wildturkey Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I found a lady that I really like and love and we decided to go 1:1. About 2 1/2 weeks I asked her to marry me in front of 3 couples at a restaurant/bar that we frequent almost weekly. I thought I would surprise her and I did. I now have the ring back and she said I made the worse mistake for doing it in front of people and not talking to her about it before I pulled my stunt. We had talked and I thought all the indicators were there for me to make the move. She became very angry when we talked and I just decided not to say anything because It could have escalated more. We have not talked or seen each other for the last 4 days. I have not called yet. We are early 40's and working people. I have been married before, she has never been. Known her for 2 yr, dating 8 months. What happens next with her? is it over? what should I do? I really love this lady and would like to be back where I was or start over. I have apologized and said I am sorry. Thank you ahead for any advice. Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Maybe she feels this is a private matter, something the two of you should have shared together alone! Or maybe she just isn't ready for marriage. The only way you'll ever know is by asking her what's wrong, ask her if she feels you're rushing her or if she feels she's not ready for marriage? You deserve to know but make sure you do it in private NOT in front of a lot of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wildturkey Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 that is exactly what she said. I understand the issue now. I also promised I would talk to her every time. Like I said we are not talking. I am afraid too much time will pass and never be back. Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Call her AS SOON AS POSSIBLE or go to her home and ask her to please speak with you. Tell her you love her and you don't want to lose the chance to make a life with her BUT that you respect her enough that if she doesn't want to get married just yet that you're ok with that (IF you are okay with it) and tell her you want the relationship back as well. Let her know how much you care and that you're willing to take things slow. (But if she doesn't commit within a year or two I would consider moving on but don't tell her this for obvious reasons). Don't let time pass because she may end up thinking that you're trying to move on and she may do the same. Just because she doesn't want to get married doesn't mean she doesn't want a relationship with you BUT only SHE can answer this for you! You must talk to her ASAP!!! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author wildturkey Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 I forgot to say thank you. I already covered your suggestion when we spoke. All has been said. We are just not talking. Thank you again. Link to post Share on other sites
kutenkooky Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Women want romance. it's her first time being proposed to I think she might have wanted it a little more intimate and special. I know to you you were thinking that it was special but speaking from a women's percpective she might have wanted a little more. Me I get mad if someone sings happy birthday in front of other people so this is just a thought...If you do it again make it romantic and special;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author wildturkey Posted July 16, 2004 Author Share Posted July 16, 2004 Thank you. I will approach soon and attempt to talk. I will wait a few days to let the upset feelings disipate. Maybe a few days will also clear my head as to know what to say and how to say it. I sometimes think that she is just not contacting (no-contact) to take time and I am afraid I will break that needed time if I call. What is best? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 well, if words don't do the trick, than you'll have to do abit of fighting for her. I suggest you begin with sending flowers at her work, saying you're sorry, writing her touching mails, etc. It does sound very highschool like but I think these things tend to getto the heart of a woman. So just be a bit more romantic, I think that's wht she wanted in the first place, didn't she? Unless you have never talked about marriage and she's not using this opportunity to get out... Permenantely. You know her best, so do the smart move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wildturkey Posted July 28, 2004 Author Share Posted July 28, 2004 been a month. Said we would talk but did not materialized. She is gone for a week and we will talk when she returns at the end of the week. She acted like nothing has happened. I do not understand why someone can be so cold. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Well...I totally understand her being hurt and offended at being put on the spot in front of a small crowd. Although I am not a big fan of the highly staged marriage proposal, I definitely would want this decision to be made together, alone, just the two of us. Whether the answer is Yes, No, or Ask me next week, I don't want anyone else there when I say it. You were in the wrong - but on the other hand, you have apologized. Assuming you were sincere and thorough in your apologies, you two should be back on track, if there is not really another problem between you. Here is another idea: Marriage should NOT be a snap decision. It is not just based on love - it should be based on both of you knowing that the two of you share the same dreams and goals, and ideas about what marriage should be. You talk in advance. "If we were married, I'd like to live in <X>. I'd like to get another dog to keep yours company. I don't like sharing a checking account. I promise I will take care of all the yard work, if you do the laundry. Your kids can visit any time they want, I consider us all family. We could only afford 1 vehicle, so let's keep your truck. I want a big wedding." And so forth. If you have never had these discussions with her, that's why she was so surprised. Please check out http://www.marriagebuilders.com. I get $0.25 every time someone clicks on the above link. Link to post Share on other sites
nikkicam71 Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 I don't understand sometimes....LOOK....as a woman who was crazy in love w/ her man, if my ex dropped to one knee and proposed, REGARDLESS of the time or place, I'd have bawled my face off....WITH HAPPINESS! Clearly this woman doesn't share the same feelings and desires re. a lifetime committment...cut your losses and let her go! I think what you did was incredible and romantic, and I'm so sorry that she didn't appreciate it! Be thankful that you only wasted 8 months of your time on this person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wildturkey Posted July 29, 2004 Author Share Posted July 29, 2004 Thank you for the note. I know exactly what you mean. I am starting to feel the way you say. "If you love - you don't dump". Link to post Share on other sites
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