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A Christian girl in Sin City

K4RM4

By K4RM4,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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K4RM4

K4RM4

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Background Info: Jealousy has always been my adversary in relationships. For some reason, I can never seem to fully trust my girlfriend, even if she has never given me any reason to believe she would do anything to hurt me. I dont know why Im like this. Weve been going out for about a year and are both 19. Lately, things between us havent been amazing, but theyve been good. Sometimes, though, I feel like shes bored. Shes a Christian girl: doesnt drink, doesnt smoke, and no sex - kind of an outcast in Vegas's society. Im not Christian but I dont drink or smoke either (by choice) and sex, well, i welcome it, which is kind of a problem. Shes not the physical type. In fact, she barely lets me kiss her or cuddle with her. Forget about making out. We havent done that in like 3 months. Sexually frustrating? Yes, but I think shes worth the wait.

 

So, my girlfriend left for Vegas a few days ago for some sporting event shes participating in. Her teammate are the usual party-goers. They have fake id's and buy alcohol and then take it back to their hotel room, invite people and party. I dont know what my girlfriend does during this time, but it bothers me because in this tournament (its co-ed), I know there are a lot of males that she used to like playing as well. One of them she had/has a crush on and is a proclaimed "player" and another is a guy she liked A LOT, but the feelings werent really mutual at the time. So, basically, shes partying in a Las Vegas hotel room, without me, surrounded by drunk idiots. What am i suposed to think? Its also difficult to get ahold of her during this time. Like, ill text her and wont get a response for 2 or 3 hours...and this is at 12am-2am in the morning. Yesterday, she didnt even bother to say goodnight or anything. This also seems to happen everytime she goes away: she takes forever to communicate. Its understandable that she cant be answering her phone right away every time, but shes the kind of girl whose always on her phone, checking all her apps and stuff. When Im with her, shell be on it for 45 minutes straight at times. You can make excuses all you want, but if you really love someone, its not hard to pick up the phone for 10 seconds and let them know whats up.

 

I think what also bothers me is her teammates. They somehow convinced her to smoke hookah one time and that kind of pissed me off, especially considering how my girlfriend preaches to everyone about the dangers of smoking and how "drinking is bad". I know that real smoking and hookah are not the same, but morally, they are. My girlfriend can be persuaded into doing things shes not 100% comfortable with.

 

I dont know what to think or how to proceed. I love her and understand that shes free to do whatever she wants, but, coupled with the fact that shes seems a little bored around me and her lack of communication in "Sin City" and im kind of worried. Im 99.9% shes not cheating, but its that .1% that still bothers me.

 

What do you guys think about my whole situation and what should i do?

 

Thanks for reading and input.

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KathyM

KathyM

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Nothing you CAN do. Just call her once a day to let her know you miss her and ask about her trip. Then hope her Christian principles will persevere. That's all you can do. And you shouldn't be calling her at midnight or early morning. It's not your job to check up on her, and she might be sleeping. Don't act like a jealous bf--trust her, unless she's given you reason not to trust her.

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pteromom

pteromom

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She is either trustworthy or she isn't. You can't control her choices. You can only react to them.

 

If she comes home and says "I got drunk, and I smoked pot", you have to decide whether her not being the person you thought she was is ok with you or not.

 

If she comes home and says "I slept with Mark. And Jason. And Tony.", you can walk away.

 

You have to try to get over worrying about cheating. No matter who you are with, what they do, who their friends are, or where they go, they will ALWAYS have opportunity to cheat. You can't spend your energy worrying about whether they will or not. Trust someone until they prove they can't be trusted, then act accordingly.

 

And know that you will be ok no matter what she does. If it turns out that she IS a cheater, you would want to know that anyway, right? If she is, you move on and try again with someone else.

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Untouchable_Fire

Untouchable_Fire

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Background Info: Jealousy has always been my adversary in relationships. For some reason, I can never seem to fully trust my girlfriend, even if she has never given me any reason to believe she would do anything to hurt me. I dont know why Im like this. Weve been going out for about a year and are both 19. Lately, things between us havent been amazing, but theyve been good. Sometimes, though, I feel like shes bored. Shes a Christian girl: doesnt drink, doesnt smoke, and no sex - kind of an outcast in Vegas's society. Im not Christian but I dont drink or smoke either (by choice) and sex, well, i welcome it, which is kind of a problem. Shes not the physical type. In fact, she barely lets me kiss her or cuddle with her. Forget about making out. We havent done that in like 3 months. Sexually frustrating? Yes, but I think shes worth the wait.

 

Seriously guy... if you have doubts already... she probably isn't super trustworthy. Go with your gut on this one.

 

Not much you can really do about it. Just don't expect mature behavior from a girl of 19.

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K4RM4

K4RM4

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Thanks guys.

Im workin on being more trusting and more secure about our relationship. Its hard because Ive never dealt with anything like this because shes my first serious girlfriend. The thing is, I know shes not physically cheating on me, but the image keeps coming up.

 

Another thing came up today, but ill spare you guys the details. I dont think its normal to be questioning your SO's sensibility so much. Is any of this partly her fault for doing things that might seem suspicious? Or is this all on me for being...insecure?

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Darth Vader

Darth Vader

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Thanks guys.

Im workin on being more trusting and more secure about our relationship. Its hard because Ive never dealt with anything like this because shes my first serious girlfriend. The thing is, I know shes not physically cheating on me, but the image keeps coming up.

 

Another thing came up today, but ill spare you guys the details. I dont think its normal to be questioning your SO's sensibility so much. Is any of this partly her fault for doing things that might seem suspicious? Or is this all on me for being...insecure?

 

 

Some of the things you mentioned are reasons to be suspicious, like the smoking and the drinking, seems to me she's definitely interested in exploring certain things, perhaps including sex, but, not with you!

 

This is my take, if you're so concerned that she's gonna run out and screw someone else (which she may apparently be doing anyway, or WILL do, but, won't tell you), then, I'd go ahead and break up with her if I were you. Before YOU end up getting hurt! You can always say to her "we're not compatible", which in many cases, you're not. I say this, because IMO, she's up to something!

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strongnrelaxed

strongnrelaxed

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You are way too young to be in a committed relationship. These sorts of feelings are normal and a part of learning about LTR's. You sound like a great young man and she should really appreciate that. But you should know that men who seem needy and clingy are repulsive to most women.

 

It isn't fair for a woman to be bombarded with these images of prince charming and nice guys, and then when they find these good guys they cannot make sense of it all. Their basic biology is to be attracted to strength.

 

Do you have strength? Are you powerful and confident? If not, you should work on you until you get there. If you do well, you will not have a problem finding good women.

 

Do not get jaded. There are still a few good women out there, but you have to stop being a nice guy.

 

Also, if you are denied sex, you will resent it later. I promise.

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