Found out that my ex-girlfriend is in a rebound relationship with a friend of mine

[Drive]

Hi LS regulars,

 

I am so angry and frustrated right now when I found out that a friend of mine is now dating my ex. The break up was my fault. My friends don't think so as they thought I deserved better. She didn't want to do this but didn't have a choice. My ex dumped me three months ago as I was like to wall to her. I couldn't express my feeling during the end of the relationship and communication suffered dramatically since the beginning of the year. I couldn't keep up a conversation with her and it always felt that she was just talking to a wall. She is the type that loves to talk while I am bit timid and don't really speak my mind too often. She needed someone who talk to her as communication is her number one priorty in a relationship.

 

We were great during the first 1.5 of the relationship in regards to communication. Maybe the honeymoon phase ended for us.

 

I didn't tell her that I was suffering from depression from Post Concussion Symptoms but we talked about this communication issue in our relationship in March.

 

I did my best to open up to her and talk to her a bit more but it wasn't enough. I thought I was slowly improving in that area by listening more and express myself a bit more.

 

She wasn't happy with the relationship and decided to ends things in May.

 

I have had not contact with her since. I blocked her on Facebook, deleted her number, emails, and blocked MSN. I had seen her about four times during the last several months but I didn't really stir up any conversations. I did attempt to politely say hi but she kind of just nodded but didn't give any eye contact. I thought that I must had hurt her that badly that she was doing this to get over me. I thought at this point that maybe she still had feelings for me and if I apologized/fixed the issue, we could be together again.

 

I have been ignoring her group of friends as well which are very close to me as well. This basically has caused a rift between our social circle. I really didn't want my friends to take sides. She managed to give my belongings to a friend to give back to me in July. I still haven't had the courage to do the same yet.

 

This is the part where I am very upset about. It turns out that my friend had been dating her immediately after the break up. I am not sure how long afterwards as I don't have enough information.

 

They may had a fling during the time we were dating but I will never know the answer to that and this is where I am getting angry and upset about. I shouldn't even bother asking this question.

 

I treated my friend with full respect all these years. If he wanted to date my ex, he should had the courage to consult me first. Once the break up occured, I had to go in knowing that the relationship is over completely. This was a hard thing to do as it felt like I lost my best friend and lover

 

But why him? I feel like I got replaced so easily.

 

Was I such as bad fit for her? I spent the last three months working on myself by reading self help books and doing communication/public speaking courses to improve on this area. As soon as I suffered depression symptoms, that when I lost confidence which was a key aspect beforehand. The good news is that I am slowly healing in the process until tonight.

 

My friend and ex have been friends for about 10 years. They had know each other before I knew both of them. I had a hunch that he might have feelings for her all along but the chance was never there as she was always in a relationship.

 

I don't know if this is rebound or maybe it was meant to be. I really wanted to get back together with her as soon as I improved on myself but I don't know anymore.

 

Is this a sign to continue NC and move on? Will their new relationship last? Was she cheating on me emotionally?

 

Any answer and suggestion would greatly appreciated.

[MyHeartTakesOver]

I can really sympathize with this. My partner of three years started a relationship with a girl who had a crush on him for about a year five days after ending our relationship. Never a friend of mine but I knew her well enough to know she's as much a confused mental case as he is.

 

Like you I wonder whether they were meant to be together. I doubt it. I think they both wanted to bail on their partners and now that they have each other they'll see how unromantic living together is and will probably end up destorying each other.

 

I'm quickly getting to the place where I don't care whether it lasts for them or not. I know both of them well enough to know that even if it lasts for a lifetime, it's not a relationship I'd want for any reason.

[Tyler.]

Hi LS regulars,

 

I am so angry and frustrated right now when I found out that a friend of mine is now dating my ex. The break up was my fault. My friends don't think so as they thought I deserved better. She didn't want to do this but didn't have a choice. My ex dumped me three months ago as I was like to wall to her. I couldn't express my feeling during the end of the relationship and communication suffered dramatically since the beginning of the year. I couldn't keep up a conversation with her and it always felt that she was just talking to a wall. She is the type that loves to talk while I am bit timid and don't really speak my mind too often. She needed someone who talk to her as communication is her number one priorty in a relationship.

 

We were great during the first 1.5 of the relationship in regards to communication. Maybe the honeymoon phase ended for us.

 

I didn't tell her that I was suffering from depression from Post Concussion Symptoms but we talked about this communication issue in our relationship in March.

 

I did my best to open up to her and talk to her a bit more but it wasn't enough. I thought I was slowly improving in that area by listening more and express myself a bit more.

 

She wasn't happy with the relationship and decided to ends things in May.

 

I have had not contact with her since. I blocked her on Facebook, deleted her number, emails, and blocked MSN. I had seen her about four times during the last several months but I didn't really stir up any conversations. I did attempt to politely say hi but she kind of just nodded but didn't give any eye contact. I thought that I must had hurt her that badly that she was doing this to get over me. I thought at this point that maybe she still had feelings for me and if I apologized/fixed the issue, we could be together again.

 

I have been ignoring her group of friends as well which are very close to me as well. This basically has caused a rift between our social circle. I really didn't want my friends to take sides. She managed to give my belongings to a friend to give back to me in July. I still haven't had the courage to do the same yet.

 

This is the part where I am very upset about. It turns out that my friend had been dating her immediately after the break up. I am not sure how long afterwards as I don't have enough information.

 

They may had a fling during the time we were dating but I will never know the answer to that and this is where I am getting angry and upset about. I shouldn't even bother asking this question.

 

I treated my friend with full respect all these years. If he wanted to date my ex, he should had the courage to consult me first. Once the break up occured, I had to go in knowing that the relationship is over completely. This was a hard thing to do as it felt like I lost my best friend and lover

 

But why him? I feel like I got replaced so easily.

 

Was I such as bad fit for her? I spent the last three months working on myself by reading self help books and doing communication/public speaking courses to improve on this area. As soon as I suffered depression symptoms, that when I lost confidence which was a key aspect beforehand. The good news is that I am slowly healing in the process until tonight.

 

My friend and ex have been friends for about 10 years. They had know each other before I knew both of them. I had a hunch that he might have feelings for her all along but the chance was never there as she was always in a relationship.

 

I don't know if this is rebound or maybe it was meant to be. I really wanted to get back together with her as soon as I improved on myself but I don't know anymore.

 

Is this a sign to continue NC and move on? Will their new relationship last? Was she cheating on me emotionally?

 

Any answer and suggestion would greatly appreciated.

 

There will be lots of unanswered questions after a breakup, no matter what. But i can tell you this, he's no friend of yours. No friend of mine can do that to me. He should have asked you first, and even after that, if it was me, i wouldn't tell him to go for it. She's your ex and it's just too complicated to do. You're saying that you wanted to get back together but it's clear that both him and her don't respect you enough to think about how this would affect you, so **** them, move on. Some people just don't respect each other, and i believe that this is the case. And yes, you should be angry. Don't go and beat them up or anything but just don't even acknowledge them, in my opinion.

I may be getting ahead of myself but in my eyes they are both backstabbers, and don't deserve the time you think of them. They may be having feelings while you were dating ( i think they might have ) and this should just come as a lesson to you.

You should choose your friends and girlfriends carefully. Think if you guys went out together and you had to go somewhere, would your friend protect your gf or make a move on her ? Or would your gf come on to him while you are gone, texting him or showing any kind of red flags towards him. If you're not sure of these, then don't be friends with him or be in a relationship with her. Choose your friends and girlfriends carefully dude, time will come when you'll see if you've made the right choice.

So take this as a lesson, and use it in your life. Select your friends carefully. Don't dwell on the small stuff, because you'll see that there are lots of insignificant people around, they chose to be that. They make their own choices, they make their mistakes knowingly. So let it go, you should find someone who you trust. Don't get back together with her because you'll never be able to get over the fact that they went behind your back. Why would that end if you guys were back togeter? Just leave these people behind, it's the best for you.

[Renard99]

I feel your pain on this one.

 

My ex actually began seeing my housemate for a short time after she broke up with me. It was like being stabbed twice, once in the heart and once in the back. My housemate was an old school friend who I'd know for well over a decade before introducing my ex to him. I knew he liked her as my ex actually admitted that he'd come on to her, but, that had been years earlier when he was living a few hundred miles away so I brushed it off. After the break up he started to get a lot of text messages but, once again, I brushed it off. His social life was none of my business. Then one day his phone rang and he couldn't reach it so asked me to pass it to him. It was my ex, complete with photo on the screen. After a lengthy conversation, I jokingly asked who called 'because it would have been cheaper to go visit them!' and he said something like 'Sarah, and old university friend'. My suspicions were confirmed about 3 weeks later. I was out for a meal, but had to switch restaurants at the last minute due to the addition of more people, when, after being seated for about 15 mins, in walks my housemate and my ex who both sit and have a cosy meal for 2. My housemate had said to me only an hour earlier that he had no plans for the night and was going to stay in and play Xbox.

 

Thankfully, it died out only weeks later but it still hurt. The housemate relationship became rocky from that point on and only improved after about 6 months (both had to see out the tennancy period)

 

Like Tyler says, any friend that will do that to someone is not a friend. I've moved out from that house and I haven't spoken to him since.

 

All I can say is get your head down and just concentrate on healing. It's daunting and scary but you really need to start from scratch and build new connections with new friends and, you never know, with potential new date (but only when you're ready!)

[Drive]

Thanks everyone with your wise wisdom.

 

After giving it some thought the last few days, the two of them would hang out regularly 2-3 times a week for coffee a few weeks prior to the break up. From what my ex told me during that time was that he was going through a tough time with his job as well as personally issues regarding the health of his new born nephew. Both of them were also trying to help plan out some suggestion for a friends upcoming wedding as they are both the best man/maid of honour.

 

My ex has a lot of guy friends who usually hang out with her. A lot of her previous ex's that she went out with were very insecure about this. I knew going into the relationship that it would be okay with me seeing how I know most of them and are in good terms.

 

However given this situation, I will definitely make note to be more careful next time in a new relationship.

 

After the break up, I didn't really notice this much but my "friend" was acting a bit distant towards me. I would assume that he was just taking her side which I was totally fine with.

 

I feel that after watching most of our friends get married within the last few years that she really wants to jump to the next step. We talked about moving out and getting married but I wasn't ready yet. Both my ex and "friend" were already successful in their careers and make good money to support a family/housing so this looked like a good chance for her to exit out and jump on board.

 

Financially I wasn't in the position as my current job might be gone by the end of the year due to the poor economy. I am also in the process of going into a new career which I don't know if it would work out or not.

 

During the last two years, I did try my best to save up for a down payment and wedding ring. However I wasn't in the right position to do right away unless she was the one.

 

While looking for a potential job, I was very down and depressed for the most part due to the fact that I didn't get the positions that I was hoping for. I was stressing about money as well. It didn't help that the constant headaches and fatigue from PCS kept coming back which made me either upset or sad through the months. This is when I started to become a wall to her.

 

I knew at this point she couldn't take it as she didn't know what to do. I just assumed that she would stay by my side but nothing changed on my end so she jumped ship.

 

I originally wanted to purpose to her at the end of the year but thankfully I dodged a bullet here.

[Tyler.]

Thanks everyone with your wise wisdom.

 

After giving it some thought the last few days, the two of them would hang out regularly 2-3 times a week for coffee a few weeks prior to the break up. From what my ex told me during that time was that he was going through a tough time with his job as well as personally issues regarding the health of his new born nephew. Both of them were also trying to help plan out some suggestion for a friends upcoming wedding as they are both the best man/maid of honour.

 

My ex has a lot of guy friends who usually hang out with her. A lot of her previous ex's that she went out with were very insecure about this. I knew going into the relationship that it would be okay with me seeing how I know most of them and are in good terms.

 

However given this situation, I will definitely make note to be more careful next time in a new relationship.

 

After the break up, I didn't really notice this much but my "friend" was acting a bit distant towards me. I would assume that he was just taking her side which I was totally fine with.

 

I feel that after watching most of our friends get married within the last few years that she really wants to jump to the next step. We talked about moving out and getting married but I wasn't ready yet. Both my ex and "friend" were already successful in their careers and make good money to support a family/housing so this looked like a good chance for her to exit out and jump on board.

 

Financially I wasn't in the position as my current job might be gone by the end of the year due to the poor economy. I am also in the process of going into a new career which I don't know if it would work out or not.

 

During the last two years, I did try my best to save up for a down payment and wedding ring. However I wasn't in the right position to do right away unless she was the one.

 

While looking for a potential job, I was very down and depressed for the most part due to the fact that I didn't get the positions that I was hoping for. I was stressing about money as well. It didn't help that the constant headaches and fatigue from PCS kept coming back which made me either upset or sad through the months. This is when I started to become a wall to her.

 

I knew at this point she couldn't take it as she didn't know what to do. I just assumed that she would stay by my side but nothing changed on my end so she jumped ship.

 

I originally wanted to purpose to her at the end of the year but thankfully I dodged a bullet here.

 

That's exactly right, you dodged a bulled mate. Right now you're trying to rationalise her behaviour. Yeah you may have been distant or you may have problems with your work or something, but this is another issue. Breaking up happens everytime but going out with your friend, that's unacceptable. You have the right to be angry, personally i would beat the hell out of that man. She on the other hand, doesn't deserve the time you think of her. But i don't advise any kind of fight or anything, it's just that i couldn't be as calm as you are right now.

Don't try to give her credit she doesn't deserve dude. You guys may be over but this is a whole other issue. Don't talk to them or associate with them. She's just probably jealous of people around her getting married, that does it for a woman. She starts wanting more, and forgets the importance of the other things. You know what, i can tell you this, they won't work out. Happiness based on someone elses broken heart never lasts, it's just karma. He already knows she left someone for another man, so why wouldn't she do that to him too ? There will be trust issues and everything, and i'm really certain that you didn't miss out on much, considering how your ex treated you. It was never going to change brother, people don't really change unless they make a real effort to, and i've seen that rarely if at all.

You know what, one day you'll find a nice girl. You'll never doubt her. You will know that she won't go behind your back, she won't lie to you and she'll only want you for the rest of your lives. You'll know these just by spending time with her, getting to know her. Once you find that person, you stop doubting her, you can fully trust her. After this relationship with your ex you will have some trust issues, but there are better people around. Don't take disrespect, lies and backstabbing, don't settle for anything other than happiness dude. And really, don't even think of your ex and your EX friend, you shouldn't care if they're happy or sad. Forget them, be the bigger man. Improve yourself so she'll know what she missed on, and so he'll feel inferior to you. Just live your life and be happy man, there are too many people of this kind to dwell on, remove them from your life and move on.