spooky48 Posted August 21, 2012 Share Posted August 21, 2012 When you're at say, a restaurant or at a concert where there's many people and your friends/family leave or have to go a minute for other purposes, leaving you alone at your seat, what kind of body language would count as "negative" to then, turn people away? For example, I identify myself as a quiet, shy, reserved woman. I am not a loud-mouth, partier, attention-seeker. Therefore, I wouldn't just get-up & talk to complete strangers or even smile if someone looked at me. Usually, I look away or fool around w/my cell phone. If someone happens to catch my glance or eye, I always look away & never just stare or even smile. I have a life coach (LC) who tried to demonstrate to me that I have some negative type of body language & that's why I am shy & when a man sees me across the room when I'm alone, that's why I turn away. I am unsure what he's talking about. That's why I'm asking for an example. Are there any other shy, quiet, reserved people that can explain or describe this "problem" too or give me an example of what is clarified as a turn-off then? What should I be doing then, to seem more "open"? I don't understand why my LC isn't really explaining what I should be doing more either. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Wizeass Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 Negative body language -Closed shoulders -Slouching -Fiddling with hands -looking down -Crossing arms Can you please describe Closed Shoulders to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author spooky48 Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 I have met with my LC & he doesn't even have any form of advice to give me. I am beginning to wonder if it is just me then? Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Pick up a book by Allen Pease called Body Language Almanaque. He also has some videos on YouTube. Like this : Allan Pease Body Language Vol 1(1-2) - YouTube Negative body language -Closed shoulders Language barrier problem, i don't know what it means. -Slouching It can generally mean that you have low self-esteem, and that you feel like your worth on the social scale is lower than that of others. -Fiddling with hands Means nervousness. Try to keep hands on the table, palms down for as long as possible while you have a pretend conversation with someone. -looking down depends a lot on context, it can mean that you are shy but you like someone it can also mean low self-esteem. -Crossing arms deffensive barrier, but it's not just crossing of arms. To identify those, you need to be aware that ppl put barriers in front of them when they feel unsafe. It can be hands, crossed feet, a beer in front, holding one arm across the waist and grabbing the other arm, putting the purse in front, putting the pack of cigarettes all of the sudden between you and him ... it's complex. First you need to recognize these gestures. With this you will slowly become aware of them as they are happening. After that you see when they are happening. And in the end, you should do something called psychological anchoring. You first clear your mind, completely blank [i imagine a piece of perfectly black paper and focus on it with all senses], and then you bring that memory into focus. You do a physical gesture, you anchor it to that physical gesture. It could be just anchoring it to you grabbing your wrist and squeezing. You do this several time every morning. When you see that these negative body language traits manifest themselves, you activate the anchor by doing the gestures. A flow of positive thinking will surge inside of you, of content happiness. Of confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
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