Last year of college. What do I do?

[turnera]

Otherwise, what do you think her motivation could possibly be to date a guy who's been alive half of her own lifetime longer than she has?

There IS another way to get such a girl to like you, and that is by talking to her as a classmate, for a while, a month or two, til they get to know you better. Once they realize you're a nice guy, then you can say 'hey, I'm going to ABC bar tonight, wanna go? They're having the so&so band playing.'

[Imajerk17]

There IS another way to get such a girl to like you, and that is by talking to her as a classmate, for a while, a month or two, til they get to know you better. Once they realize you're a nice guy, then you can say 'hey, I'm going to ABC bar tonight, wanna go? They're having the so&so band playing.'

 

I actually agree with this advice RE age as much as anything else. SD and anyone else, talk to whom you want to talk to. If you like her and you seem to connect, ask her out. As long as she is legal, you're good.

 

I'm not saying that you ought to be trolling the freshmen welcoming events for girls (I don't think that's a good use of your time) but any single girl in say your salsa class is fair game far as I see it.

 

I went on a date earlier this summer with a woman 9 years my senior when I was on vacation. We had a lot of fun. Thing is, if anyone asked me before if I would have gone out with a woman in her late 40's, I would have said no way. What attracted me to her was that she was hot and a great dancer. By the time she told me her age, it didn't matter.

Edited September 3, 2012 by Imajerk17

[Mme. Chaucer]

There IS another way to get such a girl to like you, and that is by talking to her as a classmate, for a while, a month or two, til they get to know you better. Once they realize you're a nice guy, then you can say 'hey, I'm going to ABC bar tonight, wanna go? They're having the so&so band playing.'

 

Why wouldn't this work with your own daughter, though?

 

I am not claiming that it NEVER will work. I think he is putting ALL his eggs in an unlikely basket. My main 2 points are,

 

1) SD being stuck on this is not helping his ultimate cause of getting a girlfriend, since the only girls HE feels are "in his league" probably, for the most part, are not perceiving him as being in theirs.

 

2) SD's whole premise around being stuck on this is very dependent upon his own ideas of "how things are" which, IMO, are patently wrong. "They" (the girls just entering college) will never know his age, they will never know or care about his social life and / or experience, etc.

 

I keep hoping to communicate that most girls really WANT to know a guy that they are thinking about getting into an intimate relationship with. If they find road blocks to getting to know about him and his life, including his family and friends, they will see big red flags. And if they perceive that he is lying or deliberately obfuscating, they will be gone in a flash.

 

Some girls are sexually "easy," some girls actually give mercy sex, and sometimes a giant and overwhelming attraction flares up between two people. Barring these events taking place between SD and a girl who meets all of his physical and age parameters, he is going to have to allow the real SD to be known by a girl, and liked, and accepted, before the sex and "girlfriend" parts get underway.

 

Bottom line, SD, is that the "girlfriend" figure really is going to have to know the real you, including the parts you think "don't matter." They likely DO matter.

 

Someone more like yourself would probably relate to you well and provide a lot more comfort to you as a girlfriend than a youngster who you hope will not ever guess your age. Even if she is hotter.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I actually agree with this advice RE age as much as anything else. SD and anyone else, talk to whom you want to talk to. If you like her and you seem to connect, ask her out. As long as she is legal, you're good.

 

I do agree with this 100%.

 

SD should def talk to any girl he feels like talking to, and I think he should ask them out pretty quickly, too, since the dreaded "friend zone" looms.

 

I went on a date earlier this summer with a woman 9 years my senior when I was on vacation. We had a lot of fun. Thing is, if anyone asked me before if I would have gone out with a woman in her late 40's, I would have said no way. What attracted me to her was that she was hot and a great dancer. By the time she told me her age, it didn't matter.

 

I would like to see SD take a page from this book, but he won't. I don't think he would even consider dating a woman within 4 years of his own age up OR down.

 

I just think that the narrow parameters SD's set for himself, and his constant assertions that things "don't matter" to everyone else because they don't to him, are not helping his cause any. In fact, I think they serve very successfully to keep him just exactly where he is, which he hates but which is probably a big safe comfort zone by now.

[Mrlonelyone]

Dude this really dose not have to be hard.

 

Just hang around the campus allot, especially if you have a group of friends to do it with. Go to a place where you can see and be seen. Then that chance meeting can happen.

 

Also, don't listen to people who think the age difference between a frosh girl and a senior guy is so huge. In any other area of life a three to four year age difference is round off error.

[turnera]

By the time she told me her age, it didn't matter.

That's what I meant. If you get to know her a bit at class, if you speak up in class so she gets to know what you think, if you talk amongst a group of people, she may actually like you or admire you; then, if you show her that you've decided you may be interested, and want to see if she is, too. If she is, your age won't matter.

[turnera]

Dude this really dose not have to be hard.

 

Just hang around the campus allot, especially if you have a group of friends to do it with. Go to a place where you can see and be seen. Then that chance meeting can happen.

 

Also, don't listen to people who think the age difference between a frosh girl and a senior guy is so huge. In any other area of life a three to four year age difference is round off error.

Mrlonelyone, he's a 31 year old senior. With no experience with girls.

[BubblyBeth]

Hi SD, this is Beth, Meeks' girlfriend.

 

 

Invite her to dinner? That seems really sudden. I've only talked to her once so far.

 

Is there any intermediate step I can do?

 

As a woman, I like it when men are confident and ask me out not long after meeting me. There is a critical time window for a woman and a man. If the man waits too long, the moment is lost, and often times, lost forever. As imajerk said, you have to strike while the iron is hot.

 

Are there any intermediate steps you can take? Sure, like just talking to her more in class. But the trouble with that is, you can easily friend zone yourself if you're not careful. That's why I recommend being bold and asking her out this week. Take a chance! Swing the bat! You might surprise yourself.

 

Also, I apologize for my BF Meeks. He's a very passionate guy. He means well! Trust me, I know. He is just a straight shooter...

 

Good luck! Let me know how it goes with this girl. Remember, being bold pays off. I think you might surprise yourself!

[carhill]

Yep, the iron is hot when there isn't a tan line on her ring finger and she doesn't pull a gun out of her purse when approached. Pretty much. Just get adept at dodging the hot iron as it's tossed at you. Old fart tip, no charge.

[turnera]

uh he's in some bind. a 27-32 lady that lacks experience, rarer than a four lef clover.

IDK, I've seen 3 different reality shows in the last 6 months that sported a 25-28-year old virgin and the women weren't crazy or anything, just took different paths in life.

 

My DD just turned 22 and she's still a virgin. Had a variety of boyfriends but isn't boy crazy, puts studies ahead of them. And she's not willing to give up her virginity just for any guy; he has to mean something to her.

[somedude81]

There probably is, but that would only drag things out (unnecessarily).

 

Let her know where you stand.

 

Get a conversation started with her and ask:

 

Hey Anna, do want to go out to dinner some time? I'd like to get to know you better. *smile while you ask it*

 

I don't know if her name is Anna, but you get the point.

 

Personally, I would prefer drinks at a bar or a nice lounge.

 

You can still say you want to get to know her better, and if you pick a nice lounge you guys can dress up nice and keep it intimate. With drinks, there's less pressure, and if things go well you can suggest grabbing a bite to eat or going out to dance.

 

Does your college have a cafeteria? As you walk into class, say hi and say 'hey, you wanna go to the cafeteria after class (whenever appropriate)? We could compare notes.'

 

And, if you don't have a meal plan, you could offer to pay for her lunch. Very nonthreatening. And a great way for her to get to know you.

OK, this is something I wanted to talk about.

 

Where I should actually take college age girls.

 

For some reason I just don't like the idea of taking somebody to a restaurant for dinner or do a bar/lounge for the very first time we meet up outside of class.

 

Turnera's approach is what I normally do. The campus has a decent food court and a bar and grill place where one can get burgers and nice sandwiches. I've had lunch with a few girls at those locations but I never paid for them.

 

I'm not really sure how formal or date like I should go for the first time we see each other outside of class.

 

I want a girl to know that I'm interested in her more than being friends but that I'm also casual about it so she won't freak out.

[somedude81]

There IS another way to get such a girl to like you, and that is by talking to her as a classmate, for a while, a month or two, til they get to know you better. Once they realize you're a nice guy, then you can say 'hey, I'm going to ABC bar tonight, wanna go? They're having the so&so band playing.'

 

Hi SD, this is Beth, Meeks' girlfriend.

 

As a woman, I like it when men are confident and ask me out not long after meeting me. There is a critical time window for a woman and a man. If the man waits too long, the moment is lost, and often times, lost forever. As imajerk said, you have to strike while the iron is hot.

 

Are there any intermediate steps you can take? Sure, like just talking to her more in class. But the trouble with that is, you can easily friend zone yourself if you're not careful. That's why I recommend being bold and asking her out this week. Take a chance! Swing the bat! You might surprise yourself.

 

Also, I apologize for my BF Meeks. He's a very passionate guy. He means well! Trust me, I know. He is just a straight shooter...

 

Good luck! Let me know how it goes with this girl. Remember, being bold pays off. I think you might surprise yourself!

Now it's two conflicting points of view.

 

Personally, I think waiting a month or two is too long and causes her to see me only as a friend. I've gone that road a few times and it has always failed.

 

And now Beth says that there is a critical time window. Any idea how big that window is?

 

I also don't want to do it too soon because we are basically strangers.

[turnera]

I would think you need at least a few weeks because, really, you're just seeing them for a couple minutes at a time, leaving and entering the room, no more than 2, 3 tops, times a week. Woosh! Week gone. Even if you sit next to each other, you won't get that many minutes to talk.

 

Now, if you're already meeting for lunch, by all means ask her out after an accumulated hour or two of getting to know her.

 

My DD22 would be thrillled if a guy asked her out and then took her hiking at the nearby state park (if she knew him well enough), or on a picnic at a town park (just stop by KFC) or something else where you can talk. Or be creative and look for a ceramics shop where you can pick and thing and paint it, side by side. Or sign up for a cooking class together. If your campus has concerts, get tickets for one of those. Or if there's a festival going on, that's a great excuse to ask a girl out.

 

And even if you just take her to the campus grill, if you insist on paying for her, it's a good signal that you consider it more than just friends.

[Pirouette]

OK, this is something I wanted to talk about.

 

Where I should actually take college age girls.

 

For some reason I just don't like the idea of taking somebody to a restaurant for dinner or do a bar/lounge for the very first time we meet up outside of class.

 

Why don't you like it? Where else would you take them besides those two?

 

Turnera's approach is what I normally do. The campus has a decent food court and a bar and grill place where one can get burgers and nice sandwiches. I've had lunch with a few girls at those locations but I never paid for them.

 

I think that is what can be miscontrued as a friendly gesture. You're in class, you say "Want to grab a bite to eat?" and bam you're having lunch with a classmate and that's all. If it's something you can say to a guy friend, then it's definitely not clear.

 

Also, campus lunches are too easy and lazy.

 

I'm not really sure how formal or date like I should go for the first time we see each other outside of class.

 

By formal, do you mean formal wear? Or do you mean that it's understood by the both of you that you are going on a formal, romantic date. You should always approach it as the latter since that's what you want, and the casual, let's go with the flow and see where it ends up hasn't worked for you. As for the former, it doesn't have to be black tie, but going somewhere more adult than Quizno's or Chili's would do a lot for setting the tone that you want.

 

I want a girl to know that I'm interested in her more than being friends but that I'm also casual about it so she won't freak out.

 

So what's wrong with a bar/lounge? Nothing more casual than a drink or two. She doesn't have to feel like she's committing to a full 2 hour dinner. No one's investing a lot of money in it and I think you wouldn't mind picking up the tab for a pint of beer.

 

Now it's two conflicting points of view.

 

Personally, I think waiting a month or two is too long and causes her to see me only as a friend. I've gone that road a few times and it has always failed.

 

And now Beth says that there is a critical time window. Any idea how big that window is?

 

I also don't want to do it too soon because we are basically strangers.

 

That's Beth opinion and that works for her and perhaps other women of her acquaintance. That doesn't mean it's true for everyone. You really need to read the receptiveness of the individual women you're talking to. A lukewarm woman who you ask out at week 2 as opposed to week 5 won't make a difference. A woman who really digs you at week 3 isn't going to lose attraction at week 6 because you didn't ask her out earlier.

 

I knew my current boyfriend for 3 years before we started dating. Right before we dated, we hung out on and off on campus, between classes, for 3 months before we went out on a formal date. Now I'm not saying that this is the norm and you should follow our example. Just that every situation is different, and a connection forms because two people learn to like each other, not because they followed a standard formula and did the right steps.

[BubblyBeth]

That's Beth opinion and that works for her and perhaps other women of her acquaintance. That doesn't mean it's true for everyone. You really need to read the receptiveness of the individual women you're talking to. A lukewarm woman who you ask out at week 2 as opposed to week 5 won't make a difference. A woman who really digs you at week 3 isn't going to lose attraction at week 6 because you didn't ask her out earlier.

 

SD, P is correct. I didn't mean to say in my original post that every woman's "critical time window" is the same for one and all. Nope. Love is never that easy, hehe. She is right that a lukewarm woman it probably wouldn't make much difference between week 2 and week 5. And for a woman who really digs you at week 3 or week 6.

 

But rest assured, there IS a time window where if the guy doesn't make a move, I just assume he isn't interested (and then I lose interest in him myself, if I had any to begin with). The main thing I (just me, not every women, but many others as well) want in a man is someone who makes me feel good and someone I can trust. He's got to be a leader and show no fear

 

You just have to get a gauge on this girl, what her receptive level might be, and then take a chance. And I agree with the poster who said a campus lunch can be confused as simply a "nice gesture" (even if you pay for her). Plus it's lazy. Campus lunches are for established couples, not for a first date.

 

For example, I love casual coffee dates as 1st time dates. There is no pressure of eating in front of a (relative) stranger, and on coffee dates it's more relaxed. You can get to know a person a lot better I feel. I just like the atmosphere more (as a 1st time date).

 

It might not work for you but maybe consider asking her out to coffee (particularly on a Saturday or Sunday). Between coffee date and campus lunch, go with the coffee date (on a weekend). Then, be yourself and charm her pants off (not literally, hehe, although, I suppose if literally you wouldn't complain! Not many guys would, after all, hehe)

[Imajerk17]

BubblyBeth said it very well, SD. The next time you talk to the European chick, if she is receptive and it is going well, say "Hey I would like to take you out for coffee. What is your schedule like?"

 

Or at least as well, maybe you find out she likes hiking, and as long as the woods aren't burning in your area of SoCal, you can propose hiking.

 

What turnera meant by the the girl seeing you around over a longer period of time is that she might not be receptive talking to you at first, but she might be a month later.

[Els]

Seconding P's opinion about the campus lunch. When my first college ex asked me out, he made a point to ensure that the proposed venue was NOT on campus , and that really clarified his intentions for me (and earned brownie points). I grab lunch at campus with platonic friends all the time, because we both just happened to be there. Key word being: Platonic.

 

You don't really need to go for a super formal expensive dinner date or such for the first time, but it must must must be outside the damn campus. Purposefully take her to a simple but tasteful diner, or coffee, or the mall, or anything, really. I usually suggest that people consider Asian diners for this because some of them are equivalently priced to McDs but don't have that aura of 'cheapness' about them, but I'm sure it depends entirely on your location and preferences.

[Meeks7]

The main thing I want in a man is someone who makes me feel good and someone I can trust. He's got to be a leader and show no fear

 

Thanks, hun! lol...

 

SomeDude, I third and fourth everyone else on the NO CAMPUS LUNCH. That's like... rule #7 on the top 10 list of "HOW TO QUICKLY FRIEND ZONE YOURSELF."

 

As others have said, everyone has campus lunch... meaning FRIENDS... since you're both there.

 

Now if you asked her out somewhere OFF campus, then that's a sign to the girl that you are interested beyond being friends. I recommend asking her somewhere off campus, and paying for her. Be daring and ask her "Can I take you out to ____?" That's date talk, bro.

 

Whatever you do, listen to the many people here... ABSOLUTELY NO CAMPUS LUNCH outings.

Edited September 6, 2012 by Meeks7

[Imajerk17]

Hey SomeDude, any updates?

[somedude81]

Hey SomeDude, any updates?

Actually I do have something.

 

I haven't been back to that salsa class in about a week and a half since I added a different time slot. But today I had some time to kill and I crashed the class. When I got to the hallway where the class is held Czechy was there. As soon as she saw me she basically called me over and we chatted for a bit.

 

Later on when we were dancing she just said that we should go dancing at a club and she seemed excited about it. In the class we do have an assignment where we have to go a dance outside of campus and write a report about it, but I don't think that was on her mind when she suggested it.

 

So we talked a bit about that and she lives in a different city and she doesn't have a car. So we talked a little about how we are going to have to find a club close to where she lives.

 

Plans aren't anywhere close to set yet but the fact that it's an idea she has, completely surprises me. I'm wondering how hard I should try to make this happen and how soon.

 

At this point I don't know if she's single or not or if she wants anything more than friendship.

 

There are also so many cute girls in that class that I would like to get to know better I'm actually a little confused how to get to know any of them when this girl is around. I really don't want to focus on just one girl when I have no idea if I have a chance with her or not.

[veggirl]

SD. Next time you see her, have a place to take her dancing!! Tell her how about XYZ place on WhateverDay?

 

I mean she basically asked you out.

 

When you go dancing...."so what's your story? Are you single, seeing anyone?"

 

hurry SD. Strike while the fire is hot.

 

eta: even if she turns out not to be single...surely she has friends

[BubblyBeth]

Actually I do have something.

 

I haven't been back to that salsa class in about a week and a half since I added a different time slot. But today I had some time to kill and I crashed the class. When I got to the hallway where the class is held Czechy was there. As soon as she saw me she basically called me over and we chatted for a bit.

 

Later on when we were dancing she just said that we should go dancing at a club and she seemed excited about it. In the class we do have an assignment where we have to go a dance outside of campus and write a report about it, but I don't think that was on her mind when she suggested it.

 

So we talked a bit about that and she lives in a different city and she doesn't have a car. So we talked a little about how we are going to have to find a club close to where she lives.

 

Plans aren't anywhere close to set yet but the fact that it's an idea she has, completely surprises me. I'm wondering how hard I should try to make this happen and how soon.

 

At this point I don't know if she's single or not or if she wants anything more than friendship.

 

There are also so many cute girls in that class that I would like to get to know better I'm actually a little confused how to get to know any of them when this girl is around. I really don't want to focus on just one girl when I have no idea if I have a chance with her or not.

 

 

OMG! This is great news, SD! Sounds like she digs ya! Listen to veggirl, strike now while it's hot!

 

Be bold and offer to pick her up! I mean, she did tell you she doesn't have a car. So step up to the plate and OFFER her a ride. She basically put the ball IN YOUR COURT. Now is the time to stop overanalyzing, and just run with your MAN instincts!

 

Don't miss out on this golden opportunity. It's RIGHT THERE in front of you. Carpe Diem!

[bac]

Actually I do have something.

 

Later on when we were dancing she just said that we should go dancing at a club and she seemed excited about it. In the class we do have an assignment where we have to go a dance outside of campus and write a report about it, but I don't think that was on her mind when she suggested it.

 

 

 

 

So we talked a bit about that and she lives in a different city and she doesn't have a car. So we talked a little about how we are going to have to find a club close to where she lives.

 

 

 

Plans aren't anywhere close to set yet but the fact that it's an idea she has, completely surprises me. I'm wondering how hard I should try to make this happen and how soon.

 

 

 

At this point I don't know if she's single or not or if she wants anything more than friendship.

 

 

There are also so many cute girls in that class that I would like to get to know better I'm actually a little confused how to get to know any of them when this girl is around. I really don't want to focus on just one girl when I have no idea if I have a chance with her or not.

 

That is a real opportunity if she is slutty! It looks like she might be slutty because she took initiative to ask you out.She has no car, so, she needs a person to drive her. You might offer to drive her whenever she wants and therefore, if you can give her what she really wants, so, you can get what you really need. It means you might try to kiss her on the first date at the club. If she rejects the kiss, she probably is not slutty unfortunately and nothing can change it.

Ask her if she has a BF.

Do not try too hard but you should mention it to show your interest and see where it will go. There are many other guys with cars who might get more fortunate than you are.You can flirt with other girls if she cannot see you doing that. But, if she can see you flirting with other girls, you probably have no hope for kiss/sex with her.

But, she might still use you as a platonic friend for driving.

BTW if you flirt with multiple girls and they can see that, you are hopeless with them in terms of sex/R.

[Meeks7]

OMG! This is great news, SD! Sounds like she digs ya! Listen to veggirl, strike now while it's hot!

 

Be bold and offer to pick her up! I mean, she did tell you she doesn't have a car. So step up to the plate and OFFER her a ride. She basically put the ball IN YOUR COURT. Now is the time to stop overanalyzing, and just run with your MAN instincts!

 

Don't miss out on this golden opportunity. It's RIGHT THERE in front of you. Carpe Diem!

 

 

+100

 

SomeDude, here is the moment you have been desiring and waiting 15-plus long years for (i.e. a girlfriend). Go for it, man.

 

Everyone here is right: this Czech girl has totally put the ball in your court. Now is the time to run.

 

Run, SomeDude.... RUN. (but don't run AWAY from her, lol)

[veggirl]

SD...............whats goin on? am I being too impatient have you had class again?