being friends with men you're not interested in

[SandRat]

throughout highschool and college I was always friends with a lot of guys. I'm heavily into sports, fantasy football, playing pickup basketball, that sort of thing. there were never many issues because I was always about 80 pounds overweight, and I never tried to lead on her flirt with any of my friends. people would say men and women can't be friends and I would scoff, like ' hey I have lots of platonic guy friends.'

 

how right those people turned out to be.

 

since I lost weight, the inevitable scenario is this: meet a guy (or hang out with old guy friend), find out that we have in incredible amount of stuff in common, so we decide to hangout/be friends. then eventually I get creepily hit on, I say thanks but no thanks in so many words, and usually hey express disappointment but theyre more than happy to maintain a friendship. but then the more that I hang out and be buddy buddy with these guys, they continuously try to hit on me or make things awkward. somtimes they dont even say anything, its just the vibe. do you just cut off these kind of friendships? it seems pretty evil, I'm not interested in you so I don't even want to be your friend either. especially when the guy gets pissed about it.

 

ladies, do you cut off friendships when you realize the guys into you?

 

Could you please PM me? I have a question that may be inappropriate for the forum and don't want to get in trouble asking it. I don't think you'd be offended by it but I don't think it's everyone's business. I find the male female "friendship" issue very, very interesting. I'm confused by this thread.

[Leigh 87]

Some guys are honest! I once met a guy who I got along well with, got each others numbers, but he never ended up hanging out with me; because I had a boyfriend and he said he can tell when he has a " feeling" about a girl and wants to sleep with them, and therefore he does not meet around the bush, He just tells you right away if he is attracted and wants more. Which he did with me, hence why we never ended up hanging out.

 

A worse scenario is where a guy pretents he is cool with being your friend, when really, he isn't!

I recently thought I made a good friend with a guy, who I told I had a boyfriend. He said he was a nice guy and was fine with being just friends. Behind my back, he told two mutual friends that he did not think my partner was good enough for me, and that he wanted to spend some time with me......

This guy also thought something would happen with my extremely good looking russian friend; who also has a boyfriend!

 

Some guys really do not get it! They are delluded so as to think that you will drop your current boyfriend to be with them!

..................This guy had no chance of getting with my Russian friend, as she is a model and is studying to be a doctor and prefers other super hot russian men; he is NOT her type at all. He has no chance. Yet he thinks because she bothered to be his friend for two years, that it meant he had a chance with her!

[Leigh 87]

Oh, and there was one other guy who I met online; he met me, really liked me, yet I was starting to see another guy and did not want to multi date; nor did he want to share me.

When I asked if he wanted to do activities together ( we had a LOT in common), he flat out said " look, I am looking for my soulmate at the moment, I have enough friends thanks so if your not interested in dating me, then......."

 

Right now, I only have two male friends; one guy has a low sex drive, and although he said he thinks I am good looking, he can hang around girls without feeling hugr urges to have to be intimate with them.

The other guy is the long term partner of my good friend. So obviously it is easy for us to not be attracted.

 

I am hoping to be able to have a lot of male friends! I can tell if I will develop feeligs for someone, but because I am very interested in safegurading my current relationship with my b/f, I would cut contact with people I knew I could develop feelings for... Even once I already had.

 

Someone mentioned that girls only want guy friends so they can get something out of them.. I really do not feel that way personally; I really just want a friend who I can laugh with, have fun being around, and have some good times with.

[threebyfate]

Thought about this subject a bit more and have still decided it's not my problem unless he makes it so, where my boundaries are rigid when it comes to not cheating. Friendships with the opposite gender is fine.

[StrangeBehaviors]

Guys don't want to be friends with women they are sexually attracted too.

 

A hard truth is that they don't really want to even be friends with their wives and girlfriends in the majority.

 

That statement is not intended as some Trolly thing to start an argument. Just an observation. And I'm speaking in majority as there will always be exceptions to anything.

 

Why do you think most men do their extra-curricular things with their buddies? Golf, hunt, fish, race, watching football etc.

 

That's their friends and they enjoy that company more doing those things. I know some ladies will want to jump up and profess how they love doing the things I listed, but in the majority, that is not the case.

 

And, in turn, men in the majority never want to go shopping with you. But your friends do.

[somedude81]

A hard truth is that they don't really want to even be friends with their wives and girlfriends in the majority.

 

 

Why do you think most men do their extra-curricular things with their buddies? Golf, hunt, fish, race, watching football etc.

ROFL!

 

Yup, I go huntin with my pa every week. Mary Sue stays at home mak'n meth.

 

I tell you wut, I'd love to have a GF that can also be my best friend.

[threebyfate]

ROFL!

 

Yup, I go huntin with my pa every week. Mary Sue stays at home mak'n meth.

 

I tell you wut, I'd love to have a GF that can also be my best friend.

This is by far and wide, the best post I've ever read of yours since the day you joined! Well said.

[StrangeBehaviors]

ROFL!

 

Yup, I go huntin with my pa every week. Mary Sue stays at home mak'n meth.

 

I tell you wut, I'd love to have a GF that can also be my best friend.

 

Don't know if I quite get it, but it does make me laugh. ^

[somedude81]

Don't know if I quite get it, but it does make me laugh. ^

I was joking about the hobbies that you listed as most men doing "Golf, hunt, fish, race, watching football etc"

 

You pretty much only described rednecks, who hunt, fish, watch Nascar and football.

 

It's like saying most women like to watch sex and the city and carry their dogs in their purse.

 

Also, I was telling the truth when I said that I would love to have a GF that was also my best friend. Meaning, I want her to have the same hobbies as me and we can can do things together.

[StrangeBehaviors]

I was joking about the hobbies that you listed as most men doing "Golf, hunt, fish, race, watching football etc"

 

You pretty much only described rednecks, who hunt, fish, watch Nascar and football.

 

It's like saying most women like to watch sex and the city and carry their dogs in their purse.

 

Also, I was telling the truth when I said that I would love to have a GF that was also my best friend. Meaning, I want her to have the same hobbies as me and we can can do things together.

 

Yep, you're right.

 

I honestly wondered that when I put those there it might come off a little Ricky-Bobby, and you nailed it.

 

On the other hand, I can't think of any guys that go to Wine Tastings or World of WarCraft tournaments together.

 

And none of them want to go shopping with their wives or girlfriends. Again, speaking in the majority I've seen whether they are a high-school drop out laborer, executive that owns his own large insurance firm, or doctor. (All people I know. Just giving a varied demographic.)

 

It might be great for most spouses/girlfriends to have the same interests, but we don't. Most are different.

[somedude81]

Yep, you're right.

 

I honestly wondered that when I put those there it might come off a little Ricky-Bobby, and you nailed it.

 

On the other hand, I can't think of any guys that go to Wine Tastings or World of WarCraft tournaments together.

 

And none of them want to go shopping with their wives or girlfriends. Again, speaking in the majority I've seen whether they are a high-school drop out laborer, executive that owns his own large insurance firm, or doctor. (All people I know. Just giving a varied demographic.)

 

It might be great for most spouses/girlfriends to have the same interests, but we don't. Most are different.

How did you know his name was Ricky-Bobby? You stalking my cousin?

 

, that was dinner yesterday.

---------

 

Heh, I don't think that many guys who go to WoW tournaments have wives or girlfriends

 

Shopping isn't really a unisex "hobby."

 

The last girl I was into had interests in anime/Japanese culture, video games, computers, art n' crafts and oceanic stuff.

 

We met in Japanese class, went to Japan club meetings, played video games together, went to the aquarium and had plans to go to a martial arts event.

 

That's what I'm talking about when I say I want a girl to have similar hobbies as me. It gives us plenty of things to do together and talk about.

 

I can't even imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with somebody I share no hobbies with. What would we even do together besides screw?

[Els]

Yep, you're right.

 

I honestly wondered that when I put those there it might come off a little Ricky-Bobby, and you nailed it.

 

On the other hand, I can't think of any guys that go to Wine Tastings or World of WarCraft tournaments together.

 

And none of them want to go shopping with their wives or girlfriends. Again, speaking in the majority I've seen whether they are a high-school drop out laborer, executive that owns his own large insurance firm, or doctor. (All people I know. Just giving a varied demographic.)

 

It might be great for most spouses/girlfriends to have the same interests, but we don't. Most are different.

 

Honestly, most couples I know personally have some degree of shared hobbies. They still have their individual hobbies, but there is usually a bit of overlap. One couple cooks together every night and they follow the same TV series and music. Another couple loves outdoorsy stuff such as hiking, backpacking and travelling, so they do that together. Another couple are both gamers, and the bf actually proposed to the gf with a geek ring that said on the cover: '1P ready. Waiting for 2P to start'.

 

I think older/more established couples with children could be different, because when you both work full-time and have several young children, you are probably going to be hard-pressed to find time for screwing, date nights, and personal stuff, let alone shared-hobby time. That is why I am afraid of having children.

 

Regardless, even though I think romantic partners can and should also be good friends with each other, I don't see how this concept prevents people of opposite sexes from being good friends without the romantic element being involved. Being friends is only part of a partnership, albeit an important one (to me). It is the other elements (romance, sex, etc) that differentiate a friendship from a partnership, though.