Will he ever love me?

[soulm8]

Hi LS, I'm back and would love some feeback. If you want some history, this is my last thread on him: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/220101-how-proceed

 

Since that thread, his situation hasn't been very good, at all. The ex accused him of abuse and managed to get a restraining order which interferes with his son's visitation. He actually asked if I could file an affidavit to help his case, based on the one time I saw him with his son. I felt bad, but didn't think it was appropriate. Not that I thought he's guilty (at all). I'm quite certain she had an agenda to have a fatherless child from the get go.

 

He reached out to me once the dust settled, and we agreed that neither of us were ready for a relationship, but care about each other. We kept in touch and went on a couple of dates but nothing serious. We still haven't had a proper kiss or any physical contact other than hugs.

 

Last November, he invited me over to see his nephew's band play. I was welcome to spend the night and was warned that his brother-in-law (visiting from out of town) would be crashing on his couch, so I could sleep with him (again).

 

We drank wine and just before we were to start making our way to the venue, he very suddenly left me in his livingroom, and retreated to his bedroom. I waited 5-10 minutes before I went to check on him and ask if he was alright. He was laying face down on his bed and wouldn't answer me (but he looked fine). I was concerned and asked if he wanted me to leave, since he wouldn't answer. He still didn't answer. I started crying because I was confused and intoxicated.

 

He finally apologized (profusely) and told me he couldn't go. He called his nephew to let him know we weren't coming "because we had a fight". This floored me. I got my bag and told him I'd sober up at a friend's.

 

I tried to reach my friend from my car, but she wasn't answering. I sat there, willing myself to sober up so I could get home. I had a good cry. He called me and apologized again, and invited me back for coffee. I returned, and awkwardly had coffee with him until I felt able to drive. After more apologies, he tried to act like nothing happened... which felt strange but I just downed the coffees and visited.

 

He explained in an email the next day that he was overwhelmed by personal things going on with his family, finances, etc. and that he "took it out on the absolute wrong person". I accepted his apology but left contact up to him. I was very hurt by the whole thing and just figured he needs time to figure stuff out. If he actually wants me to be part of his life, he needs to show me.

 

I thought about him often, but waited. Finally, the day before Mother's Day, he contacted me. He'd had a terrible winter and still hasn't seen his son (which is killing him).

 

We've been keeping in contact again, and he called me a few evenings ago. We spoke for a few hours, and it was the same old feeling. I love this man and I can feel that he loves me, but he's scared of something. He asked if we (including my kids) could go to an amusement park this coming week. I told him we'd really like that.

 

I suppose, I'm wondering if anyone has been through anything similar and if I'm just wasting my time with someone who's so broken that'll he'll never truly be able to love me?

 

Thanks for reading

Edited August 19, 2012 by soulm8

[Silly_Girl]

I see you've had no replies so I wanted to respond, though I don't have much to offer.

 

I haven't been in a situation like yours, as such, but I have been with someone whose behaviour is erratic and who can't be relied upon. And when you have kids that just can't happen.

 

I know you love him but it sounds as though things are likely to get worse not better. I wonder whether this man can ever give you the sort of relationship you need. Not until he's sorted himself out.

[xxoo]

We've been keeping in contact again, and he called me a few evenings ago. We spoke for a few hours, and it was the same old feeling. I love this man and I can feel that he loves me, but he's scared of something. He asked if we (including my kids) could go to an amusement park this coming week. I told him we'd really like that.

 

It sounds like you have very strong chemistry with him. The good times are really good, but not nearly enough to sustain a relationship.

 

Why not keep your kids out of it until and unless he demonstrates 6 months of stability?

[soulm8]

I have been with someone whose behaviour is erratic and who can't be relied upon. And when you have kids that just can't happen.

I know you love him but it sounds as though things are likely to get worse not better. I wonder whether this man can ever give you the sort of relationship you need. Not until he's sorted himself out.

It sounds like you have very strong chemistry with him. The good times are really good, but not nearly enough to sustain a relationship.

Why not keep your kids out of it until and unless he demonstrates 6 months of stability?

You're both right, my kids don't need the confusion. We spent a day together last year and everyone had a good time. He was a gentleman, and wonderful with the kids. Before I introduced him, I explained to my kids that he's a good friend of mine and I told them that his son's mother doesn't let him see him.

 

Last summer, I invited him to join us on our yearly tradition of going to this amusement park but he couldn't make it. I was surprised and endeared when he asked if we could go this time. Isn't it harmless fun? He asks about my kids, and they ask about him every so often. My kids are 10 and 12... and keep bugging me to date.