howbad Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 I'm not sure how to put this. I have issues cumming.. it's irregular and unpredictable... i cant say he has not tried to better for me but it's a block thing imo... so every so often i would do it myself in shower just to relieve some tension.... however he has no problem cumming and i usually make sure i take care of his needs and since it's possible unlike with me i have expressed my dislike when i have seen him use porn or masturbate which he doesnt do often anyhow... am i being completely unfair? Because of health issues we haven't been able to ahve normal sex in about a month and after we showered together and he was good he left and since i was sort of turned on and hadn't had an orgasm in overa month i decided to quickly get over it.. but then he came back and i got embarassed and started crying.. so i made him feel bad that i would do it alone and not with him watching me or w/e it is he wants to do while im doing it... i am too embarassed of masturbation by myself much less with him watching... im afraid that i will lose my only relaible way of relieving myself... on the other hand this is causing him feeling inadequate, excluded. slighted... honestly i dont know what to do... what to think.. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 How old are you? You remind me of myself when I was late teens/early 20s. It sounds like you're not able to relax and fully embrace the goodness of sexuality. What do you think it holding you back? Why can you masturbate alone, but cannot in front of your boyfriend? What about masturbating while you're fooling around so he isn't just staring at you? I use to have difficulty achieving orgasms because the first boyfriend that I had sex with ended up cheating on me and I was deeply affected by that. It took me a long time to open up sexually to anyone. I would have sex, but it always felt a little empty and I only cared about getting my bf off. It wasn't until I re-established my self worth and self esteem that I was able to say "I'm beautiful and I'm good enough" and "I am a woman with sexual desires and it's ok to share that with a lover". But, it's not always easy to allow yourself to be that vulnerable. So, is there a reason that you can think of that's making you unable to relax and be more intimate with your boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author howbad Posted August 21, 2012 Author Share Posted August 21, 2012 (edited) shamed to admit im almost 30 and imo i have come a long way - we got married when i was 20 and it wasnt till about 24 till i was able to actually relax and embrace whatever pleasures sex might offer if not as often as i'd like... i know it's a stupid mental thing and im frustrated beyond measure because i can see why he woudln't understand that after 9 years im still iffy lol i am too focussed on him however... it's easy for me to get distracted and lose the moment and then i just amke sure he gets off.. i don't feel comfortable to let him keep trying to no avail... i feel liek when he is trying i owe him to cum but i know i wn't be able to... it's like a self igniting circle of failure.. i expect to fail so i do.. Edited August 21, 2012 by howbad Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts