I love my best friend I told her she's involved what now

[TrueNovice]

My problem started about 9 months when I became friends with this girl whom I had known before, but we disliked each other ironically it was because of a similarity in our personalities (though that isn’t important ant). From day one I was not only physically attracted to her but emotionally. We were in three classes together this year and during that time I was her shadow. I fell so hard for her I felt sick at times. I had known she was seeing someone as she often complained about him. I soon became aware of the fact that her boy friend is 21 (which is a bit of a big deal considering she’s only 16 and I am15).

 

A week after school had gotten out I started missing her painfully, so I started talking to her online one day we talked about everything. We eventually started talking about emotions and I told her loved her. At that moment I thought this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Two weeks later where better friends than we were before, actually we are now each others best friend. We talk online every night between 3 and 4 hours at a time. Although she doesn’t like spending much time with me because her boy friend might perceive it as cheating (that’s the type of guy he is please don’t ask why).

 

She’s been with this guy for more than a year now. I’ve met her boy friend and he is a nice guy but I’m inclined to dislike him as he has the love of the girl I’m in love with. For the record I asked she loves her boy friend and that serves as a kind of torture.

 

I am too inexperienced to understand if I should let go and respect the fact she is in love. Or attempt to wait it out.

 

Id like any opinions on what I should do. If there is anything you do not understand or just want to know please post it.

[uriel]

It's okay to stay friends with her if that isn't too torturous for you. I think it probably is and will be. In which case, you need to detach and move on. Until you do, you won't be seeking out other girls and you won't have a friendship that gives as much to you as you are putting into it (these unrequited love friendships always work that way).

 

I doubt you can think of her simply as a friend at this point -- maybe you'll never be able to do that. In the meantime, being constantly teased with emotional intimacy and denied a physical or further connection is -- well. It's not good for you. She obviously likes you as a friend and doesn't want to lose the friendship, but her romantic feelings are elsewhere. If that should ever change, she knows how you feel and where to find you, right?

 

I wouldn't get your hopes up for some future happy ending, though. She hasn't fallen head over heels for you, or she'd break up with her original guy for you. When you confessed, she didn't return your love. Instead, she talks with you about her love for someone else. Like I said -- torture. Yes, she was flattered. She feels she can open up to you more and trust you even further because of your feelings -- so the friendship deepened. But, what does that do for you except bring you even closer to what you're denied?

 

I've been where you are -- and this is my best advice. The longer you stay without any romantic return, the more it hurts.

 

-- uriel

[caveman747]

Well said ' She feels she can open up to you more and trust you even further because of your feelings -- so the friendship deepened. But, what does that do for you except bring you even closer to what you're denied? ' unfortunately, in my case, im too close to my friend to let her go. i've been there and sadly i'm still there, that path leads to pure misery, if you have any chance of getting out, do it now before you get so close to her that its impossible to break contact. it will screw up your life, help yourself out now.

[meganpo21]

[font=arial][/font][color=black][/color]I've sort of had the same situation...Im 16 and started hanging out with a guy i met about a year ago...at first we were kind of awkward around each other, but right away i just fell for him, we became good friends, and about three months ago we started becoming best friends and its almost hard to explain like we could finish each others sentence and just knew each other inside and out.

 

but then a couple weeks ago, we were at a party and he hooked up with one of my friends, it wasnt anything big, just an innoncent kiss. i was sooo mad at him, and i realized the only reason i was so mad was because ive had feelings for him that were more than just friends feelings

 

we talk all the time on the phone for hours and online all the time too, im in love with the kid and i get really jealous whenever he hangs out with the girl he hooked up with, he hasnt had any girlfriends while ive known him and im so glad for that cause i dont know what i wuold do....i hope he feels the same way i do about he, and if he doesnt than we can continue to be best friends

 

i would just ultimitely say, that if she's with a guy and he seems decent and he's not hurting her, then let them be, continue to be her best friend and continue to love her and be there for her, you never know what might happen....just keep being her best friend and loving her thats what i would want if i was the girl in your situation

[TrueNovice]

Well, thank you all I've made my decision on what to do though it still has opportunity to change. I've decided to make an attempt at moderation. By that I mean I'm going to continue being friends with her but I'm not going to pursue a romantic relationship. Instead I'm going to try to place my affections somewhere else try to start a relationship of my own if only for a temporary solution. I maybe hopeful and unrealistic, but if I'm lucky I'll fall for someone who feels the same way ,or I may be able to wait it out the age difference may cause problems, or like so many high school relationships they'll just break up.

 

I have basically told her good-luck in they're relationship because he does not cause any harm to her emotionally or physical. If he was causing her harm I probably would do something stupid like pick a fight and cause her to hate me. I know thats stupid to post but whatever.

 

Alas another problem arose she more or less is only attracted to Asians, and white guys with dark features whatever that means. By the way she is white and has very very fare skin so it confuses me more. I myself am white moderately tan though redundant at this point.

 

Oh by the way though you may disagree but i think I'm into deep. I say this because we share very intimate information with each other, and though it would be best for me I find it selfish to stop talking to her. If I love her I owe her that much.

 

As of late I had requested that the next time we're alone together she would give me a kiss nothing major I thought just a genuine kiss. She said no she doesn't cheat. I said thats not what I'm asking for I said "I just want to know what I'm missing". And that is what I meant I just wanted closure the kiss in exchange for me to set my feelings aside. She said her the way I feel about her doesn't bug her. I said but it bugs me. She said"I understand that but I won't do something I don't feel comfortable with".I said she wasn't the only one with feelings"(in retrospect that makes me a bit of an a-hole). We squabbled and I just gave up I decided why waste my life on something that leaves me empty tired and bitter. Romantic gestures are wasted an unappreciated. So it ended I said I quit don't want to do this anymore I'll put my feelings in something else.

 

I know I don't really have a choice, but I don't want to love her anymore it's hurtful and meaningless. At this point I want her to hate me so I can feel better. Which I can't do I've told her things that should would make most ppl hate me I can't get her upset. I spoke to her 10 minutes later not angry. I told her why I first became friends with her(don't turn on me) I had a crush on her best friend so in order to get closer to her so I befriended her. She said that was a rotten thing to do but at least you were man enough to tell me.

 

It's amazing how much a kiss can mean.

 

Well, I'm sorry that was so long.

 

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