Last year of college. What do I do?

[iris219]

As cool as it sounds, I've never heard of colleges that have apartments on campus.

 

This school only has dorms and only Freshmen and Sophomores live in them. The vast majority of students live off-campus.

 

I am going to join clubs and activities, but I don't know what more to do other then actually going to the meetings and events if they have any.

 

Many cities have lots of apartments in the area where the college is located. They aren't specifically for college students, but that's who generally rents them because they are inexpensive and it allows the kids to walk/bike to campus.

 

Have you thought about getting a roommate? You will meet people this way. Several of my close friends started out as my roommates years ago. You need to get a social life away from school. (I know you don't want to hear that.)

 

ETA: I see KathyM had similar suggestions...

[xxoo]

Tomorrow is the first day of the semester.

 

I know that doing well in my classes is the priority, but leaving the college without getting anything from anybody would be horrible.

 

There is no reason why I can't get good grades and get laid. They shouldn't be exclusive of each other.

 

"getting anything from anybody"

 

I know you are frustrated, but that is an awful mindset to have going into dating.

 

We can't give you any magic words to make it happen. You talk to lots of people (not just attractive girls), you make lots of connections, and you become more attractive as a person. Girls eyes twinkle when you flirt, they touch your arm, play with their hair, giggle...and you ask them out for a date. Things get more intimate on the date, sitting close, eye gazing, and you move in for a kiss.

 

That is the best play-by-play I can give you.

 

Have a great first day tomorrow! Start off right, walking with a bounce in your step and your head held high, smiling and saying hello to every girl who returns your eye contact as you walk on campus in the morning. Good luck!

[Mme. Chaucer]

If I were you, I would be more concerned with finishing strong academically and making sure I set myself up for the future from a career/financial standpoint.

 

Being too obsessed with girls WILL impact (i.e. hurt) your studies/grades.

 

Girls can always come later. You will, however, only be in school for one more year. Get the best education you can. And that means, I'm afraid, finding ways to prioritize your studies above and beyond your addiction of the IDEA of having a girlfriend.

 

You probably won't listen, but I'm telling you now... if you focus too much on girls, before you know it it will be May 2013 and you're going to regret that you didn't get more out of your education, because your mind was too focused on girls, when it should have been on your career.

 

It won't be easy, and it'll require a lot of discipline. Unfortunately, I can only tell you from experience and what I would have done differently in college, yet I know it will be an extremely difficult pattern for you to break.

 

Good luck.

 

This is the best advice you're going to get here. I think it's been well established that your college is not the place to connect with girls, for YOU.

 

Yes, something could and might very well happen, but you've been trying … forever.

 

Your age is an issue here, SD. Please don't tell me that nobody can tell how old you are. If they can't, they certainly can catch a lot of vibes off of you that you are not one of the younguns starting out in school. Trolling anime club, etc. to try to hit on the new freshmen girls is probably going to make you an entity to be avoided.

 

KICK ASS IN YOUR STUDIES. Focus on your career goals for after your graduation. Do you know what they are? If you don't, I'm sure your school has some resources for helping with this.

 

Once you're out of school and in the real work force, or in graduate school, you will be on even social footing with many peers. You won't have to be in eternal "round peg" mode (guy in 30's trailing after young undergrads in college). That is not exceptionally bad, sd, but it's not working for you. There are so many guys their age - and then there are the "older" and desirable ones (from their generic perspective) who are probably 25.

 

31 years old is YOUNG, but you have become stuck in an environment and a mind set where you are not going to fit easily socially. And it's unlikely to get any better or be any different this year. Sorry. But look to the future.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I know that doing well in my classes is the priority, but leaving the college without getting anything from anybody would be horrible.

.

 

Barf.

 

Now, I hope that no college girl lets you anywhere near her. Or any other class of woman, until you are able to understand why that is so deeply wrong and are able to do something about the ingrained attitude that it expresses. That is disgusting.

[fortyninethousand322]

Jeez, a poor word choice by SD and he gets butchered for it. Big surprise there.

 

SD, make sure to get good grades, but college is really the last best place to try to get dates. Life goes pretty downhill from there. Good luck and Godspeed to you.

[Emilia]

Jeez, a poor word choice by SD and he gets butchered for it. Big surprise there.

 

.

 

It's not 'poor', it's slip of the tongue

[fortyninethousand322]

It's not 'poor', it's slip of the tongue

 

Oh, well if you can read his mind I'll just bow to your psychic powers.

 

Do you people really think he some kind of gross guy out to use people? He's clearly one of the most sympathetic posters on here yet gets criticized routinely.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Jeez, a poor word choice by SD and he gets butchered for it. Big surprise there.

 

 

He has expressed the attitude that women / girls are far less than 3 dimensional human beings hundreds of times in his mountains of threads. This was just outstandingly disgusting.

 

I'm pretty sure you can recognize this, 49322.

[somedude81]

"getting anything from anybody"

 

 

I know you are frustrated, but that is an awful mindset to have going into dating.

Wow, so many people took offense to that statement.

 

I'll spell it out.

 

I'm looking for a girlfriend, a serious relationship. That is what I prefer and want the most. But I'll settle for a casual thing or even a FWB. Hell, I'll accept a one night stand.

 

To me, leaving the college without any of those happening would be horrible.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

Do you people really think he some kind of gross guy out to use people? He's clearly one of the most sympathetic posters on here yet gets criticized routinely.

 

Frankly, I do think he's pretty much a gross guy out to use people, though not in a predatory way. I get the impression all the time that he thinks girls / women are there for "use" by guys, but, darn it, he can't seem to figure out the secret key to getting to use them himself.

 

The double standard (usually expressed as: "I would be lowering my standards if I were to go out with Girl A. Yet, Girl B is a dickwad because she feels that she would be lowering her standards to go out with ME. She is WRONG") is atrocious.

 

Not "clearly sympathetic" at all, from my perspective, though you certainly are welcome to your own!

[Mme. Chaucer]

Wow, so many people took offense to that statement.

 

I'll spell it out.

 

I'm looking for a girlfriend, a serious relationship. That is what I prefer and want the most. But I'll settle for a casual thing or even a FWB. Hell, I'll accept a one night stand.

 

To me, leaving the college without any of those happening would be horrible.

 

Say whatever, behind it all is your enduring idea that you are going to be "getting something" off of whomever. No giving involved. Ever.

[somedude81]

Enough with the off-topic posts.

 

Stick to the topic or get out.

 

And the topic is not whether I'm gross or not or what I believe or not.

[fortyninethousand322]

Wow, so many people took offense to that statement.

 

I'll spell it out.

 

I'm looking for a girlfriend, a serious relationship. That is what I prefer and want the most. But I'll settle for a casual thing or even a FWB. Hell, I'll accept a one night stand.

 

To me, leaving the college without any of those happening would be horrible.

 

Clearly you're a horrible person who only wants to use women for your sick fantasies.

[fortyninethousand322]

SD I remember when I was in college, tennis club seemed to be a place where there was a lot of cute girls. Maybe try that. Worst case scenario you just end up playing a sport for a bit.

[Els]

SD, honest to god, your posts generally do strike me as representative of the fact that you think a relationship and sex is 'something' that you 'get' from a woman - or, put more nicely, that she consents to 'give' to you. I would sincerely advise you to try and move away from that sort of thinking. Believe it or not, it is quite relevant to the topic and is a mistake many inexperienced guys in college make.

 

Other than that, I don't think any regular posters have any further advice to give you about this. Have you joined the clubs that you mentioned intending to join yet? Asked out any girls?

 

Jeez, a poor word choice by SD and he gets butchered for it. Big surprise there.

 

Honestly, this reminds me of the Akin defense regarding his 'poor word choices' when he talked about the female body 'shutting down and preventing pregnancy in the case of legitimate rape'. Seems like one can say anything at all nowadays and then shrug consequences off by calling it a 'poor word choice'. I mean, sheesh, anyone who tries that is clearly retarded... oops, I mean, he mustn't be thinking properly. Poor word choice.

 

Fortunately, the only person who seems to be resorting to that kind of pathetic.. oops, I mean, slightly illogical... defense here is you, not SD himself.

[fortyninethousand322]

Honestly, this reminds me of the Akin defense regarding his 'poor word choices' when he talked about the female body 'shutting down and preventing pregnancy in the case of legitimate rape'. Seems like one can say anything at all nowadays and then shrug consequences off by calling it a 'poor word choice'. I mean, sheesh, anyone who tries that is clearly retarded... oops, I mean, he mustn't be thinking properly. Poor word choice.

 

Fortunately, the only person who seems to be resorting to that kind of pathetic.. oops, I mean, slightly illogical... defense here is you, not SD himself.

 

I think the difference is that Akin said something that was not only found to be offensive but it was actually a stupid comment, as in factually incorrect no matter what the context.

 

But whatever. If you want to imply that I sympathize with rapists, that's fine. I have no problem with you or anyone else thinking that.

[Els]

I think the difference is that Akin said something that was not only found to be offensive but it was actually a stupid comment, as in factually incorrect no matter what the context.

 

But whatever. If you want to imply that I sympathize with rapists, that's fine. I have no problem with you or anyone else thinking that.

 

Let me reiterate my point for you: Seems like one can say anything at all nowadays and then shrug consequences off (or defend the person who said it) by calling it a 'poor word choice'

[fortyninethousand322]

Let me reiterate my point for you: Seems like one can say anything at all nowadays and then shrug consequences off (or defend the person who said it) by calling it a 'poor word choice'

 

But you're comparing apples to oranges here. SD comes off on here as somewhat socially awkward and not confident, not as a misogynist or someone who hates women.

 

Not the same concepts at all.

 

All I was trying to say by defending him is that in every thread of is it often turns into a "trash SD" party. I know it's probably fun for some people, but those people really should get off their high horse.

[somedude81]

SD, honest to god, your posts generally do strike me as representative of the fact that you think a relationship and sex is 'something' that you 'get' from a woman - or, put more nicely, that she consents to 'give' to you. I would sincerely advise you to try and move away from that sort of thinking. Believe it or not, it is quite relevant to the topic and is a mistake many inexperienced guys in college make.

Made a thread in dating about it.

Other than that, I don't think any regular posters have any further advice to give you about this. Have you joined the clubs that you mentioned intending to join yet? Asked out any girls?

School starts tomorrow.

[Els]

49k: I am not talking about SD at all here - if you notice, he just created a thread acknowledging that he had meant exactly what he said. I was talking about you immediately jumping onto the 'poor word choice' bandwagon. Here's a tip for when you actually go out and do stuff IRL - you can't take words back. 'Poor word choice' is an almost nonexistent defense - it does not work at all.

[Els]

Made a thread in dating about it.

 

Great, thanks.

 

School starts tomorrow.

 

Huh, that would mean that orientation would still have been ongoing last week, doesn't it?

[fortyninethousand322]

49k: I am not talking about SD at all here - if you notice, he just created a thread acknowledging that he had meant exactly what he said. I was talking about you immediately jumping onto the 'poor word choice' bandwagon. Here's a tip for when you actually go out and do stuff IRL - you can't take words back. 'Poor word choice' is an almost nonexistent defense - it does not work at all.

 

Yes thank you. I have been out in public and I do have friends and I've never had to deal with that issue, but again thanks for your "sincere" concern . But if necessary, an easy way to prevent this from happening is if you're not sure what to say just stay silent. Works like a charm.

[Meeks7]

Well, as I come across girls that have potential I'll make a new thread about them.

 

 

Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. You would be better off not making threads on "potentials" as you know what that does? It only puts the girl on a higher pedestal in your (subconscious) mind. You already know that that is bad. However, you are not changing your strategies in order to reduce this. This is how girls creep their way into our mind and we put them up on a pedestal. Once we do that, as guys, we've already lost the battle.

 

This has happened with you in the past. You get too caught up... my best advice is relax, learn to enjoy the moment, and the less you make a girl a priority (i.e. dropping that "I gotta make a thread about her on LS!!!" mindset), the better off you will be.

 

Ignore my username. Pretend I'm veggirl telling you this. Dare to change the way you tend to do things, as that obviously has not worked in the past. And I can tell you from personal experience, I used to do the whole "post threads on potentials" thing dozens of times before. It never did me any good. Whatever "information" I thought I got out of those threads was derailed by the fact that I put her on a pedestal, I was relying on other people's opinions and I simply lacked the belief and confidence in my own self. Just warning you -- I've been down the road that you're going down.

 

And now, I have a wonderful girlfriend who I didn't make any threads on or put on a pedestal. I just acted on instinct, didn't post any play by plays, we clicked and the rest is history.

 

In a nutshell, if you truly want "success" with women this final year in college, then DO NOT:

 

A. Post threads on "potentials" (this will effectively put them on a mega pedestal in your mind and the battle will be lost)

 

B. Overthink your interactions with women (this can be extremely difficult for some people)

 

C. Prioritize them above or even on equal footing as your education. Trust me on this one.

 

DO:

 

A. Put your studies first and foremost

 

B. Join clubs and stay active in them

 

C. Interact with all sorts of people, male or female, pretty or "ugly"

 

D. Be open to trying different things, from food to social events to life strategies

 

E. Smile

 

F. Chin up, do not slouch when walking

 

G. Dress your best, every single day. Wear clothes that you feel good in. If you don't have many, it's time to go shopping

[Teknoe]

SD,

Small steps in the right direction. Develop some connections. You'll be amazed at how just doing those two things will increase the joy and purpose in your life. Here's a real example from my own life

 

---

 

I've discovered it's really hard to "achieve" something good without first gathering some positive momentum. I have two examples to share, one old and one very recent. One in the girlfriend arena, one in the career field.

 

When I had my first girlfriend in 2004, I was proactive and getting "it done" in my life. Not only did I have a job, but I turned myself into the BEST employee at my job (with my boss trusting me as the #1 guy), I had a healthy social circle, I was involved in extracurricular activities that year in college, etc. I was, basically, in a good place in life when my girlfriend came along and became attracted to me. I was not coming from a "doom and gloom, I can't get a GF" posture, which absolutely CRUSHES any guy's chances of landing a GF. You may think you can mask some, if not all of it, but you're not fooling many people. And think about it, if it's something you're trying to hide or mask, then you know it's a negative thing, why not work on turning a negative into a strength?

 

Another example in my life was my career. 2008-2011 I was working part time as an after school instructor. It was for a private company. The hours were light (it was AFTER school, and only on Saturdays did I get 4+ hours and during summer/vacation breaks). Needless to say it didn't really push or challenge me to evolve. I was just doing relatively the same thing for 3 years. I had this fear of working full time and I wasn't even on the substitute list! I had such a huge mental block.

 

Finally, reconnecting with an old friend in November 2011 helped me to begin the wheels of change. She told me she'll put in a good word for me to her school's sub coordinator. (She is a full time teacher). So I came in one day to the district office, and they hired me to be a substitute December 2011.

 

I got my first sub call assignment on Valentines 2012. I'll never forget that day. It was 7:30 AM, I was snoozing like a baby when my phone rang. I knew it could only be the school, and that I'd have my very FIRST sub assignment! They wanted me to sub for 8th grade PE, and I just about jumped out of my bed.

 

Driving to work that morning I was listening to an uplifting message on the radio. In it the man said "NEIGHBOR, TODAY YOU GET STARTED!" Goosebumps up and down my arms. Today, I was getting started! It was something I honestly should have done waaaay back in 2007, but that's how amazing fear can cripple a person. It was a HUGE mental hurdle for me to leap over, but when I finally did, good things kept happening and happening. I was building some positive momentum!

 

What followed from Valentines to late May 2012 included 15 sub assignments, ranging every grade from K-8, including an eight-day span where I subbed SIX times and really developed some positive momentum. Again, it's all about cultivating positive momentum in one's life.

 

June 2012 I applied full time to 3 schools. One contacted me, I interviewed, demo'ed a lesson and was HIRED FULL TIME. I start in August, and my 10 year dream of someday becoming a full time teacher with my very own classroom has finally come true.

 

I cannot stress how much of a difference thinking positively and developing positive momentum in one's life truly is. I have no doubt those 15 sub assignments prepared me for this day, and gave me that extra push I needed to cross the finish line.

 

So wherever you are in life right now, just remember that small steps and humble beginnings can lead to greater and bigger things, and many times we need to start out with the basics. It's good to get a solid foundation in place, in other words. You must learn how to walk before you jog, and jog before you sprint. Every decision you make in life can either bring you positive momentum, or it can set you back.

 

Do not overlook the value of living right, making sound choices, and gathering some positive momentum. It just might lead you to that place where you ultimately want to be. Even if it doesn't right away, you just keep living right. Eventually good things will happen to those who persist, push through and never say never. Finally, dwelling on the past and lamenting at what could have been is not healthy. You still have today, and today your choices impact the kind of person you are. As you saw with my subbing-teaching experience, it's NEVER TOO LATE to turn things around!

[Emilia]

Oh, well if you can read his mind I'll just bow to your psychic powers.

 

Do you people really think he some kind of gross guy out to use people? He's clearly one of the most sympathetic posters on here yet gets criticized routinely.

 

I can't read his mind but I have the power of cognitive reasoning.

 

I remember the OP posting in a thread about attraction. The question was asked whether it was important that your partner is attracted to you. The OP responded that he didn't care as long as she had sex with him. That tells you everything you need to know and also why he can't find women to date him.