Last year of college. What do I do?

[Teknoe]

I'm going to be graduating in May 2013. The absolute last thing I want to do is leave this school without having at least kissed a girl.

 

What can I do to make sure something happens before May?

 

If I were you, I would be more concerned with finishing strong academically and making sure I set myself up for the future from a career/financial standpoint.

 

Being too obsessed with girls WILL impact (i.e. hurt) your studies/grades.

 

Girls can always come later. You will, however, only be in school for one more year. Get the best education you can. And that means, I'm afraid, finding ways to prioritize your studies above and beyond your addiction of the IDEA of having a girlfriend.

 

You probably won't listen, but I'm telling you now... if you focus too much on girls, before you know it it will be May 2013 and you're going to regret that you didn't get more out of your education, because your mind was too focused on girls, when it should have been on your career.

 

It won't be easy, and it'll require a lot of discipline. Unfortunately, I can only tell you from experience and what I would have done differently in college, yet I know it will be an extremely difficult pattern for you to break.

 

Good luck.

[xxoo]

Make friends with a variety of people--both genders and all ages. Socialize.

 

Your age and status as a senior put you in a position to help students. When you meet someone in your degree program, offer or swap advice about professors and classes, pt job and internship opportunities, etc.

 

Concentrate on networking, really putting yourself out there, and the connections will follow naturally.

[carhill]

Tutor students

 

Look for social venues between campus and home to become a 'regular' place. You know, kind of like that old bar in 'Cheers', where everyone knows your name. Network socially.

 

Look at 'kissing a girl' as a semester-long task, rather than one accomplished in a day.

 

If you get invited to a social event, accept.

[somedude81]

Well my thread got moved into No Man's Land so I'll see how it does here.

Can't hurt to try that (since it's the polar opposite of what you did in the past, so it might work), but you need to learn to take rejection positively while you're at it.

I just don't know if it's a good idea.

 

Would there be anything wrong with asking out 5 girls in a club? And should I try to take them on dates and let them know it's a date?

 

What would they want to do?

Make friends with a variety of people--both genders and all ages. Socialize.

 

 

Concentrate on networking, really putting yourself out there, and the connections will follow naturally.

I really don't know how the networking thing works or how to actually make friends.

 

I do socialize but it doesn't really go beyond that, unless I'm pursuing a girl.

 

 

Your age and status as a senior put you in a position to help students. When you meet someone in your degree program, offer or swap advice about professors and classes, pt job and internship opportunities, etc.

I'm definitely not in a place to help anybody.

 

Tutor students

 

Look for social venues between campus and home to become a 'regular' place. You know, kind of like that old bar in 'Cheers', where everyone knows your name. Network socially.

I really don't think there is any hang out like that off-campus.

 

There is a decent bar and grill on campus though. I could go there more often.

 

Then what?

Look at 'kissing a girl' as a semester-long task, rather than one accomplished in a day.

It definitely is a long task but it needs to happen. I've been at this school for a few years, something has to change.

If you get invited to a social event, accept.

Got it.

[xxoo]

I really don't know how the networking thing works or how to actually make friends.

 

I do socialize but it doesn't really go beyond that, unless I'm pursuing a girl.

 

 

I'm definitely not in a place to help anybody.

 

Helping others is a great way to make a friend!

 

Other ways are joining clubs, asking people groups if they want to grab something to eat after meetings or classes, just being fun to be around.

 

Of course you are in a position to help. I bet you know where all the buildings are, all the advisers, all the profs in your major, etc. You probably know something about where to get the best deals on video game stuff.

[Meeks7]

Well my thread got moved into No Man's Land so I'll see how it does here.

 

Well, the moderator is correct. You're not dating. You're always in search of. This is a more appropriate forum for you.

 

I really don't know how the networking thing works or how to actually make friends.

 

I do socialize but it doesn't really go beyond that, unless I'm pursuing a girl.

 

 

I'm definitely not in a place to help anybody.

 

 

I really don't think there is any hang out like that off-campus.

 

There is a decent bar and grill on campus though. I could go there more often.

 

Then what?

 

It definitely is a long task but it needs to happen. I've been at this school for a few years, something has to change.

 

Instead of asking so many questions and then 90% of the time rejecting the feedback, less thinking, more doing.

 

All you're doing is adding to your mental suffocation. In turn, you become very mechanical, and you basically lose the battle even before you walk out your door in the morning.

 

The less you analyze and second guess and self-doubt, the quicker progress you'll make.

[somedude81]

Helping others is a great way to make a friend!

 

Of course you are in a position to help. I bet you know where all the buildings are, all the advisers, all the profs in your major, etc. You probably know something about where to get the best deals on video game stuff.

I can see helping somebody as a way to get a conversation going.

 

Other ways are joining clubs, asking people groups if they want to grab something to eat after meetings or classes, just being fun to be around.

But inviting others to get some food is how things start going.

 

Frankly, inviting somebody to get some food with me is how I got started with all the girls I've hung out with at this school.

 

But those always turned out wrong in the end so I'm apprehensive about doing the same thing again.

Well, the moderator is correct. You're not dating. You're always in search of. This is a more appropriate forum for you.

 

 

 

Instead of asking so many questions and then 90% of the time rejecting the feedback, less thinking, more doing.

 

All you're doing is adding to your mental suffocation. In turn, you become very mechanical, and you basically lose the battle even before you walk out your door in the morning.

 

The less you analyze and second guess and self-doubt, the quicker progress you'll make.

And a perfect example of what kind of posts I don't want to see here.

 

You, Teknoe and whoever else I've ignored, need to realize that such posts simply don't help me and the author is just wasting their time.

 

In this thread I'm not here to philosophize or theorycraft. I want to know what I should be trying at school this coming semester.

[johan]

My advice is to just forget about it. At the end of this semester, you'll be in the same place you are right now. If it was going to happen like people describe here, it would already have happened several times. You aren't getting any advice different from the advice you've already ignored a hundred times.

 

Concentrate on getting school out of the way. Then go build your life, and hope that the changes that come with starting a career in a new place will put some actual opportunities in front of you that you find it more difficult to waste. You won't be dating any college girls, because of the age thing you want everyone to ignore.

[Meeks7]

And a perfect example of what kind of posts I don't want to see here.

 

You, Teknoe and whoever else I've ignored, need to realize that such posts simply don't help me and the author is just wasting their time.

 

In this thread I'm not here to philosophize or theorycraft. I want to know what I should be trying at school this coming semester.

 

What was wrong with my post? I didn't attack you or anything. I didn't put you down. In fact, I gave you a suggestion on how to get to where you want to be... but it may come in a form you do not anticipate or even want (but that's what makes life... struggles and overcoming them by any means necessary).

 

And you tell me it's a waste of MY time? Last I checked, you've been in the same position for years now. It seems to me like all the replies you ever got has been a waste of their time. It doesn't matter what anyone posts, since it always comes back to what you're willing to do and not do. So far, you haven't been willing to step outside your comfort zone much, and that is why you've been in the same spot for years now.

[Emilia]

Well my thread got moved into No Man's Land so I'll see how it does here.

 

I just don't know if it's a good idea.

 

Would there be anything wrong with asking out 5 girls in a club? And should I try to take them on dates and let them know it's a date?

 

What would they want to do?

 

I really don't know how the networking thing works or how to actually make friends.

 

I do socialize but it doesn't really go beyond that, unless I'm pursuing a girl.

 

 

I'm definitely not in a place to help anybody.

 

 

I really don't think there is any hang out like that off-campus.

 

There is a decent bar and grill on campus though. I could go there more often.

 

Then what?

 

It definitely is a long task but it needs to happen. I've been at this school for a few years, something has to change.

 

Got it.

 

Why you bothered to post another thread only to discount any advice yet again given to you is beyond me. Unless you just enjoy complaining of course. There is always that

[xxoo]

Frankly, inviting somebody to get some food with me is how I got started with all the girls I've hung out with at this school.

 

But those always turned out wrong in the end so I'm apprehensive about doing the same thing again.

 

You could just as well say that your previously situations started with going to class, or saying "hi".

 

Inviting people out for food or coffee isn't the problem. Somewhere after that step you made a wrong turn, but that step was good.

 

Invite out groups, and get to know people. Flirt with all the girls. Then, if you feel some mutual spark want to go on a date with one, ask her out on a date.

[Meeks7]

Why you bothered to post another thread only to discount any advice yet again given to you is beyond me. Unless you just enjoy complaining of course. There is always that

 

Yeah, I think he mainly likes the attention. He says so much when he said he was sad his topic got moved to "no man's land" (i.e. In Search Of vs. Dating)

 

Other reason perhaps:

 

Learned Helplessness (What It Is and Why It Happens)

 

It's pretty evident though that he's just relegating himself to the same cycle of disappointment and failure. It's not about girls or learning how to flirt at this point, since he's trying to skip steps in life yet again. He's gotta find a way to take good care of himself mentally and physically (and spiritually even) first. He's just not in a right position for a relationship RIGHT NOW. There's nothing wrong with that as long as one is willing to own up to it and work toward some semblance of healing. Avoiding or denying it is what causes prolonged lack of growth and even, regression after time.

 

I know for him, these words are hard to read, but he has to come to a point where he finally prioritizes properly. A life coach would help him big time. Any kind of mentor figure, really, who can keep tabs on SomeDude and help chart his progress along.

 

He just needs a FRIEND/mentor to help him break through his own chains of mental oppression. I don't think it's something he can "figure out" on his own. Maybe I'm wrong, but how long would it take? Until he's 33, 34? I know what it's like to get stuck in a bad rut and stay there... for years, even. The way I got out was reaching out to friends and a mentor who helped to walk with me in those trying seasons I went through.

 

Basically, it comes down to healthy relationships. SomeDude lacks that in his life, and lacks understanding of what that looks like. I'm not talking physical or women here only. I'm talking about relationships in general. He's an island by himself, and with his mental state that is not healthy for him.... and that is an issue he'll have to address eventually.

[ThaWholigan]

I've been avoiding this thread on purpose because I can see already where it's going to go. Basically what's needed is a play-by-play of exactly what to do.

 

The closest I can get to that is the links that I have provided in the PMs. I have nothing more to add really. When I was at Uni, I went to the events, the parties, I drank, I spoke to people, I didn't overanalyze. I signed up to classes, and I just interacted with people without expecting anything. You learn as you go along.

 

If you want more links, PM me, and I will send them to you. I've gone over everything 100 times before in your other threads, I'd rather just PM you stuff to help you rather than waste more posts.

[somedude81]

Johan, Emilia, Meeks7, I request that you guys either try to post something that is related to what I want, or just stop posting in this thread.

 

You could just as well say that your previously situations started with going to class, or saying "hi".

 

Inviting people out for food or coffee isn't the problem. Somewhere after that step you made a wrong turn, but that step was good.

 

Invite out groups,

What do you mean invite out groups?

 

Like inviting 3 or 4 people to hang out with me?

and get to know people. Flirt with all the girls. Then, if you feel some mutual spark want to go on a date with one, ask her out on a date.

That's actually something I haven't done. I've usually been pretty selective on who I flirt with.

 

Are you also suggesting I flirt with girls I'd never be attracted to, just for fun?

 

I've been avoiding this thread on purpose because I can see already where it's going to go. Basically what's needed is a play-by-play of exactly what to do.

 

The closest I can get to that is the links that I have provided in the PMs. I have nothing more to add really. When I was at Uni, I went to the events, the parties, I drank, I spoke to people, I didn't overanalyze. I signed up to classes, and I just interacted with people without expecting anything. You learn as you go along.

And when I was at Uni, I went to a few events, never went to parties because I wasn't invited, drank alone, and interacted with people at classes.

 

Seeing how I've been there a few years and have accomplished little, learning as I go along doesn't really work for me.

 

I need to know what I can do differently, or I won't try anything new. That's just a fault to mine.

[ThaWholigan]

Are you also suggesting I flirt with girls I'd never be attracted to, just for fun?

 

I think you should. If you wanna be good at it, you gotta get better at it. Girls do it all the time, it's not exclusive to them

 

 

And when I was at Uni, I went to a few events, never went to parties because I wasn't invited, drank alone, and interacted with people at classes.

 

I wasn't invited to the parties either. I just turned up. They weren't like dorm parties, they were at legit clubs. I went, I got some drinks, I had a few friends there already so I had a bit of a headstart. But I spoke to people, I was funny, I was personable, and I made sure I wasn't isolated.

 

Have you read the Dale Carnegie book?

 

Seeing how I've been there a few years and have accomplished little, learning as I go along doesn't really work for me.

 

I need to know what I can do differently, or I won't try anything new. That's just a fault to mine.

 

It's a fault you can change actually.

 

Again, it seems like you want a play-by-play of how to do everything, but it's kinda difficult to do that for you. Again, I will PM you some stuff later, but you HAVE TO DOWNLOAD IT AND LOOK AT IT!! . It's better that way, because it will probably help you more than me trying to give you a million and one suggestions and you refuting them all.

 

You mentioned you had problems interacting, there's things that can help. I actually think that Social Circle DVD I sent you was a little too advanced for now. I'll send some other stuff.

[somedude81]

I think you should. If you wanna be good at it, you gotta get better at it. Girls do it all the time, it's not exclusive to them

Hah! That explains why I've had girls with boyfriends and others who've had no interest at all flirt with me. They just probably did it for fun.

 

OK, I can do that. LOL, I wonder if I'll break any hearts.

 

 

I wasn't invited to the parties either. I just turned up. They weren't like dorm parties, they were at legit clubs. I went, I got some drinks, I had a few friends there already so I had a bit of a headstart. But I spoke to people, I was funny, I was personable, and I made sure I wasn't isolated.

Ah that's different then.

 

Yeah if a club I'm attending holds an event I'll be sure to go. And I'll also socialize.

Have you read the Dale Carnegie book?

How to win friends and influential people?

 

Just the first chapter or so.

 

I don't remember why I stopped.

 

It's a fault you can change actually.

 

Again, it seems like you want a play-by-play of how to do everything, but it's kinda difficult to do that for you.

Yeah I understand it may be difficult to provide something like that. I'll probably have to talk about situations as they happen and it should be easier to give specific advice.

 

One I have learned, is that I can't really trust my own judgement, at least until I start getting some experience.

 

 

Again, I will PM you some stuff later, but you HAVE TO DOWNLOAD IT AND LOOK AT IT!! . It's better that way, because it will probably help you more than me trying to give you a million and one suggestions and you refuting them all.

 

You mentioned you had problems interacting, there's things that can help. I actually think that Social Circle DVD I sent you was a little too advanced for now. I'll send some other stuff.

Do you have anything really basic? Maybe something made for 2nd graders?

[ThaWholigan]

Hah! That explains why I've had girls with boyfriends and others who've had no interest at all flirt with me. They just probably did it for fun.

 

OK, I can do that. LOL, I wonder if I'll break any hearts.

 

Sometimes you will

 

 

 

Ah that's different then.

 

Yeah if a club I'm attending holds an event I'll be sure to go. And I'll also socialize.

 

Definitely, since it's your last year, you wanna create some memories . I never completed Uni, only one year. I still remember doing the "crank dat" in the SU bar at Xmas . (superman that hoe ).

 

How to win friends and influential people?

 

Just the first chapter or so.

 

I don't remember why I stopped.

 

Read it. It's awesome

 

 

Yeah I understand it may be difficult to provide something like that. I'll probably have to talk about situations as they happen and it should be easier to give specific advice.

 

One I have learned, is that I can't really trust my own judgement, at least until I start getting some experience.

 

I know, sometimes the advice we have given you is a little bit vague, but it's kinda like that for a reason. It's hard to have a tailor made regime for any given situation. That's why PUA naturally evolved and discarded routines.

 

Do you have anything really basic? Maybe something made for 2nd graders?

 

 

I'll see what I can find that will help.

[dmmm]

Hi ThaWholigan

 

Did the Carnegie book really help you?

 

Would it be possible to tell me the basics material please as I could really do with some help on that too.

 

I've Just read most of Without Embarrassment by Michael Pilins.

 

Have you read this? I like the ideas in it and sat alone reading it it resonates with me, just actually going out and doing it I still find impossible.

 

Any tips on taking the leap from theory to practice?

 

Cheers mate!

[runner]

I've been avoiding this thread on purpose because I can see already where it's going to go. Basically what's needed is a play-by-play of exactly what to do.

 

The closest I can get to that is the links that I have provided in the PMs. I have nothing more to add really. When I was at Uni, I went to the events, the parties, I drank, I spoke to people, I didn't overanalyze. I signed up to classes, and I just interacted with people without expecting anything. You learn as you go along.

 

If you want more links, PM me, and I will send them to you. I've gone over everything 100 times before in your other threads, I'd rather just PM you stuff to help you rather than waste more posts.

 

i think this is one of his most basic problems. he needs to learn to just go with it, pull the damn trigger, and quit viewing human relations from an IS perspective. what i mean is that i routinely come across computer guys who over-analyse and disect every logical step of the dating ritual as if it were a CPU process. sorry SD, but love and romance is probably the least logical thing in the human universe; get used to it

 

okay, moving away from 'theory'

 

get yourself out in school social events on a weekly basis (shouldn't be hard in a school the size you're in). hell it doesn't even have to be in your interest; just go for the free food or something. the first person you lock eyes with, go and make the first effort to introduce yourself; doesn't matter if its a guy or a girl, attractive girl or unattractive girl. get yourself visible as much as possible; wash, rinse, repeat until you have more acquaintances than you know what to do with will it be uncomfortable at first ? yes it probably will be for someone like you. but that's the point !! feel that awkward burn man...no pain no gain

 

if you find yourself at home watching anime and playing video games by yourself all over again on a friday/saturday night, then you're doing it wrong

Edited August 21, 2012 by runner

[ThaWholigan]

i think this is one of his most basic problems. he needs to learn to just go with it, pull the damn trigger, and quit viewing human relations from an IS perspective. what i mean is that i routinely come across computer guys who over-analyse and disect every logical step of the dating ritual as if it were a CPU process. sorry SD, but love and romance is probably the least logical thing in the human universe; get used to it

 

okay, moving away from 'theory'

 

get yourself out in school social events on a weekly basis (shouldn't be hard in a school the size you're in). hell it doesn't even have to be in your interest; just go for the free food or something. the first person you lock eyes with, go and make the first effort to introduce yourself; doesn't matter if its a guy or a girl, attractive girl or unattractive girl. get yourself visible as much as possible; wash, rinse, repeat until you have more acquaintances than you know what to do with will it be uncomfortable at first ? yes it probably will be for someone like you. but that's the point !! feel that awkward burn man...no pain no gain

 

if you find yourself at home watching anime and playing video games by yourself all over again on a friday/saturday night, then you're doing it wrong

 

Quoted for added emphasis and truth .

 

Hi ThaWholigan

 

Did the Carnegie book really help you?

 

Would it be possible to tell me the basics material please as I could really do with some help on that too.

 

Well, it didn't tell me anything particularly new as I had picked up bits of what was in that book elsewhere, it was just put together already in that book. I would advise you to download it and read it, rather than the basics .

 

I've Just read most of Without Embarrassment by Michael Pilinski.

 

Have you read this? I like the ideas in it and sat alone reading it it resonates with me, just actually going out and doing it I still find impossible.

 

Any tips on taking the leap from theory to practice?

 

Cheers mate!

 

I have actually read this book, it's also a good read.

 

Obviously in theory it makes sense, in practice it's daunting! I would say the best way to apply the information is just to place yourself in as many social situations as possible. This is better if you live in a big city, but even if you don't, try and take small steps. Have little conversations with people, learn little things about small talk.

 

I wish I could give you better tips, but honestly the way I did it was just to go out and do it. That's the best way. Go and talk to people, and just keep doing it. Then everything you've learned should start to fall into place - experiment a little .

[Eclypse]

I dunno, dating does have an element of luck. I think that's how most relationships began really. A chance meeting or all the cards falling at the right time. I think you just have to expose yourself to as many women as possible. That will ensure that you have a good pool to pick from and means you can move on quickly if you get rejected (which you will, everyone does). Do not however, make getting a woman your priority for university. The purpose of university is to study and work hard and prepare yourself for a career. Getting girls is nice, but it should be a secondary objective. Keep your eyes on the prize (a good career)!

[somedude81]

Tomorrow is the first day of the semester.

 

I know that doing well in my classes is the priority, but leaving the college without getting anything from anybody would be horrible.

 

There is no reason why I can't get good grades and get laid. They shouldn't be exclusive of each other.

 

I just wish I had a better idea of what to do other than "make friends and flirt with every girl."

 

Well, as I come across girls that have potential I'll make a new thread about them.

[KathyM]

Joining some clubs/activities on campus would be a way to expand your contacts. You should also be living in an apartment on campus. If you live off campus, your options will be a lot more limited. If you live on campus and find some roommates, then there will be parties to go to and you can throw parties yourself and invite your neighbors, and invite them to bring their friends. Circulate flyers around your neighborhood inviting people to your party. That's how to get to know people who live around you. That's how my sons have met their girlfriends--by going to parties on campus, and by talking to their female neighbors.

[somedude81]

Joining some clubs/activities on campus would be a way to expand your contacts. You should also be living in an apartment on campus. If you live off campus, your options will be a lot more limited. If you live on campus and find some roommates, then there will be parties to go to and you can throw parties yourself and invite your neighbors, and invite them to bring their friends. Circulate flyers around your neighborhood inviting people to your party. That's how to get to know people who live around you. That's how my sons have met their girlfriends--by going to parties on campus, and by talking to their female neighbors.

As cool as it sounds, I've never heard of colleges that have apartments on campus.

 

This school only has dorms and only Freshmen and Sophomores live in them. The vast majority of students live off-campus.

 

I am going to join clubs and activities, but I don't know what more to do other then actually going to the meetings and events if they have any.

[KathyM]

As cool as it sounds, I've never heard of colleges that have apartments on campus.

 

This school only has dorms and only Freshmen and Sophomores live in them. The vast majority of students live off-campus.

 

I am going to join clubs and activities, but I don't know what more to do other then actually going to the meetings and events if they have any.

Then find an apartment just off campus where college students live. Check apartment ads in your area to look for people who need roommates if that is possible. That is your best bet. My oldest son, now 27, met his wife through a college party thrown by one of his friends he met on campus. He didn't know anyone when starting at that school, but he got to know people by living there. If you commute, it's a lot harder to get to know people in college. My other son met his last three girlfriends by going to parties in his neighborhood just off campus, and by talking to his neighbors.