Realistic tips for surviving the end of your relationship

[Haydn]

Hi Oracle,

 

I will be 31 next year. The reason i was pondering about age was that in previous relationships i was always a happy go lucky type. If i met a nice girl, i wanted it to work out but when things didn`t we could call it quits and move on. And i can say i was in love with past ex`s. But this one the last 2 years has been hell! and ive done things of myself i never believed i would do. Taken so much crap, been beaten down. I think that age makes us jaded in a way that when we pick ourselves up we are wary of giving too much away again. But then again if we meet someone who is wonderful and i dare i say normal (Whatever that is) We would be selfishly holding the best parts back from them because of other experiences. I have always trusted and if someone breaks that trust then in my opinion, they have lost. I have only just started venturing out again. And have begun to notice other women out there. But it still feels like a betrayal to my ex. I have this great fear of meeting a really nice woman and boring her to death with my hard luck story. i`d much rather be making witty jokes and enjoying banter.

 

Early days. I hope you have sorted out more on your side. I love your posts. Keep writing.

 

Haydn

 

 

 

It's not about giving into the rules.

 

It's about understanding why we feel and react the way we do. Think of them as a mirror.

 

You can do whatever you like, the more information the more power.

 

The fruit isn't forbidden once you get it. It will loose a lot of its lustre - but don't kid yourself. That's the best we can hope for - a reasonable level of just contentment. But realize you are idealizing it right now.

 

I turn 35 next month. Age has a factor. Because with age comes experience. I have had a longer relationship than most 35year olds and definitely more than 99.9% of gay male 35yos. Those older have even more experience, and I don't envy them, as it gets harder with age to do this crap over - more jaded and have more baggage.

 

How old are you?

[oracle]

I found I was really sick of my story and couldn't even talk about it anymore when people asked, that has changed recently as I start to feel the raw emotions of the true end.

 

I share the same fears about trust, being jaded etc. However I have even greater fears - I fear this will in many ways haunt me and I will never fully get past it. Atleast you have had multiple relationships and know you can do it again. I have had one, and one light rebound "situation" with someone far to young. Sadly its what I am drawn to and I know the reality of that isn't good, so I see it as a seriously possibility that this is the end of the road for a "real" relatioship for me. That is not a happy place to be - anger and resentment breeds here, and I have to be careful not to allow myself to linger to long.

 

I am curious as to what my mindset will be 6 months from now. It seems like I have an ocean to cross between now and then, but I have done it before... Looking back the 3.5 years have gone by in a blink. I hope to - once I find my footing and a new way of life - write an overal recap of my 4 year journey and make ammendments based on what I have learned coming through it completely

 

Thanks for following and posting. I never imagined it would turn into this. One night I just happened upon this site and decided to post. It makes me happy to know it has resonated and helped others out there. We need to always remember, this is the human experience.. though we may feel we are.. we are not alone.

 

Hi Oracle,

 

I will be 31 next year. The reason i was pondering about age was that in previous relationships i was always a happy go lucky type. If i met a nice girl, i wanted it to work out but when things didn`t we could call it quits and move on. And i can say i was in love with past ex`s. But this one the last 2 years has been hell! and ive done things of myself i never believed i would do. Taken so much crap, been beaten down. I think that age makes us jaded in a way that when we pick ourselves up we are wary of giving too much away again. But then again if we meet someone who is wonderful and i dare i say normal (Whatever that is) We would be selfishly holding the best parts back from them because of other experiences. I have always trusted and if someone breaks that trust then in my opinion, they have lost. I have only just started venturing out again. And have begun to notice other women out there. But it still feels like a betrayal to my ex. I have this great fear of meeting a really nice woman and boring her to death with my hard luck story. i`d much rather be making witty jokes and enjoying banter.

 

Early days. I hope you have sorted out more on your side. I love your posts. Keep writing.

 

Haydn

[all_cats_rgray]

I love these rules.

 

BUT.

 

Their is one rule I feel like you should edit.

 

People do change. BUT they do not change into what you want them to change into.

 

Example of people changing; Are you the same as you where when you where 6, do you think you will be the same when you are 80.

 

It's ridiculous to think of anything in this word as static. It may give you comfort to think of something with-in a person as permanent. Sadly life isn't like that its a constant flow of growth, decay, transformation.

 

The thing that is the rub that give's us the idea that people don't change, is that they don't change into what we want them to be.

 

People are not little toy's that can change it to what you desire.

 

NO eighty year old has ever said, i'm the same person I was when I was 20.

 

Sadly people change, which is normally why they left you.

[oracle]

I whole heartedly disagree.

 

Understand - I am talking about CORE traits.

 

I was always a different child - mature, serious, contemplative, responsible. Its funny, we were just discussing this over dinner last night at my parents, how the other parents were always happy if I was there cause I would look after all the kids and keep everyone outta trouble. And this is when I was 6yo and always tiny compared to everyone else (still am sadly lol).

 

I evolved out of that person - people and experiences shaping me as I grew. Those core traits, were in me at a young age, and still are to this day. IT IS WHO I AM.

 

I saw this FIRST HAND with my break up.

 

I thought my ex had CHANGED

 

But after living with him for nearly 4 years post break, watching him date, getting into relationships, try to have friends and seeing it all go south for him I knew that I was wrong. He hadn't changed, he was still the same person he was, with all the little issues and complexities.. issues that I accepted as part of him and learned to live with. I came to the understanding that it wasn't a HE and I issue per se, but more of an issue of how he has trouble interacting with people.

 

People EVOLVE over time with experience, but that evolution is based upon those core traits of who they are... and you can never undo that.

 

People can choose to supress and act differently, but it doesn't go away, its always there deep down.

 

I agree with you, nothing is static in this world. But people don't really CHANGE on the level we dumpees think or hope.

 

People get BORED

 

People get IDEALISITC (gigs)

 

People LOOSE THEIR ATTRACTION

 

People FALL OUT OF LOVE

 

People OUTGROW THEIR NEED FOR SOMEONE

 

People don't really change who they are on the core levels, they simply evolve and de-evolve out of people, relationships and experiences.... and THAT is the dynamic nature of life. Its those key experiences that shape and evolve who we are.

 

 

I love these rules.

 

BUT.

 

Their is one rule I feel like you should edit.

 

People do change. BUT they do not change into what you want them to change into.

 

Example of people changing; Are you the same as you where when you where 6, do you think you will be the same when you are 80.

 

It's ridiculous to think of anything in this word as static. It may give you comfort to think of something with-in a person as permanent. Sadly life isn't like that its a constant flow of growth, decay, transformation.

 

The thing that is the rub that give's us the idea that people don't change, is that they don't change into what we want them to be.

 

People are not little toy's that can change it to what you desire.

 

NO eighty year old has ever said, i'm the same person I was when I was 20.

 

Sadly people change, which is normally why they left you.

[h0000]

im just reading from the first post..I understand people want what they don't have but why" The hottest Guy / Girl is usually the one that is waving good-bye"?

 

also..is selfishness a core value that cant be changed?

[oracle]

The one that dumps us, the one we had a connection with is gonna seem hotter than most initially..

 

People can strive to overcome who they are. I have selfish tendancies I am sure.. But for the right person and someone I love I can make conscious efforts to be less selfish.. you need to be aware, and make decisions. Problems is people don't step back and look at themselves fully, and become aware of how they behave and how others see them, some people just react all the time.

 

 

im just reading from the first post..I understand people want what they don't have but why" The hottest Guy / Girl is usually the one that is waving good-bye"?

 

also..is selfishness a core value that cant be changed?

[BC1980]

im just reading from the first post..I understand people want what they don't have but why" The hottest Guy / Girl is usually the one that is waving good-bye"?

 

also..is selfishness a core value that cant be changed?

 

I think it goes back to ascribing value to something that is harder to get. Even if its not good for you, it automatically takes in more value once it's unattainable.

[siankat]

Hey everyone.

 

So to anyone who has followed this thread, over the past year.. or has just started it.. I have some news.

 

Finally.. After 3.5 years of purgatory - living with my ex - the last piece of the puzzle is in place and the end now has a date. On December 3rd, 2013, we will say goodbye, turn our backs and walk our separate paths.. Truly, for the first time in 16 years since I was 19 years old.

 

Its been the mother of all separation processes, and this moment is something I think we have both craved and dreaded for a long time.

 

The next 60 days while we do the last final push and liquidation of stuff is going to be interesting. He has been away for the past month, so we still haven't even faced each other yet while this process of the house sale has played out.

 

I have been processing all week while this deal played out. I am feeling better now, but still aprehensive. Life is going to change on so many levels for me in the next 90 days.

 

I still really dread the final goodbye, and wonder constantly how that will play out and where it will leave me once that final shoe has dropped.

 

I don't know what happens after this.. If I cut him out forever, or if he does.. or if he will reach back at some point to maintain a connection and I will be unable to resist. This is something I have contemplated for some time, and won't know until the situation arises.

 

I often wonder if I have been lucky or cursed to have experienced this break-up in such a protracted way. I have been able to really experience it and process it with him and really come to terms with the fact that we have taken each other as far as we can, and that we need to go our ways so we can develop and grow further as individuals. It doesn't take away any of the sadness or disappointment, but it doesn't leave you wondering about the what ifs.... cause I have explored every last one.. and I know what I know.

 

So I put it to you? What would you choose if you were coming out of a really long relationship?

 

Option 1: Dumped quick and harsh out of the blue.. never to hear from them again, left wondering and longing for them - like they were the best one that got away - but free to build a new life immediately?

 

Or

 

Option 2: Drag it out for 3 and a half years and really get the painful chance to analyze it to death, explore options, wait and see scenarios, watch them move on and kinda come to a somewhat content realization that your relationship isn't a failure per se, but its time for you to go and move forward?

 

 

Option 2

 

I just came on here for the first time in months to read what u wrote. it's theme and style applies to many areas in life and i thank you for you brutal but humanitarian insight i hope you find further peace from the 3rd Dec.

[oracle]

Been awhile . How are you doing?

 

Thanks for the very kind remarks. I appreciate it.

 

It's been an interesting process, but I wouldn't undo any of it. It's taught me a lot about myself, others, expectations and life.

 

There is a calm at home now between us... We have talked a bit and I know anything that needs to be said will be by the end. He made a comment the other day about wishing people wouldn't congratulate him on the sale, he said there isn't anything happy about it - I replied that this is what he wanted, it's the road he set down three and a half years ago. He said nobody wins in this situation.

 

My hope is that the next 6 weeks can be somewhat sweet between us and we can come to a graceful- although sad - end.

 

 

Option 2

 

I just came on here for the first time in months to read what u wrote. it's theme and style applies to many areas in life and i thank you for you brutal but humanitarian insight i hope you find further peace from the 3rd Dec.

[siankat]

Been awhile . How are you doing?

 

Thanks for the very kind remarks. I appreciate it.

 

It's been an interesting process, but I wouldn't undo any of it. It's taught me a lot about myself, others, expectations and life.

 

There is a calm at home now between us... We have talked a bit and I know anything that needs to be said will be by the end. He made a comment the other day about wishing people wouldn't congratulate him on the sale, he said there isn't anything happy about it - I replied that this is what he wanted, it's the road he set down three and a half years ago. He said nobody wins in this situation.

 

My hope is that the next 6 weeks can be somewhat sweet between us and we can come to a graceful- although sad - end.

 

'People don't really change who they are on the core levels, they simply evolve and de-evolve out of people, relationships and experiences.... and THAT is the dynamic nature of life. Its those key experiences that shape and evolve who we are.' THis is what it's all about, perfectly put.

 

I'm fine now. I guess even once i got over my ex, because we had an abrupt ending with no rehash, i was left intellectually knowing what was what, but i wasn't feeling it in my heart. So i had been left with this faint cloud of question marks that my head had answered but my heart had never fully accepted.

 

Then he came to my city for a job interview and we met up, nine months after the last time we spoke. It was fine, then we talked deeper, i started to feel the pull but at the same time my head was damn wary, then he wanted me to stay over...and tell his new girlfriend tomorrow that he had met up with me as he wanted to do the right thing but, that at 10pm it was too late for me go our separate ways LOL

 

My heart has finally caught up with my head and i didn't know it hadn't ...til it did

 

In these situations in the long and short term, you have to have an immense amount of trust in yourself to do the right thing..for you. Like your ex partner said, no one wins, and i think you have seen evidence of this over the last 3.5 years even with him.

 

Your quote i quoted back really got me...but some things were never meant to be, like with my ex, and i am so happy i feel that at a deeper level too.

 

Is your head and heart in sync?

[oracle]

'Is your head and heart in sync'

 

I really like that line.

 

Honestly I don't know yet.. probably not.. and I don't think it will ever be fully, even though it may get close. I have been and probably always will be somewhat possessive of him, on all levels including the sexual

 

What do you take away from the experience of seeing your ex 9 months later... was it worth it or a mistake?

 

Do you wish U had just stayed strong and ignored him when he reached out to see you again?

 

 

'People don't really change who they are on the core levels, they simply evolve and de-evolve out of people, relationships and experiences.... and THAT is the dynamic nature of life. Its those key experiences that shape and evolve who we are.' THis is what it's all about, perfectly put.

 

I'm fine now. I guess even once i got over my ex, because we had an abrupt ending with no rehash, i was left intellectually knowing what was what, but i wasn't feeling it in my heart. So i had been left with this faint cloud of question marks that my head had answered but my heart had never fully accepted.

 

Then he came to my city for a job interview and we met up, nine months after the last time we spoke. It was fine, then we talked deeper, i started to feel the pull but at the same time my head was damn wary, then he wanted me to stay over...and tell his new girlfriend tomorrow that he had met up with me as he wanted to do the right thing but, that at 10pm it was too late for me go our separate ways LOL

 

My heart has finally caught up with my head and i didn't know it hadn't ...til it did

 

In these situations in the long and short term, you have to have an immense amount of trust in yourself to do the right thing..for you. Like your ex partner said, no one wins, and i think you have seen evidence of this over the last 3.5 years even with him.

 

Your quote i quoted back really got me...but some things were never meant to be, like with my ex, and i am so happy i feel that at a deeper level too.

 

Is your head and heart in sync?

[siankat]

it was so tempting to want to latch on to a set of rules to process the loss of the relationship, to have faith that a particular way worked. It is not nice to feel like you are on a journey but have no map, are in the dark, and are running out of resources. Guidance, advice, help, are what i came on here for.

However after having done all the hard work, and i felt at peace, i had to trust myself enough to do what was i felt, truly right for me.

 

Come May this year i thought i was over him. And for all intents and purposes i was. No obsessing, able to date other men without feeling sad. I guess everyone has their own 'back to normal' and i felt i was at mine.

 

However it wasn't til i met up with him that the last piece clicked into place that i didn't even know was still out of place. Before meeting him, with time and discipline, i had gotten passed loving him and the 'us' that was.

Ever since the break my head was always shouting at my heart that he was no good for me, trying to convince my heart of what was best, and in this struggle, my head eventually drowned out the procrastinations and wants of my heart, and my heart grew quieter, til all i could hear come May, was my head. And i was living fine.

 

It wasn't til i met him that my heart finally got it and i felt that shift deep inside of complete acceptance of him as he is, and my heart was going, 'yep, hes no good for you'.

 

I am very glad i met him, staying strong is i guess more for when indulging in a meet up could lead to unravelling where as i took a calculated risk. It wasnt until after we met up that i could understand the benefit of having done so.

 

Sure there is a lot to be said for taking the high road, not looking back. That is why everyone has their own path, and i tried staying honest with myself about my motives so i didnt become blind sided. Im lucky my risk paid off.

[siankat]

Im sorry to say that all i can offer is my point of view, and that just because i felt this helped me, doesnt mean it would have any benefit for another person to follow and get the same result from it.

 

So a bit about me, to let u know the kind of person making this decision.

I obsess about major and minor things that bother me, i can be possessive in relationships with friends, family and esp romantic relationships when involved, i can never be loved enough and give a lot, and expect a lot, i can therefore also cross boundaries of respecting others personal space (which i worked hard on to break in this last relationship and breakup) i am also very independent and dont need to be in a relationship, i am seeking a true bond with someone, and would rather be alone than invest with someone who i knew was gonna be temporary (i am 32 so this makes more sense), i think a lot and am always looking to improve myself, in direct relation to me, and to improve my relations with others. I believe i had a problem with self respect and respecting others boundaries. I will always need to be careful i dont engage in familiar but detrimental behavioural patterns.

 

I am at a better place emotionally but i dont know when i will stop feeling like a proverbial wolf in sheeps clothing ie feeling one way but acting another )

I know my flaws as mentioned in part above, but intellectually i want to not be like that and have been disciplined in doing so for the most part, however i am aware of my natural tendencies and will just keep having to exercise my preferred manner of being and conducting myself as i know it is in my best interests and of those i come across, but again, even in that aspect, my heart, soul, whatever you want to call it, is still not completely on board and to echo what you said, i dont know if it ever will be. I guess i should try and find someone with whom that side of me will more likely be inclined to continue to be balanced out, than someone who's own way of being, excites my existing tendencies.

Edited October 21, 2013 by siankat

[oracle]

I am happy to hear it worked out well for you, and very happy to see you are in a strong stable place and have done the hard work to get there.

 

All the best wishes to you for your future, and thanks for checking back in. We are always here

 

 

it was so tempting to want to latch on to a set of rules to process the loss of the relationship, to have faith that a particular way worked. It is not nice to feel like you are on a journey but have no map, are in the dark, and are running out of resources. Guidance, advice, help, are what i came on here for.

However after having done all the hard work, and i felt at peace, i had to trust myself enough to do what was i felt, truly right for me.

 

Come May this year i thought i was over him. And for all intents and purposes i was. No obsessing, able to date other men without feeling sad. I guess everyone has their own 'back to normal' and i felt i was at mine.

 

However it wasn't til i met up with him that the last piece clicked into place that i didn't even know was still out of place. Before meeting him, with time and discipline, i had gotten passed loving him and the 'us' that was.

Ever since the break my head was always shouting at my heart that he was no good for me, trying to convince my heart of what was best, and in this struggle, my head eventually drowned out the procrastinations and wants of my heart, and my heart grew quieter, til all i could hear come May, was my head. And i was living fine.

 

It wasn't til i met him that my heart finally got it and i felt that shift deep inside of complete acceptance of him as he is, and my heart was going, 'yep, hes no good for you'.

 

I am very glad i met him, staying strong is i guess more for when indulging in a meet up could lead to unravelling where as i took a calculated risk. It wasnt until after we met up that i could understand the benefit of having done so.

 

Sure there is a lot to be said for taking the high road, not looking back. That is why everyone has their own path, and i tried staying honest with myself about my motives so i didnt become blind sided. Im lucky my risk paid off.

[NeverBAWuss]

© People don't change. They don't. People can alter their behaviour or beliefs, but they don't change their core personality traits. Understand these do evolve with age, but they don't drift very far from where they started.

 

In my experience, certain categories of people do change:

 

Inexperienced ones

My girlfriend of 3.5 years was super-monogamous and super into me, because she was insecure about her attractiveness. She had only had 4 sexual partners. Once she moved away for school and started getting attention from a lot of men, she realized she can do better, started practicing an open relationship with me, and eventually dumped me for a guy she had a physical fling with.

 

Students

Due to their youth, students tend to overlap with the "inexperienced" category above. There's something extra, though: students who grow intellectually at a fast pace (e.g. philosophy), are likely to change certain attitudes and to view you as beneath them, unless you can keep up with them. If you have a job that doesn't help you grow intellectually much in a field they care about, then you're SOL. Happened to me as well with another girl I really fell for.

 

Those who go through traumatic or transforming experiences

Accidents, serving in the military, long trips abroad etc.

[oracle]

CORE TRAITS

 

CORE TRAITS

 

Everything you talk about is experience... evolution on who they are.

 

REAL CHANGES can come from Trauma.... head injury... addiction to hard drugs, War etc.

 

Remember.. Our minds, who we are.. is purely a chemical makeup

 

 

In my experience, certain categories of people do change:

 

Inexperienced ones

My girlfriend of 3.5 years was super-monogamous and super into me, because she was insecure about her attractiveness. She had only had 4 sexual partners. Once she moved away for school and started getting attention from a lot of men, she realized she can do better, started practicing an open relationship with me, and eventually dumped me for a guy she had a physical fling with.

 

Students

Due to their youth, students tend to overlap with the "inexperienced" category above. There's something extra, though: students who grow intellectually at a fast pace (e.g. philosophy), are likely to change certain attitudes and to view you as beneath them, unless you can keep up with them. If you have a job that doesn't help you grow intellectually much in a field they care about, then you're SOL. Happened to me as well with another girl I really fell for.

 

Those who go through traumatic or transforming experiences

Accidents, serving in the military, long trips abroad etc.

[Debanked]

OP, rule #1 invalidates your entire post. But then again, if "everything is random" there's no use for rules anyway.

[oracle]

I don't get how you would figure that.

 

Rule 1 is about our perceptions and how they more or less tend to be skewed from the reality.

 

So come on, do better than that to argue your point.

 

As for random.. Im assuming you are religious, so Im not gonna bother pulling into that driveway.

 

If you actually read anything here you would know that they aren't rules per say. its tongue in cheek.

 

They are 3 steps that - when caught up in the hopelessness of a given situation - you can step back and perhaps apply to see a clearer picture of the true reality, and the reason why you are feeling a magnified response to the given circumstance or event. I even spend an entire post, explaining how I apply them when reacting to a scenario with my ex.

 

Im all in favour of people challenging the ideas and adding to the debate, I have been here for over a year elaborating on the ideas for people when they ask.. if you are gonna challenge it, atleast read it.. Not a knee jerk reply after a paragraph or two

 

 

OP, rule #1 invalidates your entire post. But then again, if "everything is random" there's no use for rules anyway.

[BC1980]

CORE TRAITS

 

CORE TRAITS

 

Everything you talk about is experience... evolution on who they are.

 

REAL CHANGES can come from Trauma.... head injury... addiction to hard drugs, War etc.

 

Remember.. Our minds, who we are.. is purely a chemical makeup

 

I think you can change on the outside, but you always retain your core traits on the inside. You can bury them deep, but you are who you are for better or worse.

[oracle]

Agreed...

 

And sometimes personal growth in life, is really accepting who it is you are as a person.. the good and the bad

 

I think you can change on the outside, but you always retain your core traits on the inside. You can bury them deep, but you are who you are for better or worse.

[BC1980]

Agreed...

 

And sometimes personal growth in life, is really accepting who it is you are as a person.. the good and the bad

 

It's also about your partner accepting you. I started to grow resentful with my last relationship because I felt I tried to change for my ex. It wasn't a big change, but he is super type A. He always thought I was slower than him and not as eager to do something every second the of the day. I thought that quality time was taking a walk and talking. He always had to be doing something grandiose to spend time together. I felt he could never sit and enjoy life. That is a small example, but it became a problem because he never accepted my more laid back take on life. I accepted him and tried to accommodate him, but I felt it was one sided.

 

It also goes back to his rigid and uncompromising attitude. You could see it in everyday life, and it was a core trait. Now, there were other issues that buried the relationship, but this caused resentment in both sides. There was no accepting me on his side. He even said that to my face once.

[oracle]

Ya and with those problems.. we only see them over time. I think thats normal though in any relationship.. It works as long as a fine balance is met and compromises / acceptances made on both sides.

 

Thats why its good to have some friends and to do some stuff independantly at times.

 

 

It's also about your partner accepting you. I started to grow resentful with my last relationship because I felt I tried to change for my ex. It wasn't a big change, but he is super type A. He always thought I was slower than him and not as eager to do something every second the of the day. I thought that quality time was taking a walk and talking. He always had to be doing something grandiose to spend time together. I felt he could never sit and enjoy life. That is a small example, but it became a problem because he never accepted my more laid back take on life. I accepted him and tried to accommodate him, but I felt it was one sided.

 

It also goes back to his rigid and uncompromising attitude. You could see it in everyday life, and it was a core trait. Now, there were other issues that buried the relationship, but this caused resentment in both sides. There was no accepting me on his side. He even said that to my face once.

[Stryker101]

Alright maybe I'm completely misunderstanding your first point about nothing being what it seems...

 

I do agree with this notion completely. But it's also not an invitation to have the "well nothing is what it seems so they could be going through horrible times" mentality either. I'm just not sure if some misinterpreted this as always thinking of the possibility of BAD with others. Everyone goes through issues..and things like Facebook/Instagram would tend to make you think they are living a dream life...but its also important to know they they ARE happy and enjoying their time too...not just wallowing in the satisfaction that they MAY be suffering rather than being happy.

[oracle]

Its more like this:

 

There is the PERCEPTION GIVEN OFF

 

There is our PERCEPTION (Or Fantasy)

 

The reality typically is somewhere else. Sometimes in between, other times completely off in left field

 

Keep in mind though... its not the INSTANCE.

 

Facebook are INSTANCES, the reality is what it boils down to over time.

 

People can post great moments all day long.. but that doesn't mean thats how they feel about life for that week or even that day.

 

DON'T TREAT RULE 1 as a lifejacket though, and use it as an excuse to picture your ex miserable - cause this isn't likely the case. Nor is it what Rule 1 is about.

 

The rules are like Mirror, to look at yourself and your relationships with your surrounding environment.

 

Alright maybe I'm completely misunderstanding your first point about nothing being what it seems...

 

I do agree with this notion completely. But it's also not an invitation to have the "well nothing is what it seems so they could be going through horrible times" mentality either. I'm just not sure if some misinterpreted this as always thinking of the possibility of BAD with others. Everyone goes through issues..and things like Facebook/Instagram would tend to make you think they are living a dream life...but its also important to know they they ARE happy and enjoying their time too...not just wallowing in the satisfaction that they MAY be suffering rather than being happy.

[headinthecloud]

Agreed...

 

And sometimes personal growth in life, is really accepting who it is you are as a person.. the good and the bad

 

^^ truer words never spoken.