difficult, particularly our social situation. When I ended things I chose not to read what he sent. I will agree with you that at first it would startle me and set me back a little. But I just left it. If you can't resist reading them and it's more than you want to deal with you do 1 thing -- let him know the next one gets sent to his wife. Then make sure you do it if you get anything from him. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 Brief overview: I went NC. A week later he tells me it's over between us. NC followed. I had ups and downs, but mostly felt good. Four weeks later, he contacts me again. I respond (yeah, yeah, I know I'll catch heat for that). Kept my responses curt and short. When he asked how I was doing, I said "Fantastic!" I guess that made him mad (presumably he wanted to hear I was miserable without him), so the next day he contacted me again to tell me... wait for it... he is never going to contact me again. So what do you think? Is he now squarely and firmly in the past? Or should I prepare myself for the possibility of future contact from him? This man is so immature I hate this kind of behavior on a man. I'd rather you either be honest about how you feel OR be stoic frankly, versus play silly games of calling/texting/emailing to say you won't be speaking to me again, after you've ALREADY said so! He seems to be attention seeking and I wager that at some point he will come fishing. Prepare to ignore him in the future and don't even reply in a curt manner. With people like this, being ignored is the worst. If you answer, curt or not, he's going to probably take it as an invite that you're playing hard to get and he's going to continue reaching out. Not answering him at all and keeping strict NC is the best way, IMO, to show him that you're serious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 I don't even want him anymore, which is the thing. I'm just wondering if I need to be prepared for more contact from him. I *think* he's probably done now. Now that he didn't get the response he wanted from he, no ego-boost for him, I'm pretty sure he thinks of me as "useless" to him. Which, quite frankly, is just fine for me. But his little attempts to contact me are always shocks and they do kind of startle me out of my journey toward a better life, so if there's a chance he's going to try to re-connect again, I'd like to emotionally prepare myself. I've wavered about blocking/blacklisting him, but there's just too many variables that make it extremely difficult, particularly our social situation. Then block him, or change your email address. Block him from your phone or change your number. You're allowing him to affect you. And, you're settling for table scraps, like it'll make or break your day if he contacts you, tries to reconnect with you. Remember why it ended? Remember why you were in NC? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 Then block him, or change your email address. Block him from your phone or change your number. You're allowing him to affect you. And, you're settling for table scraps, like it'll make or break your day if he contacts you, tries to reconnect with you. Remember why it ended? Remember why you were in NC? This! And the only reason he's been checking is to see if you'll allow HIM to keep you on the back burner - in case he has a bad day and needs a sex buddy. Don't settle! Block him completely so YOU CAN move forward without looking back! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleepie Posted August 17, 2012 Author Share Posted August 17, 2012 LOL Well, he won't get a "sex buddy" from me since it was strictly an EA. But I do think he wants to keep me on the back burner for the occasional ego stroke. He's a classic narcissist in a lot of ways. Yeah, I should've just ignored his attempt to contact me this time. I tried, but he kept persisting, and then I knew if I didn't respond he'd unload a bunch of angry s*** on me that I didn't feel like hearing. Not an excuse, just my reason. I guess blocking is the only way. I suppose I've always known it would come to this, but it's difficult for a variety of reasons. Alternatively, I could just grow a set and completely ignore him if he tries again, regardless of whether he lambasts me with angry crap, which would affect me but not as much as an interaction with him. I also like the idea of telling him I'll show his emails and such to his W if he tries again. I am CERTAIN that would stop him. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 Absolutely send the emails to his wife if he contacts again! She has a right to know when he's stepping into your life - or even attempting to. Showing her his info would stop him in his tracks. Or the easier way is to block him. Link to post Share on other sites
beachbabe82 Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 Very weird. But I have read here before of OW contacting an ex MM to remind him she loves him, but can't do an affair anymore .... And then contacting him again to say she is going NC. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
losingmyground Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 He will keep trying to contact you if you respond. By the way, thank you for being on of the few OW that tries to stand by NC. Send the emails to his wife to cover your bottom, but do not reply anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
hermione08 Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Or do like I did: blacklist him on the email and on the phone. This way, even if he wants to, he can't get in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
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