Dumbgirl Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Hi, I put the NC rule into effect a week ago after being told by my boyfriend of 2 years that he wants to be alone right now to figure stuff out and that he doesn' t want to give me any false hopes but he also does not want to close the door on the possibility of us being together in the future. He claims he fell out of love with me I know he is very sensitive and really hurt by alot of the thigns I have done....most recently forgetting our 2 year anniversary and going away with my girlfriends to party (I feel bad - I know!) Anyhow, I thought things were getting better....he instant messaged me last night for the first time since last week when I initiated the NC rule. The conversation was light and funny and only lasted for about 5 minutes. I was happy though because I thought it showed that I was on his mind. Today, my friend got the bright idea of talking to him on MSN messenger and telling him that I am truly devastated and want him back (wrong choice of words eh??). Anyhow, he responded with nobody knows what the future holds...right now this is where I want and need to be and if it is meant to be it wil...if not you move on. I am so sad right now.....to me that indicates that he doesn't have any thought of trying to reconcile with me any time soon. Almost like if we do get back, it will be a long time from now if it happens by chance. What should I do?? Keep up the NC rule? Call him in about a week and let him know that I have thought about all the things that were wrong with our relationship and how I want to change those things too - with him by my side? We have been broken up for about a month now...but I only started the NC rule last Wednesday. Link to post Share on other sites
mike4jennie Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 It is very common for a guy to want space. It is also very important that you give him space. In my opinion the best thing you could do is just give him the time that he needs to feel alone and realize what he has with you. You should be there when he needs you no matter what but don't force yourself on him. It will only backfire and push him further away. He needs to pull away and when he hits bottom he will bounce right back into your arms.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dumbgirl Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 Thanks Mike....I am scared that if too much time passes there will be no hope though. I thought it was a good sign that he IM'd me as quick as he did (1 week) but from the conversation he had with my friend, I get the impression that he is thinking there may be a chnace in the DISTANT - not near future. That makes me sad because I have realized how mean and inconsiderate I have been and I want a second chance to show him that we can be the way we were for the 1st year of our realtionship. I don;t know if I'll get that because he says he fell out of love with me. Link to post Share on other sites
mike4jennie Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Its perfectly normal for people in a relationship to feel madly in love for a week for month and then seem apart for the next week or month. But most people need companionship, and sometimes you can feel like there is no hope in a relationship and give yourself space. But the best thing you can do I belive is just let him learn on his own that he does love you and want to be with you. Then we he calls or talks to you listen to him and be there for him. Try not to be so pushy on jumping back in where you left off.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dumbgirl Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 Good advice! I know its what I have to do...its just hard to be pateint when you know what you want! What if during this time he realizes that he doesn' t want to be with me??.....that's what I am scared of. Link to post Share on other sites
mike4jennie Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I feel your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
quyster Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Mike has some pretty good way of working these kinds of problems. I will apply it to my own since I got a similar situation. I realize that everytime, I push, she backs off. It's hard to stop doing that thought because i'm always scared to lose her forever if I dont push. I just lost my confident after the break up. But i know this time, I just have to let it go and flow. Be natural, patient and wait.... maybe not wait but believe it's over.... Link to post Share on other sites
jw32802 Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Buy the book "makeup dont breakup" by bonnie eaker weil. It says to give him 6-8 weeks no contact, he will realize what he has! Link to post Share on other sites
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