Last year of college. What do I do?

[somedude81]

Then find an apartment just off campus where college students live. Check apartment ads in your area to look for people who need roommates if that is possible. That is your best bet. My oldest son, now 27, met his wife through a college party thrown by one of his friends he met on campus. He didn't know anyone when starting at that school, but he got to know people by living there. If you commute, it's a lot harder to get to know people in college. My other son met his last three girlfriends by going to parties in his neighborhood just off campus, and by talking to his neighbors.

 

Many cities have lots of apartments in the area where the college is located. They aren't specifically for college students, but that's who generally rents them because they are inexpensive and it allows the kids to walk/bike to campus.

 

Have you thought about getting a roommate? You will meet people this way. Several of my close friends started out as my roommates years ago. You need to get a social life away from school. (I know you don't want to hear that.)

 

ETA: I see KathyM had similar suggestions...

I've already lived with roommates before and I didn't like it that much.

 

Also, my city doesn't really have a main area where college kids live. Everyone is basically scattered about.

DO:

 

A. Put your studies first and foremost

 

B. Join clubs and stay active in them

 

C. Interact with all sorts of people, male or female, pretty or "ugly"

 

D. Be open to trying different things, from food to social events to life strategies

 

E. Smile

 

F. Chin up, do not slouch when walking

 

G. Dress your best, every single day. Wear clothes that you feel good in. If you don't have many, it's time to go shopping

People always get on my case that I go against advice when given and that I often argue against it.

 

The problem is that the vast majority of advice I get is very generic and most of the time I'm already doing it. I'm looking for novel ideas focused on women and that's why I seem to ignore most advice I get. Though I think I should still acknowledge it.

 

Thank you for the tips Meeks7. I will continue to do those things.

 

 

I used to do the whole "post threads on potentials" thing dozens of times before. It never did me any good. Whatever "information" I thought I got out of those threads was derailed by the fact that I put her on a pedestal, I was relying on other people's opinions and I simply lacked the belief and confidence in my own self. Just warning you -- I've been down the road that you're going down.

When it comes to potentials, I've only actually written about one out of every five girls. The ones I didn't write about, I wanted to try with my own judgement, and of course nothing happened with them.

 

It shouldn't be a secret to anybody, that I don't have confidence in myself when it comes to women. What I've seen, is that when I finally get around to writing about a girl, it's already too late. To me, that just means I should have asked for help sooner.

[KathyM]

If roommates and parties are out of the question, then your options are talking to your classmates before and after class, socializing with people in the school clubs and activities you join, and suggest going out for a cup of coffee (or whatever) after the class or after the club meeting, flirting with the college girls who are working on campus, and then asking for their number, hanging out at the college hang outs (student union, nearby restaurants, bookstores, etc.) and striking up a conversation with the girls there.

 

But don't limit yourself to college activities. Volunteer your time to a good cause, and there will be people there doing the same. Join a church where you can both feed your faith and come in contact with some nice people. My nephew, a few years younger than you, just married a woman from his church after getting to know her through church activities. Talk to people in your neighborhood and get to know your neighbors. There's no reason to hold off on socializing with people or hold off on dating. You CAN go to school AND have a social life/dating life at the same time. People do it all the time.

[blueshoryu]

Have you ever considered a life coach or even therapy for underlying issues relating to your lack of confidence in your self?

[somedude81]

Have you ever considered a life coach or even therapy for underlying issues relating to your lack of confidence in your self?

I've thought about it a lot, but I just don't have enough disposable income at the moment to afford it.

 

Possibly when I start working at my career. But that's about a year from now and I don't want to wait.

 

------------------------

 

So the first day of school is over.

 

Man I had forgotten how many pretty girls go to my school. There is just tons of them. With so many girls, it really shouldn't be hard.

 

I talked to two cute girls today. Both occasions I was nervous and had difficulty projecting my voice (which is something I've had to suffer with for a long time.) The nervousness was probably because it's actually been a while since I talked to a girl.

 

Well tomorrow is Salsa and there's going to be a ton of girls. I could use the practice.

[Meeks7]

To me, that just means I should have asked for help sooner.

 

Instead of asking for help online, have you considered what a GREAT resource you're not using in the form of asking for help IN REAL LIFE? Seriously, when you ask someone online, there's only so much you can get out of it. But when you ask in real life, you get a lot more out of it, like body language, facial expressions, tone, eye contact, etc. These are some helpful tips a friend can give you.

 

I know your response is "Well, I don't have a friend and it's not worth having friends." Not true, a friend can help show you the ropes far more than anything written on the internet. That's why so many people suggest you simply expand your social network. Make some friends and open yourself up to non-romantic relationships and same-sex friendships.

 

By neglecting this area of your life, you're only hurting your chances of being a healthier, happier you. Which in turn increases your chance of attracting a girlfriend.

[xxoo]

I talked to two cute girls today. Both occasions I was nervous and had difficulty projecting my voice (which is something I've had to suffer with for a long time.) The nervousness was probably because it's actually been a while since I talked to a girl.

 

Well tomorrow is Salsa and there's going to be a ton of girls. I could use the practice.

 

Keep it up!

 

(the practice, that is )

[Els]

 

Well tomorrow is Salsa and there's going to be a ton of girls. I could use the practice.

 

That's the spirit!

[Meeks7]

I'm definitely not in a place to help anybody.

 

Somedude, can you clarify this for me? Why do you think you are "definitely" not in a place to help anybody? Can you expand your thinking on this?

 

Personally, I believe EVERYONE is capable of helping.

 

I'm just wondering why you believe what you believe.

[somedude81]

From what I remember of the context, it means I'm not going to tutor anybody or be some sort of adviser.

[Meeks7]

From what I remember of the context, it means I'm not going to tutor anybody or be some sort of adviser.

 

Can't you offer tutoring in salsa? Didn't you say salsa was one thing that you are extremely good at? Or at least, good enough to teach someone else?

 

*hint hint* (like maybe... a girl in the class that you like...)

[Imajerk17]

I was going to comment on the "Potentials" thread, but since that got locked down, I figured this would be the next most appropriate place...

 

(1) Somedude, if you're chatting to a girl and it's going well, say you're going to get a cup of coffee or a sandwich or whatever and have her join you. Or just as well or even better, in your conversation with the girl you can see if there are other things you both like to do such as say hiking. Then maybe the two of you can go hiking together. All of the upsides of "asking her out" without the downsides of potential awkwardness seeing the girl over and over again in class.

 

 

(2) As I said before, I knew things would be looking up for SD as soon as he started putting himself in front of more girls and talking to them, and stopped his LS Pity Party. I swear some of you guys (aka Meeks) make it sound that he is this total weirdo who can barely function. Your advice of "work on yourself and learn to make friends first" sounds good in theory but you just make it sound way too hard. The reality is that we are all works in progress and there are plenty of people with issues who are dating and learning as they go along.

 

 

(3) In general, people react too much to SD's words and read too much into them. SD talks about "getting" and I understand that, by his choice in words, some of you are taking it to mean that he is this inherently selfish creepy dude, but the truth is, we all focus on "getting" in dating. We go out with someone not out of the goodness of our heart but instead because of what we would get to enjoy being with them. As long as you have a sense of fair play about it--don't lead anyone on, treat people with respect, IMO it's all good.

Edited August 29, 2012 by Imajerk17

[somedude81]

I was going to comment on the "Potentials" thread, but since that got locked down, I figured this would be the next most appropriate place...

No you're right placing it here, my purpose for that thread was just to talk about the specific girls that I meet and everything else can go here.

 

(1) Somedude, if you're chatting to a girl and it's going well, say you're going to get a cup of coffee or a sandwich or whatever and have her join you. Or just as well or even better, in your conversation with the girl you can see if there are other things you both like to do such as say hiking. Then maybe the two of you can go hiking together. All of the upsides of "asking her out" without the downsides of potential awkwardness seeing the girl over and over again in class.

In a situation like that, would the girl realize that I'm not having her go hiking with me just as a friend?

 

That's what I frequently get stuck on. I can get girls to do things/go places with me but they think I just want to be friends.

 

(2) As I said before, I knew things would be looking up for SD as soon as he started putting himself in front of more girls and talking to them, and stopped his LS Pity Party. I swear some of you guys (aka Meeks) make it sound that he is this total weirdo who can barely function. Your advice of "work on yourself and learn to make friends first" sounds good in theory but you just make it sound way too hard. The reality is that we are all works in progress and there are plenty of people with issues who are dating and learning as they go along.

That's why I mostly ignore the real generic stuff as it just doesn't apply. I know where I am and what I'm capable of.

 

I know that if I wanted to, I could become friends and hang out with the Chinese girl I mentioned in my other thread. But I'm not looking to make platonic friends with girls this year. Well I'm not against it, but I really want to go to the next level with a girl.

 

(3) In general, people react too much to SD's words and read too much into them. SD talks about "getting" and I understand that, by his choice in words, some of you are taking it to mean that he is this inherently selfish creepy dude, but the truth is, we all focus on "getting" in dating. We go out with someone not out of the goodness of our heart but instead because of what we would get to enjoy being with them. As long as you have a sense of fair play about it--don't lead anyone on, treat people with respect, IMO it's all good.

Yeah it's really weird how some people are so offended. I know I'm not always PC, but there are many guys out there who speak far more harshly about women than I.

 

 

Before I get any further on that, I don't want point 3 to be a topic of this thread. From now on, the rants thread is the best for such things.

[Meeks7]

I swear some of you guys (aka Meeks) make it sound that he is this total weirdo who can barely function. Your advice of "work on yourself and learn to make friends first" sounds good in theory but you just make it sound way too hard. The reality is that we are all works in progress and there are plenty of people with issues who are dating and learning as they go along.

 

That's your interpretation. I don't think there's anything particularly hard about the make friends advice VARIOUS people have given SomeDude. It's simple in theory, but it's the execution part that trips many people up because there is still a major FEAR factor they have yet to overcome.

 

And I've said plenty of times that WE ARE ALL works in progress. Myself included! The reason I connect with SomeDude's story is because my own story is much like his... and then I started working on myself (we've given him PLENTY of different ways how), made friends, found a purpose in life beyond girls, and eventually met my current girlfriend, Beth.

 

I have been where he is, and I am where he wants to be, in terms of having an intimate relationship with a girl he's attracted to (like I am to Beth). I'm not just talking out of my butt here. I actually pull from my own real life experiences. The bottom line is, life in general takes trial and error, and often times, a lot of hard work and honest-to-goodness accurate self-evaluation as one tweaks or adjusts their life strategies to better themselves going forward. Prolonged lack of growth comes when one repeats the same patterns that have failed time in and time out before. Eventually, prolonged lack of growth leads to regression. It wasn't easy for me to take this the first time I heard this from a friend several years back.

 

But hearing it, listening to it, RECEIVING it and then ACTING on it changed my life. That's life, man. You try, you fall, you get back up, you try again, you fall, you get back up, you try a new way, etc.

 

Do the above genuinely enough, with the right attitude and perspective, and you'll make strides in life. Luck does play a factor, but people who experience success also proactively make their own breaks, too. This is what I've learned and embraced in life. Just providing a testimony for folks here, and how it's possible, but one must go in it with the right attitude and perspective.

[Imajerk17]

Somedude, when you hang out with her and she tells you something especially cool, you have to acknowledge it and put your arm around her. Hold her hand too. You can't be afraid to touch her.

 

Any updates since?

 

 

Meeks, the value of communication is in the interpretation. It was pretty clear that you weren't reaching SD. And even worse, that he had tuned you out and that he didn't even want you on his threads. But you kept plowing on anyway, kind of like a guy who can't a hint. I even recall you several times writing a few emotional posts "giving up" on Somedude and comparing him to "Ralph" from your small group.

 

I'm sure you meant well all along. But you need to take some responsibility for your communication too.

 

SD doesn't strike me as "hopeless" so much as an average guy who didn't put himself in front of enough women. Between getting hung up on a girl for a few years and asking out maybe one or two girls a semester (not nearly enough "practice" dating, for lack of a better word) in the meanwhile, time just flew by for him. And now, quite understandably, getting caught up in "this area" of his life is a huge, huge priority to him.

 

You CAN get caught up pretty quick in dating by putting yourself in front of women often enough. Which is what SD is doing with salsa and (hopefully) by doing some cold approaches. Just as you can get into at least decent shape by working out solid and steady for 3 months. Meanwhile you can do the whole "work on yourself and make friends" on the side.

 

That said SD, when you ask a question on here about dating, see if you can't replace the verb "get" with the verb "share". You will probably get more helpful responses in the meanwhile.

Edited August 30, 2012 by Imajerk17

[VodkaShots]

OP what do you look like and what sort of girls have you approached/thinking of approaching?

 

I hate to go on about "leagues" but it is conventional wisdom that most people date people who are as roughly as attractive as they are themselves, and not only that but people who are compatible with eachother personality-wise. If you're an average looking introvert and only interested in the good looking extroverts, you're not going to get anywhere. If this is you, you could try broadening your horizons a bit?

[Art_Critic]

Last year of college. What do I do?

OP what do you look like and what sort of girls have you approached/thinking of approaching?

 

I hate to go on about "leagues" but it is conventional wisdom that most people date people who are as roughly as attractive as they are themselves, and not only that but people who are compatible with eachother personality-wise. If you're an average looking introvert and only interested in the good looking extroverts, you're not going to get anywhere. If this is you, you could try broadening your horizons a bit?

 

.....

 

Not laughing at you VS.. just over your name

[bac]

It's easy to get the Freshmen girls?

 

What activities should I be on the look out for?

 

As for help, I really don't know what I'm doing at all. I just want to some how accomplish the seemingly impossible.

 

The World does not revolve around you and your desires.

I understand that you want to get laid with the Freshmen girls.

And, it is very easy to do if you choose the right girls who want the same things that you want. You can find the girls anywhere (Salsa or whatever).

You should look at girls' body language and figure out their thoughts, values and intentions. The right girl has the right attitude/intention which is to get laid with a male including older men. If a girl does not have the right attitude, no man can change her mind.

 

As for the Salsa class, I do not think that many girls,19 would go to the Salsa class with intentions to find an older man to get laid. And, they will not change their mind just because you let them know that you want to have sex with them. Fortunatelly, there are plenty of girls,19 who would be happy to get laid and if you choose them you can have sex easily.

[somedude81]

Somedude, when you hang out with her and she tells you something especially cool, you have to acknowledge it and put your arm around her. Hold her hand too. You can't be afraid to touch her.

Ah, being more physical. I can do that.

Any updates since?

I'm still getting situated in my classes and haven't really talked to anybody in my lecture classes. Organizations haven't started yet.

 

One thing I've started doing is riding my bike to school. It's only a 20 minute ride, it's good exercise. But I'm starting to think it's not a good idea to show up hot and sweaty when I want to interact with girls.

 

I've also decided to switch the time of my salsa class to another session that had far more girls in it. That means I'm no longer in the class with the two girls I wrote about earlier but I think I'll still go at least once a week and see if I can get to know one or both of them better. And of course there is a bunch of new girls in my other class.

 

Guess I'll just have to randomly sit down next to somebody and start talking to her next time class starts. Heh, I wonder if having a ton of girls in a class is actually a bad thing, since I can't actually ask them all out.

 

SD doesn't strike me as "hopeless" so much as an average guy who didn't put himself in front of enough women. Between getting hung up on a girl for a few years and asking out maybe one or two girls a semester (not nearly enough "practice" dating, for lack of a better word) in the meanwhile, time just flew by for him. And now, quite understandably, getting caught up in "this area" of his life is a huge, huge priority to him.

Having time just fly by me is a great term. I can't believe that I'm in my 30's and still trying to get what post people have in their teens or early 20's. I have made some mistakes and bad decisions, but I definitely don't think it's hopeless. Honestly, hope really is all I have left.

 

That said SD, when you ask a question on here about dating, see if you can't replace the verb "get" with the verb "share". You will probably get more helpful responses in the meanwhile.

Heh, using the word share requires a total rewording of the whole statement or everything makes no sense.

 

"I want to share a girlfriend."

 

With who? Do we take turns?

 

Yes I'm being an ass

OP what do you look like and what sort of girls have you approached/thinking of approaching?

 

I hate to go on about "leagues" but it is conventional wisdom that most people date people who are as roughly as attractive as they are themselves, and not only that but people who are compatible with eachother personality-wise. If you're an average looking introvert and only interested in the good looking extroverts, you're not going to get anywhere. If this is you, you could try broadening your horizons a bit?

Aside from me being a 5'6 white boy, I look normal. I'm not extreme enough in either direction for my looks to matter.

 

That said, I only go for girls I feel are in my league. I don't go after the really pretty girls or ones who seem like they get a lot of attention. I prefer a quieter girl.

The World does not revolve around you and your desires.

I understand that you want to get laid with the Freshmen girls.

And, it is very easy to do if you choose the right girls who want the same things that you want. You can find the girls anywhere (Salsa or whatever).

You should look at girls' body language and figure out their thoughts, values and intentions. The right girl has the right attitude/intention which is to get laid with a male including older men. If a girl does not have the right attitude, no man can change her mind.

 

As for the Salsa class, I do not think that many girls,19 would go to the Salsa class with intentions to find an older man to get laid. And, they will not change their mind just because you let them know that you want to have sex with them. Fortunatelly, there are plenty of girls,19 who would be happy to get laid and if you choose them you can have sex easily.

What did I just read?

 

IMO if I knew how to "look at girls' body language and figure out their thoughts, values and intentions" I wouldn't be having trouble with girls now would I?

 

And no, I'm not pursuing girls just for sex.

[bac]

IMO if I knew how to "look at girls' body language and figure out their thoughts, values and intentions" I wouldn't be having trouble with girls now would I?

 

And no, I'm not pursuing girls just for sex.

 

I see, you are planning to get married a girl, 19. There is nothing wrong with getting married at your age because you are 30.

If you think that you can have a serious R with a girl, 19, there is a small chance that you might misunderstand your real intentions toward young girls.

[somedude81]

From one extreme to the other.

[turnera]

1. Sign up for the free therapy at your school and start going every week to learn how to act like a regular person.

2. Join 3 clubs and attend their meetings and functions and learn how to be just friends with people; you need the practice. And no girl will want to date you until you can be 'regular' in public.

3. Commit to starting a conversation with at least ONE person every week. Look for opportunities.

Edited August 30, 2012 by turnera

[somedude81]

1. Sign up for the free therapy at your school and start going every week to learn how to act like a regular person.

2. Join 3 clubs and attend their meetings and functions and learn how to be just friends with people; you need the practice. And no girl will want to date you until you can be 'regular' in public.

3. Commit to starting a conversation with at least ONE person every week. Look for opportunities.

You sure you posted in the right thread?

[turnera]

Why?

 

You need practice to learn how to be at ease around girls, do you not? These steps help you achieve that, and the second one gives you easy, non-confrontational opportunities to be around them for viable reasons so that you can more easily strike up conversations.

[somedude81]

Those steps sound like something you'd tell to somebody who has some sort of social anxiety disorder or one who has been incarcerated for many years and needs help with reintegrating into society.

 

It's insulting to be thought of as not knowing how to act like a regular person.

 

I'm having trouble getting women to be attracted to me, I can order a hamburger at Jack in the Box just fine, even if the cashier is female.

[turnera]

Then why can't you talk to her normally when you WANT something from her as a person, not a clerk? That IS a social anxiety disorder, dude. Therapists CAN help with that. Practice CAN help with that. Putting you in situations where it's not you facing her and having to act like Rico Suave CAN help with that.