Shohane Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 In case a friend has unrequited love for you, I wonder if you can go back to being friends with them... If yes, how long does it usually take? How would you know if their romantic feelings toward you eroded completely? Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 Is this the same person you have been talking about? May I ask why you want so badly to be his friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shohane Posted August 18, 2012 Author Share Posted August 18, 2012 (edited) No. This is a general question. I wonder if my wording is confusing. I'd like to know how to deal with this situation when I'm on the receiving end. Edited August 18, 2012 by Shohane Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 Gotcha. From my personal experience, no; they don't ever become friends again. Sometimes it works out and they become friends after a solid amount of time, but by that point I would think both have moved in with their own things in life. This is speaking from personal experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shohane Posted August 18, 2012 Author Share Posted August 18, 2012 (edited) Do you think it depends on how the person at the receiving end handles it? I had some guys say they "liked" me, and we're still friends... Edited August 18, 2012 by Shohane Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 I don't know your guy friends but my guess is they're either hanging around you hoping for something more or they didn't have very strong feelings for you in the first place. As for your question, I think it depends on how both people handle it and how strong the feelings for an unrequited love are. There are some people who will never let go of that unrequited unless they remove them from their life. Others, after some time, will be able to move on and stop placing the unrequited on a pedastal. As for the person on the receiving end, I think it's important to establish that you have absolutely no romantic intentions toward the rejected person and let that person decide from there. Just my two cents Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 As a guy who has been in this situation too many times; once I have feelings for a friend, the friendship is pretty much over. I'm not saying we can't be great friends, but all the time I'd be thinking about how much I want to be in a relationship with her. Eventually it would start to hurt that I can't be with her. One thing for sure, not wanting to be with a guy because "it will ruin your friendship" is crap. Once feelings are involved, things have already changed and will not be the same again. Aside from actually dating him, the most likely way to continue the friendship would be for him to start dating somebody else, that way he won't be focused on you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shohane Posted August 19, 2012 Author Share Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) ^ Are you saying that there's a natural attraction in the guy once he has been confessed to? As a guy who has been in this situation too many times; once I have feelings for a friend, the friendship is pretty much over. ^ My question was: How about once a friend has feelings for YOU? Edited August 19, 2012 by Shohane Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 As a guy who has been in this situation too many times; once I have feelings for a friend, the friendship is pretty much over. I'm not saying we can't be great friends, but all the time I'd be thinking about how much I want to be in a relationship with her. Eventually it would start to hurt that I can't be with her. One thing for sure, not wanting to be with a guy because "it will ruin your friendship" is crap. Once feelings are involved, things have already changed and will not be the same again. Aside from actually dating him, the most likely way to continue the friendship would be for him to start dating somebody else, that way he won't be focused on you anymore. Right on point Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 ^ Are you saying that there's a natural attraction in the guy once he has been confessed to? Sorry I don't know what you are asking. ^ My question was: How about once a friend has feelings for YOU? That has never happened for me. I've always been the ones to get feelings for my friends. I've never had a lady friend get a crush on me. All I can do is give my point of view. No. This is a general question. I wonder if my wording is confusing. I'd like to know how to deal with this situation when I'm on the receiving end. Meaning, you have a guy friend that likes you? Or you want to know what to do when that happens? In my experience, the best thing to do would be to end the friendship if you didn't want to see if a relationship could work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shohane Posted August 19, 2012 Author Share Posted August 19, 2012 Is it really necessary to end the friendship? Can we resume the friendship later? Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 It's not necessary but it would save the rejected person a world of hurt of the friendship ended. In some cases it does, in others it doesn't. The rejected person will need time to move on and find someone else before the possibility of a renewed friendship can even be explored Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 [quote=Shohane;4203477 ^ My question was: How about once a friend has feelings for YOU? I've been in that situation. I found it uncomfortable to be around that person because I could tell they still wanted a relationship. I tried and did avoid them at every possible chance. I was honest with them how I felt but I could still see the hurt and found it extremely uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlontheLam Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 For whatever reason, 70% of all the the male friends I have ever had disappeared off the face of the planet at some point. There are 3 cases I am most disappointed about: 1. We had horrible timing. We could never seem to get our mutual attraction/chemistry to work out at a time when we were both available. Something always got in the way. But we really had a great bond while we were actually friends. We were pretty much always thinking about things the same way. 2. No clue why this one faded out. We couldn't be "friends" if he had a girlfriend. Eventually he moved across the country. He was the king of mixed signals. 3. He got married He went to that married person black hole, but we always got on famously! And now I have limbo land situation right now. I met someone I am attracted to. But we could also only be friends, and it would be fine. I really just think he is a cool guy, and we get on really well, even though we hardly know each other. Really easy conversation! So hopefully we can at least be friends. On the flipside, the one straight male friend that is still around is on year 16 or so right now. No problems! We are still only friends. No attraction on my end. Never really sure with him though. Link to post Share on other sites
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