Quitting job and moving after traumatic break up?

[Consultant]

I am sure some of you have heard a version of this before, but here it goes.

 

I am a very young guy (mid 20's) who got into a relationship with a girl early on in college and never looked back. We moved in together while we were still in college, we developed an incredibly close and almost codependent friendship as well as a relationship. Both of us got jobs after college in the city where we went to school and we ended up getting engaged about 3 years after we started dating.

 

After we got engaged, we started fighting over things that were mostly related to external factors in our lives (friends, family, etc.). About a year ago she came to me and said that she needed to move to be closer to her family in another very large city on the other side of the country in order to be happy. After about 3 months of searching, I found a new job that I was also not thrilled with in the new city, but really wanted to make the move for her and see her happy. Things were going well and we had an amazing experience on our move out here.

 

After 6 months of living here she told me a couple of weeks ago that it was over. She said she wasn't attracted to me anymore and viewed us as "friends". She also mentioned that she needed some time alone. I ended up finding out that instead she was interested in being with another guy who lived in the city we just moved from (I know, it makes no sense). In any event, she went off for the weekend to hook up with him in another city and obviously we are through.

 

Don't get me wrong, its a huge stake in my heart to lose not only the woman you love and thought you were going to marry, but also who you thought was your "best friend". More than anything though, I feel like after 2 weeks I am less miserable about the break up and more miserable about being in a city that I dislike and one where I have no connections (you might be able to guess the city). I feel like I need to move back either to where I went to school or closer to some of my family to get through this and start over.

 

Unfortunately I have only been at my job for just over 6 months. I really don't like the job and there is nothing holding me there outside of the paycheck and the fact that I don't want to be labeled as a "job hopper". However, with so much personal change, stress, and emotional trauma in my life right now, how long do you think I should wait before making the move back without killing my career? Do you think I should just try to tough it out and make new friends in this anonymous city?

 

I would appreciate any advice and thanks for reading.

[Me13]

I'm new to this forum too, and was just about to write my own post with something quite similar. A few months ago, I was in the same situation as you.

 

I had moved to a different region of the country with my (now) ex and we lived together for what I thought were a happy 2 years. However, after I found out about (more than a couple) infidelities on his part, and after a couple times of forgiving/trying to sort it out, the relationship reached breaking point.

 

I really did have no choice for my own sake then to quit my job and move away. I realised when we broke up that I had given up everything and governed my own major life choices to be with him - I was working a job in an industry I didn't even care about (and 2 years ago, I was the most career-driven girl I knew)... I lived in a place where I knew very little people, because naturally him and I spent most of our time together... the few people I did know where his mates more than mine.

 

The job I was in offered to practically double my salary so I would stay, I was faced with earning a s***load of money, potentially buying a beautiful flat, a nice car.... but having to stay in an area full of "him" connotations, seeing him with his new girlfriend that he got together with 2 weeks after we broke up... and basically feeling like I was in a dark whirling pool of depression. So, instead, I gave my resignation and looked for a job that I really wanted back in my old city.

 

It took a good 2 months to land one again but when that time came, I packed my bags, hired a moving van and was off. I've not been back since, and although I'm still a desperate mess from the relationship, I can say hand on heart I am 100x better off than if I had stayed there.

 

You need to live for you & you alone in these situations - in fact we need to live for ourselves ALL the time regardless of who we're with - and there is no reason to stay there, from what it sounds like. People switch jobs and move all the time - I'm sure it won't look bad for your CV.

 

I hope you sort the decision out soon and that it goes well for you...

[steveblack]

Best advice for Consultant is to take a good month or two to have a think. Don't do anything drastic until stuff calms down a little. I am sorry for your situation, but let the storm calm a bit before making a decision.