he confuses me

[reallyconfused4]

so I have this friend. we've been friends for about a year. daily texting for hours. get along ridiculously well. see things similarly, and when we don't its an amusing debate.

 

we flirt a bit. sometimes quite a bit. occasionally if I'm being a smartass he'll say something like...I'd spank you but you'd enjoy it too much. if I say something like I just might, or you know it...he'll say something like "interesting" and drop the subject

 

when I went out on a date with someone else, he got quiet for a few days. when I went on another date with the same guy, my friend suddenly wants to make plans for us to get together. I've been trying to get him to hang out for months, but he never wanted to set a time.

 

if I mention that a guy was flirting with me, by the next day he's telling me about a girl at work hitting on him or something like that. I said something earlier about needing to make new friends and he asked if I was trying to ditch him. he's asked that a few times, if I was going to ditch him, or asking if saying or doing certain things would cause me to be done with him.

 

a few of my friends have said they think he's into me. stuff he posts on my fb wall, or the fact that I could use his morning text as an alarm, comes through the same time everyday.

 

i honestly don't know what to think. there's times I'm almost certain its true.

 

I've known he was shy since we started talking. he can talk to a female all day long, but when it comes to making a move or saying something about interest he clams up. he says he likes to take his time, he's actually made that point quite a few times. but then he'll follow up by saying most of his ex girlfriends told him they were interested in him initially.

 

actually earlier we had a conversation about the whole shy thing. he complained that it was hard for a guy to know when a females flirting meant anything. I said it was the same for us females. we got into how it was easier to tell with someone new then with a friend. I tried dropping a hint. I mentioned that the best relationships start as friendships, if someones willing to take that first step. he agreed with me. and then the topic changed.

 

we talk about what we want in the opposite gender. we've both pointed out those things in each other. or we point them out in ourselves later on. when I was freaking out about starting college, and then about midterm exams, he went on about how proud he was of me, how smart I am, and how I needed to chill because he knew I was going to ace it.

 

and in a move thats completely odd and out of character, he's talked about sex alot lately. like either randomly bringing his penis up (I'll call him a dork, he'll say something like a dork with a nice dick though) or earlier we ended up having this really long talk about sex. we've talked about it before in a more general way, but this was extremely personal. started with him randomly telling me he needs to get laid and ended with: I like this, I don't like that, I really want to try this, or talking about what we fantasize about when we....erm....take care of ourselves.

 

so before someone says he's just trying to turn our friendship into a fwb thing, neither of us is into those. he hasn't had sex in a few years because he doesn't like casual and has dated a couple girls that wanted to wait. and he knows I don't do random hookups either.

 

so how do I find out what it is he does want? without asking. I do have a thing for him, and I certainly don't have the nerve to tell him. There are days when I'm almost certain he's into me too, and days when I have no clue either way.

[GATE101]

so I have this friend. we've been friends for about a year. daily texting for hours. get along ridiculously well. see things similarly, and when we don't its an amusing debate.

 

we flirt a bit. sometimes quite a bit. occasionally if I'm being a smartass he'll say something like...I'd spank you but you'd enjoy it too much. if I say something like I just might, or you know it...he'll say something like "interesting" and drop the subject

 

when I went out on a date with someone else, he got quiet for a few days. when I went on another date with the same guy, my friend suddenly wants to make plans for us to get together. I've been trying to get him to hang out for months, but he never wanted to set a time.

 

if I mention that a guy was flirting with me, by the next day he's telling me about a girl at work hitting on him or something like that. I said something earlier about needing to make new friends and he asked if I was trying to ditch him. he's asked that a few times, if I was going to ditch him, or asking if saying or doing certain things would cause me to be done with him.

 

a few of my friends have said they think he's into me. stuff he posts on my fb wall, or the fact that I could use his morning text as an alarm, comes through the same time everyday.

 

i honestly don't know what to think. there's times I'm almost certain its true.

 

I've known he was shy since we started talking. he can talk to a female all day long, but when it comes to making a move or saying something about interest he clams up. he says he likes to take his time, he's actually made that point quite a few times. but then he'll follow up by saying most of his ex girlfriends told him they were interested in him initially.

 

actually earlier we had a conversation about the whole shy thing. he complained that it was hard for a guy to know when a females flirting meant anything. I said it was the same for us females. we got into how it was easier to tell with someone new then with a friend. I tried dropping a hint. I mentioned that the best relationships start as friendships, if someones willing to take that first step. he agreed with me. and then the topic changed.

 

we talk about what we want in the opposite gender. we've both pointed out those things in each other. or we point them out in ourselves later on. when I was freaking out about starting college, and then about midterm exams, he went on about how proud he was of me, how smart I am, and how I needed to chill because he knew I was going to ace it.

 

and in a move thats completely odd and out of character, he's talked about sex alot lately. like either randomly bringing his penis up (I'll call him a dork, he'll say something like a dork with a nice dick though) or earlier we ended up having this really long talk about sex. we've talked about it before in a more general way, but this was extremely personal. started with him randomly telling me he needs to get laid and ended with: I like this, I don't like that, I really want to try this, or talking about what we fantasize about when we....erm....take care of ourselves.

 

so before someone says he's just trying to turn our friendship into a fwb thing, neither of us is into those. he hasn't had sex in a few years because he doesn't like casual and has dated a couple girls that wanted to wait. and he knows I don't do random hookups either.

 

so how do I find out what it is he does want? without asking. I do have a thing for him, and I certainly don't have the nerve to tell him. There are days when I'm almost certain he's into me too, and days when I have no clue either way.[/quote

 

 

 

This is too obvious! you like him he likes you (: Don't take this concept personal It could be a "Maybe"??? Guys can't read Girls & Girls can't read Guys It all depends who makes the first move. Oh I'll tell you the truth he ain't gonna make da move's so u make the move's & BE REAL!!! about it LOL

[NoMagicBullet]

so before someone says he's just trying to turn our friendship into a fwb thing, neither of us is into those. he hasn't had sex in a few years because he doesn't like casual and has dated a couple girls that wanted to wait. and he knows I don't do random hookups either.

 

Famous last words. What men say the want or what they will/will not do and what they actually do can be very different things. Just because he knows you don't do random hookups doesn't mean that he won't try to get you to change your mind. Doesn't matter that he's been your friend for about a year. Which isn't long at all -- he may have decided to go the friend route a while ago to keep you as a backup option. Best words of advice I ever got: A hard-on has no conscience. And I'm afraid that statement has been true more often than not for many women. Just read some of the other theads here on LS.

 

Now, I have to admit I'm biased because of personal experience, but I had a male acquaintance who did a lot of the stuff you've written about: flirting, suggesting something more intimate, etc. Basically, he was exploring his options to see if I would be into something casual. How do I know? Because I wasn't the one he asked out on dates -- that was another woman! He complimented me, too, but by then I was sure he did that with all his women. It was nothing special. I didn't want to be a piece on the side (this guy flirted with ALL women) or get into the potential drama of having a group of mutual friends know my business (it was through them I found out he was dating someone else while he's hitting on me). I'm just glad I had my eyes open and was able to avoid that mess.

 

So the question is, while he's talking to you about sex, who is he taking out to dinner? Who is he going out with? Why isn't it you?

 

You try to make plans to hang out with him, but he won't set a time. This is an obvious sign that he's not that interested. Him coming around when you're dating someone else -- he's trying to keep his options open. Texts or FB posts are a minimal amount of effort to keep you on the hook. The same with compliments -- minimal effort to keep you around.

 

 

so how do I find out what it is he does want? without asking. I do have a thing for him, and I certainly don't have the nerve to tell him. There are days when I'm almost certain he's into me too, and days when I have no clue either way.

 

Asking him what he wants might not give you the truth anyway, not if he thinks he can get you into bed. A lot of men will tell a woman what he thinks she wants to hear and/or a lot of really vague stuff, if it means getting what he wants (laid).

 

You can flat out tell him that you'd like to date him -- in other words, tell him what you want and where you'd like to see things go (serious relationship, if that's wht you want) -- if you want to try to move things to the next level yourself. But I don't see this actually working. You'll probably get some vague answer that would make you think he agreed but doesn't mean anything when you look at what he's actually saying. Still, it's an option for you, if you want.

 

Otherwise, let it go. If he won't ask you out on a real date or make the next move, then move on and find a guy who will. You've flirted with this guy, dropped hints, etc. He's dated before, so he's not cluless. Stop making excuses for him -- he's not so shy to talk about sex with you, so he's not so shy to move things along if he wanted to. If he were really interested, you wouldn't have to be wondering whether or not he is.

 

I know this is not what you want to hear, but you need to open your eyes and stop trying to make this into more than it is. This situation totally reeks of a guy trying to start a FWB situation with you. I'd bet money all the sex talk is to convince you that you need to get laid as much as he does and to make the FWB idea seem like your idea or to initiate it.

[sweetheart5381]

I think it's pretty obvious that you are both into each other.

 

Also, from what you said he is pretty shy... just like the guy I am with. He was very, very subtle. We have been friends for 2 yrs with some flirting, but nothing overt as we work together and I am his friend's ex. It took a lot of reciprocation for him to finally ask me out for drink alone, even though we had hung out in a group before. After that, it's been fireworks

 

I would honestly ask him out on a date... alone, something you both enjoy (since you know one another well ;)t hat has an element of intimacy to it.

 

If he says no without an attempt to reschedule then he isn't interested and you have your answer. If he does, then you are likely in for a very fun evening!

 

Ask him out, it's win - win either way