SamanthaX Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 How did it get this bad? When did we start hating each other? Why did I shield my eyes to the truth? I feel broken...how can I heal? Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Sorry but I don't know how anyone can give you advice (unless you've posted before) there isn't any info on your situation. I would like to give ya some advice but could you please explain what's going on? From the post it sounds like you're in a relationship that's coming undone? Has he cheated or done something like that? What truth didn't you see? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SamanthaX Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 I met this guy and we have been dating long distance for 2 years. When I met him he had just broken up with his girlfriend of 5 years. They are still friends by the way and see each other every once in a while. I have never felt comfortable about this. However, he said he felt strongly for me and wanted to explore our possibilities. He told me he loved me wuickly which shoudl have been a warning signal. I just ignored it. We saw each other as much as possible and were on the phone all the time. It felt like things were going well until he started having some schizo episoes about his love for me. One day he wanted to move here, the next day he didnt know if he loved me. He started being verbally abusive and messing with my head all the time. I became this weak, afraid, cowering idiot. But, I loved him and have stayed with him. This has probably been the worst thing that has happened to me. I have totally given into him. He just keeps getting worse. He tells me he wants to break up and take time off. I say OK. He calls me back and asks me who would win the iron chef cook off for our love. He is just bizarre and loves to mess with my feelings. The next day after he said he wanted to take time, he emailed me saying he missed me and that he wanted to go away together, I was shocked. He does stuff like this all time. I just can't believe I let him get away with it. I mean I used to be a smart girl! I now feel worthless. I didn't answer his emails or calls for 5 days. I was trying to figure out what to do. He texted me a message asking what was going on. I called him and he acted like nothing was wrong. I asked him if he noticed I hadn't called him and he said he was too busy to notice. He has been a real jerk lately. He has been staying out later and later. I am getting more paranoid and accusing him of cheating all the time. I keep asking him to talk about us but he says tomorrow all the time. We are supposed to meet in chicago tomorrow. We got into a bad fight yesterday. He hung up on me and said I dont care if you come or not. I have never felt hate like that before in my life. He was talking to me like I was someone he couldn't stand. He told me to leave him alone and that he didnt know if he liked me anymore. What am I supposed to do? We were supposed to go to chicago to work things out....now, I dont know if I should. I can't eat or sleep. I am going crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 No! Don't go to meet him! Don't work things out! run, RUN AWAY! He is clearly abusing you. You feel worse as a person because you are with him. Relationships should make you happy. Relationships should make you a better person. You are just holding on, because of the time you invested. In the beginning of the relationship, you both probably talked about your future....college, a house, fantasies of being together, etc. THAT'S NOT REAL. What's real is that when you finally get married, he's not going to treat you with respect and love, and desire, he's going to put you down every day. You are going to cry every day. He is going to with hold sex from you, and talk to women online. He's going to probably cheat on you. He will probably shove you, if you do something wrong, or hit you. He'll get angry and break your stuff. If you break his stuff back, he'll hit you. He will make faces when he eats your cooking. He will get angry if you come home 5 minutes late because you were stuck in traffic. He won't rip your clothes off when you walk through the door. He won't give you a big hug when you get home from work. He won't kiss you passionately every morning before going to work. He won't make love to you every night. He won't help you with the dishes. He's a LOSER. He's not going to be good to you. You have this fantasy of what it will be like to be with him, but that fantasy is not real. Break up with him now, while you have the chance. Break up with him, before you make the mistake of marrying him. Don't take his calls. Don't read his emails. If he says something that strikes a nerve, don't call bitching him out, because then he'll win. He's controlling you. He's making you think that you aren't good enough for anyone, and he's doing you a favore by loving you. but he doesn't love you. He's manipulating you. Please, just stop talking to him. Don't even break up with him, because he'll want you back. DON'T TAKE HIM BACK! DON'T FORGIVE HIM! Just think of all the bad things he's done. Think of what scum he is. Think of how he's not worth you, and get over him. Link to post Share on other sites
OnTheCusp77 Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I'd have to agree with Monday. Move on... as hard as it is, it's better for YOU!!! Forget him... His type isn't worth the suffering. There are guys out there that don't do this... go find one and have a good time. Whatever you do......... DON'T GO SEE HIM!!! That would be a HUGE mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SamanthaX Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 I just feel like I have failed in some way. That I am not worthy of his love because I am a horrible person. He tells me I bring out the worst in him. He has been telling me this forever. Is he just an abusive person or do I provoke him? He got my ticket and paid for it...what should I do? Tell him I am not coming? Then he is stuck by himself (he is already there for work) until wednesday? He probably wouldn't care. But, I dont want to waste his money. I just keep hoping he will call and tell me he loves me. I miss hearing that. I am just crumbling to pieces. Link to post Share on other sites
ntovrhm Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Please don't go, for your own well being. If he is there on business, then you really won't be able to work things out there anyway. Don't call, don't get on the plane, just don't contact him. It hurts badly!!!!! But he is NOT treating you the way a person that cares about you would treat you. STAY STRONG. . . and you will get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SamanthaX Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 I am just falling apart here. I have no strength. If I lose him, I have nothing. I am so sad. I can't stop crying. Link to post Share on other sites
ntovrhm Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 You ARE something, and you WILL survive! He had you feeling so bad about yourself that you can't see the forest through the trees!!!!!! Please, please, please!!!!!! You are hurting now, but you have definitely given him too much power over you, and he is not treating you right!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Can't you return the ticket and send him a money order for the money he spent? Or do you really really feel the need to go? I hope that for your own sake you get some SELF ESTEEM!! NO ONE deserves the agony that he's putting you through! I haven't heard you say anything that you do to make him put you down. I'm sorry but I agree that you need to move on, you must feel really low about yourself to feel so desperate that you NEED to hold on to someone who is clearly not respecting you! In the end no matter what any of us say you're gonna do what YOU want to do so please just CONSIDER what we're saying even though you've got to make the choice in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 You, probably with lots of help from this man (and I use the term man losely), have convinced yourself that you need him and yet are not worthy of him. I'm sorry, but it's time for a reality check because both of those couldn't be further from the truth. Most likely, it's he who is not worthy. Just from what you've said, this man appears to be nothing but trouble. I would suggest that you NOT meet, NOT talk to him, and just generally run like hell away from him. Love can be hard, but it's not supposed to make you feel like garbage. Be thankful that he doesn't live by you so you can try to get over him without being tempted to see him on a regular basis, and try to start healing from the games that this guy has played. Please. You do not need this in your life. Especially when it's long-distance (which is tough in and of itself) to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Ok.....what is good about him? What kind of future do you expect with him? TELL US THAT. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Honey, you are crying hard right now, because you can't allow yourself to believe that the man you love is abusive, and not in love with you. He's not the man you love though! You've made up some guy in your head! How many more times are you going to let him hurt you, before you wake up and say, "Wait a minute....I'm not dating the guy of my dreams! I don't even like this guy!" You are fooling yourself into thinking he's right for you, but he's not! The only commitment you have with him right now, is he's your boyfriend. Thank God that you aren't his wife! Again, what's good about him? What makes him this Prince Charming that you don't deserve? Link to post Share on other sites
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