amoridere Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 My boyfriend, whom I live together with continues to lie to me. I don't understand why. The first time he lied, he went over seas to visit some boys he used to go to school with over there. We'd been together for a month. What he "forgot" to tell me, was that his biggest former crush went there, that he's been trying to Skype with here and that he contacted her on email that they had to meet up when he was there. I didn't know any of this before two months after he came back home. He didn't tell me, I found it out by an accident, and I dont know what happend there. He ofcause said that nothing happend.. The next thing happend 8 months later. He went to visit a friend in Denmark. I trusted him the whole weekend, when he sendt me messages saying that he didn't drink, that he went to bed early and didnt do anything special. Not before after he came back home did I know he went out partying the whole weekend. Really being drunk when he wished me goodnight. I didn't mind that he went out, but I did mind the many lies. Why would he do that? The last lie happend a few days ago. He'd been out partying in the week days with his new classmates. I didn't mind too much, I was glad he were getting friends in his new school. But when the weekend was arriving, I were kinda fed up, cos he'd been coming home late (I don't fall asleep before he's home) and drunk for many days. My boyfriend, knowing me well enough to see that I was exhausted, gave me a promise (which I didn't ask him to give me): "Tomorrow (Saturday), when we'll start drinking at 2 p.m., I we'll have my cellphone on me at all time. So if you feel in anyway bad or something like that, just sms me, or call. You are THE best girlfriend for still letting me do this, cos you know what it means to me. And I'll be there for you if you need me". When he left that day, I felt really good. That I could trust him, and that he loved me. I had my own plans to go out with my friends. But 4 p.m. that same day he sendt me a short sms: "Got to turn my cellphone in.". I didn't hear anything from him before midnight (8 hours later). Than he sendt me a sms saying that he just got his phone back. When he came home he kissed me a million times, and said he was "sooo sorry", it wasn't his fault, that he contacted me as fast as possible. I felt betrayed, cos he broke his promise to me, but I believed that it wasn't his fault entirely. Later I found out that he actually got his cellphone back at 8 p.m. 4 hours earlier than he claimed. Around 10 p.m. I sendt him a message saying that "it felt strange that he gave me this promise, and then I didn't hear from him again". A sms I now know he just ignored. Why would he lie like that? I don't know how to trust him anymore. I didn't ask him to promise me anything. Nor to break it. That morning I felt I could trust him and that he loved me, and I only wished him to have fun. Now I don't know what else he is lying about. He never ever told me that he lied, I always figure it out on my own. What should I do? He said he realize that he did me wrong, but he can't explain why he did it. Should I try to trust him again? Can he still love and care about me, when he lies like that? I don't know anything anymore. I feel like what could have been a fairytale, is now a nightmare... Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Why would he lie like that? I don't know how to trust him anymore. I didn't ask him to promise me anything. Nor to break it. That morning I felt I could trust him and that he loved me, and I only wished him to have fun. Now I don't know what else he is lying about. He never ever told me that he lied, I always figure it out on my own. What should I do? He said he realize that he did me wrong, but he can't explain why he did it. Should I try to trust him again? Can he still love and care about me, when he lies like that? I don't know anything anymore. I feel like what could have been a fairytale, is now a nightmare... It sounds to me like he has the "easier to ask forgiveness than permission" mindset. In other words, he'd rather deal with the fallout of you being angry after he does something than tell you the whole truth ahead of time and risk you trying to talk him out of it or criticize you for your plans. What I would do is have a very serious talk with him. Present him with the examples of his lying. Explain that lying isn't acceptable and if it continues, the relationship won't. Tell him that he needs to be 100% upfront and tell the truth about everything if he wants to keep the relationship. Then see what happens. If he is just lying out of immaturity, he may be able to stop. But if lying is a big part of his personality, he won't stop, and you'll need to consider whether you should walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
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