I Am Grounded For Life For Having Sex

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Bubbles

#1 she is no longer just curious about sex.......she is ready to "do it"

One can still be concerned with safe sex and "do it"

#2 most people are "sex educated" by the time they are in grade 3 or at the very latest grade 6

That's irrelevant and false, plenty of teenagers don't know enough about sex.

#3 she is obviously not concerned about pregnancy - she did'nt ask

#4 she is obviously not concerned about STD's - she didn't ask

Her post was brief, you can't assume what her concerns are. Can you remove yourself from your parental pedestal and imagine what this would be like in the context of your adolescent life?

#5 she is a typical teen-ager who wants to act like an adult while still living under her parents roof and that's not working out for her concerning having sex in her house.

Speculatory and irrelevant.

She is asking us "what do I do?" as in what do I say to them to get out of a punishment?

That's your speculation. It's not always about "getting out" of punishment, perhaps she's after some concrete steps to rebuild trust between her and her mother, or to address her sexuality with her family. Truth is, you don't know WHAT she was after.

[Mr Spock]

She asked for ideas-and has stated pretty much she feels her body is her own. As far as I can see, there's a whole lot of lecturing and not very many ideas. As concerned parents, you think you would be ASKING her those questions if she's not volunteering it. Mother to one, mother to all.

 

 

And I would still like to know why you feel she should be punished. What kind of punishment is appropriate for boinking, anyways?

[lydiamarie]

i suspect that moose said that the majority of moral people look down on sex before marriage because he thinks that that is part of what defines morality. he didn't site the source because he is the source.

 

i guess we all define morality ourselves, but it seems to me that the majority of people don't look down on sex before marriage. i have a lot of very religious friends and family and a lot that aren't religious and i don't know ANYONE who waited until marriage. not one couple. i doubt that my sample size is small enough to be so skewed.

[StartingAgain]

Spock I completely agree with you that it is simply foolish to tell teenagers not to have sex, to punish them when they do, or to make them feel guilty about their sexuality. Teenagers are simply going to have sex and parents have to do their jobs to prepare them for the experience.

 

I've read this post over and over and I don't see anyone laughing at this girl. What I do see is some older people who have experience with teenagers understanding that she's reacting to this situation like a teenager and a few other pontificating about things that have nothing to do with the original post. Which was that she got busted for doing the horizontal Mamba with her boyfriend in her parients house. What we don't know is what their reaction was, but we can suspect, given their initial response, was that it was probably measured and rational.

[HoldOn]

i might not do it again till i move out or i turn 18!!!what do i do.

 

Is it so shocking to suggest that you just wait until you are 18 to have sex? It's possible really. Your head won't explode, believe me.

 

Mysterywoman, Where are you?

 

How old are you?

 

I urge you to get yourself birthcontrol pills and ALWAYS use condoms...

 

Sorry your parents caught you! If you're going to do it, at least learn to respect your parent's home.

[lydiamarie]

i don't think that having sex in your parents' home has as much to do with not respecting it or them as wanting to do it in a comfortable bed and not in the backseat of the car.

 

and then it would be their car that you wouldn't be respecting.

[HoldOn]

i suspect that moose said that the majority of moral people look down on sex before marriage because he thinks that that is part of what defines morality.

 

The reason to wait is much more than just moral. Waiting to have sex until you are old enough has several benefits:

 

1.) Preventing emotional harm. (such as a boyfriend using you just for sex.)

2.) Preventing physical harm. (STDs)

3.) Preventing teenage pregnancy.

 

I think that the benefits of abstinence should be taught ALONG WITH information about condoms and birth control. Teach teenagers that condoms are not even close to being 100% effective. They are about 85% effective at preventing pregnancy. It's just like playing Russian Roulette with your life. But if you don't have sex you have a 0% chance of STDs or pregnancy. Regardless, if you DO have sex, you need to use condoms AND the pill.

 

What's wrong with giving advice against having sex, anyway?

[HoldOn]

i don't think that having sex in your parents' home has as much to do with not respecting it or them as wanting to do it in a comfortable bed and not in the backseat of the car.

 

and then it would be their car that you wouldn't be respecting.

 

 

I am just saying that while she is living in their home that she should respect their rules and at least put a greater effort to not getting caught. I don't want to seem like I'm encouraging her, but if I were a teenager having sex, I would at least be discreet about it. How can she complain about getting caught when she was so careless.

[lydiamarie]

she tried. i don't think she was that careless, just caught up in the moment. i remember what my sex drive was like as a teenager (it wasn't that long ago) and if i hadn't been so d@mn afraid of boys i would have jumped on my boyfriend quicker than you'd believe!

 

The reason to wait is much more than just moral. Waiting to have sex until you are old enough has several benefits:

 

1.) Preventing emotional harm. (such as a boyfriend using you just for sex.)

2.) Preventing physical harm. (STDs)

3.) Preventing teenage pregnancy.

 

1 and 2 aren't reasons to wait until you are no longer a teenager. you aren't magically ready when you turn 20 and you don't become impervious to emotional and physical harm overnight.

 

i don't think that teenagers are going to stop having sex even with the threat of teen pregnancy. it's there and it doesn't act as much of a deterant. so in order to keep teenagers from having to deal with that possible consequence (and STDs) we should teach them far more than abstinence (and i realize holdon that i am not disagreeing with you on this point).

 

i suspect that most know that abstinence is a surefire way to keep from getting knocked up, but the number that know the efficacy of other methods of bc are probably frightening.

[Mr Spock]

I never said anyone was laughing. I was curious as to why all the parents were so bent on punishment for sex. Why no one had stopped to ask questions. Too often we tend to jump on the popular thought bandwagon without actually pausing to think of something helpful to say.

[Mr Spock]

PS-There is no magic age for maturity. When you turn 18, you don't receive your humping liscence.

[lydiamarie]

a humping liscence. now there's an idea:

 

class: D- valid single unit and combinations up to 500 pounds. all recreational and farm vehicles (cause tractors have beds)

 

endorsements: none (hehe)

 

restrictions: corrective lenses (*beer goggles* if you will)

 

[HoldOn]

No, I don't think that 18 is a magic number. Not everyone is ready when they are 18. But they are definitely NOT ready when they're 15. It's better to wait and make sure.

 

I think birth control education needs to be pounded into teenager's heads, I really do. Part of that education would be knowledge that birth control methods aren't entirely effective. You can STILL get pregnant if you are using condoms. You can STILL get and STD if you are using condoms. I just think people keep saying "SAFE SEX!" "SAFE SEX!" But there is really no such thing.

 

They should be encouraged NOT to have sex. And they should be given all the information about the reality of "safe sex." 85% is NOT safe to me.

 

she tried. i don't think she was that careless, just caught up in the moment. i remember what my sex drive was like as a teenager (it wasn't that long ago) and if i hadn't been so d@mn afraid of boys i would have jumped on my boyfriend quicker than you'd believe!

 

Hey. I remember too! It's only been 10 years for me. And I had a very serious boyfriend from freshman year of high school until freshman year of college. It was a healthy, serious, exclusive relationship. However, we did NOT have sex until after I graduated from high school. The reason is I would NEVER risk my future just to have sex. Never ever. I waited until I was ON the pill and we used condoms. We did other things. (every other thing). But it wasn't that hard to abstain from intercourse. (plus the fact that our parents never let us alone in the house!)

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by dyermaker

Cite a source. I think sex before marriage is looked down upon by the majority of MARRIED people.

 

Times are changing, I've even heard it's possible for women to orgasm nowadays.

 

This punishment might be a deterrent for sex in stupid places, but grounding one for life is not going to deter them from sex. Parents can only shield their children from society for so long, in the end they are going to make choices based on how they feel they should fit into that society, not how they feel "morals" are imposing on their roles.

 

I'm a source, Dyer. Perhaps he should have said the majority of mature adults who are parents. The majority of people in the USA are Christian. Dispute it if you want, but you can find the figures to substantiate that. Christianity preaches abstinance until marriage. Just because most young people or single people don't practice that, doesn't mean its not still frowned upon. Many Children/Girls who participate in premarital sex are still called sluts in schools and still gain a bad reputation. Other children still snicker at them and parents are ashamed. Not all, but many. I still talk to the parents of my children's friends. I'm still invited to school functions and I still know about their kids. Mature adults who live by themselves and have proven or are proving that they can make intelligent decisions are more discreet and accepted. This girls case does not reflect that and I'm sure she is not grounded for life--that was her parents heartbreak and shock and dissapointment talking.

 

I did not shield my children from society. I taught them right from wrong and how to make intelligent decisions. Were they perfect kids? To me they were, but of course they made bad choices and mistakes. But the morals that I believe in and the morals that I instilled in them is what I trusted. Its not an imposition---its called good parenting. I suspect this girls parents did the same thing.

[Mr Spock]

I've moved around quite a bit in my life Hokey , different places, and I'm closer to that age then you are. I can tell you that girls that are involved in relationships with their boyfriends aren't snickered at if they engage in premarital sex. The majority of the US may be christian, but how many are actively practicing those values on a daily basis? Your beliefs are the minority. Anyways, I certainly hope her parents choose to educate her on what they feel is acceptable and the facts of life instead of punishing her, embarassing her, or screaming insults at her. Best of luck.

[HoldOn]

You are right Hokey, another reason I did not have sex until I was 18 was the moral lessons my parents taught me. (Which didn't involve yelling or grounding, just instruction and love.)

[Mr Spock]

Well, I had sex before the age of 18 quite a few times. And my parents always taught me do unto others. And so I did.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by HokeyReligions

I'm a source, Dyer.

Values based on the bible are outdated, because we don't live in the same society as those people did. Women can have jobs, people can raise children alone, and birth control is more reliable.

 

The majority of youth (14-21) is sexually active.

http://www.rustyparts.com/sexethics/premarital.php

 

Yes, of course we see anecdotal evicence of people "frowning upon" sex before marriage, but that's aftershocks of a sexual revolution that's already taken place. In the future, we're going to have people who make choices based on their appraisals of their emotional investment, not on impositions of religious institutions. It's a step forward from hanging bloody bedsheets out the window after the wedding night..

[UCFKevin]

I would never have sex with a girl in her parents house. To me, it's disrespectful.

 

And I would've grounded my kid for life for doing what she did, too. My house, my rules.

[moimeme]

a humping liscence. now there's an idea:

 

class: D- valid single unit and combinations up to 500 pounds. all recreational and farm vehicles (cause tractors have beds)

 

endorsements: none (hehe)

 

restrictions: corrective lenses (*beer goggles* if you will)

 

 

Here's a totally other perspective: I firmly believe that sex is as bad as drugs in that it messes with your head - or at least it can. We got scientists measuring chemicals in people before, during, and after sex and there is stuff that happens that can drag you right into grief.

 

If you recall, the 'rules' and 'laws' - even in Biblical times - made sense for people's own good. They aren't/weren't rules just for the sake of having them. Shellfish were an 'abomination' because they'd kill you. Same with some meats, etc. Stuff just wasn't healthy - but ended up in rules. So, too, I believe, with sex. It's not that sex is a sinful thing, but rather that it's an addicting thing that can drag your heart along with it. And, when, as too often it is the case, the person who wanted sex from you leaves you, your heart gets crushed.

 

Yes, you can love someone you haven't had sex with, but sex adds an even more powerful bond. To mess with it is playing with fire - and it's only you who'll end up singed.

 

The point of all this being that our poster ought to be warned away from sex, not because it's 'impure' or anything else so foolish, but rather because it may cause her awful pain in the end. Heck, a dose of two LS 'my heart is breaking' twice a day may just be the thing to put people off sex!

[dyermaker]

But isn't that pain part of the human experience?

 

I mean, say two unfortunate women live in (seperate) boxes for however long, deprived of sex or anything close to it. When they emerge, isn't the 16 year-old woman equally unprepared and vulnerable as the 26-year old woman? What I'm getting at is, isn't learning from our mistakes part of what makes us better at not making mistakes?

[moimeme]

You can fall pretty hard w/o sex and that's bad enough to get over. All I'm saying is why add that much more attachment to the mix, thereby causing yourself that much more pain should it crash on you.

 

You might be interested to know that friends I have who have made that exact mistake have all sworn to stay away from sex for quite a while in future relationships for just that reason.

[dyermaker]

So it's really at any age, right?

[moimeme]

Absotively, posilutely

 

This is what I'm saying - abstinence ain't just a wise idea for kids - and *not* because of morality or whatever other 'rule' but just for self-preservation's sake. No matter what your age, you need to treat this stuff like the drug it is - addictive, bungles your brain, can make you do stupid things. At any age.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by moimeme

Absotively, posilutely

Ingenuous of you.