TooConfused Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 We had a company event last night and there is a guy that I do business with alot. We started drinking and then the talk began. His wife had an ongoing affair for about 3 months and I am very attracted to him. He's very quiet and I'm the complete opposite. I have been married for 10 years and love my husband deeply but he travels out of town for business alot. Sometimes I feel so alone. We have two kids but it's not the same. I've been having recurring nightmares that he's out and about when he's gone but I don't know for sure. I am so confused. The guy at work is meeting my needs emotionally. We can talk about anything and I feel comfortable. We haven't done anything and don't know if we will but I feel myself becoming drawn to him and I don't know what to do. We have always flirted in the past but that's all I thought it was. I miss my husband terribly but I've got the hots for the guy at work. Any suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
shorty19632004 Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 May i ask what kind of flirting have you done ? I am in the same situation you are in, my married friend is always flirting with me, but i am not sure if its just flirting ir is he trying to make the moves on me ? I really need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooConfused Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 Mainly just talk. We work very closely at work and every now and again we make sexual innuendos. Just last night though, I had one too many drinks and asked if he'd be interetsed in an affair (I know, I know). I aksed this after I found out about his wife's affair. I don't know if I'm just feeling lonely from my husband tarveling so much or if I truly want this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Well, quite honestly, I feel there's only one thing I can say....If you love your husband, don't go there with this other guy and don't put yourself in situations where you know you'll be tempted to. You've been w your husband for 10 yrs, and if I were you, I would work things out. Turning to another man is not only not going to solve your problems, but it will escalate them most likely beyond anything you ever imagined. He may be meeting your needs now, but that's likely only because misery loves company. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooConfused Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 It just started off as talk. But I guess that's also where it should have stopped. I think I may have gone too far and don't know how to get myself out of it. Or even if I want out. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 Most affairs just start off as talk, or what seems like innocent flirting rather. Obviously you are both in situations that are not the happiest right now. But turning to each other is only going to make things worse. For both of you and your families. I really think that first and foremost you should look to your marriage. And if you feel that it can't be reconciled, THEN perhaps move on after you've separated. But I think you always owe it to your spouse (and vice versa) to try to get things situated first. Ten years is a lot of time and effort. Link to post Share on other sites
shorty19632004 Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 See, I am a single woman at the age of 41. I have two grown kids that don't live with me, well there is this guy at work that started there about 6 months ago. We have become friends and co-workers.He has been married for 34 years. Awhile back he told me that he has tried to get a divorced from his wife about 10 years ago, but she fought it and she will get everything. I know this friend is not happy in his marriage. But for some reason, he has been winking at me at work(when nobody is around)and just smiles all the time when he see's me coming around the corner. The other day he went and took my hand in his and held it there for a brief while. I do beieve he is starting to have feelings for me, and i am having feelings for him too.I know this is wrong, but i am attracted to him ! I wonder whats gonna happen next ? What will be his next move ? Should i just leave him alone all together, or just talk to him about whats going on ? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Originally posted by TooConfused We had a company event last night and there is a guy that I do business with alot. We started drinking and then the talk began. His wife had an ongoing affair for about 3 months and I am very attracted to him. He's very quiet and I'm the complete opposite. I have been married for 10 years and love my husband deeply but he travels out of town for business alot. Sometimes I feel so alone. We have two kids but it's not the same. I've been having recurring nightmares that he's out and about when he's gone but I don't know for sure. I am so confused. The guy at work is meeting my needs emotionally. We can talk about anything and I feel comfortable. We haven't done anything and don't know if we will but I feel myself becoming drawn to him and I don't know what to do. We have always flirted in the past but that's all I thought it was. I miss my husband terribly but I've got the hots for the guy at work. Any suggestions. I would suggest that you confront your husband with your concerns. You owe it to him and your entire family (children) to give your all. Never give up. Seek counselling if it's needed. Please don't make this huge mistake. It's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooConfused Posted July 16, 2004 Author Share Posted July 16, 2004 I feel silly now for even coming onto the board with something like this. But it's great to know that even a stranger can be concerned and give advice to someone so obviously confused. I will take your advice to heart and I'm going to work on my marriage. I have signed my husband and I up for a one-day event for couples at the Pond called "Rekindling the Romance". I Thank everyone from the bottom of my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 AWESOME!!! I love hearing this! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Scorpion1691 Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 Testing to see if my reply will go through. Link to post Share on other sites
Scorpion1691 Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 Hi, I read some of the replys. Your Feelings are no different than anybody elses. 1 in 5 woman have an affair the same reasons guys have them, Not meeting the needs at home. My wife cheated on me 3 years ago and still has feelings for this othere guy to the point she says she does not have the feelings for me that she should, Her own words. I have 5 kids. Keep in mind there will always be some one interesting , good looking , exciting and saying the right things. Is it worth seeing the hurt in his eyes your kids eyes or any of your close family and friends. I don't condem my wife wife and you should not feel bad about what you feel, your feeling though are clouding your feelings for your husband. The idea of cheating has put this formost in your mind which makes you wonder if he is. Did you have this concern before you had these thoughts? I still live at home with my wife , I don't think I will ever have her back as my lover even though I still lover her. I live at home mostly because 4 of the kids are still home , the youngest is 9. I am male wether I did anything wrong or not she will be given the kids and I continue to work for them even harder so I can exist. Even if it was not my fault. Think beyond the lips for the impact. Take Care Link to post Share on other sites
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