NervousNelly Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I'm not normally one to post to message boards for relationship advice, but it's a minor emergency. Saturday I leave for a conference I go to every year, usually without my husband because his work conflicts. At last year's conference, I committed a relationship no-no, which was doing some kissing with a guy who was one of the panelists (both of us married, me happily, him--who knows) after drunken revelry the last night of the conference. Nobody else at the conference, to my knowledge, knows about this. The next day I was highly disturbed about it, thinking where it might have gone if it had gone further. I told my husband about it when I got back from the conference, which resulted in some tearful conversations and a period of awkwardness. After a while we both basically got over it, which is very good and I realize I am a very lucky woman and need to appreciate this more, I'm very happy to have regained his trust enough for him to not complain about me going again this year, etc. etc. This part is not my problem. The problem is, I'm going to this conference again next week (I'm peripherally involved in organizing the thing so I have to go, plus I want to go) and I know that this panelist will also be there again this year. I have not communicated with him the entire year, of course, not wanting to encourage or continue this behavior in the future. (We live a very far distance apart so it was easy to spend several months in total denial.) I am concerned about what to do, and how to react/behave, when I do (unavoidably) encounter him. I'm not sure how he's going to be behaving and I'm sure at the very least it will be highly awkward. He seemed a little co-dependent/needy to me (though that might have been the drunkenness talking) so I'm worried about what I should do if he tries to talk to me beyond a professional level or starts acting like we're more than friends. He's a nice person, but I regret what happened between us and would essentially like to pretend nothing ever happened. Also, I should be able to avoid one-on-one conversations with him (since I'll be busy organizing things) but what if it does happen? Any advice at this late date will be gratefully received. Please bear in mind that I don't need any criticisms of my behavior at last year's conference, as I've already felt enough guilt about it to last me the next ten years, if not a lifetime. Thanks, NervousNelly Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Why not just maintain a professional reserve and be pleasant to him as required? If he wants a repeat performance of last year, simply tell him you aren't interested. Relax. It probably won't be as bad as you are imagining. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I agree with StartingAgain. Just be professional. And if he is not on his best behavior, be assertive and tell him you're not proud of what you did last time and are not interested in doing it again because you worked things out with your husband, which is wonderful. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 I agree with the others. Keep it professional. And to be extra certain, do NOT socialize with him after hours. And more importantly, do NOT allow yourself to get drunk while you're at the conference. You should also tell your husband that that guy will likely be there. Then, make a point of calling your husband several times a day, to check in, and remind him that you love him and can't wait to be home. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Follow everyone else's advice. Try to steer clear of him as much as possible, but if you do have to speak to him, be polite and professional. You don't have to talk to him at any social event. Keep your cool and drink responsibly. This guy may even be fearing a meeting with you, so you two might definitely not speak at all. Link to post Share on other sites
NervousNelly Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Sincere thanks to all for the advice. I hope you're right! My plan is to keep as busy as possible (which won't be hard) and keep as much distance as possible between me and this guy. I'm going to try to maintain a buffer zone of friends/acquaintances at all times. And, of course, I'll be calling my husband daily. I'll just have to hope I have the internal strength to deal with him without freaking out, if we end up in a one-on-one conversation. Thanks again. I feel a lot better! NN Link to post Share on other sites
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